In My Heart

Chapter 16

I woke up the next morning wondering how in the world my mother got into my room when I locked it. I remember locking it. She must have a spare key to my room. I took a shower and then went downstairs in search of food. I got to the kitchen and asked the chef, Sam to make me an English breakfast.

“Getting lazy, Randy?” Sam asked smiling at me affectionately.

“No, Sam, I just had a bad night and now I’m not up for any culinary activity” I replied returning the smile. Sam has been our chef since I was like 4 years old. He’s like a second father to me. He taught me all I know about cooking, and he is still teaching me how to do the hard stuff but he has taught me well if I do say so myself.

“Really? Why?” he asked concerned.

“Uhm, nothing much just nightmares.” Technically I’m not lying since I am having nightmares about Angelo.

“About?”

“Uhm, people trying to kill me and my family” I lied. That was a total lie and I’m sure Sam knows it but thankfully he just shrugged and let it go. We talked about life and stuff while he prepared my breakfast.

When he was done he placed my plate on the counter while we continued our conversation.

“Sam, we have been through this; I don’t like eating alone so please grab a plate and eat with me.” I stated smiling.

“Don’t mind if I do” he smiled back and prepared a plate for himself. He sat on the other side of the counter and we ate whilst talking and laughing. He is a very funny person.

“Good morning!” my mother said cheerfully as she walked into the kitchen with my father holding onto her waist from behind.

“Morning” Sam and I chorused

“Aw. Randolf honey, how are you today?” she asked walking over to me and giving me a kiss on the forehead.

“I’m okay?” I said as more of a question than a statement. She has been acting weird lately.

“Okay, love. But if you want to talk mommy is here to listen, okay baby.” She said affectionately and hugged me. I looked over to my father and gave him a questioning look, he had his eyebrows raised and shrugged.

“So, Randolf, what’s been going on in your life lately?” my father asked grabbing some coffee and sitting down and my mother followed, sitting in the seat next to his. A maid served them some breakfast.

“Well my classes are fine, my grades are the same and my football is actually going really well.”

“Uh-huh. That’s good. Anything else you feel we should know?” he asked looking up from his breakfast. My heartbeat started to quicken. What does he know? Did I do something stupid while I was drunk? s**t, besides what happened with Angelo I don’t remember much.

“Uhm…N-no? Why?” I stuttered.

“No reason, I’m just asking. Are you okay? You are shaking and sweating.” He answered looking at me worriedly.

“I – I’m fine. I don’t feel well. I’m going to get some air. I will be back later.” I stuttered backing out of the kitchen. I went up to my room to get a light sweater and my keys. I decided to call Noah to see if he was available, I really want to talk to him.

“Hey, Randy” he answered after three rings.

“H-hey, Noah. Are you busy right now?”

“No, why? Are you okay?”

“Can you meet me at the park on the corner of Bismark?”

“Okay, I don’t know where that is.”

“Oh okay…”

“But I did just get a GPS installed. From the looks of it I can be there in 20 minutes”

“Okay so I’ll see you there in 20 minutes?”

“Yeah…Randy, are you okay?”

“I…uh…I don’t know. I’ll see you in 20 minutes okay?” I sighed

“Yeah. Keep it together till then okay?”

“Okay” I hung up and left my room. I jogged down the stairs and went to the garage. I looked at all the cars. They don’t all belong to me, I only have 2 cars that I own personally. I got into my baby and drove off.

The park is only 15 minutes from my house so I had to wait 5 minutes before I saw Noah walking towards the tree I was sitting under. I have always loved this specific spot, it faces a river with ducks that swim freely like they have no worries in the world. I want to a duck; so free and carefree. That would be awesome, well except all the feathers and the weird beaks and the quacking instead of talking and the fact that I have to be in water like all the time, but I’m sure that to a duck that’s all normal and I guess I would get used to it or maybe not, ugh who knows. I stood up and hugged him. We sat in silence for a while; I didn’t really know what to say, well I did know what I could say but I don’t know where to begin. I don’t know how to make me seem like less of an, oh I don’t know, cry baby.

“Randy, what’s wrong?” he asked breaking the silence.

“Nothing” I stated

“Come on, there must be something wrong.” He tried

“No there isn’t. I’m fine”

“ Randy”

“I said that I’m fine”

“Randy, If you don’t want to tell me the truth then this friendship won't work. I don’t like to be lied to.” He said with a huff, crossing his arms with an annoyed expression on his face.

“I’m not lying” I continued lying. Jeez what’s got his knickers in a twist? He stood up. “Noah, where are you going?” I said getting a bit anxious.

“I’m not going to sit here and be lied to when I know I’m being lied to!” He yelled.

“But Noah –,”

“No, Randy, no more lies. I’m so sick of people not being able to just say what they feel. Do you know what it’s like to be lied to when you know you’re being lied to? Come on, Randy, am I really that untrustworthy or is there just a sign written Dumbass glued to my forehead.”

“Noah –” I tried to plead but he was already starting to walk away. I trust Noah a lot, I don’t even know why but I do. He has been really nice to me and he is the only one that knows about angelo and he doesn’t think I’m stupid, or a p***y or a coward or pathetic. I can’t lose him as well. But I feel so pathetic. I want to cry, this is so hard.

“Fine!” I shouted out to him, this grabbed his attention and he stopped in his tracks and turned around. “I feel like s**t okay. I don’t know why because I have accepted what happened and I think I’m over it. I feel rejected, ugly and useless. I feel like my life is falling apart and I… I can’t do anything about it! Are you happy now? There’s the truth.” I answered half shouting and by the end I was practically in tears again. He sat back down and grabbed my head in a sort of a hug. I sobbed into his shoulder.

“It’s okay, Randy. Don’t cry, everything is going to alright.” He cooed. I only cried harder.

“That’s just the thing it’s not going to be okay, I’m falling apart and I can’t help it.” I sobbed and was suddenly so glad that he came into my life when he did. When the sobs died down, I pulled away from him and wiped my eyes and cheeks.

“Sorry about your shirt.” I said looking down and sniffing.

“It’s okay, Randy, it’s just a shirt; I can get another one.” He said rubbing my back. “You feel better now?”

“Somehow. Noah, I didn’t tell you the complete story the other day. I left some parts out”

“What did you leave out?”

So I told him about the dream, the screaming, the crying and everything about what happened up until this morning.

“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?” he said seriously.

“No, Noah, I’m not in love with him. Come on, I’ve barely known him for a month. No I can’t be in love with him…No….Nah.” I answered trying to convince myself more than him. He seems like he’s made up his mind on the topic anyway. I can’t be in love with him right…No that’s not possible.