Her Atonement

Chapter 3

Abygail

I look at the large, neatly piled bills on my father's kitchen table and dread fills my stomach. How on earth am I going to be able to pay for this? There is the mortgage on his house and workshop, plus countless hospital bills. Anger boils up inside me. What is the use of health insurance when they refuse to cover almost half of his medical expenses?

If he had not been fired, we would not be in this predicament now. He had a much better health plan when he was still working at the shipyard. However, I immediately realize that playing the blame game was not going to help me pay these bills. I check the balance of his small savings account, and there is just enough in there to pay two of the three medium sized bills.

"I packed some extra clothes for him and put them in the large black suitcase. Is that alright?" Kate asks, stumbling into the kitchen. She is my rock in this turmoil and I could not have asked for a better friend.

"Thank you, Kate," I said and give her a warm smile.

She picks up one of the bills and scans it with a puzzled look on her face. "Doesn't your father's health insurance cover most of these bills?"

"No, it doesn't, it is totally useless. I don't think I can pay for this all unless I quit college and get a job," I reply with long drawn out sigh.

"You cannot quit college now, Aby. Not when you only have one year left. We will figure something out. I can tell my dad you don't have to pay rent anymore. What about your mom, can't she help you and Ray out?"

This is why I admire Kate so much. She always tries to look for solutions instead of dwelling on a problem.

"Ray made me promise not to tell my mom. He is afraid she would not be able to handle it if she knew he was sick. Not after Bob died so suddenly."

Despite their divorce 5 years ago they still love each other like longtime friend do.

"Well, that's a ridiculous idea. Sooner or later she will find out, and won't be happy that you omitted this little fact." Kate says pointedly and I know she's right.

"I just don't want to upset her further, not when she is still grieving over Bob," I reply with a soft voice.

"Give the woman some credit. She is much stronger than you think." Kate may have met my mom a couple of times, but I know from experience that mom is anything but strong.

"I just need a quick way to earn some cash fast," I mutter under my breath.

"So why don't you take Jose up on his offer? Do the damn photo shoot! It will get you at least $2,500," Kate says emphatically and I know she is right.

I hate being the center of attention, let alone having my picture splashed all over some Portland tourist guide, but it would earn me some much-needed cash at least. I decide to put my personal discomfort to rest and call Jose this afternoon to tell him I'm willing to do the photo shoot next week.

An efficient makeup artist puts the final touches of makeup on my face while I stare at the beautiful cherry tree in Portland's Japanese Gardens. One of the last key tourist attractions in Portland, where we will be shooting pictures at for the tourist guide. We had already taken pictures at Washington Park, Pittock Mansion, Oregon Zoo, Oregon Museum of Science and Industry and the Pioneer Courthouse Square. I am exhausted and glad that posing and smiling for the camera will soon be over. Jose kept telling me I looked terrific and that I was doing great, but I wasn't feeling it.

I had come to the definitive conclusion that modeling was not for me. Kate accompanied me to Portland as moral support and I was thankful for that. It made the entire experience somewhat bearable. Eric Bancroft, my fellow "model", also had a positive effect on my first modeling experience. He was fun and witty and made me feel very comfortable.

"Aby are you ready for the next couple of shots?" Jose asks. I give him a wry smile.

"Sure," I say, with as much enthusiasm I can muster.

"I was thinking that we take a couple of pictures with you and Eric standing on the bridge looking over the garden," Jose muses out loud.

"Tell us where you need us exactly and we will be there," Eric replies with his usual chipper voice.

"I want you guys in the middle of the bridge," Jose responds confidently.

We take on the desired pose and Jose snaps away. After the bridge, we take more pictures under a maple tree, waterfall, bonsai trees and Koi pond. The fish are friendly, tame, and eat out of our hands. It is a fun experience. When we finish, we sit down at the café and order some drinks.

"How about we go out tonight to celebrate the last and very successful day of shooting?" Jose proposes enthusiastically.

"Oh, that is a great idea!" Kate chimes in immediately.

I do not particularly like going into crowded clubs or bars and I could not really spare the cash for a night of partying. I needed every penny for Dad's bills and college tuition. Before Ray became sick, I only had to take out a small student loan. Ray and Mom both put in $500 a month in my checking account. Together, with my job at Clayton's, I had enough money to cover all my expenses. But everything has changed now. I had not dared to tell Kate and Jose yet, but dropping out a to find a job became a very likely scenario and $2,500 from one photo shoot was not going to change that.

"What about you Aby are you in?" Eric asks. I hesitate a little before answering.

"I don't know, I guess I am not really in the mood to party," I reply, earnestly.

