Fortress Island Series 2 Romano: Can't We Try (BOOK 2)

NINETEEN: FANTASY

Romano’s POV

“What the actual f**k, Romano Salvatore!”

“What the f**k, Matteo! Turn the f*****g lights off!”

Nasilaw ako sa pagbukas ng mga ilaw. I was sitting here on the chair in the dark facing the window. Pagkaalis nila Mira at JK, hindi na rin ako nagtagal sa Moon Records building. Hindi na ako bumalik sa loob ng banquet hall at para makasiguradong hindi magku-krus ang landas namin ni Matt sa hallway, sa employee’s exit ako dumaan. I didn’t even ride my own car and held a taxi instead. I sent a message to Mariel telling her I already left the building and my cousin just replied me with ‘you’re such a loser’ message. Well, guess what? I was.

Fuck this life. What did I do to deserve this!

“Romano, get your s**t together!” Matt growled.

“Stop acting as if you’re my brother, Matt. Leave me the f**k alone. You’re disturbing my drinking session.” I didn’t bother glancing at his direction. Alam kong nakatayo lang ito sa may pintuan, nakikiramdam sa paligid.

“You better be thankful you’re not my brother because if you were, I was sure as hell gonna whoop your sorry ass, Romano.”

“Then stop breathing under my neck, Matt. Alam kong binabayaran ka ng mga magulang ko para i-report kung ano man ang pinagga-gawa ko dito sa Pilipinas. Just tell them I’m good as dead.”

I heard him heave a deep sigh. “You’re drunk again. Pang-ilang bote mo na yan?”

I finally tilt my head to the side to look at him. “Why don’t you come closer so you could count the empty bottles yourself.”

He gave me a stoic expression, one that he casually wears every day. “I could smell vodka from here, Romano.”

I smirked. “You got a perfect sense of smell, I see.”

“I swear, it’s more like you’re breathing alcohol. Akala ko ay natigil ka na sa pag-inom. Pero ano, dalawa o tatlong araw lang ang nakalipas at heto ka ngayon, lasing na naman.”

“Hindi ako lasing. Matino pa rin akong kausap mo, Matt. Aren’t you tired nagging at me? Why don’t you sit down and join me instead.”

“Kung susundin ko ba ang sinabi mo, are you going to open up with me? I will stop nagging and reprimanding you, Romano, if you will tell me the reason why you’re acting this way.”

I slumped on my chair as I looked straight and gazed at the window. “Nice try, Matt, but it’s not gonna happen. I won’t open up to you, to them and to everyone else in this f*****g hell I’m living.”

I heard Matt’s footsteps getting closer. He approached me and sat on the edge of the bed. “Tell me everything and I promise you, tomorrow, I will erase them in my memory. You badly need someone to talk to, Romano. And let me just clarify this matter to you. Bayad man ako o hindi, lagi ko pa ring aalamin ang sitwasyon mo dahil concern ako sa’yo. You and Alejandro are like my brothers. And believe me or not, I’m worried about you both.”

“Thanks but as you can see, I’m still breathing.”

“And drinking to death.”

I laughed drily. “May namatay na ba dahil sa sobrang pag-inom? Nakakamatay ba ang alak, Matt?”

“Siguro. Pero isa lang ang tiyak ko, hindi yan makakabuti sa kalusugan mo, Romano. Are you going to give up your life just like that? Hindi mo man lang ba ipaglalaban si Mira? Kung ang problema mo ay dahil ayaw ng mga magulang mo kay Mira, madali lang yan solusyunan. Itanan mo siya. Magpakalayo-layo kayong dalawa. Tutulungan kita, kung gusto mo. I knew a few places na hindi madaling mahanap.”

Ang tawa ko kanina ay mas lalo pang lumakas. This time I was really laughing hard. Maluha-luha ang mga mata kong nilingon si Matt na nakaupo sa dulo ng aking kama, gawking at me as if I had gone insane.

