I'm Not Perfect ❣

The one to change my life.

"Be weird. Be random. Be who you are. Because you never know who would love the person you hide..."

❣❣❣

I wake up every day hoping that someday things would change but knowing that I would be the one to change my life. I go through the motions like it was nothing but hoping someone would see me the real me. Not someone that they think they see. I don’t know who I can confine in. I don’t know what is keeping me from being kind. I don’t know when I can trust someone. I don’t know where I can find myself. I don’t know why I feel the need to hide. I don’t know how I can truly save myself. I don’t know how I can let the real me come out. Is it because I am afraid or is it because I am just weak? I shut out all of my emotions. So that I can function properly and live a normal life but, what is normal there is no such thing as normal is there? Doing so is not enough anymore I want to break out, I want to make someone listen, I want to try to make someone understand what I am feeling. But I am afraid, why am I so afraid? Why can’t I trust people anymore? Is it because once I trust someone, they always end up letting me down. Why can’t I make someone listen? Are you hearing me? Why don’t you listen to me? Why can’t I make you understand? The pain I am feeling every day, the suffering that I am in. I just don’t want to always be sad. I want someone to save me from this misery I call my life. Are you there? Are you listening? Do you understand now? How I feel? How I can I possibly save myself? I tell myself it would get better but, lately it just gotten worse. I wondering will I see the light again? Will you help me? I am asking you to help me, please help me please. Before it’s all too late.

"Besty, okay ka lang ba? Naririnig mo ba ako?

Bumaling ang nalilitong tingin ni Xylie kay Maxim na halata ang pag aalala sa mukha. Masyadong malalim ang mga iniisip nya, nakalimutan nyang kasama pala nya ang kaibigan sa kanyang silid.

"Kung anuman yang gumugulo sa iyong isipan pwede mong ishare sakin baka sakaling makatulong ako sayo Besty."

Nagdadalawang isip sya kung magsasabi ba sya kay Maxim ng mga sekreto nya O sasarilinin pa rin nyang lahat. Pero sa huli natagpuan nyang sarili na nagkukwento na kay Maxim.

"There are some things about myself I can’t explain to anyone. There are some things I don’t understand at all. I can’t tell what I think about things or what I’m after. I don’t know what my strengths are or what I’m supposed to do about them. But if I start thinking about these things in too much detail the whole thing gets scary. And if I get scared I can only think about myself. I become really self- centered, and without meaning to, I hurt people. So I’m not such a wonderful human being."

Napabuntong hininga na lang si Maxim sa mga narinig mula sa kaibigan. Inabot nyang kamay nito saka hinawakan. Gusto nyang makatulong dito kahit man lang sa pagpapayo O pagdamay.

"Besty, There are sides of you that I know you don’t want to see. You don’t want to deal with all the different you’s there are hiding within you. You’re afraid you’ll ruin the safe place you’ve created if you let the other you’s roam free. And you know that once their out, you can’t put them back in. You know you’ll have to deal with them, so you deny them with all your might in hopes of convincing others and even yourself otherwise."

Pinisil ni Xylie ang kamay ng kaibigan. Narelax sya sa kadahilanang sa wakas may nakaintindi rin sa kanya. Yun lang ay sapat na para makaahon na sya sa depression na matagal na yang gustong takasan.

"Umalis na ba sya?"

Ang tinutukoy nya ay si Alexander ang taong nakabangga nya sa daan na naging sanhi ng pagkakaratay nya ngayon sa kama.

"Change topic kagad? Dipa nga nasosolve yung una eh may kasunod na kaagad?"

Nakataas ang kilay ni Maxim na ngayon ay inaayos ng kumot ni Xylie.

"Ang unang topic kasi ay very sensitive kaya saka na natin yun pag usapan kapag magaling na ako. Kaya kung pede lang naman ay sagutin mo ng tanong ko sayo! Yung totoong sagot ha, Besty."

May pagbabanta nyang sabi sa kaibigan na nakasimangot.

"Kanina pa sya umalis, bakit nami miss mo na kaagad? Tatawagan ko sya gusto mo ba?"

"Ha! May number ka nya? Close na kayo kaagad?"

"Hindi nuh! Napakasungit ng lalaking yun, bakla naman yata yun eh, kasi galit sa magagandang katulad ko."

"Wow... Typhoon Maxim signal #10, grabe ipo ipo ng dating mo ah."

"Tse, uwi na nga lang ako, nakakasira ka ng mood."

"Psst... Hoy! Dimu pa nga sinasagot yung tanong ko lalayas kana?"

Nagmamarchang bumalik si Maxim sa tabi nya dala ang tatlong paper bag na dala nya kanina ng magbanggaan sila nung lalaki.

"Dinala nya tong mga pinamili mo, kasi nasa kotse daw nya naiwan mo."

"Ah" yun lang ang tanging naisagot nya..

"Besty, magpagaling ka ha! Para makarampa na tayo."

Tumango na lang sya bilang sagot. Saka ipinikit ng kanyang mga mata. Naramdaman nyang paghalik ng kaibigan sa kanyang pisngi, napangiti sya dahil sa kasweetan nito.

"Mag iingat ka Besty, deretsong uwi ha! Saka syanga pala, salamat sa pag aalaga mo sakin. Na touch talaga ako sa kabaitan mo."

"Maliit na bagay... Sige bye na, ingat ka rin palagi Besty."

"Hmmm..."

Tanging naisagot nya sa kaibigan na lumabas ng kwarto nya, dinig pa ni Xylie ang pagsara nito ng pintuan.

'Araayyy... Bakit ba masakit pa rin ang katawan kooo... Juicekolord sana gumaling na ako huhu...

?MahikaNiAyana