Eric squeezes my hand reassuringly, but Kate is not impressed with my answer.

"Oh, come on, Aby, live a little. You need fun, a night out to clear your mind off things and distress. You deserve it.," Kate says emphatically.

"I know this great club on Ankeny Street. It is called the Seventh Circle and it has a little bit of a gothic feel to it," Eric says.

Kate gives me her cutest pouty face and I cave. It was very hard to tell her no when she did the pout face.

"Ok…" I say without much conviction.

"Great! Now all we need are great outfits tonight and we are all good to go," Kate chimes enthusiastically and I know that it is the perfect excuse for her to play dress up with me again.

I drink the final bit of my tea and decide to gracefully accept whatever Kate was planning to throw at me.

Alexander

I rub my tired eyes before staring at the spreadsheets again. Tomorrow afternoon I am having a meeting with the Dean and agriculture department of Washington State University about the progress they made with drought resistant crops. These last few months I have done nothing but travel to avoid going back to Escala and the ghosts that haunt me there.

Elliot told me to throw it on the market and buy something new so I can get a fresh start. A realtor friend of his named Olga Kelly told him that some great property on the Sound would be put on the market soon. He has always known that I loved that area and wanted to buy a house there someday. But I have no use for a great sprawling mansion for just me.

"Yo, bro, I heard about this great club just opened up on Ankeny Street. I bet it is packed with hot chicks. You want to go?" Elliot asks and I internally berate myself for asking him to accompany me on this trip to Portland.

I must be getting soft. One sob story about needing a hideout from some stalker ex- girlfriend and spending quality time with his little brother was all it took to convince me to take him with me on this trip. A decision I had come to regret.

"I thought you wanted to give your d**k a rest this weekend," I reply gruffly, not feeling the slightest inclination of going to a packed club where people might invade my personal space, or worse, touch me. Not to mention that Elliot's definition of hot chicks was not my definition of hot.

A couple of disastrous double dates he put me through after the whole incident with Leila vividly assault my mind. Elena told me to forget about all that dating nonsense it wasn't for people like us and I know she is right.

"I am not going to f**k! Just checking out the merchandise Portland nightlife is selling," he replies cheerfully.

"That sounds like you're looking for prostitutes, but then again those are the usual women you date," I say coolly.

"f**k you, Alexander! At least I date. Jeez, you can be such an uptight, sexually frustrated prick some times. You need to get f*****g laid, so maybe you should take a drive down to the red light district and get your c**k sucked by the first hooker you come across," he snaps back. Elliot had never been one for diplomacy.

"Sorry bro, I have better taste in women than you," I reply back pointedly, making Elliot snort.

"You have an impossible taste in women. The girl you want doesn't exist, bro, so you might take what Portland has to offer. Besides you seriously need a break. You have done nothing but work ever since we got back from mountain biking," Elliot says flippantly.

I sigh and roll my eyes at him.

"Fine, but if it's s**t, I'm out of there before you can say p***y,"

"Deal. I am going to freshen up. Meet you downstairs?" Elliot asks.

"That water[1] is wasted on you, Elliot. You will always smell like a pig."

"f**k you, Garstaires." Elliot replies while flipping me the bird, and for the first time in a long while, I smile a little.

I inform Taylor that Elliot and I will be out tonight at some club on Ankeny and he could take the rest of the night off. I take a quick shower and dress in casual jeans and a white linen shirt before meeting Elliot downstairs. The valet brings my R8 and we drive through the calm Portland evening traffic.

"You should buy me one of these," Elliot says while turning the radio louder.

"Go work for it. Lazy prick."

"Screw you Alexander, who built all of your latest most innovative company factories well within budget? You should give me extra brownie points for that."

"Building something within budget is a requirement when you work for me, not something that happens once every blue moon."

"Whatever Alexander," he grunts.

We arrive at Ankeny Street and park the car in the nearest parking spot.

"No valet parking at this dump," I say sardonically. He shrugs, calls me a douche, and walks towards the club without a backward glance.

Seventh Circle - a sign with dark gothic letters flashes above the door. How ironic, I think as I enter the establishment. A large bouncer nods at me when I pressed a hundred dollar bill in his hand. I make my way over to the bar where Elliot was already flirting with a vacuous blond. I look around the club taking in the interior. It's dark and the only lighting comes from the large flashy disco lights above the dance floor.

The floors and the bar are made of dark wood and the walls are crimson. It reminds me a bit of the playroom. I order a Bud and watch the partying crowd living it up on the dance floor.

