Ms. Stand-In's Revenge

“WAKE UP, Alana. I never loved you. You’re just a stand-in that I used for a past time. And you will always be a temporary replacement that I could trash after being useless. Stop dreaming and learn to accept the reality. You will never be her and will not replace or outweigh her in my heart.” “Nakakaawa ka, alam mo ’yon? Before, I was so jealous of you but it was actually lame of me to feel that. You’re too st*pid and naive para ikumpara sa akin. Aanhin mo nga naman ang lahat ng swerte mo kung kaya ko namang isa-isahing kuhanin sila sa ’yo? Which I did. And it was very easy.” “You disgust me. Those times I spent with you only brought me disgust. Did you really think I would love you? Dream on! Even if there’s only you and me left, I would rather die than be with you.” “It really made me happy, seeing you fall from disgrace. Anong pakiramdam ngayon na ikaw naman ang tumitingala sa akin? You have everything before; family, wealth, and even a lover. Pero sorry ka, since you don’t deserve them, it’s natural for me to take them. Kung tutuusin ay akin naman talaga sila dapat. Sadyang atribida ka lang at pilit na kinuha sa ’kin lahat. Kaya no offense, my dearest twin sister. Isipin mo lang na binabawi ko lang ang lahat.” “Kung hindi lang naman dahil sa mukha mo, I would never spare a single glance at you. You only disgust me, Alana. It’s a pity you have that same face as my wife, which you don’t deserve. How about we peeled it off of you? Since you’re no longer needed, that only redeeming factor about you should be removed.” “Wala kang ibang dapat na sisihin kung ’di ang sarili mo lang, Alana. You brought this upon yourself. Kahit ang nangyari sa mga adoptive parents mo. It was all your fault. You k*lled them, Alana. So how about you die for them too?” “No, stop! That’s a lie! They didn’t. I did not...” “Why did you leave me alone? I’m sorry…s-sorry. Please forgive me, Mommy, Daddy. At least take me with you…” “It’s all my fault. I k*lled them. Maybe she’s right. It’s better for me to die. Ako na lang dapat ang namatay. Not them. Ako na lang sana ang nag-suffer. Not them. Dapat ako na lang…” “Ahh—” Humahangos na napabalikwas ng bangon si Alana. Pawis na pawis hindi lang ang kanyang mukha kung ’di maging ang kanyang mga braso, tiyan, lalong-lalo na ang kanyang likod na animo’y isinalang siya sa nag-iinit na pugon. She could even hear the loud beating of her heart as her chest went up and down harshly. Para siyang kakapusin ng hininga lalo na at ramdam pa rin niya ang matinding sakit na ilang minuto din niyang pinagtiisan bago maibsan. The feeling of her weak body crashing into that moving truck. The painful sound of her bones cracking from being thrown and rolling on the road. And the numbing pain of your heart slowly losing its beat after being pierced by your own bone. And that drowning feeling of losing both your breath and consciousness until life dissipates out of you. She died. After all her suffering, pain, and regrets, her useless life finally ended. Should she celebrate? It took everything from her to once again feel the freedom she hadn’t realized had been stripped from her. Maging ang kaninang nararamdaman matapos niyang magising ay unti-unting nawala. That numbing pain and choking feeling have receded. Pero hindi ang dalang trauma nito kay Alana. The terror of dying slowly and painfully brought a traumatic experience to her. Kahit sino naman yata ang makararanas noon ay matro-trauma din kagaya niya. It was a natural response, after all. Habang paunti-unting gumagaan ang pakiramdam niya ay parang mga kabote na sabay-sabay sumulpot sa kanyang alaala ang mga nangyari at nalaman niya bago pa man siya mamatay. How she was betrayed, used, and played for being naive and innocent. Ito rin ang nagsilbing daan para sirain siya maging