I Love My Husband But....

Chapter 20

*  "Please don't reply back" "Hello Sir, this is Jessi," "Are you going to the park today" Is what I text him, then I realize that I told him not to text back, so I, tell him what time we will be there. I don't tell him that I'm taking him a piece of strawberry shortcake, but I, do take some to share with Zane's friends too and of course Luci's piece. (Yes, I made sure to also have more for my husband)

He has a big smile on his face, as he, walks over and so do I but this is normal for me, because, I smile at mostly everything. "Hey guys!" he says as he shakes Xane's hand. Then he shakes Luci's hand and I hold my hand out, and he, lightly squeezes it a little as he looks into my eyes. 

"I missed you guys," He says causing me to look over at Xane to see how he feels about this. It's weird hearing him say this, since we, just became friends and we weren't even gone for too long. (Who am I kidding I missed him too, but I can't tell him, or anyone else)  

"We couldn't come, because, my mom was feeling exhausted and then she was busy working," he explains before he shrugs. My poor, sweet son has no idea what his mom was going through. I smile awkwardly when Willis gives me a small smile. He seems to feel as embarrassed as I am, for having caused my 'exhaustion'. (Switch the word exhaustion with shame)

"Are you guys going to play basketball,?" I ask as I look at Willis, Zane and Jace to change the subject. "Actually, I wanted to walk around a little first," says Willis as he looks at me and then at the boys. 

"If you want me and Jace will keep Luci while you two walk around," says Xane as he tries to pick her up. She wags her finger and tells him no. "No you boys go play you've been in the house for a while now go stretch your legs" "Yes!" says Jace. "Sorry Jace, you've been released from your torturer I laugh. Luci is a bit rough thanks to Xane and she's a jokester. She likes to grab their game controllers when they aren't paying attention, then she runs to the living room and jumps on the couch. Xane also taught her to hit his friends with pillows and things, but nothing too hard and I stop her before she goes overboard. 

As we walk he keeps looking at me clearly wanting to say something. "What" "Do I have something on my face,?" I ask a little annoyed with being stared at like a specimen. "I just really missed you and I'm so happy you messaged me," He says with a big smile causing to smile as well and blush. "Well I think we make great friends" I say as I put Luci down to walk, as I, try to hide my smile.

"We'd make more than great friends," he says, but I pretend not to hear his comment. "I really wanted to hug you," he says when I don't answer him. I pick up Luci, so that, he doesn't get any ideas. "I don't think that's a good idea" I say as I hold her, even though, she wants to get down. 

"Luci will let me get a hug, won't you princess,?" he asks as he touches at her nose, causing her to giggle. "Can I?" "I guess, I mean... I'm holding her and-" He hugs me with one arm and puts his hand on her little back, and I blow out a relaxed breath, as he, squeezes me tighter. (He gives the best hugs)

 "Wait'' I say as I pull back a little to put Luci down, and then, I squeeze him. He chuckles and I feel him kiss the top of my head, and I'm surprised by the tear that falls from my eye. I turn my head to wipe it away on his shirt, then I pull back and I hope that he doesn't notice. (Well he let me use it as a handkerchief last time and I had way more tears.

He bends down to kiss my cheek and I lightly tap his chest. "What if she would have seen you?" "I was making sure that no one did" he says as he caresses my cheek, causing more tears to fall. "I don't know what's wrong with me," I say before I pick Luci up and turn around embarrassed. "Nothing is wrong with you," I don't say anything and I start walking away from him.

"Jess, I thought that you were my friend," he says as he puts his hand on my back after he catches up with me. (Not that I was going fast) I didn't want anyone to see me crying and, even though, he has seen me crying before, he'll think that all I do is cry.

 "We are, but I'm an embarrassing cry baby, okay," "You are definitely not a cry baby, you just have to let yourself feel," "Whether it's crying, laughing, or screaming," "You have to get it out somehow," "Even if you have to lash out and shout insults at me" he says with a smile. (Maybe having women to yell and degrade him turns him on)

 "I can't just yell at you if you haven't done anything," "I know you're not really angry at me Jess," "Maybe later" I say finding it weird. "It'll feel like a big release," (So he is a therapist) "If you come to my house, you'll be more comfortable screaming," "Because it will be just us," he says when I look at him with wide eyes. "You're afraid of being judged by people, if they walk by and see you," I nod understanding his reasons.

"Let's try different breathing techniques, but today we will only try one," "Have a seat" I sit down, and then, I give Luci her snacks so that she will be occupied. "Okay... now close your eyes," "I'll only hold your hands the entire time and I promise not to make a move," he says after I open them wide not liking the idea. How am I supposed to forget about that night, if he, keeps remanding me. (Actually, I keep reminding myself)

I close my eyes as he grabs my hands. "Take a deep breath and hold it in" I do as he says and I wait to exhale. "Now slowly blow it out" "Again, slow in and slow out" he says in a whisper. "Again" he says as his voice soothes me. 

"Relax your shoulders more" He puts his hands on my shoulders and he massages them. "You... need a massage," "But we'll work on that later" I nod agreeing with him as I continue to breathe with my eyes closed.

 "One last time, then slowly open your eyes" When I open my eyes, he's looking at my lips, and I can't help myself, and I lick them because suddenly they feel dry. He closes his eyes, and then, he blows out a slow breath. I guess he uses this technique as well. (Way to practice what you preach Sir) 

"Here, I have something for you, but don't eat it now" "Eat it later and then tell me how you liked it" I say as I reach my hand into the lunch bag. "Thank you," he says with raised eyebrows surprised by my gesture.

 "Well now I know what I'm having for dessert," he says when I give Luci her piece for being such a quiet, little, angel that she sometimes turns into. It's in her, it just doesn't come out as often.

"I can't wait to try it," I grab the container and I put my piece of cake on a plastic plate to fork feed him a bite, since I, don't really have an appetite for it. "This is delicious," he says with raised eyebrows. "Thank you, but it's just a simple recipe" "But the cake is homemade," "Yes it is" I say with an embarrassed smile. "Mostly everyone that I know buys the already made cakes for this," "But you can tell the difference" (Who knows how many women have made him the same cake?) I think to myself.

I hand him the rest of my piece of cake. "I'm not in the mood to eat," "Why not,?'' he says before taking another bite. "It usually takes me a while to settle down and to get my appetite back after I cry," "Do you cry a lot,?" he asks concerned. "No... but I used to," "Call me whenever you feel like you want to talk or cry" "Okay I will" I say as I give him a bottle of water to go with his cake. 

"Would your friends laugh at you, if they, saw you sitting on a the ground having a picnic with a toddler and a middle- aged woman" "They'd be jealous of me, because I'm in the company of a beautiful princess and a beautiful Goddess," I roll my eyes as I try to hide my smile by biting my lip.