In My Heart

Chapter 12

RANDY’S POV

Let me tell you that being in this room at the moment is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. It so awkward sitting here as he avoids my eyes, I think he is trying not to look at me so that he won't have to look into the eyes of the guy who took his virginity while he was drunk. He is definitely angry at me, I can tell from the time he jumped off the bed. I could see it in his eyes. But in my defense it was really hard to concentrate when he was naked he looked so hot with his bed hair, swollen lips, and the famous after-s*x glow. You wouldn’t have been able to concentrate either, especially since he was in MY boxers and to top it all off when I was supposed to have my eyes covered which they obviously weren’t; he started to move his sexy body like a stripper would in a club. The only difference between him and a stripper is that he is probably sexier.

In all my mind madness I still knew and acknowledged that he had given me something that couldn’t be returned and I knew I had to apologize, it was a big help that we were both fully dressed now. I’m looking into his piercing eyes now and Im at a loss for words. Considering the circumstances I think this loss of words is not the best thing but what exactly do you say to the first guy you’ve ever had feelings for and with whom you just got intoxicated with which resulted in an exchange of virginities? Exactly! There is nothing that I can say to make it better. Well I could probably declare my feelings for him but that would probably just end up in my heart being crushed into tiny pieces which would probably hurt like a b***h so…… yeah, no that’s definitely not going to happen.

“Look Randy I – I- uhm…” Angelo decided to break the silence. I have no idea what in the world he is thinking but he seems to be going through an inner battle. “I-m not e-entirely s-sure what h-happ-ened last night or how it came to what it came to but I – I am, I mean was a virgin”

“I uh know… I was too. Im really sorry you lost it that way” I looked down. I couldn’t look him in the eyes. I don’t think I could bear seeing that look of disappointment in his eyes.

“Its okay” he sounded irritated “it was a mistake and i-im okay with that I guess” OUCH. Now that hurt….how can he say something like that? I mean yeah we were drunk but what happened between us was no mistake. I didn’t intend for it to happen like that but ugh I don’t even know what im trying to say.

“A-a m-mm-mis-take?” I stuttered.

“Yeah. I mean I sure it was nice and all but lets face the facts it was just s*x after a whole lot of alcohol” he reasoned. “So lets just forget about okay. Its best, right? No one ever has to know we can go our separate ways and no one would ever find out”

At this point I was just about to break. I feel so stressed right now and angry…very, very angry.

“NO ONE HAS TO KNOW??” I exploded “We were practically having s*x on the dance floor which in case you forgot, is in a room full of people Angelo. So remind me again how people wouldn’t know. And from what I remember you weren’t exactly discreet last night when you were screaming my name!” I shouted

“Well neither were you. Don’t try to blame this on me! look im just trying to do you a favor here, Randy. So don’t yell at me.” he yelled back

“A favor? I didn’t ask you for a favor!”

“That’s what friends do for each other. LOOK!.... It was a mistake to even come to this party. Lets just forget it ever happened okay? I’m tired and sore and im not in the mood to argue. Just leave it alone” he shouted growing quieter at the end while looking away from me.

This is exactly what I was afraid of – rejection, heartbreak. This is why I don’t like this talking thing… I know I said we should but look how well all my ideas turn out.

“Fine.” I stood up, felt for my keys, wallet and phone and when I felt them all I walked over to the door ready to go and leave this in the past.

“Where are you going?” he asked me just as my hand was on the knob

“Home. Where else?” I stated in a monotone voice

“I’m sorry, Randy…for everything.”

“You’ve made that clear.” I turned the knob of the door about to walk out, I took in the whole situation and chuckled to myself.

“What are you laughing at?” he asked wearily

“Suppose I actually had feelings, you would have just crushed them” I took a step out the door then looked back at him. he was looking straight into my eyes. “But hey, I’m just a spoilt football star, right? We don’t have those.”

With that I walked out the door shutting it behind me. I ran out that house away from him, away from the memories that would haunt me for the rest of my life and away from the my hearts final resting place. I never looked back afraid that if I did I wouldn’t make it out with at least my pride still in tact. My final thought concerning him : I will get over this.