Never Again

Chapter 5 - Second First Kiss

The dark sky was covered by glittering stars, and the full moon proudly shone in the night. We didn’t need the lamp post light to guide us on our way to the park. The moon has done its part. Suddenly, I regret walking in the park with Albert. He looked like a Greek god wearing a white polo shirt and white pants. I was so busy hating him that I almost forgot how regal he was when he moved and walked. He was also taller than me. That’s why I had to look up just to glance at his beautiful face. He was perfect in many ways.

He stopped walking and looked at me. “Enjoying the view?” He grinned.

I panicked and turned my gaze somewhere else. “Yeah. The sky’s beautiful.” I was thankful it was night, he didn’t see my cheeks flushed like a red apple. For a long time, I loathed him, but now, I’m hating myself more.

I led him to the picnic table, and we sat across from each other. As much as my heart was aching to love him even just for today, it also reminded me that falling for him would lead to my futile future.

“Selene, I think I’m in love with you,” He said each word carefully. He, himself, seemed confused with his feelings as well.

I was dumbfounded! It was straight to the point. In our other lifetime, it took us many breathless kisses before saying those words. I looked down and fidgeted. I just realized now that no matter how deep my grudge was, there was still a possibility of giving in to him. I forced myself to smile.

“Please...” My voice cracked. “don’t say that. Don’t even like me.” It was more like pleading than simply stating. My family and I suffered in the future. That should be enough.

“Why?” His voice was almost as sad as mine. It’s funny that it sounded like we were breaking up. “Did I do something wrong to you? Is it my status? Is it because-”

“That’s a lot of questions, Albert,” I said cutting him. “We’ve just met today, and...”

“My point, exactly, we’ve just met today, but you’re not even giving me a chance. You’re rejecting me just like that. I don’t know what’s the problem, ‘cause I think you like me too.”

I sneered. “You’re crazy. Don’t you think we’re pushing ourselves here?”

“Then look at me and at least, tell me you don’t like me.”

My greatest mistake today was meeting his eyes. I swallowed hard. He smiled as if he won the battle.

I fumed with anger, not to him, but for myself, because not in this lifetime that I will give in. Again.

“You don’t even know me. I don’t even want you to be my friend. I don’t want you to complicate my life.” I stopped. Knowing we’ve just met today, as I have pointed out, I think I was being too harsh.

He was quiet for a while, then he nodded. I sighed in relief. I thought I would have to explain more. Of course, I won’t be able to avoid him. I have no plan of ruining my best friend’s wonderful and romantic relationship with Ed. I just wanted to change ours, especially mine. People can call me selfish, but those decades of hardship, pain, and loneliness will never suffice the emotions I am sacrificing now.

My heart suddenly had this pang of emotions seeing those gloomy eyes. I almost groaned. He didn’t deserve this. My logic was telling me everything in my past had not happened yet. It can be avoided.

“I’m sorry,” almost a whisper. I could not understand why, but I was about to cry.

Half-smiling, he shook his head. He took a deep breath before standing.

“Give me time to process everything, Selene.” He stopped. It seemed he was thinking of the right words to tell me. “I just got rejected,” His laugh was short and bitter as he placed his right hand at the back of his neck.”Ugh!”

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, too. Now, it’s not just my heart and brain having arguments over this situation. I felt all my cells in the body were telling me I was being unfair to him.

“Good night, Selene, ” That’s all he said and left. He did not even look back. As soon as he was out of my sight, I buried my face on my knees and cried. What did I do in my past life to suffer twice?

My parents were watching TV when I came in. I squeezed myself in between them on the sofa as we watched the accident that just happened two hours ago. I have seen this and read it many times.

“That’s terrible,” My mom commented as we saw the rescuers and police officers busied themselves helping the victims. Most of them were planning to go clubbing that night.

“Albert could have been in that accident,” I said.

My mom tilted her head to look at me. “Is that why you brought him here?”

“You’re weird,” Sienna butting in and squeezing herself too in between me and dad. “Do you like Albert?” She whispered, as if our parents couldn’t hear it. Both my parents looked and waited for my answer.