They all look so young and carefree, like nothing in the world could hurt them. For the first time in my life, I wonder what it would have been like to grow up like that, young, carefree, and happy. I never partied or went to clubs at that age. Elena told me those places where full of shallow girls looking to score some wealthy unsuspected guy. I never questioned the validity of that statement, but now seeing these people like this, I wondered if it was true. Alas, what's done is done. There is no point in dwelling on the past. Elena did her best to shape me into a semblance of a man, but even she could not do much with such f****d up source material. I will be forever grateful that she cared enough to try at least.

A brunette sitting next to me is desperately trying to get my attention. I can't make out her facial features because of the dim lighting, but her entire demeanor was exactly like Elena said it would be. I ignore her and drown my beer. I have had enough of this place and want to return to the Heathman to get some work done. Searching for Elliot, I let him know that I'm leaving and he could take a cab back to the hotel, or call for Taylor to pick him up.

I spot him getting his rocks off with a new strawberry blonde on the dance floor. I sigh and make my way over to them. Luckily, the dance floor isn't really crowded, so there are no bodies pressing against mine. I suppose I should be thankful for small favors. I make my way further up the dance floor and am instantly halted in my tracks when two striking powder blue eyes lock with mine.

The color was the most extraordinary blue I have ever seen. Blue as a clear summer sky, with the endless depths of the Pacific Ocean- they are striking. She boldly holds my gaze while moving her body hypnotically to the beat of the music. She dances like she's the only one in the club; her movements both fearless and graceful. She's like an angel fallen from heaven dancing in hell. The stationary yellow light above her head turns her lush chestnut hair into a halo on her head.

Occasionally, the large flashy disco lights illuminate the contours of her face, ones that seemed sculptured to golden ratio perfection. Like the famous artist, Leonardo Da Vinci himself had sculptured her from the earth's finest marble. The rest of her face, however, remains obscured from me. She giggles at the blonde and Elliot; it's the most alluring sound I have ever heard. I stand there completely mesmerized and fascinated by the exotic creature in front of me and lose all sense of time and reason. I have never, ever felt something like this. I feel like a moth inexplicitly drawn to a bright hot flame. I feel lost, scared, and out of control

I move closer to her so we are standing only inches apart from each other. I move to the rhythm with her and she smiles at me - the most breathtaking smile anyone has ever gifted me. Every cell in my body flares up and it feels like I was awakened from a deep dark slumber. Desire, a feeling that had become alien to me, stirs in my chest with a vengeance. Sparking my libido in whole new ways. It's both a scary and exhilarating.

I bow my head towards her ear and inhale her sweet scent- a unique combination of fresh apples, jasmine, and cinnamon. The smell of her is powerful and intoxicating, enveloping all my senses.

"You are dancing like nobody is watching like you own this place," I say softly in her ear. Her body heat is radiating against mine and it sends a shiver down my spine.

She throws her head back in bubbling laughter and her eyes shine with mirth.

"Well, you got to dance like nobody is watching, Love like you'll never be hurt, Sing like there's nobody listening, And live like its heaven on earth," she says brightly.

"William Purkey. It is a great motto to live by, but I suppose only a few people really do. So am I right to presume you're a teacher?"

"No, English lit major with a minor in education. What about you? You don't seem the teaching type."

I laugh a real laugh. I don't think I have laughed like that in forever. "You are very perceptive. You are also right. I am not a teacher but I read Purkey's Becoming an Invitational Leader. I found it inspiring."

"Aby," she says, holding out her hand for me. I accept it and feel a jolt of electricity shoot through my spine. She feels it too because she immediately withdraws her hand from mine. I never had this instant connection with anyone before.

"Alexander," I reply huskily.

"So, Alexander. You want to dance with me like no one is watching?" She asks sweetly.

I smile at her and put my hands on her hips. It feels so natural and right.

"I guess I can adhere to Purkey's motto for one night." I reply.

We move in sync with the rhythm of the music a slow erotic beat. I push my hips against her and slowly grind against her. My erection is painfully strained in my pants. She smiles cockishly at me. Edging me on further. She slides her hand around my neck. The gesture is unexpected but the darkness I normally feel when people touch me stays dormant. A fact that is both shocking and arousing as hell. I groan loudly when I feel her crotch pressed against mine. We are so close now all hands, hips and arms. She looks at me boldly with bright cerulean eyes completely bewitching me. The dance floor, the other people, and the music fade away it is just her and me. I bow towards her and my lips softly graze hers.

