Her Atonement

Chapter 4

Alexander

There were two numbers scribbled down on a piece of paper that was lying on the conference table in front of me. One was significantly smaller than the other.

For me, those two numbers were just the bottom line of an acquired company that was not meeting my expectations, but for the man standing[1] in front of me holding an impassioned presentation, that same company represented his life's work.

I once read that the first kill for soldiers on a battlefield is always the hardest. We are taught that killing is wrong from an early age; we are also thought to be forgiving and compassionate towards others. Taking someone's life goes against everything society - and maybe even humanity - stands for. Yet, that soldier on the battlefield does not have a choice. It's kill or be killed. There is no room for compassion or forgiveness. After the first kill, it gets easier to take a life and another after that. You become hardened and immune to the suffering of others when they threaten your very existence. It is the same in the world of mergers and acquisitions. Failing companies- if they can't be fixed- are always torn apart and sold in pieces. There is no room for sentimentality or compassion. All that matters is the bottom line and the cold hard cash that stands there.

When I was younger, I often had trouble with liquidating a company that could theoretically be fixed with time and a lot of costs. I used to retain employees of these companies, hoping that I wouldn't have to fire them if the company had to be liquidated. I was often willing to take less profit if it meant they could keep their jobs. However, just like the soldier on the battlefield, time has made me hardened and immune. This industry has no place for weakness.

I no longer pay any attention to the man in front of me. I had already made up my mind and nothing he could say or do would change that.

Instead, I find my mind drifting towards her again and stare out of the window watching the leaves of the trees turn yellow, red, and brown in the mid-September sun. Ever since I first laid eyes on her, back in June, she has been a constant on my mind occupying every waking thought and sleepy dream. It is a welcome change from the horrific nightmares that have haunted me for so long. I can still smell her unique soothing scent and feel the warmth of her lovely soft skin. It is enough to make my c**k twitch and spit out c*m like there is no tomorrow. I've lost count on how many times I pleasured myself at the mere memory of her.

I have never felt anything like this before, this complete and all-consuming obsession with another human being. Every time I close my eyes, I can still feel her hot, sweet mouth on mine. That kiss had been otherworldly, leaving me completely dazed and disoriented every time I think about it. It feels like I have seen a part that was missing from me yet I cannot seem to locate it to bind it to me again. It is slowly driving me to the edge of insanity. It is unsettling and I know nothing good will come of it. Yet I cannot stop myself. I am like a magnet longing for its polar opposite.

Welch has felt the brunt of my anger for the last two weeks. It's his incompetence that's keeping her from me. He still has not been able to find out who she is and where she came from. I even contemplated firing him and hiring someone else to find her.

The presentation ends and Mr. Polman looks at me hopefully and I turn my attention back to him.

"Mr. Polman, you have had more than a year to turn this company around and earn back my investments. Your company simply has not met any of the expectations I set out for it. I don't see how this new plan of yours is going to change that. The bottom line remains that your company is worth more in parts and that is how I will sell it."

In just four sentences, I destroy the man's life work, but like the hardened soldier I had become, I felt nothing for his plight. You don't get to where I am today without being ruthless. I nod at Ros, who immediately follows me out of the conference room, leaving Mr. Polman to his own devices.

"Thank f**k that is over what a waste of time. Liquidate and move on," Ros says.

"Agreed, I don't know why we even bothered," I reply.

She smirks at me. "Because you are a saint Alexander."

I snort loudly. "We both know that is a lie."

Ros laughs loudly. "True. That reminds me, I am taking Gwen with us this afternoon when we are visiting the laboratories. She really wants to see where all my hard work went."

For the last 18 months Ros and Barney, my head of research and development, have been working on setting up GEH's own research and development laboratories in collaboration with WSU and Oregon State University. It will officially open in two weeks, but Professor Berg will give us a grand tour today.

The lab complex is one of the biggest in the country and is host to researchers in various scientific disciplines including agricultural research, biochemical and biomedical research, nanotechnology, artificial intelligence, quantum computing, and Robotics. Ros and Barney believe this investment will give GEH the edge in the very competitive industry of mergers and acquisitions, and I agree. The research will result in new technologies that GEH can and will patent.

"Isn't that a little risky considering she's almost near her due date?" I reply, genuinely concerned.

Ros snickers. "Dr. Green said first babies are always late. She will be fine."

I raise my eyebrow at her and sigh.

"If you say so," I mutter in response making her chuckle.

We walk out of GEH and enter a small bistro close by. Gwen is already waiting for us at a table near the window. She looks happy, radiant, and very pregnant. She greets the both of us enthusiastically and we sit down at the table. The waiter comes over and we all order the daily special. The conversation between the three of us ebbs and flows easily. Nevertheless, I find my mind drift off to Aby, the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. I inwardly curse Welch for not being able to locate her yet. I just needed to see and talk to her again. It is a primal, all-consuming feeling I have never felt before in all my thirty years.

