On My Own

Chapter 19 Looks of Disgust

Natalie's POV

William pulls up to a cute little sandwich shop right down the street from our fun little hideout. It's still outside of town so not many people are here. He parks so I climb off his bike and so does he, following my lead, as we take our helmets off then inside with us.

I take his hand in mine as I follow him inside the little shop, behind his big muscular frame moving somehow so gracefully across the floor even with his huge stature. We make our way to the back of the line to order some food for ourselves, just waiting so patiently.

There is a big ear to ear grin plastered across my face because of the wonderful day we have had so far that I just never want to end.

Everyone in this shop that I see, smiles at me matching my big smile, until they realize I'm holding William's hand as their smiles turn to glares of disgust. The looks that they are all giving me makes me feel as if I'm some hooker on the corner soliciting older men..

They look at us as if they have never seen such a deranged couple paired together.. But I really don't think William and I are that weird to see together, I think we look pretty good as a couple, but maybe that's because I'm biased when it comes to us..obviously. There's not many people in this shop but it's enough to make the place feel so small and cooped up to the point of almost unbearably suffocating.

I'm not ashamed at all of Will, it's just the looks people are giving us are pretty unnerving and I get what Emarie and Matthew were talking about last night when they were warning us about these situations to come.

I think Will can tell what's going on with people around us because he doesn't bring attention to the situation but I do feel him tighten his grip on my hand as his thumb rubs circles on the outside of it making me feel a thousand times better in that one small gesture. So I tighten my grip around his hand as well giving him the thanks that I can right now.

We get in line and order our sandwiches quickly and orderly to get this done as soon as we can..You can really feel the uncomfortable tension in the air.

We walk to the side of the counter, waiting for our order to be finished. Will's hand that I'm still holding onto, pulls me over and into his comforting embrace..

I, of course, give in so willingly to his pleasant sheltered hold. I take a deep breathe in of his calming cedar musk letting it relax myself so I dont get too overwhelmed with the situation at hand.

He leans in next to my ear, as he whispers for only us to hear, "Don't let their stares get to you my love. Our feelings are not wrong and we are allowed to feel what we feel no one can tell us otherwise. It's ok because I swear there is nothing wrong with us." I nod at his comforting words as he holds me so tight in his strapping sturdy arms.

I wrap my arms around him as well returning the comforting action.

I think he appriciates this gesture as I feel him let out a wavered breathe, holding me tighter. He makes me feel as if he is trying to shield me from this awful cruel world.. and for a moment I really feel like it works.

We hear our order number being called as Will let's go of me to grab the bag, then my hand again, pulling me out of that suffocating place behind him.

I take a deep breath from the refreshing cool air letting it fill my lungs, trying to calm down my still tension filled body.

There are a couple picnic tables out front and he sits us at the farthest one from the front door.. where we can't even see anyone in the building even from the windows.

He pulls the helmet out of my hand setting it down on the top of table right besides us, along with our sandwiches. He pulls me into him and I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes from the oddly overwhelming situation inside.

"Baby this is exactly why I was afraid of this happening from me being with you, not because I'm embaressed of you.. but because of the judgement I know you will have to endure from others around you. I don't care what anyone thinks about me but I do care what they think about you.. You don't deserve any of this and I'm so sorry for putting you through this...Maybe..Ugh..I dont know.." He says still holding me so close sounding as if he wants to say more but doesn't know how to put it all into words. But his questioning at the end gives me a weird feeling inside as if he is questioning the relationship we have in this stressful moment.. which breaks my heart even at the small thought.

"It was a little overwhelming for sure no one is denying that. But nothing will change how I feel about you and just that small gesture in there from you, when you held my hand, made me feel so much better just knowing I wasn't alone and that you were there with me.. Along with your comforting words made me feel like we can take on anything like this as long as we are together.. Your daughter and Matt said it was going to be hard in these types of situations for us, but as long as we WANT to be together it's worth any hassle." I say to him as he shakes his head at me still holding me to his chest now looking away from me. That action alone hurts my feelings.

I shake my head so vigorously back at him as I push back off of his chest, looking at him with shock before asking, "Are you done with me?"