“No.” A one-word answer is safe.

“Liar!” She retorted. “I saw the way you look at each other. Your eyes can never lie, Selene. I know you. You’re a bad liar. And oh,” She turned to me, “I saw you at the park, the way he looked at you... it’s intense.”

I raised my eyebrows. “You’re stalking me?”

She scowled at me. “Not you. Albert.”

I leaned on Sienna’s shoulder. “I can’t like him, Sienna.” I did not know why we’re whispering when our parents could hear us both. Now, they were quiet and pretended to watch the news.

My sometimes-annoying-sister sighed. “Yeah. It’d be complicated,” she said, but then she looked at me. “But it’d be cool to have him as a friend,” she grinned.

I wish I could tell Sienna, that we couldn’t even be friends. If I’d be honest, everything was confusing now because of the impact of the inconsistencies I made. Like now, we’re not supposed to be sitting here in the living room together. She should be upstairs chatting to her best friend on the phone. I was supposed to be in my room, too, thinking about our first kiss. My heart was supposed to be in its ecstatic state today, but at this moment, it was as if my heart was beating slowly and soon be dying of loneliness.

---

I let my heart cry out as I slid under the blanket. I cried in silence and thought of the long years of missing him and hating him. I tried to close my eyes and thought that tomorrow, as I wake up in my 55-year-old body, this additional weight of pain would be unbearable.

“Selene!”

Startled, I opened my eyes as I heard a hushed sound of my name. Then a pebble thrown in my bedroom window made a clacking sound. I was just glad it was a small object. I was afraid it might break the glass. I ignored it, but after a few seconds, another pebble hit the glass. I groaned as I sat at my table. I turned on the lamp on my side table and went to peek at the window.

“Selene!”

Albert? I was surprised to see him outside. I opened the door immediately.

“Why are you still here?” I hissed. I thought he left already.

“We need to talk.” He said.

I shushed him. I did not want my parents to wake up and have a wrong impression of us.

“Come down here,” He asked me while playing with the few pebbles in his hand.

“And If I don’t?”

“I’ll go up there.” He returned the pebbles to the ground and started to make his move.

I groaned. “You’re crazy, Albert. Stop it, you might get hurt.”

“I don’t care.” He grinned at me. The moon made him look like an angel trying to climb up my bedroom.

“Fine! I’ll go down. Meet me in front.” I did not wait for him to answer. I sprinted out of my room and sighed in relief when I saw all the bedroom doors were closed and probably everyone was already asleep.

The only noise I hear is the deafening sound of my heart beat. I took a deep breath as I unclasped the door lock and turned the doorknob to open. Albert was all smiling when I opened the door. I went outside, grabbed his hand, and walked a few steps from the door.

“What now, Albert? Which part of ‘I don’t want us to be friends’ don’t you understand?” I said in a low, angry voice.

He took a deep breath. “I had to know.” He walked towards me. He was so close.

“To know what?” The words almost did not come out. I wish he would step back because my heart was getting crazy and I was like a paralyzed deer. I couldn’t move. His gaze was melting me away.

Before I could ask, the warmth of his lips were mold on my own. My mind went blank, as if my erratic heart shut it down. It was a light and quick kiss but left me breathless for a second. He pressed his forehead into mine and muttered something incomprehensible. Now, my brain has totally shut down. It needed to be reset.

His arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me closer to him. He lifted my chin and his mouth descended into mine and kissed me passionately. For a moment, the time had stopped. I couldn’t think of anything else. His kiss seemed to have melted the decades of pain and loneliness. I leaned in closer and wrapped my arms around his neck. Like a hungry, mad woman, I craved for more as he continued to explore my mouth with his lips and tongue.

We barely noticed the light that went on the porch and we hardly heard the cracked of the door opening.

My body stiffened as soon as I heard dad clearing his throat. My parents were in the doorway, and were looking at us, my father in great horror; my mother with deep interest. I pushed Albert away.

“Young lady, in your bedroom. Now.” He said in a serious tone. I bit my lower lip and ran inside the house without looking back at Albert.

“You, young man, let’s talk.” The last words I heard before I ran upstairs.