Ros snaps me out of my musings by calling for the check. She insists on paying for our meals and I thank her. As we walk out of the bistro, Taylor is already waiting for us, ready to drive us to Boeing airfield were Charlie Tango, my helicopter, would be waiting to fly us to Portland. I curtly greet him and we all enter the armored Audi Q8. In the Audi behind us is Falcone, Ros's CPO, and Ryan. They follow us while Taylor drives us with Sawyer riding shotgun next to him. Personal security is an unfortunate but necessary measure I had to implement when I became a high profile multi-billionaire. Not only for me personally but for my loved ones as well- something my little sister Mia despises. Our drive to the airfield is expedient and I help Gwen out of the car. She grins at me excitedly.

"I have never flown in a helicopter before! This going to be so much fun!" She gushes.

"It is," I grin back.

"I cannot believe you are going to be our pilot. This is seriously awesome," she squeals excitedly.

Ros rolls her eyes at her mockingly. "Yes, yes, go join the Alexander Garstaires fan club like the rest of his air-headed, infatuated groupies. You will fit right in."

She teases and takes Gwen's hand before leading her to the helicopter. Gwen huffs loudly. "You are just jealous."

I chuckle at their lighthearted banter and follow them to the helicopter. Ros and Gwen are some of the few people that make me feel comfortable. They both know the true story behind Leila's suicide, yet they never judged me or pried into my personal life.

I start the preflight procedure as soon as we are all strapped into to the safety harnesses, and ask for flight control's permission to take off. Our flight to Portland is short and fun. Gwen's excitement about flying in Charlie Tango was infectious and I find myself calling out landmarks, like some cheesy tourist guide. After an hour, I land Charlie Tango smoothly at Portland International, where two other armored black Audis are waiting for us. Taylor and Sawyer lead us to the first one, while Falcone and Ryan enter the second one. Taylor starts the car and drives to the Garstaires Research Laboratories located south of Portland. After a 30-minute drive, we finally arrive at the heavily secured laboratory complex.

"Mr. Garstaires, Ms. Bailey, welcome!" Professor Vincent Berg, the general director of Garstaires Research Laboratories, says enthusiastically. He is a tall, thin man in his mid- forties with short, trimmed, dark blonde hair and astute brown eyes.

"Vincent, nice to see you again," Ros says, while she gives him a hand and introduces him to Gwen.

"Professor," I say curtly and shake his hand.

We enter the main building and Professor Berg starts the tour and shows us the agricultural labs. Professor Hoffman, head of agricultural labs, tells us about the latest developments in soil science and drought resistant crops. She excitedly shows us a new breed of potatoes that is specifically designed to thrive in arid environments. I am amazed. This new breed of potatoes would be excellent for the countries in East Africa affected by drought.

After our tour of the agricultural labs was complete, Professor Berg shows us the biochemical and biomedical labs where researchers focus primarily on the development of various new medicines and substances. We say our goodbyes to the researchers and move to the tech lab. Professor Berg explains that a part of the tech lab is based underground because of quantum mechanical neutrino based research.

Gwen, who is a physicist, is very eager to see the quantum labs and almost drags Ros to the elevator to check them out first. Professor Berg and I dutifully follow them into the elevator. Professor Berg tells us that this part of the tech lab is built twelve-hundred feet underground and I cannot help but feel a little impressed. The elevator door opens. After a swift ride to the lab, we get out and are greeted by a frazzled looking guy. Dr. Carter, the lead scientist on neutrino research at the lab, explains to us that he is currently researching quantum entanglement. Gwen and he quickly lock into a heated debate on the subject, much to Ros' chagrin. I, on the other hand, find it a very intriguing conversation. Thirty minutes later, Professor Berg insists that we move back upstairs so he can show us the other labs. We say our goodbyes to Dr. Carter and enter the elevator again. Professor Berg presses the button and the doors closed smoothly. The elevator hums and starts to move up. Suddenly, the lights flash and the humming sound stops. The elevator stops moving, trapping us. The main lights turn off and the eerie blue emergency lights turn on. "What the hell?'" Ros asks anxiously. Professor Berg presses the button again, but the elevator remains unmoving. "I'm sorry, I don't know what's going on," Professor Berg stammers. "It appears we have stopped," I reply sarcastically. Professor Berg presses the emergency button and a disembodied voice of a woman echoes through the small space. She explains that there was a power outage and the emergency generators had not kicked in to compensate for the loss of power. She promises us that they were working on fixing the problem as soon as possible. "Well, at least we are trapped in a lab with the smartest people in the country. I am sure they will solve this problem in no time at all," Gwen says hopefully. "Well, they better I don't have time for this s**t," Ros snaps, earning her an eye roll from Gwen. "Since we are going to be stuck for a while, I guess we should just make the best of a bad situation," I say.

