Tipping The Scale

Chapter 16

Matt’s P.O.V

It’s been two weeks since the last time I saw Tubby on that night….when he rushed out of my house like the devil was chasing him. Adam came over and explained how he managed to tell Beau about the bet. I still didn’t quite understand how….why…I just couldn’t wrap my head around it completely. I didn’t know that he was in a relationship with Beau, I didn’t know he was in love with Beau, I didn’t even know that he was going to a party that night. But, what did I care? I had Tubby that day. I didn’t bother to ask Adam about his life because I was consumed by thoughts and worries about Tubby.

I looked down at my phone again and once again I came to same blank screen that I had since that night. He hadn’t called me back…not even to tell me it’s over. At first I had hope that maybe –just maybe – he didn’t know, but that hope died when Candy attacked me in the hallway on Monday morning while Beau glared at Adam and me. It took ten whole minutes for the rest of my teammates to haul Candy off of me but not before she sent a message to my family jewels with a steel kick right to my groin. So he knew.

I tried calling him several times but he never answered and eventually I couldn’t get through at all which means that he blocked my number. So, I got a new one. I thought that that would solve the problem but still he wouldn’t answer the phone. To say I had lost hope would be an understatement. I’m beyond crushed. I’m angry…at Beau, at Adam, at myself. I just wish I could go back and never agreed to that bet. I wish that I could make all Tubby’s pain stop. I wish he would yell at me, punch me, kick me – anything! But that’s not how Tubby is, he just ignores.

Hot tears rolled down my face and hit my pillow silently as I tried to call him again but came out with the same results. I squeezed my phone in my hand and tried again. With each call and each response of voicemail, I felt my heart smash into more and more pieces. I went from tears to full out sobbing into my pillow. I threw my phone on the floor in frustration. I curled my body into a foetal position and cried with depressing music flowing through the room mocking me and telling me it’s my fault and I deserve to be alone because what I did was unforgivable.

Hurting Tubby was the worst thing I could do in my life and I had done it and for what? 700? Is that what I thought Tubby was worth? I deserve to be alone and in pain. I deserve to hurt inside and crumble to pieces because of silence that screams the truth to me. I deserve to curl up into a ball and die because I had hurt the one person, besides my parents, who made me feel like I had a reason for living and breathing besides basketball. I hurt the love of my life.

My phone started ringing and vibrating on the floor. It was a message, I knew that much from the ring tone. Wait! That’s Tubby’s special ring tone; I set it the day he asked me out. I jumped off the bed and ran to my phone sniffling and wiping my eyes so I would be able to read it clearly.

“Meet me at the park. 10 minutes.”

That’s all it said. I replied with a simple okay before rushing into the bathroom and washing my face. I changed my clothes and ran a brush through my hair quickly. I rushed out to my car, threw it in drive and sped down the road to the park. I ran to the tree by the duck pond where we always sat when we came to the park.

There he sat, staring out at the ducks, wearing sweat pants, a baggy sweat shirt. His hair was uncombed, which was very unusual for Tubby; he always combs his hair as soon as he gets up. He tucked a stray lock behind his ear and drew in a shaky breath. He brought his hand up to his eye and wiped away a tear away before it could roll down his cheek, then mumbled something in French. His voice sounded broken and hoarse, my heart clenched in my chest at the sound of it. I’m so f*****g dumb to have broken such a good guy the way I did.

I slowly walked up to him. He glanced up briefly before looking down again. I sat down next to him on the bench but apparently I sat too close because he shifted away from me without even sparing me a glance. My heart clenched a little but I didn’t say anything.

We sat in silence for a while with only the sound of others filling the tense air. I wanted to speak but had no idea what to say because let’s face it, I’m great at making a mess of things. It’s not like I intend to do it…mostly, but it just happens. I fiddled with my fingers nervously as the silence became even more unbearable.

“How much?” he finally asked, still looking straight ahead at the ducks.

“Tubby, I’m so—”

“How much?” he interrupted with a growl. He slowly turned his head to face me. His eyes were red and puffy. His nose was pink and the purple bags under his eyes were the only indication of fatigue. “How much did you bet on my heart? How much was I worth? How much, Matt?! How much?!!” He sneered at me, eyes blazing with unadulterated resentment and fury.

“Tubby, it wasn’t like that..” I stuttered nervously.

“How much?!!” he shouted, clenching his fist in tight balls.

Jumping slightly at the sudden outburst, I uttered a small “700”

He laughed bitterly and closed his eyes before slowly opening them again. “700,” he whispered nodding and frowning “That’s all I was worth, huh? Seven-f*****g-hundred”

“No, it’s not like that, Tubby. You’re priceless” I pleaded with him.

“It’s ‘cause I’m fat right? It’s ‘cause I don’t have a football body, or tattoos, or f**k-you money like the rest. It’s ‘cause I don’t fit in with your click. It’s ‘cause I’m a wallflower. Isn’t it?” he carried on like I never spoke. A tear escaped and rolled down his cheek, he didn’t bother to wipe it away.

