A light In Her Darkness

   Ava’s P.O.V I stood in front of the mirror, the little voices in my head telling me what I already know. They were telling me the same things I tell myself every day, them being: “You are fat; you aren’t ever going to be skinny. You are ugly; you aren’t ever going to pretty. You are broken; you aren’t ever going to be fixed. Your worthless, you always will be. No one wants or loves you; they never will.”   The words I hear a hundred times a day, and they are all true. I am a worthless excuse of a human being that doesn’t deserve to be here. I should just have ended it years ago. My parents never even wanted me; why would anyone else? Tonight though I had to slap my fake smile on for the sake of appearance and to stop too many questions being asked. “Hurry up Ava.” My best friend Alannah laughed coming into my room. “Sorry. I can’t decide what to wear.” I giggled. “You look good in anything now hurry up.” She giggled. We were heading out for a meal and a few drinks for Alannah’s birthday. We were meeting another couple of Alannah’s friends and her boyfriend. Alannah is the only person I have in this big cruel world, she has been in my life for only a few years, but the girl means the world to me. She is the only person that knows my true story and doesn’t judge me for it. She has seen me at my worse, but she stayed by my side when most other people would have run for the hills when they found out. One thing she doesn’t know is I am not as good as I am making out to her. I hate lying to her, but I have already put her through a lot. She doesn’t deserve to have to pick up the pieces after me all the time. I keep my demons to myself, got my fake smile and laugh down to a tee for when Alannah is around. It is for the best. I finally decided on what to wear, going with my favourite little blue dress, it covers up everything that it needs to and makes me look slimmer than I am, which is always a bonus. It was the only thing I felt partly comfortable in. I gave myself a check before heading into the living room where Alannah was sitting, getting very impatient waiting for me, making me giggle. “Ready now.” I smiled. “Finally! We are going to be late.” She said, rolling her eyes. “Yes, like five minutes.” I laughed. She stuck her tongue out at me before we headed out to the waiting taxi. I hope the poor guy has not been waiting too long for us in his cab. We apologised, but he was OK with it. He said he was used to it, waiting around for people. The place we were heading to was ten minutes from our apartment, no chance we were walking in heels, though. We went to the same place frequently. “You on the prowl tonight Ava?” Alannah winked. “Nope. You know me can’t be doing with men.” I said. “I know Ava, but they aren’t all the same as the monsters you have met in the past.” She said, giving me a small smile. I wish I could believe that, but I can’t. Any men I have met throughout my life have hurt, abused, abandoned, used or broke me. I don’t need any more. “I am still waiting for that to be proven to me. I am out to have fun with my best friend for her birthday, nothing else.” I said. “OK.” She smiled. A silence filled the taxi as we made our way, a comfortable one. We soon pulled up, Alannah’s boyfriend Aiden waiting for her. As soon as he saw her, the biggest smile appeared on his face, rushing over to her, kissing and hugging her. “Happy birthday baby girl.” He gushed at her. “Thank you, baby.” She gushed back kissing him. They were an adorable couple who were madly in love. He was a good guy, the only one I have come across in my twenty-five years of living which was good because Alannah was terrific; she deserved the best. Alannah was the same age as me, Aiden was a little older, and he would be thirty this year. Once they pulled apart, he came to me, hugging me too. “Hey Ava, good to see you. How you been?” He asked. “Hey Aiden you too. Good, thank you, yourself?” I smiled. “Fine, thank you.” He smiled. The three of us headed in, finding the others. They were already sitting and drinking. They were Alannah’s friends, but I got on with them too, which made things easier for everyone. As soon as we arrive at the table, we all greeted each other with hugs before settling down, ordering ourselves drinks. I wasn’t much of a talker, more of a listener. I sat back as they all spoke amongst themselves, talking if they asked me anything or spoke to me but mainly sitting listening, sipping my drink. I smiled as I watched them; they all seemed happy, bubbly and confident. The things I wish I were as a person. Alannah turned her attention to me, leaning into me. “You OK, Ava?” She asked. “Yes. You know me, more of a listener than a talker.” I smiled. “You sure?” She asked, and I nodded, “OK.” She smiled, getting back to her conversation. “Sorry I am late guys.” I heard a male voice from behind me, one I never recognised. “Dylan, I never knew you were coming. Last I heard you were in New Zealand. It is good to see you.” Alannah said, smiling, standing up to hug him. “Got back last week. It is good to see you too. I thought Aiden would have told you I was coming.” He laughed. His laugh made me turn around to face him; it was such a beautiful, unique laugh. When I turned around, I swallowed hard. He was one of the most attractive men I have ever set my eyes on. He had the most beautiful green eyes. He turned to me, smiling at me, and I swear my heart began to race. “You know the girls, well except Ava here. Ava this is Dylan, Aiden’s best friend. Dylan, this is Ava, my best friend.” Alannah smiled, introducing us. “Hey, Ava it is nice to meet you.” He said, smiling, giving me a wave. “You too.” I managed to breathe out. Alannah looked at me strangely, raising her brow at me. I bit my lip nervously, trying to stop myself from blushing or she would see right through. I was glad when his attention went away from me, hugging everyone else. Alannah took her seat back down next to me, reaching into my ear. “What was that?” She giggled. “What was what?” I asked, pretending to be clueless. “You know what. The way you looked at him. The way you could barely get your words out.” She smirked. “I don’t know what you mean,” I said shrugging it off. I was hoping she wouldn’t have noticed that. “I will grab another chair for you, buddy.” Aiden smiled, grabbing a chair from another table, sitting it on the other side of me. Could he not have sat it somewhere else? I don’t know if I can handle him being that close to me. He sat down, his aftershave soon tickling my nose, his leg brushed lightly against mine. “Sorry.” He laughed. “It is OK.” I smiled, pushing my hair behind my ear. He chuckled a little, his eyes not leaving me. I found myself doing the same. I gulped, not handling him looking at me the way he was, it scared me even though he has the gentlest eyes and the sweetest smile on his face. “I need a drink. Anyone need anything?” I said. I needed to get away from the table, even for a moment. Alannah, Aiden and Dylan wanted one, thank goodness. I grabbed my bag, jumping to my feet quickly, heading to the bar. I let out a breath I never realised I was holding in. I don’t understand why I am acting this way around him. Yes, I am attracted to him, who wouldn’t be, but I always make sure never to make it evident to anyone cause that makes you too vulnerable. I have known Alannah for three years, Aiden for two now but I have never met Dylan, which is weird since he is Aiden’s best friend. Everyone else seems to know him, though. “Hey thought you would need a hand.” I heard a voice say from behind me. I felt a shiver shooting down my spine, telling me it was Dylan. I turned to face him, nodding. “Thanks.” I smiled. “Are you OK? You seem anxious.” He asked a concerned look in his eyes Why is he concerned about little old me? He doesn’t even know me, and he is better off keeping it that way. “Yes, fine.” I smiled, turning back to the barman who was now ready to take my order. I ordered everyone’s drinks, going to pay but before I could, Dylan put his hand over mine, another shiver shooting down my spine. “I will get these.” He smiled. I went to protest, but I couldn’t get my words out; instead, I nodded. I grabbed two drinks, Dylan grabbing the other two, making our way back. Dylan took his spot next to me again, and I could feel him looking at me out the corner of his eye as he spoke to Jessica, telling her about his travels. I used everything I had in me to make sure I never looked at him, well making it visible I was looking at him anyway. Tonight was going to be utterly different from what I thought it would be.