“That was hilarious, Matt.” Ani ko. “Trust me, kung ang problema ko ay dahil ayaw lang nila Mama kay Mira, kayang-kaya kong hanapan ng paraan iyan, Matt. Kaya kong talikuran ang pagiging…Salvatore ko….” I swallowed the lump behind my throat. “…wholeheartedly and without hesitation. Wala akong pakialam sa pangalan ko, Matt. And to tell you honestly, wala akong pakialam sa kung ano man ang opinyon ng pamilya ko. I won’t pull an Alejandro and turn my back from the woman I love.”

“Then what’s the problem, Romano? Kung ano man yan, tiyak akong may solusyon para diyan.”

I flickered my eyes. Pain crossed my face. Umiling ako sa sinabi ni Matt. “My life is f****d-up, Matt. There’s no way out.” Mapait kung tugon.

He sighed again. “I didn’t take you for a coward, Romano.”

“f**k you, I’m not a coward! Wala kang alam kung ano ang dinadala ko dito at higit lalo dito!” Turo ko sa aking ulo at sinunod ang aking dibdib. Kasabay ng pag-igting ng aking panga ay ang panginginig ng aking mga kamao. “Kung ako lang, I will take the truth to my grave at malayang mahalin si Mira hanggang sa kabilang buhay. Pero sa kabilang banda, ayokong patuloy na lokohin siya. Hindi ko alam kung maitatago ko ba ang katotohanan sa kanya. And I don’t know what to do if she found out the truth, Matt. I’m torn between protecting her from the pain and telling the whole truth. It’s driving me crazy.”

“It looks like you’re giving up on her. Why don’t you just let her go, Romano? You have a choice. It’s either you claim her or free her. Kung ano man ang pumipigil sa’yo para malayang mahalin si Mira, I just want you to know na hindi lang ang sarili mo ang sinasaktan mo, Romano. Si Mira ang mas nasasaktan sa ginagawa mo. Kung ako sa’yo, palayain mo siya ng tuluyan. Don’t chain her from you and from the promises of love you failed to give.”

I scoffed bitterly. “Kahit anong gawin ko, Matt, magkadugtong ang buhay namin. There’s this imaginary chain in me that binds her. I wish I knew how to cut this sonofabitch. I want to f*****g drain the blood out of me. I swear, Matt, this chain is killing me day by day. I was ready to go to hell, you know. I was ready to forget the truth. I was so ready to fight for her and love her unconditionally and without boundaries. But I don’t know, man, when I look at her, it’s f*****g killing me. I’m a sinner and she’s an angel. Ayokong habang minamahal ko siya, nadudungisan ko ang kanyang pagkatao. And so help me God, the moment she learns the truth, tinitiyak ko sa’yong hindi niya kakayanin.”

Matt’s face hovered above me. Kunot-noong niyuko ako nito. “What the f**k do you mean by that, Romano? Pwede bang ipaliwanag mo ng mabuti?”

Tinungga ko ang boteng hawak ko. Lumipat ang mga mata ni Matt mula sa aking mukha patungo sa aking kamay. “What the f**k happened to your hand?” He finally took notice of my bandaged hand. It’s just looked awful because it was full of dry blood.

Agad nitong binuksan ang lamp shade sa ibabaw ng side table. His jaw was dropped as he looked down at the floor. Nagkalat kasi doon ang mga bubog mula sa basong hawak ko kanina. Ang mga dugo na pumatak sa sahig. Ang aking cellphone na ngayon ay basag na ay hindi rin nakaligtas sa kanyang mapanuring mga mata.

“What the f**k happened here, Romano?!” Mas kapansin-pansin na ngayon ang galit sa kanyang boses.

Nagkibit-balikat ako. “I received a very unpleasant message so I crashed the glass in my hand and tsadaaaan! I cut my palm! Don’t worry, I took care of it.” No, I did not.

“You f*****g loser!” He yelled.

Tumikwas ang aking kilay. “Tell me something I did not know, Matt.”

