Ain't Meant For LOVE..!

Confusion and Complications

Damien’s P.O.V

I just stared the door, sitting on my swivel chair as Tasha left my office. I cannot forget the look she had when she rushed out. I know that was hurt.

-Does she really have feelings for me? Am I really troubling her?-

“f**k! She can’t do that. I know she will back out if I am hurting her. Why the hell would she help me if that is what the truth is? She ain’t that stupid.”

One thing was clear though, Edward loved her. I could see the way he looks at her, the way he smiles when she smiles, the way he drop his work to look after her...

“Fuck... Fuck... Fuck...! He can’t love her. He shouldn’t love her.” Unknowingly, I threw away everything from my table with my left arm and grabbed my hair pulling them out in frustration.

-What the f**k do you want Damien? You don’t want her. You don’t want her to fall for anyone else than you and you don’t want Edward to love her. Why does it even matter to you? You cannot see her cry and yet you don’t want to be a reason of her happiness because you are afraid that would keep her wanting more from you?   

You clearly know that the kisses and hugs and closeness you share with her are because YOU WANT IT not because you wanna show Rachel. You cherish them and yet it’s wrong if she feels it more than just touch. What the f**k is wrong with you? You are being illogical!-

I mentally scold myself as my mind went through all the last few days.

It’s true that I am a cold hearted person, a playboy but that is what I was unlike I met Tasha. I haven’t been bedding any women ever since that night when I had Tasha in my condo for the first time. Her beauty, innocence and purity do something to me which I cannot decipher.

I hate it when she looks and smile at me, it warms my heart. She is making her way to my heart and I am afraid I might be falling for her. Then she does the unexpected as always.

When no one cared for me, it is her who becomes a light to my darkness and show the warmth. I planned to teach her a lesson for being a smartass but she surprised me asking me to drive safely. Those words pierced my heart and made a dent in there. Then the other night, I found out that she met with an accident and trust me I felt terrible. I ran straight to her because I didn’t want to lose the only one who could understand me. I didn’t feel like eating and drinking in those five days as I didn’t want to leave behind when she open her eyes.

That day I realized one thing that I really liked her and decided to give her a cold shoulder because she doesn’t deserve to be hurt and I know I have trust issues which will never allow me to return her feelings.

Three days after her accident, I came out of an inspection meeting with my management to see how the work was going around. I still had to find my ways around the company. I was in the staff cubicle when suddenly I heard someone mention her name so I couldn’t help but eavesdrop their conversation.

There were two guys; one with light brown hair combed back with blue eyes and a straight rectangular face with sharp nose and finely shaped pink lips and the other one appeared to be from Korea were talking about her.

“Hell yes man! I don’t miss a single detail about her. I mean how can I when she is the sweetest thing I saw.” The one with the blue eyes said.

“(Chuckling) it is quite obvious that you are smitten with her. So what is your next plan?” the Korean guy asked.

“Darn it, how come she doesn’t see that. I dunno, I don’t want her to be awkward around me so let’s see. I would ask her on a date soon.” He winked, the blue eye guy.

I clenched my fists and asked one of my management team-member to get the employee file.

After going through the file I came across the one I wanted. The one with the blue eyes named Ben Menon from Florida was working here as the Technical assistant in the healthcare dept. I sneered looking at his age. He was just 19 year old and he wanted to date her? I scoffed. I then flipped out pages to see that Tasha was actually 25 year old. I raised my eyebrows clearly astonished.

-Woah! She actually is 25 and not 21. (Chuckling) and this asshole wanna date her. Let’s see Ben, how would you date her when she won’t be available.-

This was one of the reason I didn’t care about the employees because I wanted to make them understand that she is off limit and it was amusing as she gave me all confused looks and even glared at me for grabbing her in front of all.

The day of my naming as CEO, I was a nervous wreck and I was missing my mom badly. I thought of skipping the ceremony because I have seen how hard my dad worked to gain these heights and I had self doubt. Like you guys already know, I haven’t ever taken full responsibility of the business and let alone the CEO’s, I was scared where the company would go.

