After Your Rejection

Chapter 9 About to Shift

Sebastian

Now that's a surprise. I never thought Axel was like all the unmated Alphas, but knowing he's never been with another is surprising even for me. He's the Alpha, after all. I know nothing about the alleged higher s****l drive among Alphas. I wasn't born an Alpha. Besides, since I found out Alexis is my fated mate, I haven't had s*x. I'm not a virgin like Axel, but it's been a long time since I was physical with somebody. I used to sleep with female warriors after strenuous training or assignments back in the Howling Wolf Pack. But it was just s*x, no feelings attached. I hope it doesn't sound as disgusting as what Damian described.

'I know you think I'm the crazy one for not having s*x with any she-wolf flirting with me, but I always wanted only my mate. Why have something less when I can have the best one for me? And besides, I want my mate to know that I'm only hers and there was nobody else before her. I know how my Mum felt when meeting Dad's exes and feeling insecure because of them. I don't want that for my mate, especially not for Freya.' Axel continues. Kieran had a pretty bad reputation with women and several scandals behind him. Amber was having a hard time accepting him as her mate back then. Fortunately, they overcame their past and are happy together now.

'Axel, I don't know what to tell you. Now I get why you didn't want to do the dare and I respect your decision. I'm really impressed with how you treat my sister, even when she can't feel the mate-bond yet. I cannot imagine a better man for my sister. But at the same time, I'm angry with you. Why didn't you tell me Freya is your mate? We are friends!' Finn says the last part a little angrily. I can imagine how Kieran will be once he finds out his princess is my mate. Axel also hid it. Maybe I can use that as my excuse. No, I'm not like that.

'Trust me, this is not how I imagine you'll find out. I wanted to tell you a million times, but I don't want to spoil it for Freya. Like I said, I want it to be magical for her. If you knew, you would be acting differently around me or Freya. Any one of you would. That's why I only told Alexis and my parents, hoping they wouldn't let it slip near you or your father. I'm sorry man, I really am. Despite everything, are we good?' Axel asks Finn while offering him his hand. Axel has good intentions. What are my reasons for hiding my bond with Alexis? I'm scared. That's the main reason. I'm the Alpha who is scared. Scared of being not enough.

'Of course we are. I'm so happy for my sister. And for you.' Suddenly, Finn hugs Axel instead of accepting his hand. Not pat him on his shoulder or side-hug, but they are actually hugging each other. I'm pretty sure this is something Finn isn't doing every day.

I must admit, I'm very impressed by the dynamics in their group. It seems to me that they can get angry with each other pretty fast, but they cannot stay mad for a long time. They're very close, and they understand each other really well. It's definitely because they grew up together. I'm a little bit jealous of their relationship. I didn't have that kind of friendship during my childhood. Seth and I weren't close. Hell, he was treating me like a plague. And my father was encouraging it. Seth was the golden boy, the future Alpha. I was nobody. The only person loving me was my Mum, but she died when I was 12. Since then, I have been on my own. Every day was a battle of wills between Father, Seth and me. And Father always chose Seth's side, even when he was wrong. Most of the people in my pack treated me with respect, but there were a few who were used to making fun of me, mocking me or insulting me. I dealt with those people when I became Alpha. I don't like this kind of behavior and I sure as hell will never tolerate it in my pack. We are equal regardless of our rank. Kieran taught me that everybody has their own value. Alpha and Luna, with the help of their Betas, manage the pack. Warriors led by Alpha and Gamma protect the pack and Omegas tend to the needs of all pack members. I like his view of the world and especially of the importance of every pack member. Every one of them contributes to the well-being of the whole pack. That's something I'm trying to establish in my pack. It's a nice change after my father's and brother's tyranny and I think my pack members like the new course as well.

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It's almost midnight and we are winning. Alexis is really competitive, she's ready to do whatever it takes to win. I don't want to upset her, seeing she is happy and apparently in her domain, so I'm doing my best with every dare we get. I have to admit, I was sceptical at first about this game, but surprisingly, it's fun. It really clears my head of constant thoughts of my brother. I was on the edge from the moment I found out about his involvement in the rogue attacks. Also, the fact that Alexis is turning 18 tomorrow is leaving me anxious. I'm not sure how she'll react once she finds out. Hell, I don't know how her family will react, especially Kieran. To him and to Darius I owe everything. I will never forget what they did for me and how they were willing to help me through the worst trial of my life. I would never want to let him down. And that's what I'm afraid of, his disappointment that his precious daughter is bonded to me. I wasn't born an Alpha, my brother was. Alexis should be with somebody more worthy of her. Moreover, if Seth finds out she is my mate, she'll have the target on her back and that's something I cannot live with. At this point in our lives, she should stay away from me. Maybe I should leave now before it's too late. Alexis has been fidgeting for a while. I think her shift is close.

'Guys, I can't do this anymore. I have a feeling I'm about to shift. My skin is crawling, and Goddess, I'm sweating. I'm uncomfortable in my own skin.' Alexis says, confirming my suspicion. It's like somebody poured a bucket of ice-cold water on me. It's too soon. It's not like we shift for the first time at the stroke of midnight. Usually, it happens during the day, when we are rested and all our basic needs are satisfied. When we are at our full strength.

I thought I would figure out something before she finds out I'm her fated mate. If things were different, I would be the one guiding her through her first shift like a good mate should do. But I can't do that now, not when she might be in danger because of me. Alexis stands up with her brother's help, and he carries her to the backyard. I don't know what to do now. I can't just disappear. But at the same time, I can't stay. The best solution is to leave for my room before she comes back. Then I will leave soon in the morning, which will give me more time to think about our complicated situation. I can't think straight when I'm around her.