Running (baby daddy series #2) {COMPLETED}

| 17 | Hello darling

Paulina POV

    I wake up with a startle when I hear a loud banging noise on my front door. With quiet steps, I tip toe into the living room and look into the peep-hole. Damien is leaning on the doorframe, he's barely able to stand. What in the world?

    I open the door and look him over. What the hell has happened? He reeks of expensive whiskey and sways like crazy. He's about to move towards me when he tumbles down and lands on his ass in the hallway. I look around to make sure that no one's there before helping him up.

"Okay, big guy. Let's get you inside, shall we?" I say to him and make a great effort to get him up from there.

    He's hardly any help at all, and he's extremely heavy when his body is limp. I throw his left arm over my shoulders and drag him inside my apartment. Once again, he falls and makes groaning noises. It's not my fault that you've been drinking more than you weigh, mister!

"Damien, what are you doing here?" I ask with a tired sigh and massage my temples.

"I miss you and I never should have let you go. You're my world, baby!" he sniffs and my heart beats faster. 

    Oh lord, is Damien crying? It hurts me to see him like this, crying on the floor-looking devestated. I never meant to hurt him when I was talking to him earlier-it was survival. But now when he's here, I'm having second thoughts about it. 

"Damien, how much and why did you decide to drink a whole brewery?"

    He looks at me with red-rimmed eyes and wet cheeks. I maintain eye contact and wait for him to answer, instead he looks away. What is he this damned afraid of? I'm here trying to understand his actions and listen to what he want to say-but he decides to shut up?

"Let's get you up from the floor, huh?" 

    This time he helps and together, we get him up on the couch. I'm sitting beside him and feel anxious about his stage of drunkness. Maybe I should call someone- yeah and say what? 'Hello, I have a drunk-ass ex here who's telling me that he loves me. Can you be so kind and come get him?' Yeah, no.

"Please, say that you forgive me...," he sobs into his hands.

    I want to, I really do. But how can I forgive him for being the person he is? It's not right of me to demand him to be someone else, someone he's not. Damien is a wonderful and kind man when he wants to be-like when he is with Fiona. 

    But he also has this darker side that scare me in more ways than one-the phone call for example. He has two sides that compliments him in the best of ways. There's the kind side which makes him an angel, but then there's the angry side that makes him the devil.

    Damien is my own personal heaven and hell, in other words. I know that he's been burned before we met, but I'm not one of those floosies, and since I'm not one of them-I also don't accept to be treated that way. That's a conversation I won't have with him when he's intoxicated.

"I have nothing to forgive you for. This is a part of the person you are, and I would never change you to my own liking, it's not right. We have a beautiful daughter together, and that little girl is very much in love with you. Fiona loves you and in my opinion, she couldn't have gotten a better dad. She's the one you should focus on, because she's the one you need and she needs you. Prioritize your daughter and forget me-at least for a while."I answer with a small smile and put my hand on his.

    His sobbing is reaching a new volume, and his whole body is shaking. Without thinking about it, I embrace him. I rock us back and forth slowly, humming a soft melody. The sobs subside into small sniffs of pain over my answer.

    Damien is a person I never will or can forget, he made my life into something else. He gave me adventure, passion, love and helped me forget my pain-until he created new pain deep in my chest. But in this moment, he needs me and I'm going to be there for him.

    He's beginning to doze off, I need to carry him into my bedroom. I struggle for quite some time before he fall on my bed snoring, I cover him with the blanket and kiss him softly on his forehead. My breathing is heavy after my small body had to carry 242 pounds of muscle. 

    I find myself smiling when I think of his words, even if they might have been a drunk-thing. Something vibrates in the kitchen, and I hurry to find it before Damien wakes up again, even if it's not very likely. My phone buzzes and I glance at the display, it's Brody.

"What's up, Brody?"

"Are Damien at your place?"

"Wow, not even a hello. Don't I feel special now?" I say sarcastically, which makes him sigh.

"Hello Paulina, are Damien at your place?"

"Yeah, he's sleeping it off in my bed."

"s**t! I told him not to go there... I'm sorry, I was on guarding duty, but he slipped out when I got a call."

"Watching duty?"

    Why did Damien need to be guarded? What the hell happened during those hours between me leaving to now? Brody makes it sound like he's some kind of lunatic escaping from psyche. I can agree that he needs anger management - however, you don't have to sit in the psych ward to have that.

