Mr. Average

Joel wears a trench coat to school.

The day has come.

When I got up and looked at myself in the mirror, my reflection had a different glow to it. I wasn't the Joel who woke up yesterday, ants in my pants with anticipation for the following day. I was Joel, raging man-w***e about to take on a new victim.

Probably wasn't the best analogy, but if I had learned anything from Kassi and Victoria's relationship, it's that confidence is key.

The dominatrix vibe faded within a couple of moments, and I was back to antsy pantsy.

First date anxiety rolled through my in fat lumps, each squishing down on my pores and every crevice of my body. The typical questions that just are no fun racked my brain.

What if I smell?

What if I'm too quiet during the movie?

What if he wants to talk during the movie?!

What if I smell?

I leaned against the bathroom wall, my pajamas slick with sweat. I peeled them off and hopped into the shower, all of my pessimistic thoughts crashing down on me.

Every worry I had in the past crowded my brain, making my lungs felt clogged. The fact that I had to suffer through an eight and a half hour school day was just the icing on the panic cake.

I quickly lathered soap on my body, washed it off, and killed the shower. I was already running late, so I didn't have time to shampoo. I probably shouldn't have showered any way, but when the familiar choking anxiety hits me, sometimes a hot shower peels it away.

I swiped a towel over myself and wrapped it around my waist, running to my room and glared at my closet daringly. My eyes skimmed to a button up plaid shirt, which was very tight fitting, perfect for a movie date. I found some more slack jeans and pulled both of them on.

Wait, I couldn’t wear my date clothes to school because Scott would be there and it would ruin my look! Isn’t that bad luck? I checked my clock and realized it was much too late for an outfit change.

Panic swept my gut, feeling hopeless. Suddenly, my eyes found a long ebony leather trench coat, from Halloween a few years back. I believe I was Inspector Gadget, but I couldn't dwell on that for too long.

I had come up with a very bad idea, but I was going to go with it anyways.

_~_~_

"Joel, what the f**k?" Victoria had said as soon as I walked into the door.

"I had a tough morning," I sighed.

"Ah," Victoria sighed, "The morning of the infamous date!"

I swatted her shoulder, "It's not infamous... yet."

Victora chuckled, "If Zola said that you're 'ready', you're screwed. The only romance they know of is in fan fiction."

"And, one time in preschool we went to the petting zoo and Zoi saw a duck and apparently it proposed." Logan said, walking up. "It was pretty impressive... Woah, wait, are you going to flash me or something?!"

I groaned, "No, Logan, in case you haven't guessed, I don't swing that way. Also, ew."

Logan c****d her head, "Well, yeah; but I'm not sure what you're swinging right now."

"Logan," Madison said, joining Vic's side, "Stop talking."

Logan started walking away, her black hoodie falling lazily onto her elbows. She held up her middle fingers in the air. "f**k the police!"

Madison sighed, rolling her eyes. "Kids these days." She shook her head, her peachy grin making a comeback. "So, are you pumped for the date?"

I sighed, "Yeah, uh, I guess you could say that."

Madison's features drooped. "What do you mean? You still like him right?"

I sighed deeper, "Of course! I'm just nervous that he doesn't!"

Madison grinned, "Oh, honey."

"What?"

Victoria laughed, "Have you seen the way he looks at you?"

"What, is it bad?" I raked my fingers into my hair.

Madison and Vic were dying with not-so-secretive chortling.

"What is going on?!" I groaned, helplessly confused.

"He is head over heels!" Victoria boomed, wiping her forehead.

I c****d my head, narrowing my eyes.

"Ugh, Joel." Madison said, putting her hand on my shoulder. "It's clear you and Scott like each other to the extreme amount."

"The most we can say is that the feeling is heavily mutual," Vic piped up.

"Exactly. You and Scott are crazy for each other, and this date will go in the Hellhole High history books, okay?"

I smirked, still anxious. "How are you so sure?"

Madison giggled, "If I told you, I'd have to kill you."

"Magic powers," Victoria added.