Saglit itong lumabas sa aking silid at nang bumalik, dala na nito ang medicine kit. He helped re-bandage my hand. Hindi ito umimik pero kapansin-pansin ang pag-igting ng kanyang panga.

“What happened, Romano?”

Hmm. He was probably pertaining to the reason why I cut my hand. “Like I said, I received a very unpleasant message.”

“At ano yun?”

Napalunok ako. Mukhang wala ng epekto sa akin ang alak dahil kahit kanina pa ako umiinom, hindi pa rin mawala-wala sa isipan ko ang mensaheng natanggap.

“From JK.”

Nag-angat ng tingin si Matt at tinitigan ako. Hindi ko alam kung awa o pag-alala ang mga tingin niyang iyon. “Magkasama sila. You’re jealous.”

“Nadali mo.” Ngumisi ako pero ang mga mata ko’y humapdi. I’d been trying my hardest not to cry but the pain was getting unbearable. “She’s with him, Matt. And I guess, she’s going to…” My voice cracked. I could not help it.

“She’s going to….what?”

“Do you want me to say the words, Matt?” Bumalatay ang inis sa aking mukha. “She’s going to sleep with him! There, I said it!” Gago!

Matt rolled his eyes as he stood up straight. “Sarap mong suntukin sa ngala-ngala, Romano. Mira is not an easy girl.”

“She’s been spending time with JK at kapansin-pansin ang pagiging close nila, Matt. Hindi imposibleng mahulog ang loob ni Mira sa kanya pagkatapos ng lahat ng ginawa kong pananakit sa damdamin niya.”

“She’s not that weak compared to you, Romano.” Umiling-iling si Matt sa akin. He’s so done with me. “Wala kang karapatang maapektuhan, Romano. Ano man ang gawin ni Mira, wala ka na dapat pakialam dahil yun ang pinadama mo sa kanya. In the first place, ikaw ang nag-umpisa nito. Panindigan mo ang desisyon mong pagtaboy sa kanya.” Dinantay nito ang kamay sa aking balikat. “But just a piece of an advice, bro. Life is too short for you to spend it on being a coward.”

“I’m far from being a coward, Matt. It’s just that, kahit anong laban ang gawin ko, at kahit ilang beses akong manalo, in reality, talo ako kahit anong pang gawin ko.”

Humugot ito ng malalim na hininga. He checked my rebandaged hand once again bago namulsa sa aking harapan. “I have a question for you, Romano.”

I shrugged my shoulders. “Fire away.”

“Sa tingin mo, tama ang ginawa mong pananakit kay Mira?”

“Yun lang ang nakikita kong paraan para layuan namin ang isa’t isa. Kahit araw-araw kong pinagsisihan ang ginawa ko sa kanya, at kahit nasasaktan ako sa mga nangyayari sa amin, yung ang tama, Matt.” Hindi ko maitago ang paggaralgal ng aking boses.

“Kung sa tingin mo ay tama ang ginawa mo, bakit pareho kayong miserable ngayon? Do you really think you did the right thing?”

I slumped on the chair and leaned the back of my head against it. I covered my eyes with the back of my bandaged hand, wishing Matt didn’t notice the tears falling from my eyes.

“Yes.”

Fuck, no.

Mira’s POV

“Are you really sure about this, Mira?” JK eyed me with concern.

I nodded. “I’m sure, JK.”

“Hindi mo ito pagsisisihan?”

Umiling ako at bahagyang kinagat ang ibabang labi. “Pagsisisihan ko kapag pinalampas ko ang pagkakataong ito.” Hinubad ko ang suot na jacket at inabot iyon kay JK. “Salamat sa paghatid sa akin.”

Humugot ito ng hininga at kasabay ng pagbawi ng kanyang tingin. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay, Mira? He hurt you.”

“I know. In fact, the pain is still here, JK. And God only knows when will my broken heart heals again. Pero sa ngayon, gusto ko lang sundin ang nais ng puso ko, JK. After all, this heart of mine, no matter how broken it is, every piece of it still beats for him.”

“You don’t deserve him, Mira.”