ang mga magulang niya na siyang mas pinagsisisihan ni Alana. The regret and guilt of knowing that you are the reason why your innocent and kind family suffered and died. Mukhang nagising na rin siya sa wakas mula sa mala-bangungot niyang buhay. Hindi nga lang niya masabi kong matutuwa ba siya para sa sarili dahil nakalaya na rin siya mula sa sakit at pagdurusa o malulungkot at manghihinayang dahil sa pagtatapos ng buhay niya nang wala man lang siyang naitama. At least, since it doesn’t seem like she’s in hell after death—because that’s where she thinks she would end up after all the things she had caused to the people she dearly loved—she seems to be in heaven for the peace and relief she suddenly felt. Ganito pala ang pakiramdam nang langit—Hmm? Natigilan si Alana sa pag-iisip at napalibot ang tingin sa paligid. Ang kamay na kaninang nakahawak sa kanyang dibdib ay unti-unting bumaba. Question marks could be metaphorically presented in her eyes as she looked around. Everything looks unexpectedly extraordinary. The cozy and warm bed she’s currently seated on; the floor, which was covered with a soft-looking and well-maintained rug; and the neat and aesthetically pleasing design of the room, which is very cool and comfortable to look at. Ngunit hindi ang magandang interior design ng kwarto ang siyang nagbigay ng kakaibang pakiramdam kay Alana. What makes everything extraordinary is how everything in the place—and probably the room itself—gives off a familiar vibe. At hindi iyon ang pakiramdam na dala nang langit. After all, it’s impossible to come to heaven more than once. Imposible iyon lalo na para sa kanya. She might have come from a religious family and be a religious person herself but visiting heaven, like visiting some foreign country, is an impossible thing. Kaya para makasiguro ay walang pagdadalawang-isip na tinakbo ni Alana ang daan papunta sa banyo base sa pagkakaalala niya. Ni hindi na nga niya binigyan pansin pa kung paanong nalaman niya agad kung nasaan ang banyo. What’s important now is to check something. “What in the world…” Dahil sa sobrang pagkagulat at pagkamangha ay hindi na natapos pa ni Alana ang gusto niyang sabihin. Nanlalaki ang mga matang tinitigan ni Alana nang maigi ang sarili mula sa repleksyon niya sa salamin. She couldn’t even blink, afraid that once she did so, she would once again wake up. This time, either in heaven or hell, for real. “How? Is this even for real? A dream?” manghang tanong ni Alana sa sarili. Ang dalawang kamay na inihawak niya sa magkabilang pisngi ay kumilos. Each took a big piece of flesh from her plump cheeks and pinched them hard. “Waah!” sigaw niya at mabilis na hinilot ang nasaktang pisngi. The pain was so overwhelming that, despite the short duration, her eyes quickly started to form some psychological tears. Wala sa sariling napanguso siya habang tinitingnan ang namumulang pisngi mula sa salamin. It took her some time before she realized the most important thing. Ang kaninang pagkakanguso ay unti-unting umunat at naging malawak na ngiti. Na lumawak pa nang lumawak na halos magmukha na siyang baliw. Ang ngiti ay nauwi sa paisa-isang halakhak at ang luhang namuo lang sa gilid ng kanyang mga mata ay parang gripo na biglang bumuhos at rumagasa. “It’s real…I’m really alive! I’m alive!” she bitterly cried out. Maybe because of the pent-up emotions before she died and those negative thoughts she had in the midst of her deathbed, she finally had a breakdown. The feelings of regret, guilt, self-blame, and grief were mixed with feelings of relief, gladness, and hope that, finally, God had given her the overdue grace for which she had been praying. Ilang minuto din siyang humagulgol ng iyak sa loob ng kanyang bathroom bago mahimasmasan. Kaya naman pagtingin niya ulit sa sarili mula sa salamin ay hindi na siya