In My Heart

Chapter 18

RANDY’S POV

I was lying down with my head in Noah’s lap, we were talking about the times we wish we could re-live over and over. Thankfully Noah had let the I-love-angelo topic die long ago so by now we had fallen out of that awkward silence. I mean I really, really like Angelo but love….. no I don’t feel that strongly about him. I’m sure that it’s just a crush and in 2 months I will be so over it I won’t even give a s**t if he dates Hawk. My heart constricted at the thought of them being together.

“My first kiss” Noah said, talking about his ultimate re-live moment “I would love to relive my first kiss with my first boyfriend. All the feelings and the fireworks and the innocence…..oh the innocence of that kiss was…I could live in that moment forever. Ya know I’m so afraid that one day I will wake up and Trevor won’t love me anymore or there won’t be that spark we have and we will go from two people so in love to two people holding on to a memory. I don’t want that for us” his voice started cracking as he voiced his fears.

I took his hands in mine and squeezed them “Noah, don’t worry, I’m sure you guys will always be happy together. It will all work out for the best, you will see… you are a great guy and you deserve no less than the best. So don’t get all sad on me now, okay?” I cooed

He looked down at me and at our hands then started chuckling. Okay now I am confused. “What? What’s so funny?” I asked

“You know if someone were to pass by they would think that you and I were a couple or something. Imagine if my boyfriend passed by right now, then it would be over for sure” he laughed. This guy is laughing about being dumped by a guy that he is afraid to lose? Wow, he is a psycho.

But he is right this could lead to the wrong impression of us and I’m not taking any chances with this guy’s love for his boyfriend, nah I’m good not ruining his relationship. So I sat up and turned around to face him but he wasn’t all I saw.

I saw Angelo and a very angry looking Hawk standing side by side glaring my direction. What got their panties in a bunch? Hawk looked especially pissed but I don’t know why but then again I don’t really care. And since when did they start taking walks in parks together? Why were they together, were they together-together or what? So he can be in a relationship with that thing but not me? What’s wrong with me? He took my virginity for goodness sake and he couldn’t be with me? I felt my heart constrict and my breath hitch in my throat. My face scrunched up in confusion and I felt my eyes start to fill with tears. Noah noticed my sudden silence and looked their direction. He became even more rigid than I am. His face paled slightly as he stared their direction.

We looked at them and they looked at us; it’s like we were all frozen in time. Okay this is enough. I will not stay here when he is here with that guy. I’m not a masochist, I refuse to torture myself.

“Noah” I shook his shoulder slightly to grab his attention. He turned to look at me so I continued “Let’s go, I want to go now please. I just can’t be here right now. Please.”

He stared at me for a while and then it seemed like a light went off in his head because he gave me a sympathetic look and then stood up and helped me up. We made sure we had everything and then headed for the exit. Hawk grabbed Angelo’s hand and walked towards the opposite end of the park. Angelo stared at Noah and me as he got pulled along by Hawk. Suddenly he looked away and looked at the ground and let Hawk lead him somewhere.

When we reached the car park I told Noah to follow me home. He looked like he was still in a daze but he obliged to my request. I wonder what in the world is going on with him. He is acting very…odd.