Back To Square One (BTSO)

S q u a r e F o u r ( H E )

"What in the name of hell are you doing here?"

Pagkatapos akong bulabugin ng mga sakit sa ulong parents ko, comes yet another pain in the ass... Naomi.

Ganito kasi 'yan...

**flashback**

"We can't be together again anymore. We can't be seen. Kailangan kong gawin 'to, Jim. Kami talaga ang pinagkasundo ng mga parents natin."

After preparing everything for a surprise proposal, ganito ang naging bungad niya sa 'kin habang nasa dinner date kami. Ang sakit lang.

Umamin na sa pamilya namin ang kapatid kong si Jace that he's gay. Despite admitting the truth to our parents, mas lalo nilang minadali ang kasunduuan para sa kanila mula mga bata pa sila... Arranged Marriage. How cliche.

Yes, you read that right. I fell in love with my older brother's future wife. All those nights we spent together para pagtakpan ang mga kalokohan ni Jace, doon ako nahulog. Siya kasi, mahal na mahal niya 'yung kapatid ko. It's just unfortunate that she's five years ahead of me so I wasn't born yet when the arrangement was made. And also, my father said I'm already fixed to marry somebody else (which I have not met yet) and he wants to have Naomi as his daughter-in-law para maging cover ni Jace. He doesn't want to ruin any of his plans.

I felt the world crashing down on me when I heard about it. Ang nag-iisang tao na nagpatiklop sa pagiging matigas ko, ang nag-iisang tao na na-displina ako, mas pinili na pagtakpan ang kasiraan ng pamilya ko.

"How about those nights we shared? Our exchanges of promises? Those kisses? Are you willing to just... let it all go to waste because of this stupid arrangement?" I asked in desperation.

"Jim, we both know it's been wrong from the start. We talked about it. I love your brother and I'm going to marry him," Naomi said.

Sobrang mahal ko si Naomi. There was actually one time when I was willing to give everything up—business, money, luho, name it—para lang ako ang piliin niya... Wala talaga. Kung bakit kasi hindi ako ang tinadhanang mai-kasal sa kaniya.

"You chose Jace over me. When I actually chose you over the world," I softly murmured as I tried to keep the emotions at bay.

"Don't make it sound like we're the only ones making choices here. May karapatan ding mag-desisyon si Jace," Naomi argued.

"At desisyon niya ang ipagpalit ka sa dignidad. Para walang maging pintas sa perpektong anyo niya, he couldn't afford to let you go. Because he needs you to cover up for his gayshits."

I took an all-out, painful slap from Naomi for the first time because of what I said about the person she loves. With this, I walked out of her life because I knew I no longer have a space in it. Inabot ako ng umaga sa bar mag-isa because honestly, I don't have many friends maliban kay Naomi. Sa kaniya na umikot ang mundo ko, siya ang lahat sa buhay ko. Kaya wala nang silbi kung ipagpapatuloy ko pa 'to. Ilang oras na lang, ikakasal na ang nag-iisang taong minahal ko sa taong hindi naman siya magagawang mahalin bilang asawa kahit kailan. She chose Jace. I think it's time for me to choose what's less painful for myself. And I know just how to end this trouble. When suddenly...

An ingrate, low-life, dirt-bait, meddling b***h jumped on me and caused me all these physical injuries that I should've been able to avoid if only she wasn't there. Imbes na tapos na lahat ng problema ko, here came another one that I will definitely regret my whole life.

***end of flashback**

"I'm here to see for myself that you're okay," Naomi says with that unusually shaky voice.

"I thought you said we can never be seen together again? Go away. I don't need to see you here, anyway. Shoo."

She walks closer as if she did not hear what I just said. "Tita Emily said you've not eaten anything yet."

"And sending you here wouldn't change my appetite."

"Jim, you have to eat something. You need to get well."

Jim. She's the only one who calls me 'Jim'. I remember how she once told me that I looked like Chris Pine and the name James fits me well as this was his name on that Start Trek movie. She calls me 'Jim' because of that. Only Naomi can call me Jim and make it sound like it's an endearment. Ito na naman siya. Acting as if I mean the world to her the way she cares. The next thing I know, she's marrying my gay brother. Speaking of... "Aren't you supposed to be in your honeymoon today, sister-in-law?"

"The wedding was cancelled."

Despite the physical pain I'm under, napabangon ako sa sinabi niya. "What did you just say?" s**t. Did she change her mind? Perhaps, she realized it should be me. Perhaps...

"S-suspended, rather. I... I specifically asked for you to be there. We couldn't go on with the wedding without you. And then someone called your mother to break the news about your... accident."

Obviously the stupid idea of that wedding is still a go. Slowly, I lay back down on the bed and stare at the ceiling. Did you think your father will just let that idea go for you? Silly you, James. It's Jace, his most beloved son, that we're talking about here.

"Jim, I need to be sure you're going to be okay. So I need to see you there. We'll wait until you get well."

Like she gives a damn if I answer.

She attempts to touch my hand but I quickly (and painfully) wave her away. "Whatever it was that we had, we already knew it was wrong. From the start, we both know, that I will eventually get married to your brother," she says.

My devil stands up from his throne and speaks... There you go again, James. Whatever happens, don't let those tears fall in front of her. You're the 'James Eric Fuentebella'. You're not the one who's gay in your family.

"Jim, please, understand."

Without looking at her, I quietly say, "Leave."

Unlike the old Naomi who would insist staying on my side whenever I push her away, she just gives in to my silent request to be alone and walks out of the room without saying anything.

Don't cry, James... Don't cry... Don't...

Arrgh! As the door closes, I feel the warm tears falling from the corners of my eyes down on my temples. Damn. I just love her too much.