“The same way he doesn’t deserve someone like me, JK.”

“Hell! You’re perfect, chick. Bakit ba ganyan ka?” Inis na tugon nito at sinimangutan ako.

Bahagya akong tumawa. I pinched his cheek. “Ang pogi-pogi mo talaga, JK.”

“Aanhin ko ang kapogian ko kung siya pa rin ang gusto mo?” Pinagtaasan niya ako ng kilay.

“Parang lyrics yun ng kanta mo, ah.” I said, teasing him. “Pero seryoso, JK. Thank you for the friendship. You’re one of my blessings from above.” Inabot ko ang kanyang buhok at banayad na hinaplos iyon. “Kung sino man yang nagpapatibok ng puso mo ngayon, pursue her. Tiyak akong hindi ka niya hihindian. You’re freaking Jiwon Kwon Salvador, for godsake!” Proud na sambit ko.

He snorted. “I did pursue her, chick. Hinalughog ko na siguro bawat sulok ng SoKor pero hindi ko siya mahanap.” Umiling ito.

“Siguro dahil wala siya sa Korea? Malay mo andito lang pala siya sa Pilipinas.”

Nagsalubong ang kilay ni JK at nilingon ako. “Imposible yan, chick.”

I smiled as I opened the car door. “Don’t ever underestimate a woman who’s in love, JK. We are willing to go the extra mile just to see a glimpse of the man we love.”

He c****d his eyebrow. “Katulad ng ginagawa mo ngayon?”

This time, I gave him a sad smile. “I do look like a fool to you, yeah?”

Umiling ito. “No, chick. You’re just a woman who’s in love.”

“Thank you.”

“Gusto mong hintayin kita dito?”

Umiling ako habang umiibis sa sasakyan. “Wag na. I will be with Matt. He will give me a lift for sure.”

He nodded. “I trust that dude more than I trust Romano.”

“He’s one of my blessings, too.” Ngumisi ako lalo na’t namataan ko si Matt na palabas na ngayon sa lobby para salubungin ako. “See you.”

“Call me.”

“I will.” I closed the door and crouched to blow him a kiss. He smiled at me pero alam kong hindi pa rin ito sang-ayon sa pagpunta ko dito sa building ni Romano.

Nang makaalis na ang sasakyan ni JK, I walked towards the entrance door. Nakatayo lamang doon si Matt, naghihintay sa aking paglapit.

“Hi, Matt.”

Sa gulat ko, hinugot ako nito at pinaloob sa kanyang mga yakap. Bahagya akong nanigas sa aking kinatatayuan.

He sighed deeply. “Are you okay? Did that man lay a finger on you? Just tell me and I will knock the living daylights out of him.” May banta sa kanyang boses.

I pulled my head a little to look up to him. “I’m okay, Matt. JK is a friend. Bakit niya ako pagtatangkaan ng masama?”

Hindi pa rin maalis ang irita sa kanyang mukha. “I know he’s your friend but I just don’t fully trust that man.”

“But you trust Romano? Look what he did to me.” I retaliated.

“I didn’t mean anything, Mira. I’m just worried of you. When Romano said you’re with JK, hindi ko maiwasang mag-alala. Don’t get me wrong.”

I sighed. “How is he?”

I wouldn’t be here kung hindi tumawag si Matt para ipaalam sa akin na hindi mabuti ang kalagayan ni Romano. Ngayon ko lang nabatid na baka tumawag ito para mag-alala ako at umalis sa bahay ni JK. He probably did it on purpose.

Matt put his hand at the small of my back as we walked towards the lift. “Like I said earlier, he’s a total mess. Hindi ko alam kung ano pa ang gagawin ko sa kanya. I might send him to rehab.”

My steps were put on a halt. “Rehab?”

“I’m afraid he has an alcohol use disorder, Mira. That loser drinks alcohol like water now. At tila wala nang epekto ito sa kanyang sistema. He needs help, Mira. At tingin ko’y ikaw lang ang makakatulong sa kanya. He will probably listen to you. Pero kung wala pa rin, I will have to do the necessary arrangements as soon as possible. I can’t let him go on like this.” Bakas ang pag-alala sa kanyang mukha at tono.