Even though I feel irritated, I know that there is no point in getting angry. After a half-hour, we all sit down on the elevator floor and the mood plummets. Professor Berg apologizes repeatedly for the inconvenience and I make a mental note to scold Elliot for this monumental f**k up. He is the main contractor for this building like he always is with all new GEH buildings. An ear-piercing scream fills the confined space of the elevator startling me. I look up and see Gwen grabbing her stomach. A small, wet pool forms underneath her. "I think my water broke," she blurts out sending Ros into a panic attack. "This cannot be happening you, weren't due for another two weeks!" Ros says panicking. "Well, this baby is coming now!" Gwen replies panting while clutching her stomach. I waste no time and try calling my mother for advice, but there is no reception underground. I order Professor Berg to push the emergency button again so 911 could be called. I then instruct Gwen to slow down her breathing. I tell Ros to time Gwen's contractions so we can determine if the baby is close. I remove my jacket and turn it into a pillow, making Gwen as comfortable as possible. Ros is still in a complete state of panic, rambling and raving unhelpfully in the elevator. I tell her to shut up sit next to Gwen. She complies after a few well-chosen curse words. Unfortunately for us, Gwen's contractions are rapidly succeeding themselves. This baby is going to be born now. I am slightly shocked when I see the baby's head crowning, but I quickly recover, sternly reminding myself that this was all natural. Gwen screams at me when I tell her to push. I gently place my hands near the baby's head and guide it out. A wail fills the elevator and I look at the small, squirming creature in complete wonder. It is a sensation I have never experienced before. I look up and smile at Ros and Gwen who were crying. "It's a boy," I say hoarsely. "We know!" They say in unison. Professor Berg removes his lab coat and hands it to me. I wrap the baby in it and hand him to Gwen and Ros. "Here is your son, Mrs. and Mrs. Bailey," I say. My chest feels tight with a host of unnamed emotions.

"Thank you, Alexander, for not losing your cool and delivering our baby," Gwen says earnestly. "You two are very welcome. Please take good care of him," I reply softly. Suddenly, the idea of how frail, small, innocent, and completely depended on newborns are sinks in, and for the first time in my life, I wonder if my c***k w***e of a birth mother had experienced the same emotions when I was born. It makes me feel uneasy. "We promise, Alexander. We will," Ros replies her voice tight with emotion, knowing where my feelings stem from. "So what are you two naming the little fellow?" I ask. "Alexander Andrew Bailey. We would like to ask you to be his godfather," Gwen says. I feel my throat constrict and a sea of emotions is whirling inside me. How can I be a godfather? Doesn't she know how f****d up I am? "I think you make a wonderful godfather. After all, you brought him into this world. Besides, it isn't hard. All you have to do is spoil him." she says and winks at me. I gave them a wry smile. "I am honored, thank you." The disembodied female voice echoes through the elevator again and tells us the problem with the elevator is solved and we will be moving to the surface again. The paramedics are already waiting for Gwen once we arrive. The humming noise starts again and the elevator starts moving upwards. I look over at Ros, Gwen, and baby Alexander closely cuddled together in the corner of the elevator- genuine love and affection evident between them. I feel a twitch of jealousy in my gut. More than anything in the world, I want what they have with Aby, the girl that made me feel again.

I inwardly curse Welch, once more, for not being able to find her. The paramedics immediately pour in after the elevator doors open again. I congratulate Ros and Gwen and tell them I will visit them tonight. Taylor and Sawyer drive me to the Heathman where my usual suite is booked. I take a good, long shower and order some room service. I had hoped to answer and sort through my emails, but I feel too drained to work. I sit down on the couch and absentmindedly browse through some Portland tourist guide. I turn another page and my eyes are immediately drawn to the most beautiful woman I had ever seen posing in the picture of the Japanese Gardens. I feel my stomach fluttering like someone released a million butterflies inside of me. I knew it was her, Aby, the girl I had met at the club. I never got a good look at her face because it had been too dark, but I could recognize those beautiful blue orbs anywhere. After all, I have dreamed of them every night since I first laid eyes on her. Now seeing her for the first time completely, she is everything I expected her to be and more. She truly is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I have seen and been with a lot of beautiful women. I feel my heart pound in my chest as excitement courses through me. After all these weeks searching, I would finally learn who she is and where she lives. I grab my phone and dial Welch. "Mr. Garstaires," he answers on the third ring. "Welch, my girl is posing in the Portland Tourism Guide. Find out her full name and run a background check immediately." "Yes, sir," he replies stoically. I hang up and close my eyes. Soon I would see her again. That thought brings a smile to my face while tranquility settles over me.