In My Heart

Chapter 15

I got to the Ice skating rink with five minutes to spare, I couldn’t see Noah so I guess he hasn’t arrived yet. I sat down at one of the picnic tables and waited for him. I decided to listen to some music while I waited for him. music filled my ears as my thoughts began to wander. I thought about my life in general and where I was going with it; like where I was going to college and what I wanted to study. I haven’t really thought about it up until now. I would apply for a scholarship but I’m rich or at least my parents are, and that would be unfair to the kid who actually needs it, so that idea is out. I thought about where to apply; I’ve heard good things about Harvard, Yale and Princeton or maybe I should go over seas to Oxford, Cambridge or Scotland. That would be cool.

I felt someone tapping my shoulder. I turned around and took my earphones out of my ears. I smiled at him, glad he finally arrived I was getting carried away with my thoughts. His bright eyes shone as he smiled back at me. I hugged him,

“Hey” I greeted

“Hey, Randy, how are you?”

“So-so and you?”

“I’m great, so how about we go get some skates and hit the ice?”

“Let’s do it” I smiled.

When we got to the counter to get our skates, the girl working there looked us up and down as if trying to figure out if we were a couple. I don’t even think he is gay or bi but you never know, and I’m not gay, am I? Having s*x with another guy who you happen to have strong feelings for but who doesn’t feel the same way, doesn’t make me gay; does it? I think I would be gay if he felt the same way, right? So I’m not gay since I only had feelings for him…right?

Noah smiled brightly at the girl and asked for a pair of skates, I could almost see her legs become jelly. I chuckled at her reaction to his accent. Women are suckers for sexy accents! I asked for a pair and she stuttered saying that she would be right back with them. I laughed out loud once she had left. Noah turned looking at me like I had grown another head.

“What are you laughing at?” he asked lightly chuckling

“That girl” I said laughing harder

“O-kay… what about her?”

“The w-way sh-she r- re-acted t-to y-you!” I said almost in tears, my tummy was starting to hurt; that’s how hard I was laughing. Noah looked confused.

“How did she react?”

“She almost fainted and she was stuttering and…..hahahahahahahahaha oh my goodness, this so beats sitting in my room sulking. Women are so easy to please; just your accent had her ready to just about marry you.” I explained still laughing; he joined me and soon we were both laughing like maniacs.

“Well, I’m glad I could make you laugh and feel better. Where is that girl with our skates? It has been like 10 minutes already.”

“Probably m**********g over your accent” I laughed and he rolled his eyes at me but he was blushing.

“Ha-ha very funny.”

“I know” I grinned at him.

The girl came back with our skates. It turns out that she went to go put on a bit of make up. I held back a laugh as I watched her try to seduce Noah with her eyes and by ‘accidentally’ touching his hand. She handed me my skates with seemingly no interest at all, which I didn’t mind at all. We thanked her and after Noah finally accepted her number we went to the ice to skate. I saw Noah throw away her number and I looked at him like he had just gone mad. Who does that? She is hot and willing so why not? I decided not to ask for now.

After skating for quite a while we went to get some burgers and chips with drinks. We sat at one of the tables and started eating. We talked and talked - about everything and nothing; from our hobbies to our fears, from our dreams to our parents. We talked and joked around.

“Really?” I asked truly intrigued

“Yeah, my mom walked in while I was jacking off and started screaming like I just killed someone or something.” He laughed at the memory

“Hectic…”

“I know, I was so embarrassed I didn’t eat dinner or breakfast the next morning!”

“No, I meant it’s hectic that her image of her innocent little boy was ruined in that moment” I laughed. He gasped in fake shock.

“So do wanna tell me what happened last night and this morning that had you so down?” he asked cautiously. I had forgotten about that, till now. I looked down.

“Not really, it’s so embarrassing and sad and pathetic. I was just being stupid about it. I was just being a big baby” I smiled hoping that he would drop the topic.

“Well, let me be the judge of that then...” he persisted

“Noah I – I don’t really want to talk about it” I sighed looking at my empty plate.

“Oh I’m sorry for prying… You don’t have to tell me. I understand; we don’t really know each other and you don’t really trust me yet” he said in a sad voice. I opened my mouth to object but he continued “No, Randy, it’s fine. I understand….Let’s talk about something else. One day when you feel more at ease with me you can tell me.” he said looking at his food.

Great now I feel bad. Ugh….not fair. But I do trust him, I don’t know why but I do.

I might as well tell him since he’s bound to find out anyway.

“No, it’s fine. I will tell you.”

“You don’t have –”

“I want to” I interrupted. I sighed and began to tell him the whole story from the day I met Angelo until this morning. He sat there and listened intently, nodding and inserting the occasional uh-huh at the right intervals.

“…And then I left the house and went home, took a shower and slept.” I left out the part about my dream; I didn’t want him to think that I was obsessed with Angelo.

He took my hand in his and rubbed it lightly.

“Randy, I’m so sorry…You must feel awful. No wonder you didn’t want to talk about it. I’m sorry I used reverse psychology on you.”

“It’s o- wait, what? You tricked me into telling you?” I asked shocked.

“Yes, and I’m so sorry –”

“You have got to teach me how to do that” I said grabbing both of his hands in mine, getting all up in his face with widened eyes.

“Okay… So you’re not mad?” he asked raising an eyebrow.

“Nope. I’m glad I told you, I feel kind of better. I do have one question though.”

“What?”

“Does that make me gay?”

