Betraying My Crush, Love With Jork

CHAPTER 1: CAN ONE HEART BEAT FOR TWO? Rolland's P "Can one heart beat for two? Two bestfriends?" I ask myself for the upteenth time since I've layed on my bed I've been having sleepless nights since I came on this personal vacation I thought it would help me get my mind off things, but here I am, thinking about Olivia and Grace The later being my girlfriend and the former her bestfriend I don't know what to do honestly I mean I love her I love Grace so much and I love being romantic with her, but Olivia Olivia just. She just knows how to be in sync with me everytime, without even trying Her favourite food is same as mine, favourite colour, favourite book, favourite everything We have the same hobbies, same occupation and everything But I have a girlfriend A girlfriend that doesn't have anything in common with me and rarely goes on dates with me A girlfriend that is looking forward to me celebrating our monthly anniversaries Literally, all Grace wants is the public approval, just like her mom I won't blame her since she is an actress and Grace's dream is to be like her mom who recieves best actress awards every year I support her one hundred percent But it just saddens me that all she does is never for me and all I give is the best for her Which she never appreciate But Olivia She just The sound of my iPhone 14 brings me out of my thoughts What in the world, how come she is calling me Why so she calling me Does she know I'm thinking about her or what For the first time since I've known Olivia, I find myself getting nervous over a cal We call eachother very often by the way, to share inspiration and all, but The ringing phone cuts in again and I stretch my hand to my bed side table I clear my throat before picking up "What's up Olly." I say with a cheerful voice as soon as I pick up Olivia's P I've said it a thousand times and even more that I will never date a fellow author I will never fall in love with one, in fact Because who knows, their minds might just be as twisted as mine And when he said he liked people like Wednesday Adams, I felt my heart beat really fast and hard against my rib cage, because I see myself in her Does that mean he likes me too Does that mean we are compatible and he would start to see me as a woman? Or maybe he does already Goddamnit This is a sin A f*****g sin against everyone, against my best friend and even against myself But I can't help it I can't help but want him for myself Grace doesn't care about him anyway All she ever does is ask him for gifts and enjoy his romance which she doesn't even reciprocate How is she so selfish Just how does she manage to not notice how much he is in love with her My bestfriend has always been like that though But I don't blame her She has every right to be obnoxious since she has everything Unlike me Mom and dad despite everything that they went through to get together just got a divorce And with mom being a divorce lawyer, she managed to get as much as she could from dad And since I was never her favourite child's she left me with him So now, it's my dad and me living in our old home On the outside, everything is okay and I can simply explain it as mom going on a vacation with Tanya and Tori But what do I say when they ask why I didn't go with my two sibling Or when they ask why my dad rarely comes home and when he does he comes he heavily drun No one knows about their divorce yet and I'm sure mum hasn't even told Grace's mom who manages to be her bestfriend With my life crumbling apart, I can't help but think about Rolland Rolland is Grace's boyfriend but I can't help but want him to show me as much love as he does to Grace Even if it's just a little bit He doesn't have to be as obsessed with me as he is with Grace But it would be nice if he would hold my hands too when we go to classes together It so happens that we are in the same department and have the same major and minor courses together It won't hurt him to just hold my hand to class and sit with me, will i I'm a good person, but all the bad things keep happening to me Why? Why did Charles decide to break up with me just when I started to see our forever We were good together, weren't we School resumes tomorrow and I don't know how it's gonna be like Charles broke up with me during the holiday and I'm just scared which isn't strang I'm scared of literally everything, but everyone only seems to see the brave side of me Will things be awkward between us now Does he have another girl Who is she Is she also in this school or did they meet online I need someone to talk to right now else I might just lose my mind But again, my bestfriend is not available and can't be my confidant She probably won't get me, because she never does The most she provides is a listening ear and afterwards just continues with her bitchy self And right now, even though she knows how sickly and fearful I can get when I'm alone, she hasn't bothered to call for the last twenty four hour She and her family went together on a ship cruise to celebrate the new year and we haven't seen eachother since the past week But that's quite understandable since it's not her fault that my parents got a divorce What do I do Who do I cal I pick up my phone and swipe through my contact list, but all that's here is that of my parents and my clients who I had to meet physically By the way, I'm an hacker, a grey hat hacker, so yes, I'm a computer genius It's something only I know abou I have managed to hide it from everyone including Grace It's just that little secret that I am able to hold unto It's a secret because it feels like mine And I feel good about the secrecy because it makes me feel like I have something to myself If my mom and charles don't want me and Rolland only sees me as a friend, there is at least something that wants me I sigh and munch on my chips which I fried about four hours ago The crunchy sound echoes through my dark and empty room as I scroll up and down my contact list I don't realize for how long I have been doing this, but it dawns on me that my thumb keeps tapping one number And when I take my time to take note of whose number it is, I'm not too surprised It's Rolland' It's eleven fifty two, I know one thing for sure and that is that he is awake I'm pretty sure of that because he usually gets inspiration to write around this tim I'm sure he isn't writing though Except it's an idea for a new book, because he left all of his drafts at home I wonder how the vacation is going for hi He must be having fun I'm sure what's on his mind is Grace at this moment If only he could dedicate just a minute of his time to thinking about me too There is no way I would know if he does that though But I'm sure he doesn't Should I call him or should I not I ask my chips as I pick them from the bowl and drop them on my duvet Now there is two left Should I not or should I call him Call him it is then But I can't help but feel nervous What do I say when I call?