One Sided Love

chap 13

Kate I was so tired of this morning sickness that I have to take a leave from the  office. And now I'm sitting on the floor of the bathroom throwing all the content eaten  for breakfast. The doctor said it is normal for a few months. Well nothing is normal in my life it's a freaking rollercoaster life.  I touched my invisible bump ‘Dont worry kiddo we will make it.’ I washed my mouth and entered my room to have my routine medicine. Since my panic attack can come and go anytime they want, the doctor suggested some breathing and mind exercises and in extreme cases I should have the Medicine D for my attack.  I was very determined to never touch this medicine during my pregnancy. My demons need to be asleep for the next 9 months. I won't let it hurt my child. After I told  Alex about my pregnancy his reaction left me so shaken that my health was decreasing day by day.  I seriously meant that I will have the baby in any  case but after Alex words keep surrounding in my mind what if my baby fate is just like me. What if something happens to me who will take my child. Surly my parents will never and after Alex's reaction I can’t rely on him too. If  old history was repeating itself like me my baby would be deprived of fatherly love.  How will I survive the expense?.My job is good but I  already have lots of expenses, the apartment rent, my student loan since my  father started saying I should work on my own to achieve higher studies and now  my medical bills. I shook my head. Don't think about the future Kate just take one day at a time. I I know I will manage somehow but till then I don't know. I was so sleepy right now I thought I should take a nap. I don't know how  long I slept, what I felt was someone knocking on my door loudly.  I see the  time it's 8o'clock pm who it can be.  I looked my appearance in the mirror and boy I looked like a zombie but I don't  care about that some one was very eager to meet me  I open the door to see who it is ... I saw it was none other than Alex who looked restless and a little concerned .  He took a relife breath  'Are you ok? What the hell is wrong I went to your office and they  say you are sick and taken a leave and then I was f*****g knocking your door  for half an hour but you never replied I becoming sick by worrying'  I looked at him with shock ' Alex im ok ...but what's wrong... is emma ok...  oh my god tell me emma is ok'  Alex relax me' emma is fine she is with my mother '  I replied him coldy 'then I why are you here'  'can I come in ' he said  I pass him a look are you serious. But he looked very determined too and I was also curisoe like what he wants  ' ok...but if you here to change or in your way to warn me about  my baby then you can go from here. I'm not feeling good and I'm puking my guts for days so I won't be responsible for my actions if you say something that upset me…. I hope you don't want to got from here in my vomit' Alex was shocked...fuck i was stunned too. I never talked to anyone in my life like this especially to Alex. Well talk about pregnancy mood swings  He smirked and  arrogantly said ' okkkkk. can I come in or not... I have a proposal for  you '  With that he enter my small apartment and looked around  So here you live... I thought your father might have provide you with  good living'  ‘’Since it is provided by me not my father so yes I'm living here... Alex plz  talk whatever you are here for ... I not feeling good so please tell me what  do you want'  He looked at me strangely 'yeah you didn't look good. Can you sit down cause i think you will fall down any moment.  We both sit on the living sofa. ‘’Ok the thing is  after you exploded the pregnancy bomb on me my parents heard  everything about us and I will say straight they want me to marry you'  I looked so shocked ... yeah maybe I'm hallucinating ... no he  said marry him...  What is Alex saying? I laughed in disbelief ‘ Alex ... I can't marry you ... when you.. I mean we don't  love each other  Alex, annoyed with that, said ' I know it is true and love has nothing to do  with this marriage ... I still love emily and no one can take her place but I  have think about this a lot and come to the conclusion in order to avoid  any mess and controversy we should get married'  I replied ' Alex I will not marry you  and for your mess you don't worry  about it at all I won't say anything now just go. I looked to him angrily  He frowned ' What is your problem... I thought you should be happy about it. I really don't care what you feel... I have to marry you otherwise my  father will disown me and Emma . I don't care about money but I do care  about my daughter's future and her needs and marrying you is one option. Secondly it  is good for you too.... if you want this child to live a comfortable and honorable life unlike you who always consider a bastard ... so do you  want your child to be called a bastard'  He had me there when he mentioned Emma futures and my baby future. He touched my biggest weakness but  still marrying him well not to solve my problems .... but it looks like it will solve  Alex , my precious Emma future and my baby future too.  A moment ago I was worried about this but I was little conflicted after seign Alex reaction I replied 'But you don't want this baby .... then why you're marrying me'  He said ' I still don't want this baby but it looks like this thing is  jeopardizing my Emma futures so I have to think about it..... i'm still not  going to accept you my wife n this baby my child .... I will give you and this  baby a name, honor, and every luxury of life but except my heart and love ...  those only belong to emma and emily and no one...and these are my demand'  I don't know what happen but I start crying ' how can you say something  like that I get it you don't love me ... then don't but plz don't do this to  our unborn baby what his fault ... hate me all you want but please give  some love our baby too plz'  He facial expression change when he looked at me but with that he again  become a heartless man  ' These are demands kate... if you love Emma and want her to have a  good future and with your baby name not to be illegitimate then you have to  marry me...'  He was emotionally blackmailing me he knows how much i loved emma and will  do anything for her I said ' what about my parents.... who will tell them .? Now i have another tension about my parents how they will react to my  marriage  Alex said' i have already talk to them ( i looked shocked that without telling  me first he talked to them) Dont look me like that i wasn't sure you will  accept my proposal so i have to keep a plan B'  I galred him and said " so your plan B was to be blackmailed me by my parents'  He said smugly ' well don't give them that credit ... they are not happy with  our marriage as excepted... they were more than willing to accept my  marriage with any other girl then you, but i told them im marrying you  because emma'  I'm so hurt that my parents think so low of me that they are willing to marry  Alex with anyone except me ,  I said ' you don't...tell them about my pregnancy?  He replied ' They.... well how to say that ... your parents were actually  hurt by this news naturally you're taking their daughter place, so telling  them about the baby will might cause some more issues.. but after we  are married they have no say in this ... they will think that baby is  conceived after marriage'  I don't know if I should be grateful that he saved my baby from being labelled as a bastard by my family.  He looked up expecting an answer from me ' Kate we are getting married next week, I don't know why you are not agreeing but I can't just jeopardize my child's future and I don't think you want to jeopardize your child's future too. I don't want to marry ever after Emily but I’m doing it for Emma sake. ‘ He put such valid points. And I knew it was maybe my wishful thinking that maybe he would start loving our unborn baby if I married him and started to live with him. In this slightest ray of hope I can atleast live with the fact that my child will have a good childhood and respect that I never had. I nodded slowly and said ‘Ok. I will marry you’ He closed eyes in relief. After that he left and said he will meet me in legistrate office soon and there is no  need to bring any friend he has already arranged the witnesses. It is going  to be a very private wedding.