He gets a shocked look on his face as he says, "No.. I was.. just thinking you would probably be better off..without me...So your not getting these types of looks just to go out and get lunch...You don't deserve this type of treatment Natty."

"So do you want to be with me or not Will? You're sounding so back and forth right now..I told you I'm not playing these on again, off again, games.. but I will also never force someone to be with me.. I will never want anything that has to be forced.. so what will it be? Do you want me or not?.. I told you this was your one and only chance, so what will it be William?" I say stepping back out of his hold with my hands crossed across my chest just anticipating for the heartbreak that I'm afraid he is going to give me.

"Natty." He says trying to step closer with his arms spread wide, as I put my hand up instantly stopping him in his tracks.. so I don't get sucked into another intoxicating moment with him.. I just want a straight answer from him..I then look up, straight into his eyes trying to show him how serious I am right now.

"No Will.. are you going to be the strong rock I need in my life, like when we were inside the shop just now?...Will you endure this with me because of the feelings you know you feel for me..no matter what anyone else thinks? Or are you going to try to make sure I'm comfortable, not getting judged, alone and unhappy? You need to tell me now because I'm not playing these games.. this is your last opportunity before I leave and never talk to you again.. I won't ask you again Will, what will your decision be?" I say to him with so much threat and seriousness laced in every single word.

He doesn't answer me as he looks like he is in complete shock.. I watch his chest raise and deflate with multiple nervous breathes still leaving me in a silence that feels like the longest silence of my life..but that silence was not at all what I wanted to hear not even remotely, which makes my heart drop to the ground.. I was hoping he would fight for me like I thought he always would but I guess not..

I grab my helmet, turning to him, shoving it into his stomach as I say, "Well that sucks, that silence is not what I wanted to hear from you William..too bad too, because to answer your question from this morning and also what I thought about telling you earlier at the lake, but didnt in that moment.. is that I'm pretty sure I do f*#king love you.. I think I have loved you since the moment my eyes landed on you. I'm like 99% sure that it was love at first sight, but since I have never experienced that before I can't confirm it. So this just really sucks d**k. Have a great life Will I wish you all the happiness in the world.. Thanks for the amazing memories they will never be forgotton." I say turning around and walking away from the best man I have ever had.

I feel my heart clench so hard in my chest, taking my breathe away instantly, I run my hands through my hair trying to calm down my nerves but no they still hit me like a brick wall the farther I get away from him..

The tears start to pour down my cheeks silently as I continue my trekking, on down the street.. man this really does suck.

I hear Will behind me yelling for me. I glance back and he is trying to run for me but then goes back for the helmets, then back for the sandwiches, and running back again in almost a panic, for his bike last.

I just keep walking up the street so quickly, right back to the little hideaway we just left until I can figure out what I'm going to do from there.

This is the easiest get away for me in this heart breaking moment especially since we didn't go far at all from our spot, before we saw this little sandwich shop.

I just keep walking, looking at the scenery around me that's just filled with miles and miles of thick full trees. Once I get down to the end of the street, I turn off the highway going back down to the little hideout between the secluded trees from earlier today.

I climb back onto the big boulder we were sitting on before, laying back and just reminiscing for a second, breathing in the much needed fresh air and wilderness smells, that just don't seem as relaxing as when they are mixed with William's cedar musk.

I hear Will's motorcycle approaching and I just groan to myself.. I don't know why he came back here, I don't want to talk about all the reasons why he doesn't want to be with me. I just want to rip this off like a bandaid then let it heal on it's own.

I sit up and jump down off of the boulder to walk out of the small quarters with him now right here.. because I really don't want to talk about why he is not going to be with me and how he is helping me somehow.

I see him drop the helmets onto the ground, instantly getting off the bike. I'm practically blocked in as I turn to go around him. "Nat baby please."

I shake my head trying to go around him again as Will bombards me, by pushing my body back until my back hits and is layed flat against the boulder..He has his arms around me almost caging me in..pinning me right where he wants me.

"Natty, listen, I was just trying to figure out my wording and what I wanted to say. because I really didn't know what I wanted to say at that point.. I needed to think about it for a minute, which shouldn't be too much to ask. Then you never gave me a chance to say anything before you walked away." Will says to me with almost a desperation in his voice as I retort, "I asked you what your decision was and I told you, that was the last time I was going to ask and you didn't say anything back to me.. so I took that as my answer because I figured if you wanted to say something you would have." I say to him looking away.

