I Love My Husband But....

Chapter 17

 * It had been a couple of days and my body was still not over him, but I paid it no mind. I bought enough groceries for a while the last time that I ran into him. I also bought extra snacks for the kids and even some for my husband. I just hid them and I only take them out when they ask for something. If I don't do this they will eat it all and I will have to go to the store. 

I was being the perfect wife to my husband. (Well I was trying to, but he, didn't seem to like this new change or rather old me back) He asked me months ago why I changed and stopped spoiling him, and now, he doesn't want me to. It was like he didn't care or want me to, so I stopped doing it again. (That's not my fault right?) (I mean, I tried) 

Since he didn't want me to massage his back or feet I decided to spoil him by cooking his favorite foods everyday instead of only doing it for his birthdays. (I'm still his therapist, his nurse, his accountant, his personal stylist,  his assistant when he works on the cars or around the house , and the list goes on)

I've only been eating a little because I haven't been as hungry. I guess I still feel the guilt of being a cheater. Why did I wait to get married to become a cheater. I have never been a cheater, not even when my boyfriend abused me. I had many opportunities, not only to leave him but to cheat as well, but I guess I was too in love to see anyone else. 

I ran around our house whenever I wanted to exercise, and we, either played in the backyard or the front, so that, I didn't have to go to the park. 

I let one of Xane's friends stay over a couple of nights too, because, I felt bad that my selfishness caused him not to be able to see his friends. I also tried to keep them out of Alex's way, because, he only has enough patience for us, so, adding other people to the mix may cause him stress. 

He is even like this when our nieces and nephews come over. His main thing is he doesn't like a lot of noise, and they, are very noisy and messy. I try to get him to understand, that they are kids and it's normal for them to want to play, but he, thinks that they should be quiet and sit still.

 We have fun and we play all day until he comes home. As soon as he pulls up they know the drill. I used to get mad, when he would turn down the television to where they could barely hear it, and I'd just wait until he was gone then I'd turn it back up.

 Of course I told him that it was jerky behavior, but he, said that it was too loud, and that, he could hear it from the room. Apparently it distracts him from sleeping, but he, still wouldn't close the bedroom door. I wonder about this man sometimes, but I still love him and he just needs someone to teach him. (Something I have been trying to do for years now, but I, have lots of patience, especially for the one's I love)

I had just made him a flan and prepared a foot bath for him, and he, surprises me by asking me to go to the store to get him some of his favorite ice cream. I was a little annoyed, since I, had spent my time making him a flan. But I can't be too mad because it didn't really take me a long time to make and it is pretty easy. 

I would ask Xane to come with me but he is in his room with his friend, and I, didn't really feel like dealing with Luci's car seat. I put on some clothes and I was on my way to the dreaded supermarket. The place that I used to run to for a little break, I now run from. 

I walk slowly and I keep my eyes forward like I used to do, before I, started looking for a candidate to fulfil my fantasy one night stand. (I never thought it would happen, I still can't believe it happened) I guess I should be thankful and happy that it was the best night of my life. (Romantically anyways) It would have sucked, if he would have been terrible in bed. 

I gasp when I see him and my uterus flutters when he smiles and waves. I smile back awkwardly and wave as well, then I, turn and walk away, so that, I can continue shopping and avoid him.

"Hey Jess how you doing,?" he asks from behind me. I take in a deep breath then I blow it out, before I turn to answer him. "I'm great Sir, how are you?" I ask avoiding his eyes as I pretend to look for something in my cart again. I can't just look at this man, it's even bad to look at him) (For me anyways) "Sir?" he asks seeming hurt. 

"I'm... I really have to go," "I'll see you later okay?" I say quickly wishing I didn't care about his feelings or hurting him. The truth is, I felt so much better after he hugged me and encouraged me the day that Xane and my husband were at odds. I wish I could make him happy too, but he, only wants to bed me again.

 "Okay," he says as I turn to leave. I get the rest of the things on my list, then I leave happy to have avoided him. (I don't actually have a list, but I'm stocking up, so that, I won't have to come out for a while) 

 "Jess," he says from behind me as I load up my jeep. "Yes, how may I help you?" I say without turning around, pretending not to know who it is. "Willis" I moan after he hugs me tightly from behind. "So you haven't forgotten my name," he whispers. I lean back against him, as he, hugs me but I snap out of it when I hear a baby crying, and I, slowly pull away. 

"I have to go," I say as I turn to face him. "When am I going to see you again,?" I don't say anything. I only put my hand on his chest and I slowly push him backwards, then I, close my trunk. "Bye Willis," I say with a small smile, as I, leave him standing there with the empty cart. 

I can't break the promise that I made with myself and to my husband, not even for him. (The man that hunts my dreams and fantasy's with pleasure) I glance at him in the rearview mirror and I feel so terrible leaving him there like that, but he, isn't my husband. I take a deep breath and I tell myself that there is no way that I can make them both happy. (That helps a little) (Very little)

When I get home, I kiss my husband on the cheek surprising him. Then I go to the kitchen to get him a slice of flan and some of his mint ice cream. He doesn't mix them together, he just likes to have a choice of at least two or more different flavors. I used to do this all the time, but he, got ungrateful so I stopped. Now I am on a mission to make up for cheating, even though, he doesn't know, and he, will never find out if I can help it. 

I sit in my spot on my couch and I start working. I have been working overtime lately to help me to keep my mind off of him. Even though, I haven't been making more money, I get off quicker and it gives me time to work on other projects.

 I'm thinking about starting another business, I might start in a month or so. I haven't told my husband, because he, is not really much of a driven person, and he's, a bit of a doubter. I will always look on the bright side of things, no matter how bad they seem, and he, sometimes makes bad moments worse. 

I don't know all of his family, so maybe, he acts like one or more of them because his mom and sisters are not like that. At least they've never acted that way around me. (But as my older sister once told me, 'You never know a person until you move in with them') There were so many times in my past where I should have remembered that. (So many crazy roommate stories)