Tipping The Scale

Chapter 17

Tubby’s P.O.V.

I’ve never felt so stupid or so betrayed or hurt. I thought I knew pain, but didn’t know that pain could ever feel like this. I’d stayed away from school and had been hiding out in my room for the past 2 weeks and quite frankly my parents are getting sick of it. I have to go to school next week even though I don’t want to. It’s not that I’m scared of breaking down crying in front of him because I won’t but I’m afraid I might lose my temper and pound his face into the ground.

I really can’t believe that he took the money. I can’t believe that he had the nerve to tell me that he loves me after he took the money. How can he just play with my feelings and think it would be okay? Like I’d just shrug it off and we could ride off into the sunset? I…I just can’t believe that he would do that to me? But what do I expect? I’m fat, middle class, and a wallflower. I’m not like the guys he usually goes out with. I’m not a jock, I’m not emo, I’m not a bad ass. I’m just plain, overweight, Tubby. I guess that I just hoped that it would be different. I just thought that maybe, just maybe I could mean something to someone.

I mean look at me. I wasted my time trying to please him. I wasted my love on him but I can’t pretend that I’m alright. Now we’ve lost it all. I’m not perfect and I don’t apologize for that but doesn’t mean that I don’t feel bad when I see those looks from people. It doesn’t mean that it’s okay to make fun of it like the way they did. Nothing can change the things that he did and he can’t do anything to make it right no matter how many times he says sorry, I will never forgive him.

I shifted onto my side on my bed. I’d come straight home from the park. I felt terrible, not only because he betrayed me but also because I hurt him. Each negative word that came from me hurt me as I watched him crumble a bit more with each insult. I should’ve stopped when I saw that he was starting to believe everything I said. I should’ve just walked away. I should’ve just ignored him like I had been for the past two weeks. I should’ve….but I was so angry. I was so hurt it made sense at the time.

I just wanted the truth from him, even if it hurt me. That’s all I ever wanted, honesty. When he kept it from me, I felt….disgusting. No, not disgusted – disgusting. I felt like everything was a lie, like the only reason someone would want me is for some gain. It’s not like it’s the first time that it has happened to me but…it hurt more this time. I trusted him so much more than the others; he meant more than all those posers that would pretend to be my friend so that I would take them with me to college parties.

Tears slid down my face, too lazy to wipe them away I just lay there and let them come down. I hadn’t really moved off late. I’m just too tired. I’m so…tired. I’m so emotionally worn that I’m physically incapable of doing anything except think about what a sad life I have. I can’t even remember the last time I combed my hair. I just know that I was so angry that I ripped a few strands out, I never picked up the brush again.

Suddenly Beau came through the door, clad in his favourite barney pyjamas that he has specially made and a pair of black slippers. He had his pillow under his arm and was holding a box of tissue. He had bags under his eyes which were pink and puffy, his face was flushed and his shoulders slumped like he was about to fall down, because he had already fallen apart. He was taking the whole break up with Adam really hard. His eyes were still glazed with tears and his hair was in a mess as had become the usual. I had never really seen Beau like this, I mean sure he got a little sad when he broke up with his other boyfriends but this was full blown depression.

I shifted on my bed and threw the blankets back indicating that he should get in. He closed the door and joined me in the bed, curling into my side. I pulled him to me and rubbed circles on his back “I…I just couldn’t be alone anymore. I- I’m sorry.” He sobbed into me. My heart clenched in my chest as he continued to cry. I cried silently with him. Besides my own pain, it hurt me that my friend was in so much pain.

“Shh, It’s okay. I’m here for you, boo.” I cooed stuttering. It was harder to hold it together than I ever thought it would be.

“I miss him so much, Tubby” he sobbed into my chest.

“Me too,” I whispered “I miss him so much. I know that you’re hurting but we will get through this together. Do you understand me?” I said firmly through the tears. He just nodded and cried against me.

“Why us? Why did they pick our hearts to toy with?” he sniffled

“I don’t know, Beau. They are just jocks with no lives and no hearts” I answered. He stayed silent and I did too, not knowing what else to say. We lay in silence lost in our own thoughts.