"Nat baby did you really mean what you said back there?" He asks me softly and sweetly almost whispering his question into my ear because of our close proximity..as I scoff and retort with so much sass in my voice, "Have you known me to be a liar William?" I ask this rhetorically but I can see in my peripherals that he shakes his head answering silently. He then grabs my face with his wide palms, turning me so I'm facing him. Then crashing his lips to mine with such possessiveness that I just melt into his strong demanding hold.

His lips just feel so right against mine, he makes me feel so weak in the knees everytime we kiss.. He gives me so many butterflies in my stomach that I feel like I might puke from all the amazing light headedness.

But no I have to get my s**t together I can't melt for him like this if we aren't even going to be together.. I would rather him not lead me on.

I break the heart melting kiss as I retort with what little bit of confidence I do have right now. "I'm not a piece of ass Will! I'm not the kind of girl to love you and leave you. God I love your touch, but I won't have it if it's not meant forever. I know there is no way to predict the future but I don't want what this is, if your not serious about me like I am about you.. sorry. I would rather be heartbroken then led on." I say to him as I push past him walking away as he grabs my hand and pulling me back to him so abruptly.

I gasp at the unexpected movement as I hit the brick wall of the all muscled up chest, slowly looking up connecting gazes with those stunning blue orbs looking down so intently at me taking my breathe away in that one instant.

"Natalie.. This whole moment was probably the scariest moment of my life don't you ever walk away from me again." Will says with threat in his voice as my eyebrows scrunch up as I scoff rolling my eyes at him, before retorting.

"I'm not a child William I can figure out how to get back to my place on my own from here. Who cares if I walked away down the street alone. I don't know why that scared you. Because I would have been fine."

"No Natalie.. The thought alone of losing you from my life completely, scared the living hell out of me and I don't want you to try to leave me again...I don't care what looks we get, I'm not ashamed of you and I know you're worth all this. I don't want you to ever feel bad and I wish I could prevent those looks forever but that won't happen and I have to be realistic about it so the best I can do is to just be there for you and with you when those situations happen. Because believe it or not, I think I have loved you since the moment I layed eyes on you as well.. Something clicked in my head the first time I saw you.. even Bob and Emarie mentioned it to me because of the way I looked when I talked about you or looked at you. So since you gave me one last chance to make a choice, I choose you. I will always choose you because I love you Natty." He says in probably the sexiest deep husky voice I have ever heard leave his mouth.

My hands wrap around his head pulling him to me, in the most passionate, love, hunger filled kiss of my life. He grabs my thighs picking me up into his arms as he turns around pushing me once again up against the boulder.

We don't break our kiss at all as we let our new found love and hunger for each other fill the silence. We feel all over assaulting each others bodies touching every last inch we can access easily.

We only seperate from our amazing kiss just to catch our breathes since now we are both panting and giggling just inches from each others faces. Will leans his forehead on mine as I whisper to him, "You know how crazy we must seem to others right now, declaring our love for each other after a week."

"I told you I don't care what anyone else thinks or even says.. I know how I feel and I have never felt like this before and it's something special and if they can't understand how I feel right now about you or even try to understand, then I feel bad for them.. because this feeling is amazing and I hope everyone can feel this at some point in their lives." Will says staring deep into my eyes.

"You promise you mean all that? You're not just telling me what I want to hear?" I ask with a desperation for him in my voice.

"I would never do that my love I mean every single word. But you know what this means right?" He asks me as I shake my head with confusion evident across my face, trying to figure out what he means.

"This means you're going to be stuck with me forever until you say otherwise.. how do you feel about that thought?.. stuck with this?" He says with more humor in his voice making my confusion change into happiness.

"I couldn't have asked for anything better Will. As long as you promise to not get tired of me and change your mind of course." I say smirking up at him as he retorts, "I don't know how I could get tired of you.. ever." He leans down kissing my lips pressing so softly into them.

After a little bit more of our fun make out session William seperates from me, turning around and getting our sandwiches from his bike. He walks past me grabbing my hand along the way and leading me to the boulder to sit and eat on.