When I was busy pondering and scared, my fav. scent hit my nostrils and I was amazed to know that Tasha came here. I turned around hurriedly and sure she was there standing and looking over one of the suits. I smiled as she solved my one problem for the day and wished she could always be with me to get me out of the darkness but that was a selfish part of me wishing it as I still was afraid to make promises.

She was beside me whenever I felt drowning in my past. She might have heard me hissing when I got myself cut with the razor and came running to get it cleaned. Her action spoke way too much and that’s when I realized that she feels the same way as I feel for her. I saw the love, helplessness and worry in her eyes. It was hard for me to digest this as I never expected anyone to take care of me.

She even agreed to follow the PDA thinking it will keep Rachel away from hurting me but the reality was I wanted her more than showing anyone else.

I remember the first time I saw Rachel here, I was stunned to see her and why I dunno still, but I hold Tasha closer to give myself strength. I didn’t care to ask because my heart screams that she would always look after me and I was right. She flipped her off that celebration party and god dammit the way she huffed at Rachel and took control over her and me; she looked Hot. But there was only one thing running in my mind... why? Why is so confident to save me? But I realized that I was falling for her.   

Then it was the most stupid thing I did today. Yes! The day she dragged Rachel and threw her out of the office and claiming me; I couldn’t help but feel aroused. That was huge turn on and specially knowing that your girl stood up for you, man! Believe me you feel like bending her over your table right there and then and f**k her senselessly.

Shit! This feeling was driving me crazy and I wanted her close to me so I texted her to come to my office but she wasn’t replying me back. I hate it when someone ignores me so I did what I felt like to do at that time. I barged in the cafeteria and claimed her lips in front of all to let them know that she is mine and only mine.

Guess? I never expected that Edward would be furious enough to throw the reality on me.

He was correct. I was a selfish ass because I didn’t want to lose her but I wasn’t ready to give her my feelings. I was f****d up and I was screwing her too.’

Tring... Tring... Tring...

My cellphone rang land my stress eased a little to see who was calling.

“Mom, how have you been?” I asked smiling a bit and staring at the window behind my chair.

“I am good son, but I feel you are off. Something you wanna talk about?” My mom sounded serious and it always amazes me how she can detect it only from my voice unlike my dad.

“Maybe over the dinner. What do you say?” I think talking to her might help me.

“Sounds good. Okay son, come over here.” My mom said cheerfully.

“See you soon mom, I love you.” I cut the call smiling.

“Who was that?”

I was startled to see my dad there standing looking at me questioningly.

-‘Did he hear?’-

“Well dad, just a friend.” I tried to brush it off.

“(Sighing deeply) were you talking to your mom again?” he asked taking a chair across me and looking disappointed.

“No way, what gave you that idea?” I asked avoiding my gaze.

“Son, I am your dad. I know when you are this happy! I asked you not to meet her because there are things that you don’t know.” He said a bit hurt and angry.

“I am 28 Dad. What do you think I cannot make out? I cannot see how much you hate her and that’s the only reason you don’t want me to see her. She has always loved me and taken care of me but it was you who kept her away from me. Why dad why?” I snapped at him.

“Because your real mother is Jane and not her. Jane has raised you and loved you like her own son. She –“ I cut my father off.

“Well yea, and it was Jane who got you wrapped around her little finger so you threw away my mom.” I glared and pointed out a finger at him.

*SLAP*

I looked at my father unbelievably as I received the impact of my father’s slap on my left cheek. I raked my hand in my hair as I straightened my suit and looked anywhere but at him to avoid him to see the tears that were now forming in my eyes.

He never ever raised a hand on me and now he hit me because of my step mother.

“You don’t know the truth Damien so don’t dare say a single word about that woman who has been your true mother and sacrificed a lot for you.” I could hear the hurt in his voice and saw tears too as I looked at him.

“Dad I’m...” I wanted to ask and apologize. I wanted to defend my mom and tell him that he failed to understand her.

“No Damien. We can discuss it some other time. I came here for something urgent but will come next time.” He cut me off. “And yea, I wish you take care of yourself. Bye son.” With that he left my office as I sat on my chair being upset.

Grabbing my keys, I rushed to my car and speeding to reach the closest bar. I wanted to drown the pain and hurt in alcohol and that is what I did.