Napasandal ako sa sulok ng elevator at niyakap ang sarili. Pinipigilan ko ang sariling mapaiyak sa narinig. Anong nangyayari sa’yo, Romano?

Pagdating namin sa penthouse, kapasin-pansin agad ang kakaibang aura sa paligid. Malinis pa rin ito katulad ng dati pero para bang wala ng buhay ang nakatira dito.

Bahagya kong sinulyapan ang wall clock. Alas dos na pala ng madaling-araw. Nang tumawag si Matt sa akin, JK and I were having a K-Drama marathon. Pero nang sinabi nito na hindi mabuti ang kalagayan ni Romano, hindi na ako nag-isip pa at agad na kinuha ang aking gamit.

Dumiretso aagd ako sa hallway patungo sa kwarto ni Romano. Alam kong nakasunod at nagmamasid lamang si Matt mula sa likod pero hindi ko na siya pinansin pa.

The need to see him and to know if he’s okay was consuming my system. I didn’t have to think as I pushed the door and walked inside with trembling hands and knees.

I found his sleeping form in the bed. Lumapit ako sa kama at umupo sa kanyang gilid. I stoked his hair so gently dahil ayaw kong madistorbo ang kanyang tulog. Pinangako ko sa sarili ko na hindi ako magtatagal dito at aalis agad kapag masigurado ko nang okay ito.

Pero ngayon, wala akong lakas na lumabas sa kanyang silid. Wala akong lakas na iwanan itong mag-isa sa ganitong sitwasyon.

He looked so damn fine back in the party, now was the exact opposite. He looked so wasted and broken. Pinasadahan ko ng tingin ang kanyang kabuoan at natigil iyon sa kanyang nakabalot na kamay. May bakas ng dugo sa bandage.

Hindi ko maiwasang maiyak habang kinupkop ang kanyang kamay at pinaloob sa akin. “What happened to you, Romano? Why are you becoming alcoholic? And what happened to your hand?”

I stopped breathing when Romano snapped his eyes open. Sandaling nagtitigan kaming dalawa. I couldn’t tear my gaze away from him. I was lost in his eyes.

“I’m dreaming.” He whispered.

Umiling ako. “You’re not.”

“I am. The alcohol finally takes its effect. I always dream of you when I’m drunk, babe. But tonight is kind of special. You look so real compared to my other dreams.”

“Romano…”

“Shhh…” He lifted his hand and touched my cheek. I instantly trembled when his skin brushed against mine. “You’re so beautiful, Maya.”

I gasped as tears streamed down my face. It’s been years since the last time he called me that. My heart winced in pain and delight at the same time.

“You’re my Maya.”

I nodded. “I’m sorry for lying.” Alam kong lasing ito , but I might as well take this opportunity to express my regret for not telling him my real name, habang maayos itong kausap at walang bakas na galit sa kanyang mga mata ngayon. Hindi ko alam kong dapat ba akong matuwa o ano,  but I just realized that when he’s drunk, he’s tameable.

“I’m not mad that you hid your real name from me, babe. In fact, I don’t give a single damn about it.”

“Then why, Romano?”

“Let’s not talk about it. I’m dreaming and in my dreams, I can do whatever I want with you.”

“What—what do you want to do with me?” My heart was in my throat.

His brown eyes turned lighter as he gazed at me with great intensity. He reached out his hand and wrapped it around my nape as he pulled me down to his face.

“Things I’ve always been wanting to do with you, babe. In my dreams,  I welcome the temptations I’ve always run away from in reality. f**k reality.”

His lips met mine and I could instantly taste the desperation from the way he feasted on my mouth.

Romano was wrong. This was not a dream. This wasn’t his dream. This was my fantasy. Kissing him had always been a fantasy for me. And I was more than willing to give him more of me….