nagtaka kung bakit hindi lang nanlalata ang boses niya kung ’di maging ang mga mata niya ay mugto kaiiyak. Gustuhin man niyang ignorahin ang tungkol doon ay wala na siyang masyadong oras pa. Ngayon ngang nasiguro na ni Alana na hindi lang siya basta-basta nananaginip, kailangan naman niyang alamin kung kailan at anong taon siya bumalik. Yes, Alana is hundred percent sure that she’s not transmigrated like those books she loved to read in her teenage years. Mas kapani-paniwala pa sa kanya ang ma-reborn kaysa ang mapunta sa katawan ng ibang tao sa ibang lugar o panahon. At kung pagbabasehan lang din naman ang lahat ng mga nakita niya pagkamulat niyang muli ng kanyang mga mata, sigurado siyang bumalik siya sa nakaraan. Looking at the obviously new furnished room she’s currently in. Sa halos twenty-three years niyang buhay bago siya muling i-reborn ay pamilyar na pamilyar sa kanya ang ganitong istilo ng kwarto dahil ito rin ang huling kwarto niya bago nagsimula ang kalbaryo niya sa unang buhay niya. Idagdag mo pa ang mas pinabatang itsura niya na nakita niya kanina sa salamin. Kung pagsasamahin ang dalawang bagay na napansin ni Alana, sa tingin niya ay bumalik siya noong siya ay nasa edad sixteen or seventeen. And that was enough time for Alana to prepare. Since she has been wonderfully given God’s grace, what would everyone expect Alana to do with it? Hindi ba’t natural lang sa kanya na baguhin ang pangit niyang hinaharap? Magagawa niya lang iyon kung ang panahon na itinakda ng Diyos para sa pangalawa niyang pagkakataon ay sapat pa para baguhin. Patakbo siyang lumabas ng kanyang banyo at hinanap ang kanyang selpon. Excitement and anticipation could be clearly seen in her eyes. If you are reborn, the most important thing to check first is the date and year of when you came back. Alana picked up her phone and unlocked it familiarly. Bahagya pang nanginig ang kamay niya nang parang nananadya ang tadhanang hindi agad bumukas ang selpon niya. She never cursed but at that moment, she couldn't help but speak one. Maaaring may hinuha na siya sa kung ilang taon siya ngayon pero iba pa rin kung mas mapapatunayan niyang tama nga siya ng hula. Kaya bago pa man siya makapagmura ulit ay sunod niyang hinanap ang kanyang charger para i-charge ang mukhang dead battery niyang selpon. “Faster, faster, faster! Come on!” Alana impatiently chanted. The phone promptly lit up. Alana waited for a bit more as the signature opening of the phone’s brand appeared with the logo. And finally, the lock screen saver appeared, which is her own self-taken picture. Mabilis na hinanap ni Alana ang naka-display na date at taon. Una niyang nakita ay ang kasalukuyang araw at buwan tsaka dumako ang mata niya sa malaking ’20**' na nasa ibaba ng araw at buwan. July 17, 20** Parang biglang nanlambot ang mga paa ni Alana sa nakita at halos bumagsak pa sa sahig pagkakita niya sa buong date. If not for her strong willpower, walang duda na talagang babagsak siya sa sahig. Hindi nga lang napigilan ni Alana ang pagbagsak ng kanyang selpon sa sahig. Sa sobrang taas nang binagsakan nito ay mabilis itong nagkaroon ng crack sa screen. Ilang beses na namatay-sindi ang selpon na animo’y isang Christmas lights na nang-aasar kay Alana hanggang sa tuluyan na itong namatay, senyales na nasira nga ng tuluyan ang kawawang selpon. Pero sa lagay ni Alana ay hindi na niya nabigyang pansin pa ang nasirang selpon. Kung hindi lang sa sariling problema ay baka nga apak-apakan pa niya ito sa sobrang pagkabwiset. Dahil parang katulad ng selpon ay masisiraan din siya ng bait. “Fvck!” mahinang mura ni Alana sa pangalawang pagkakataon. It couldn’t be helped since she was eaten by hopelessness after seeing the year. She felt depressed and heartbroken. She wanted to wail for the second time. “It’s too late…” she desolately muttered.