***

Tring... Tring... Tring...

It was 8:30 PM when I received a call from my mom but I was drunk so I didn’t pick it up and after five minutes I left her a text saying that I wanted a rain check on it as I was stuck in important meeting. I put the cell on the counter and tried to make out the blurry vision.   

“f**k! I should call someone.” I muttered to self when I tried to go through my contacts. I just hit the call button blindly waiting for someone to pick it up but nobody answered.

“Damnation!” I cursed as I struggled to stand straight and leave the bar.

Cutting through the agitated crowd with lot strength, I came out to breathe the fresh air. It was getting late and chilly as I started walking down the pavement. I don’t know where I was heading to. After what seems like an hour to me I was getting my sense back due to the cold air hitting me so I decided to call the only person that came to my mind at that time.

Tring... Tring... Tring...   

“Hello...” a strained voice came to my ear.

“Heyyyyy.... Ta-sha. I am sowiee baby; I’m sowie that I let you fall for me. But guess what? No? Okay I will tell you a secret. But shhhhh.... don’t tell it to anyone. I think ima... ah-ah-ah..! Not just like that.” Before I could say anything I turned to an alley and felt the air getting denser and thick. The chill caused me to stop and look around.   

“Damien... you are drunk? Where are you? Are you okay?” Tasha’s voice carried to my ear.

I was blinking my eyes to get the darkness clear from my eyes and see where I was but failed miserably feeling suffocated.

“Ta-(huffing) I am... in an... alley... closer... office... suffocated...” I heard the call cut as I looked around me helplessly. I dunno whether she would be able to get here in time or not. I cannot say whether she would be able to find me in the first place. All I knew was that the darkness was crawling on me and squeezing out the life of me.

I fell on the ground upon my knees as my palms hit the ground and then reaching for the tie, I loosened it and threw it away. I was gasping for breath and then I was fighting to keep awake as sleep took over me.   

***

I thought I was dead but then my eyes opened and I stood up trying to look around but seeing nothing else then a pitch black everywhere. I started walking directionless when suddenly I saw someone standing ahead of me. I swear... there wasn’t anyone few seconds ago.

“Hello... ma’am could you tell me where can I find the main road?” I called to her.

She turned around swiftly and came towards me without making any sound. Holy f**k! She was in her mid thirties and had long raven hair that was left open. She had brown eyes and freckles near them, thin lips and a long oval face. She was lean and thin and wore loose clothes like the French women in early eighteenth century. The way she was nearing me; I felt as if she was floating in air.

I gaped at her and was about to ask her again, when she looked at me and screamed!

A bone-chilling scream as I covered my ears with both palms. My heart felt as if it would jump out of my rib cage any moment and I was scared to death. After a minute I found myself looking at her and saw her eyes rolled at the back making her white visible to me and her hair floating in air as she slowly turned her head upwards and spoke in a spooky way.

“Magistrum disco intensius, plus omnibus; Mortem timueritis oportet sanguine.

ad sanandum potentiam seu amor dominandi?; aut optio erit tristis ad tristis fata adducere.”

(Translation:- Darker than the Master, Stronger than all. Death, blood and fear it follows.

Love to heal or power to rule; either choice will bring the fate sad to sorrowful.)

She repeated it again as I hesitantly put my hands down and stared at her face trying to understand what she was talking about.

She suddenly closed her eyes and faced me. Slowly opening her eyes, she looked like her usual as he passed me smile saying “You don’t fear...-“

“Damien... Where are you Damien...” I heard Tasha’s distant voice as I looked back to the direction her voice came from and back to the lady but saw her fading away.

Slowly the air vanished as I looked around frantically and found Tasha looking worried as hell and running upto me, taking into her embrace and soothing my back.

She brought her palms on my cheeks as she cupped them and looked into my eyes, worry evident in them and relief on her face to find me as if she fears loosing me.

Love to heal or power to rule... those words seemed to be engraved in my mind as I saw the woman in front of me. I realized I love her.

‘- She really is selfless woman who knows nothing else than love. Am I really willing to change me for this beautiful soul?’-