"Yeah, he kind of began to freak out when I got back there. He didn't have any problem with the kids living at his place temporary or that they were going to sleep at Adrien and Jaxon's place tonight."

"Then what happened?"

"I'm not sure. Suddenly he started breaking things and yelled that he was sorry, then he broke down. He disappeared into his bedroom with a bottle of whiskey and that was it. Whatever you said to him, made him crash and burn."

"So this is my fault now?!"

"No! That's not what I meant... s**t, I'm bad at this. Can you please tell me what you said?"

    I explain our whole story from the beginning to the end. He listens and don't interrupt me once, just trying to understand all the obstacles that kept on appearing. When I'm done, he sighs and become quiet. My guess is that he needs to process before answering.

"Okay, I can understand where you're coming from. He shouldn't have dragged you into the life we're living without discuss the problems with you, that's not right. Honestly, if I had known this. I wouldn't have found you for him."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. He's being selfish and don't think about the consequences. I thought that it was your decision to be with him from the beginning, turns out that you're innocent-what do you know? Anyway, do you want me to come get him or what?"

"No, it's okay. He's sleeping now, we shouldn't disturb him. I can call you tomorrow when you can come."

"Nope, I'm coming right now. You shouldn't have to be alone with him after all of this, and I can't understand how you can be this calm about it. Hell, I'm pissed off and I'm not even involved in it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, it's no trouble at all. I was going to hang out by myself anyway."

"Alright, come here whenever."

"See you in an hour." he says and hang up. 

    I would lie if I said that I didn't like Brody from the beginning. But he's like a brother to me now, always defending me when Damien or someone else is behaving like an i***t. It's hard to think back and remember how my life were before the three of them tumbled into it.

***

    An hour later on the dot, Brody knocks on the door, and like a good hostess I open. He smiles softly at me before hugging me, to say that I was surprised would be an understatement. If you haven't noticed, he isn't a very hands on person. I've only seen him hug my children.

"Hello, princess. How are you feeling?"

"Fine, I guess." I answer sighing and sit down on the couch.

"He's an idiot." he answers and sit down opposite of me.

"That we can agree on. At least he went here where he's safe instead of ending up in a dark alley somewhere."    

"True. When he wakes up, I'm going to beat the s**t out of him!"

"No, you're not. He's still your brother and the love of my life. Even though we're an ended chapter, I prefer Fiona's dad to be intact." I chuckle at him.

"Are you sure that it's over?"

"It has to be. I can't do this anymore, it's too much heartbreak and too much secrets. He's withholding information again, don't ask me how I know, I just do. If he hasn't learned something from the last time he did the same thing, then it's not me that's stupid, it's him."

"I'll sadly have to agree with you on that. I love Damien to the grave, he's my big brother and he's always protected me when I needed it. But when he does something dumb like this... I have a hard time accepting it."

"You're family, you'll get over it." I answer smiling.

"I take it that you don't want to be first lady of mob boss Damien Winston of New York?" he sighs.

"No, I'll have to pass on that." I chuckle. 

"It's a shame, you're perfect for each other."

"We used to be. Neither one of us is the same person anymore. Damien is not the same man I fell in love with, and I can't blame him for it. I left him and everyone took for granted that it was easy, but it never was. A part of me died when I disappeared. There wasn't a day that I didn't think about him, missed him and loved him. Something inside me always will. He'll always have a big place in my heart and no one can take that away from him. But it's high time for me to start doing things for my self and my kids."

"I hear you. You've grown to be a strong woman, Paulina."

"In a cold world like ours, you have to if you want to survive. I've been dependent on surviving all along, but I don't want to just survive anymore. I want to live!"

"You've earned it. Do you need help with anything?"

"No, this is something I have to do on my own." I smile at him.

"If you ever need our help, we're always there, you know that right?"

    I nod. Of course, I know that. They will always be 'my guys' no matter what happens. Not once have they scolded me for my choices, all of them, including Damien-have been extremely understanding regarding my situation. Even if I know that they don't think that my life is optimally.

    They have supporting me and protected me when I didn't could protect myself. I owe them everything. Adrien is and will always be my best friend-but Jaxon and Brody are not far behind. Damien, well, you all know which place he's holding in my heart and I wish that he'll remember that when we part ways.

    And if not, he will always have his daughter and brothers there to remind him.