He laughed at me for a whole 30 seconds before shouting “Yes!”

I pouted at this…. What; everyone has a right to be stupid at times. I smacked him on the arm.

“Okay well, let’s see… Do you find women attractive?”

“Well….You see….The thing is...Kinda…Maybe? Somehow I guess”

“Okay lets try a different approach. Would you f**k a chick right now if given the option?”

“Not really… I mean I do find girls attractive in a way but just not the I-wanna-f**k-your-brains-out way” I contemplated.

“Well then, I think that it’s pretty obvious that you are G.A.Y. – gay.” He laughed again to which I responded with my cutest pout.

“d**k”

“Does that mean you want to shove me in your ass?” he laughed

“You wish.” He held his hand over the place his heart is in fake hurt. I stuck my tongue out at him then continued. “Why did you throw the girl from the counter’s number away? She’s pretty hot and willing!” I asked seriously

“I don’t like sluts” he said simply and shrugged

“That’s it? That’s why? You do know of the invention of the condom, right? It keeps you safe from any infections that you could get from her”

“Well that and I’m in a relationship.”

“Oh…What’s her name? Where is she from? Is she from a good family?” I asked just like a mom would; I even flapped my hand around like one of those flamboyant women you see on television.

“Not she…. He and his name is Trevor, he was born and raised here and yes, his family is amazing” he stated sipping on his drink. My eyes widened and my jaw dropped slightly. How is he so calm about everything?

“You’re GAY??” I asked completely shocked.

“No”

“Wait…then I don’t get it. How am I gay if you’re not…You are the one in a relationship with another guy.” I asked genuinely confused.

“I’m bi.”

“Oh….cool. So when do I get to meet him?”

“Who said you get to meet him?”

“Me” I said matter-of-factly. He scoffed and rolled his eyes in fake annoyance. There are a lot of fake emotions going on today. I smiled brightly at him. He went on to tell me how they met and all the gushy relationship stuff that they do for each other and the hardships they went through as well as how the got through all of them.

I admired their relationship, it was genuinely true love. I exhaled loudly and rested my head on my palm in admiration.

It was late and I it was time for me to get home. And just before you think it has something to do with my mum not wanting me to stay out late, you are wrong; I don’t do anything my unless I really want to…Well most of the time. The only thing was, I didn’t want this day to end just yet but like all good things it came to an end. It was so late and we were both tired.

I escorted him to his car and we spoke for a bit and then we had to say bye; so we did. I drove home with a smile on my face and the weight on my heart had been lightened. I should hang out with Noah more often. He is a refreshing change from the regular people here.

I got home in one piece; safe and sound. I looked around and didn’t see anyone. This is awkward. I looked around the lower level of the house to see if my mum was still here. She didn’t say she would be going out today so I assumed that she wouldn’t be. I called out for her and no reply. Hum I wonder what’s going on. I walked upstairs, utterly exhausted; I never realized how tired I am until right now. I called out for anyone again and still no reply. I walked over to my parents’ room and put my ear against the door to listen for sounds.

“Oh Jerry” I heard my mother moan. Eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww ! !!!!! Ew! Ew! Ewww! That was something I never needed to hear. Note to self: don’t listen through mom and dad’s door again.

I ran to my room and slammed the door shut behind me. I locked my door, although I’m not sure why I just did that; its not like if I lock the door her voice will be erased from my head. Why? Why? Why? Why me? I’ll be emotionally scarred FOREVER!

I think I need a shower and then I should go straight to bed because I still have to do homework tomorrow. I walked into my bathroom and looked at myself in the full length mirror. I am definitely one fine piece of ass. I am just too gorgeous. I undressed and got into the shower. After 30 minutes of showering, I had had enough of the water and decided to go to bed.

I closed my eyes and let sleep take over.

His face, his skin, his touch; the all flashed through my head as my dream repeated itself. Except every time his skin touched mine, or his lips touched me it felt better and every time he ploughed deeper, my orgasm was intensified. His words replayed over and over in my head as the images continued to flash through my head

“You are strictly for s*x, Randy. There’s not much to get, come on you’re smarter than to think I actually love you. I’m not interested in being in love. Just sex.”.

I woke up with a jump. It was still dark outside, I looked over to my clock on my side table and it read 01:29. The flashes from my dream were still going through my head. The words “it was a mistake” ran through my head. I was just a mistake. I started to feel really bad again. I started crying again. I sobbed and sobbed into my pillow. I felt a hand rubbing my back shushing me and telling me it’s going to be alright. I looked up and saw my mother sitting by my side in her robe.

I rested my head on her lap and continued to sob. I cried and cried into my mother’s expensive robe for an hour straight; until I was just hiccupping.

“Randolf” she began softly “What’s wrong, honey, this is the second time you started screaming and crying in your sleep. I could here you from my room. What’s wrong baby?” she asked worriedly.

“Nothing, mother, I’ve just been having nightmares” I lied

“Well, do you want to talk about them?” she asked. I shook my head. “Randolf, honey, these must be really bad for you to wake up screaming your lungs out like there’s a murderer in the room” she went on. There is a murderer in this room…he’s in my head and he killed my heart.

I started crying again and my mother continued rubbing my back and whispering words of comfort into my ear. Eventually I fell asleep with my head on my mother’s lap and my arms curled tightly around her waist. I fell into a peaceful sleep. This was the first time in about fourteen years that I felt my mother’s comfort and it turns out it’s exactly what I need.