Her mouth is sculptured to fit mine perfectly. Its feels warm, moist and soft. She responds with fervor to my tentative kiss. Her tongue presses against my mouth begging for entrance and I cannot, don't, want to refuse her. I feel her tongue slide inside my mouth exploring it tentatively. I push my tongue into her mouth greedily. I suck her tongue and explore every part of her luscious mouth. She tastes like crisp wine, raspberries, and Aby. She tugs my hair and I moan in her mouth. God, have I ever been so aroused before? She is a witch, a siren ensnaring me in her powerful magic. I am totally under her spell and I cannot, and don't, want to break it.

Our lips move against each other hungrily, both taking and giving, and she presses her body closer to mine. I don't ever want it to end. What the hell is happening to me? Snap out of it Garstaires! This isn't you. When have I ever really kissed a girl? The answer to that question is depressing and I quickly let it go. The kiss deepens further and it feels like my entire body has been set on fire burning every single part of me.

Suddenly she breaks our kiss and looks at me alarmed. Frightening me. Did she suddenly realize what kind of monster I am?

"Sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you, I don't know what came over me." She stammers. I am flabbergasted. I wanted every heaven sent second of that kiss! How could she ever have doubted that?

"No, need to apologize. I really liked that kiss, and I would love to do it again." I say consolingly. She gives me a shy smile and breaks our gaze staring at her feet for a second. I realize she feels uncomfortable and maybe even shy. This will not do and I decide to snap her out of her funk. A drink at a quiet table is just what the doctor ordered,

I was about to offer her a drink when I hear someone loudly cursing and yelling. A body slams into me harshly, nearly making me lose my balance. I see the blonde my brother was dancing with lying on the floor dazed. Aby is bent down over her. The sound of breaking glass reverberates through the club and I hear Elliot curse loudly. Then I see him fighting with two other guys near the end of the dance floor. I run towards him and push one of the guys off him. The guy's face is red and puffy and his eyes almost bulge out in fury. He takes a swing at me, but I am much faster. I block him and clock him right in the face. He falls backward on the ground and struggles to get back up.

"Stay the f**k down or I will break every single bone in your body," I angrily hiss at him.

Two or three bouncers come running towards us, pulling Elliot and the other guy apart. I look around for Aby and her friend to see if they were all right, but I cannot see them anywhere.

"f**k!" I curse out loud. I hear Elliot yell to one bouncer and turn my attention to them.

"Let go of my brother," I say to one of the bouncers.

"Dude shut the f**k up. We don't take orders from you," a bouncer who is holding down Elliot says.

My blood starts boiling- nobody ever speaks to me that way.

"Do you have any f*****g clue who I am?" I seethe.

"Dude, I don't know and I don't care. Shut the f**k up and let me do my job," he growls at me.

"If you do not release my brother now, I will personally make sure you lose this job and never get another one again," I state calmly.

"And who the hell do you think you are?" the bouncer asks while glaring at me.

"Alexander Garstaires," I calmly reply. His face turns pale and he starts stammering a host of excuses. In times like this, it pleases me tremendously that I had the reputation of a hard ass.

"I am sorry Mr. Garstaires, I did not know," he stammers before letting go of Elliot.

"What's going on Elliot?" I ask as calmly as possible.

"Two guys started fighting and Kate and I got in the crossfire."

"Kate? Oh right, the blonde you were dancing with."

Elliot nodded. "I tried to separate them but they turned on me."

"You look like s**t. I mean more than you normally do," I say trying to make light of the situation. His lip is split and he has a black eye.

"f**k you Alexander. Where are the girls? Kate and her friend Aby?"

"I do not know. I lost track of them in the confusion." I reply irritated, really cursing myself out for losing side of my mystery girl with no way to contact her again. I run my hand through my hair in exasperation. My heart sinks and the familiar feeling of depression washes over me again. I knew I had to see her again. I want to know every little thing about her. I just could not let her go, not now.

I call Welch and tell him to search for a girl named Aby, majoring in English Lit with a minor in education. I give him a description of her and her blonde friend, Kate who failed to mention her last name to Elliot, and order him to check all universities in Oregon and Washington. I tell him to coordinate with Barney to check all security cameras in and around Ankeny Street and a club named Seventh Circle. I hang up and order a double scotch for Elliot and myself, hoping to numb the gnawing ache in my chest.

Abygail

The slow hypnotic beat of the music fills my ears and my body sways to the rhythm. The alcohol I had consumed gives me a pleasant buzz and it makes me feel light and free. For a brief moment in time, I do not have to worry about my father's illness, mortgage, or unpaid hospital bills. I can just be me, Aby, a young, carefree student.

