A light In Her Darkness

Chapter Two - “Ava someone as beautiful as you shouldn’t be so damn broken"

*WARNING/TRIGGER- Eating disorder included in this chapter* 

Ava's P.O.V

Our meals had arrived, everyone around me digging into their steaks, burgers, chicken etc.… I, however, was sitting with a chicken salad, everyone seemed to be enjoying their food but me I was trying my best not to gag as soon as a bit of food touched my tongue. They were all chatting, enjoying their meals and drinks, wishing I could do the same, but I was struggling. I was glad Alannah's attention was somewhere else because if she were looking at me, she would know straight away what was wrong with me.

"Ava are you OK?" Dylan whispered, loud enough that only I could hear what he was saying.

"Yeah, not very hungry that is all," I said, lying through my teeth.

"You need to eat, though, especially if you are drinking or you will make yourself ill." He said, looking at me. The same concerned look on his face that he had at the bar when he was looking at me.

It was like he could see through the lies, surely not, he doesn't even know me. I nodded, smiling and started eating, using everything I had in me to force it down. I was hoping that would make him leave me to it. He smiled when he saw I was actually eating. I managed to eat most of it…everyone around me, clearing their plates, but I couldn't no matter how hard I tried. All I wanted to was rush off to the bathroom, get rid of everything I had put into my body. I couldn't cause I knew Alannah would be keeping an eye on me; it was a habit of hers since she knows more than anyone what I do to myself.

"Ava, what is it you do?" Dylan asked, putting his full attention on me.

"I am a receptionist at the Ritz hotel, the one not far from here. You?" I replied.

At least I was managing to talk to him now without being a stuttering, embarrassing mess.

"I am a travel journalist/photographer, do it for my dad's travel company and magazine that he owns." He smiled.

"Whoa! That is incredible; you must get to see so much." I smiled.

"Yes, I get to travel around the world, doing what I love most. It can't get any better than that." He smiled.

"I bet," I replied.

A comfortable silence fell between us, Dylan flashing that beautiful smile at me. His hand reached in, going towards my face and I tensed, jumping a little.

"Hey, I am not going hurt you, Ava. I was going to move your hair away from your eyes." He said sadly, a worried and confused look on his face.

"Sorry. Force of habit." I whimpered out.

Dylan done what he said he was going to do, he pushed my hair away from my eyes, his thumb then landing on my cheek, stroking it ever so softly. I closed my eyes over, taking a deep breath, trying my best not to wince at his touch.

"Ava, has someone hurt you?" He asked.

"Excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom," I said, pulling away from him, rushing towards the bathroom.

I never wanted to answer his question because I don't even know him, which means I don't trust him. I rushed into the bathroom, rushing into the first stall I came across, thankful there was no one in the bathroom. I knelt down on the floor, doing the same thing I do every day. I slid my fingers down my throat, bringing up everything I put into my body. Once I was done, I leant against the stall door, placing my face in my hands and started crying. I hated doing this to myself, but I couldn't stop. I needed control of my body; too many people have already used and abused it.

I sat on the floor for five minutes before moving cause if I was away too long Alannah would be in seeing what was going on. I pulled myself off the floor, heading out to the sink, splashing cold water on my face before fixing my hair and make-up, hiding any signs of what I did a few minutes ago. I grabbed my breath spray, spraying a few sprays into my mouth, making sure the taste and smell of sickness were away. I took a few deep breaths before heading back out to join everyone else. When I stepped outside, I looked up, seeing Dylan standing against the wall, watching the door, clearly waiting for me. I looked up at him, making him look at me, and I gave him my best fake smile.

"Dylan, why are you waiting for me outside of the girl's bathroom?" I giggled, another thing I use to hide how I am feeling.

"I wanted to make sure you were OK. How long have you struggled with an eating disorder?" He asked gently.

What is with him and all these questions? It had nothing to do with him.