“No” I whispered brokenly “You’re beautiful the way you are”

He chuckled again, “That’s what I used to tell you. That you are beautiful…inside and out. I used to tell you that there was no reason for someone not to like you…I told you that you were the best thing that had happened to me. I told Jamie. I told Ollie. Jared, Lucy, Allen and Alana, Roy, Cody….Beau. He was always like….give Matt a chance. I told him ‘no’ so many times but eventually I warmed up to you. Candy – well – Candy was just like, you can’t hate jocks forever.” He told me with an amused look on his face. I stayed silent.

“I told my parents that you showed me the light.” His voice broke as he spoke “I told them that you had no bad intentions. That you loved me… I had no idea that I was lying to everyone….including myself”

“Tubby, I love you.” I whispered, reaching out to touch him but he gave me a sharp look that made me withdraw my hand. “I didn’t lie about that. I fell in love with you! I did, it’s true. The bet was stupid and I’m so sorry.”

“You love me?” he asked with a small smile.

“Yes,” I promised

“Did you take the money?” he asked simply. I blushed and looked down. I had taken the money when I told Adam and the rest of my friends about the relationship. I didn’t think anything of it but now…I mentally punched myself. Tubby let out another bitter laugh, looking genuinely amused by it.

“I’ll return it…all of it. I’ll give it to you…anything.” I suggested desperately.

All the humour left his face as he glared at me icily. “I don’t f*****g want your f*****g money.”

I winced at the revulsion in his voice. “I’m sorry”

“f**k you! I just wanted to know the truth but the words coming from your mouth are just….fucking crap! Stop apologizing and telling me that you love me, because now I f*****g hate you with all of my heart. If I ever thought I loved you, it’s over. If I ever thought you loved me… I don’t anymore. If I ever thought this was real or believe your lies…I don’t anymore. We’re done Mateo. Over.” He seethed.

I swallowed loudly. “Tubby, please, forgive me. Please. You don’t have to take me back but please forgive me. I was stupid to do what I did.”

“No, Matt, you weren’t stupid. You ARE stupid. Not only that, you’re also a useless, manipulative, heartless, attention-seeking, low-life, insecure, bratty piece of s**t. You’re words are less than the dirt on the ground, never mind what you are worth. You are nothing…at least not to me.” He hissed coldly, the venom in his words slicing through the air and into my skin making my blood run cold. My eyes widened and my jaw slackened.

“Y-You don’t mean that…you’re just angry with me…You don’t mean it…You can’t” I stuttered, trying to convince myself more than him. He stood up abruptly and crossed his arms over his chest. I recoiled, slightly frightened.

He glared down at me with so much hatred in his eyes that his whole aura seemed to radiate hate and disgust. “Oh I can, and I do mean it. You’re pathetic; all of you jocks are. You’re…you’re an intolerable, vile piece of work. You’re a desperate w***e with no morals, no shame and quite obviously no life”

“Stop” I begged, tears streaming down my cheeks and my body shaking with sobs.

“No, no I won’t. I won’t stop because you deserve to know the truth. You see, Matt, I’m not like you, I like to tell the truth. I don’t lie. The only reason you want me to stop is because you know it’s the truth. You know what they say; the truth hurts. You know what a worthless piece of s**t you are. You know that you have no point to your pathetic existence besides to please you equally worthless jock friends. You know that you are a w***e that was so desperate to get laid that you were willing to go with a…pathetic bet… that….ugh, I can’t even say it. You disgust me.” He spat viciously.

“You’re just angry” I muttered, rocking slightly. I looked up at him. “You’re just angry. You don’t mean those things.”

“No, Matt, you truly do disgust me. Always have really.” He shrugged carelessly like what he said wasn’t offensive. He actually laughed again.

“Then why were you with me? You said that you like me a lot. You said that you wanted me. You wouldn’t have said those things if I disgusted you”

He shrugged again, “That’s true. I did want you. Let’s face it, you’re hot, anyone would want you. No one would deny s*x with you. Honestly, I did like you but I guess that was a phase. It doesn’t matter cause I woke up and trust me I’m wide awake. You’re just your body and your face. You’re pretty on the outside but the inside is dark, dank, and rotten and smells like s**t. It’s kind of sad.”

“It matters to me” I muttered

“Well not to me. I gave you the chance you asked for. You only get one of those, so yeah. Stay away from and out of my life, okay? Don’t call me, don’t text me, don’t talk to me, don’t look at me, don’t even breathe next to me. I don’t want you in my life.” His face dropped, he nodded and turned to walk away.

“Tubby, please” I yelled, quickly standing to grab on to his wrist, “please forgive me. I’m really sorry. Please don’t hate me” I begged. He wrenched his wrist away from me.

“You can’t ask that of me. You don’t even deserve that much. It’s too late” he spoke calmly sounding dead tired and wary of the conversation. “Just go back to your jock life and let me live my wall flower life. I hate you, Matt, I hate you so much it’s taking so much not to beat the f**k out of you right now. If I was a disgusting creature like you jocks, you wouldn’t be conscious right now” he sighed again, and walked way. This time I didn’t try and stop him.

I fell to my knees and sobbed. I let it all go and cried right there on the grass of the park. People stopped and stared at me with pitiful expressions. I ignored them all. They didn’t know that I deserved to cry. They didn’t know I deserved every word that came from Tubby’s mouth. They didn’t know that he was right.

They didn’t know that I am a monster.