I look up and lock eyes with two of the most amazing gray eyes I have ever seen. They are intense and burning like molten liquid silver pools, even in the darkness of the club. I feel my heart catch in my throat and find myself unable to move away from his stare. His stare is both hypnotic and magnetic- a dangerous combination. I could not really see any further details of his face, but the disco lights occasionally illuminated him. His hair is reddish-brown and his profile looks like Michelangelo himself sculptured it. He is almost too perfect, like a fallen angel tempting unsuspected mortals to sin.

Kate and her new boy toy are dancing like there is no tomorrow. It is pretty much a given fact that she would spend the night with him.

"He is so hot!" Kate mouths at me, making me giggle.

The fallen angel comes closer and starts dancing with me, matching my rhythm. His body heat envelopes me, and a delightful shiver runs through my body. I have never felt anything like this before. Sure, I have been attracted to some guys in the past, but this attraction that I feel for him is completely alien to me. It makes me feel a little scared.

I feel his warm breath near my ear when he bows over to talk to me. His smell is heady and pure, masculine- a strange intoxicating blend of musk, citrus, and cedar.

"William Purkey. It is a great motto to live by, but I suppose only a few people really do. So, am I right to presume you're a teacher?"

"No, English lit major with a minor in education. What about you? You don't seem the teaching type."

He lets out a loud laugh that brings a smile to my face. "You are very perceptive. You are also right. I'm not a teacher, but I read Purkey's Becoming an Invitational Leader. I found it inspiring."

"Aby." I say my name by means of introducing myself while holding my hand out for him to shake. He willingly takes it, and as soon as our palms touch, I feel a jolt of electricity pass through my spine, making me withdraw my hand from his quickly. Judging by the look on his face, I can assume he felt it as well.

"Alexander." His husky voice replies.

"So, Alexander. Do you want to dance with me like no one is watching?" I can't help but ask sweetly, not wanting him to leave my side yet.

His beautiful smile graces his face once again before he puts his hands on my hips. I'm surprised at how natural and right this feels, but I decide not to question it right now.

"I guess. I can adhere to Purkey's moto for one night." He responds, and I can't help but give in to the music. .

We start to dance to pulsating erotic beat of the music. I feel his large hands on my hips and his pelvis grinds against mine. I feel tingles shooting down my spine and something hot and wet rushes out of me. This man is sin personified and I cannot get enough of him. I push myself against his crotch and slowly push my hips up and down grinding against him. I feel something hot and hard against my stomach and I realize he is aroused. A heady powerful feeling flushes through me I smile at him and slide my hands around his neck pulling him closer to me. I don't know if it's because of my attraction to him or the alcohol that I have consumed, but I want nothing more then to kiss those beautiful sinful lips. It is like he has read my mind. His mouth brushes against mine, his lips feel both soft and hard. His scent is everywhere, enveloping me in his intoxicating concoction. I push my tongue against his lips and he opens his mouth immediately, allowing me to slide my tongue in his mouth, exploring and tasting every inch of him. My blood feels like it is burning inside my body and I feel completely dazed. Our kiss deepens further, our mouths molded perfectly together. It is like nothing it is just him and I on the dance floor. I press myself closer to him needing more friction. What is wrong with you Aby? Dry humping some random stranger in the middle of a dance floor! A small voice venomously whispers in the back of my mind. It is like ice water on my recently discovered libido. What must he think of me? Maybe he thinks I am so cheap slut grinding myself against every guy in a club. I feel mortified and quickly break this kiss.

"Sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you, I don't know what came over me." I stammer like an i***t and look away in total mortification.

"No, need to apologize. I really liked that kiss, and I would love to do it again." He says soothingly. I smile at him and stare at my feet like an i***t for a second.

Suddenly I hear someone yelling and cursing so loudly, it over stemmed the music playing in the club. Terror fills me when I see Kate falling on the ground, hitting her head on the dance floor. The guy she was dancing with runs towards her assailants and punches one in the face. I run towards Kate and ask her if she was alright.

She murmurs something incoherent. She was totally out of it. Fear grips me. Please. Kate, be ok.

Eric and Jose come running towards us.

"What the hell happened?" Jose yells.

"Two guys fighting pushed her on the ground. I don't think she is feeling well," I reply.

"Kate, look at me ok?" Eric says and Kate turns her glassy eyes on him.

"She hit her head. She might have a concussion," I tell the both of them.

"Come on, let's take her to the ER," Eric says and lifts her off the ground.

We walk outside and get in the car. I close my eyes for a moment- two bright gray eyes are hauntingly staring back at me. I feel a dull ache spreading in my chest when I realize that I probably won't ever see him again.