The door flew open once again and Candy stepped into view. She shook her head with a sympathetic look on her face “I knew I’d find you both here. It smells like death in here” she stated suddenly

“Our hearts died” Beau uttered lifting his head with what looked like great difficulty before letting it drop to my chest again.

“Okay, I’m sick of this,” she walked over to the window and threw open the curtain and the window making Beau and I wince at the sudden intrusion of light into the darkness. She turned off the stereo and turned to glare at me “Bullet for my valentine’s Fever? Really? Good charlotte? Simple Plan? Now that’s just sad.”

“Seemed appropriate” I rasped out, shrugging at her with a flat expression.

“Well it’s not!” she snapped. She jumped on the bed and landed right on top of me and Beau. I looked up at her with a bewildered expression. There is something wrong with this chick. She is definitely crazy.

“Candy I think it’s time for you to stop with the crack you must be on” I said with a concerned look on my face.

“No, I’m good. It helps with the girlfriend” she rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out. “Now you made me forget what I wanted to do! Ugh!” she exclaimed with a pout. Realization struck suddenly and she smiled “Oh yeah! I wanted to give you two something”

“What?” Beau and I asked simultaneously, looking up at her doubtfully.

“This” she said.

I really should’ve seen it coming. Really I should’ve.

The double slap was fast, hard and damaging as it landed on the right side of my face and the left of Beau’s. Our heads actually turned with the force. I shrunk into my bed and Beau shrunk into me trying to put the most space between ourselves and the monster. I rubbed my cheek and looked at Candy like the crazy person she was.

“The f**k was that for?!” I exclaimed

“I’m sick of you two moping around. It’s been two weeks! Two f*****g weeks of you lying around and feeling sorry for yourselves. Two weeks of you not combing your hair and dressing like slobs! Two freaking weeks of you crying and eating ice cream and listening to soft rock and indie music! It’s driving me crazy dammit!!! I can’t take it anymore! Be men for f***s sake!” she shouted, flailing her arms everywhere as she explained.

I blinked “You moped around for six when eve dumped you last year” I muttered

“Yeah” Beau commented

“yeah well that’s why I’m doing this for you. You did it for me. It took you six weeks granted but hey eventually you came through. I know how hard it is for you men to deal with emotions –gay or not,” she shrugged and rolled her eyes.

“Well we are good thanks.” Beau stated. I nodded in agreement.

“You are not good! I’m sorry but this is pathetic guys. You can’t lay down and take this like this. No! Go out and kick ass in the morning and take names in the evening!” she exclaimed.

“Did you just quote Eminem?” Beau asked

“Do you want another slap?” Candy asked calmly with a strange gleam in her eyes and raised her hands threateningly. I think she enjoys this a bit too much. I pushed myself even more into the mattress. Beau clutched onto me for dear life and shook our head simultaneously

“Got something to say about it?” she growled. Beau shook his head fanatically. “Good. The point is, you can’t let them sit and laugh as they watch you crumble! I won’t allow it! Those fuckers will pay! I don’t care what it takes but we are going to start with going to Jason’s party tonight.” She explained with a pained expression before jumping off the bed and throwing a big bag, which I didn’t see her come in with, on the bed.

“But those are their friends. They will be there celebrating” Beau muttered with a deep frown on his face.

“I know. That’s why I called everyone else. They are going to meet us there. And,” she opened the bag and pulled out Beau’s favourite black skinnies that hugged his ass like a second skin in black. In the other hand she held a black polo golf shirt in my size. She had a huge grin “I brought these. What do you say we go and join the celebration?”

“No thanks…I think its best that we stay here. I’m not in the party mood” Beau told he snuggling more into me.

Candy’s face lit up like a kid on Christmas morning.

It scared me.

A lot.

She placed the clothes on the bed and went back into the back. “I knew that you would say something like that….that’s why I brought,” she pulled out a thick black whip that looked like it was from one of the hard-core b**m pornos. “this.” The smile remained on her face as she cracked the whip to the side.

“Did you say party? I love parties, I was just confused. I-I thought you said…raa-rty?” Beau stuttered jumping off the bed. “You know what? I’m so excited, I’m gonna go shower first. Ha-Ha-ha”

“I thought as much” she smiled innocently.

Like I said….something is definitely wrong with that girl.