"I don't know what you mean," I said, playing dumb before beginning to walk away.

"Ava?" He said appearing in front of me

"What?" I found myself snapping at him without meaning too.

"You know fine well what I mean. I know the signs my little sister struggled with it for years. Are you getting help for it?" He asked.

"Dylan no offence, that is none of your business. You don't even know me. Please drop it." I said, shaking my heading, walking away from him, heading back to the table.

Alannah looked at me, studying me carefully. I gave her my dorkiest smile, and she bought it. I took my seat, Dylan, soon next to me again. I tried my best to avoid, hoping he would forget all about everything that has happened in the last ten minutes. He never said anything to me for a while which I was glad of cause this was not the place or the time to talk about this stuff.

"Ava, can I talk to you for a moment please?" He whispered in my ear.

I sighed, turning to face him. I was going to tell him, no, the look on his face made me change my mind. I nodded my head; in return, he gave me a small smile. Dylan stood up, motioning me to follow him. He led us outside, finding us somewhere with no one else in earshot.

"Ava I am sorry you are right it is none of my business." He said, leaning against the wall.

"It is OK. Sorry I snapped at you." I said, giving him a small smile, my way of saying sorry.

"Don't worry about it; you had the right to snap at me. I should never have asked or said those things to you; it is none of my business. I am worried about you, that's all. I don't like seeing anyone hurting like you are. I can see the pain and sadness in your eyes, Ava, I noticed it the moment we met." He said, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Dylan, you don't need to worry about me, I am not worth worrying over," I said, closing my eyes over, shaking my head.

"Ava, look at me," He said, and I shook my head again.

He was not having it though, his hand soon landed on my cheek again, and his fingers were caressing my face. I whimpered, swallowing hard, trying not to cry. I don't know why I wanted to cry as severely. I took a few deep breaths before opening my eyes, looking at him.

"Ava someone as beautiful as you shouldn't be so damn broken. What age are you twenty-five?" He asked, and I nodded.

"You're still young, and you shouldn't be in so much pain. What has the world done to you?" He asked softly.

"It has broken me beyond repair." I sobbed out.

He was making me feel vulnerable. I don't like feeling that way. It makes it easier for people to hurt you, take advantage of you.

"Ava just because you are broken that does not mean you can't be put back together…you don't need to stay broken," He said, his eyes looking right into mine.

Who is this guy? Someone can't be this sweet, gentle and caring; they can't be. He must be after something.

"Dylan, why are you nice to me? What is it you want from me?" I said.

"Want from you? Ava, I don't want anything from you. I am being nice cause I am a nice guy and it breaks my heart seeing someone hurting this much." He replied.

"Everyone wants something Dylan," I said, pulling away from him, shaking my head.

Dylan reached in for my hips, placing his hands on them gently, pulling me back in closer to him, and using his finger to lift my chin, making me look at him again.

"I honestly do not want anything from you Ava. I am not like that. All I want it to make sure you are OK. I want to help you any way I can, nothing more than that I promise. As I said, I watched my little sister struggle with an eating disorder and depression for a long time before she finally managed to find it in herself to get help. I don't ever wanna see someone struggle that way again, feeling like they need to hide it all and can't tell anyone cause they are ashamed." He whispered, a sadness flashing through his eyes as he spoke about his sister's struggle.

"Dylan I am glad she got help…glad she had people around her but I am not strong enough for that…strong enough to ask for help. I am broken beyond fixing. You would be better staying away from me." I said, pulling away once again, heading back inside.

I needed to get away from him before I completely broke down. I never wanted him seeing me like that. I sorted myself before heading back to the table, taking my seat. Dylan followed a few moments later. As soon as he sat down, he reached into my ear.

"I am around if you need me Ava, any time or any day." He whispered.

After that, he let it drop. I think he sensed I never or should I say couldn't talk about it anymore. I appreciated that. Here is to hoping it stays this way for the remainder of the night.