Madison sighed, "Great. Now we're gonna kill you."

"But," Vic chimed, "We'll wait until after your amazing date."

"Get the shovel," Madison whispered harshly to Victoria as they walked away.

I shook my head, those two were so obnoxious.

The following classes flew by, I gained nervous eyes from my trench coat and some condescending coos from people who were aware of upcoming events. I was so sick of everyone by that point, but nothing ever got to me. I was far too giddy from excitement.

Until study hall came, the class right before lunch. In which I had Zola.

They both perked up at my arrival, expectant.

"What the hell are you two up to?"

"Well, hello to you too, Joel," Lola said.

I ignored her, "Listen to me." I leaned on their desks, one hand on each. "My date with Scott will go uninterrupted. Understand?"

Zoi licked her lips, "We heard what you said, but that doesn't mean we comprehend it."

I slammed my hand on her desk, followed by an annoyed "Shh!" from the teacher. "Zola, I'm serious."

"We know, Joel," Lola said.

"You have to give me your word." I said, through a clenched jaw.

"Whatever we do it's for the better!" Zoi bit back.

"And we will not give you our word, Joel. We don't have to give you anything, Joel," Lola said.

I glare at them, fury throbbing in my head. "Do I look like I'm up for negotiation, punks?"

Zoi tensed, "No..."

"Which is why there will be no negotiation, Joel!" Lola butted in, "Zola knows best, and whatever we do will help you two!"

"Lola, Zoi," I said, voice rising. "Don't do anything stupid."

"Oh, trust us," Zoi sneered, "We won't."

_~_~_

"Perfect date apparel," Scott's gravelly disembodied voice instantly made my knees weak.

I tugged protectively at the folds of the trench coat. "Hey, now, I can't show you my first date apparel before the first date!"

Scott chuckled, "Actually, I wouldn't mind." He snaked his hand onto the zipper.

I smacked his hand away, "No! You'll ruin the surprise!"

He chuckled again, "You're adorable."

I felt my cheeks ignite, but fought away the flame. "Well, you.. um..."

He put his arm around my wait, walking me to the table. "Fear not, I'll be patient."

"Good," I chuckled, sitting down. All of my fears this morning and at study hall withered away, just like they always did when Scott was near me. Or talking to me, or when I was thinking about Scott. Just... Scott. Everything was okay when I was near him

_~_~_

Almost as soon as I stepped foot out of vicinity of Scott, all of my anxiety came back.

I dropped my keys on the key-holder and dropped my bag when I walked into my front door.

"I'm home!" I called, listening for any voices or laughter but hearing none. I silently thanked the stars and hurried into the bathroom. I unhooked the buttons of the trench coat and unzipped it, letting it fall to the ground. I stuffed it in the dirty clothes hamper and examined myself in the mirror one last time. I was ready.

Suppressing the biggest grin, I twisted open the handle of the bathroom and met Finn's eyes.

"Finn!" I said, surprised. Usually he would brood and ignore me, due to the fact I was the cause of him being grounded for an undecidable time. But all of the anger or sadness was absent from his face. Now he seemed... excited.

"I hear you're going on a date tonight," Finn said.

I sighed, bashful. "Uh, yeah. I guess news spreads fast around this town, right?"

Finn shrugged, "Guess so." He cast a look down at his feet, "I just want to wish you the best of luck,"

My jaw dropped, "What? Why the sudden change of heart?" I asked, before I could stop myself.

Finn laughed, too loudly. "Burdens are silly. Let's let bygones be bygones."

I glared at him, he was definitely up to something, but I wouldn't dwell on it to much. "Thanks."

I heard a doorbell chime around the house. I hooked my head around a corner and saw Scott, standing awkwardly in a stripped collared shirt and very tight-looking jeans. My heart was filled to the brim with helium.

"That's him," I said. "I have to go."

"Is it now?" Finn smirked, inspecting him.

I glared at him again before scurrying to the door. "Goodbye!" I called.

And, with that, the date began.