Tank

20 - I'm not going anywhere

Tank

I follow Nova to the bedroom. I offered to leave, but she begged me to stay. She needs support right now, and I am honored that it's me she wants to support her.

I’ve tried so damn hard to fight what I feel for her. The more I fought it, the deeper I fell for her. Nova is a dangerous beauty.

Yes, that’s what I said, dangerous. I see it in her eyes.

How dangerous?

I haven’t worked that much out yet, but I will.

However, she’s also a scared mother who needs a little help to realize she is everything this little girl needs. The little girl now on her stomach looking right at us, the little girl who is the image of Nova. God, those big blue eyes of hers are looking right at me.

Ember blinks while looking at Nova. She recognizes her mother, even after being away from her for a month. The baby blinks again before a huge smile erupts across her gorgeous little face.

“Mama.” She points a tiny little finger at Nova, and Nova sucks back a sob.

The baby repeats the word again and again, giggling happily, wanting her mother to lift her.

“She definitely knows her mommy.” I chuckle.

“I used to whisper in her ear while I nursed her. I used to tell her, ‘Mommy loves you, Ember.’ She first said the word, Mama, the day before I left my apartment to come here. Mandy was walking toward her house carrying Ember. I tried to avoid them like I had for a while. Then I heard it, ‘Mama.’ My head shot up, and my baby was pointing at me like she is right now. My heart broke, and I ran.” She hangs her head.

I clasp her shoulder and kiss her head. “I’m here, baby. Take strength from me.”

She nods and takes a deep breath.

I watch Nova reach for the baby, who's now squealing in delight. “Hi, baby girl. Mommy missed you.” The baby squeals happily while clapping her tiny hands. Nova laughs and clasps the back of the baby’s head, bringing it down and kissing her forehead. “I love you so much, Ember.” She says while sitting down on the edge of her bed.

Ember begins to babble, and her baby talk makes me laugh.

“This is Tank. He’s a very nice man.” I smile and take a seat next to Nova on her bed. “He’s mommy’s very good friend. We were friends when we were kids.”

I smile because I like the fact that Nova remembers that.

Ember holds her arms out to me while trying to climb out of her mother’s arms. She’s a forward little thing. So trusting. I take her and hold her awkwardly. I have not held many babies in my life before this one.

“Don’t look so worried. You won’t hurt her. She likes you.”

“I like her too; she’s beautiful, just like her mom.” Nova shyly bites her lower lip while tucking her hair behind her ear. “How old is she?”

“Ten months.”

“You’re a tiny little thing, aren’t you?” Ember looks at me while chewing on her fist. Her big, trusting eyes are watching me, never faltering. Between the two of them, I am totally fucke.d. Prez is gonna kill me for what I’m about to say, but I’ll be a cunt if I don't say it. “I think your mommy should give Uncle Tank a chance. What do you think, Ember?”

“A chance at what?” Nova asks quietly.

I turn my head towards her, and baby Ember rests her little head on my shoulder. “A chance to prove I can be everything you ever needed.”

“You mean... Like a relationship?”

“Yes, a relationship. I want you to be my Old Lady. You called it when we were kids. It was inevitable.”

I cup her face with my free hand. I have no fuckin’ clue what I’m doing, but I’m gonna end up with my goddamn nuts in a vise for this.

“Your dad will more than likely kill me, but I can’t deny what I feel for you, Nova. This little girl, the moment I saw her, I knew I wanted to protect you both from everything, and yes, I know you’re quite capable of taking care of yourself, but you can lean on me, Nova.”

“I’ve always been alone, Tank. It’s just who I am. I don’t even know if it would work between us. You don’t even know me.”

“Then we'll get to know each other. Let me take you out.”

“And what about Ember? What do you suppose I do with her?” She smiles as I chew on my lip, trying to think of a solution.

“We could just have dinner. We don’t even have to go anywhere.” I look down at the baby girl, stroking my chest with her tiny hand. I smile and kiss her head. “I just wanna spend some time with you both. Get to know both of you. I won’t hurt you, Nova. That’s not what I’m about. But I will protect you with my life.” I tuck her hair behind her ear. “I’ve wanted to make you my Old Lady since the first moment I saw you again.”

Nova sucks in a deep breath and closes her eyes for a second. When she opens them again, she smiles right at me.

“It’s weird, but I’ve never thought about being anybody’s anything, but when I met you, I imagined myself belonging to you. Then I thought, how could I belong to a man whose name I don’t even know? Okay, I know your name, I remember that much from when we were kids. But I don’t remember anything about your family. I vaguely remember your dad, but not your mom or if you had siblings. I was too young to take in all the info.”

It’s not wrong of Nova to want to know these things. If I want to make her mine – and I do want to – then I need to tell her about myself. Even though I’ve never told any woman anything about myself that mattered, even though Shepard will kill me when he finds out what I have planned for his daughter.

“Okay, so my name is Haiden Marshall. I’m twenty-eight years old. I have one brother, no parents.” She narrows her eyes slightly. “I’m sure you heard that they died before I reached sixteen. My brother, Sam, was twenty at the time. He took care of me. Without him, I don’t know what would have happened to me.

“My father was a member of the Snakes Henchmen. Your grandfather, Apollo, was the President at the time. My dad, Titus, was a higher member of the club back then, Sergeant-At-Arms. My father, BlackJack, and Shepard were more than brothers. They bled together, shed blood together. We had many good family days together. After my mom and dad died, Shepard took my brother and me in for a while. My brother was already a member, already patched, working his way to earning a higher rank,”

I take a deep breath as she takes my hand in hers.

Why does this feel so right?

Baby in my arms, Nova by my side?

This little girl isn’t of my blood, I’ve known about her for two hours, yet I feel my heart swelling with love for her. The love I have for her mother.

Did I really just say the fuckin' L-word?

I did, and I mean it whole-heartedly. I love Nova. I have no idea how it happened. I’ve known her for a month, and she’s already ingrained in my heart and mind. God, the two of them already mean everything to me. I could love this baby as if she were mine. I don’t give a damn where she came from. I could love her mother as my Old Lady, my wife.

Ah, hell, where the fuc.k did that come from?

My wife?

I know I said I was ready for it, but I’ve always loved getting my dic.k wet and not caring a shi.t which tight puss.y that made it happen. I love fuckin’ hard, fast, forcefully. I like to fuc.k women into the damn mattress, the fuckin’ floor, wherever I can.

That’s why you haven’t touched another woman since you met Nova?

When I look at Nova, I realize I’m not that man anymore. I haven’t been that man since I first set eyes on her. I have to make her mine; there’s no maybes about it. She’s mine, and I have to make her see why, even if Shepard does castrate me for it. Nova is worth it. She’s the girl I’ve been waiting for all these years. The girl I have yearned for since my parents passed away and left me with no real family but my brother.

“I have so much respect for Shepard. He cared for me when I was nothing more than a scrawny kid who lost his parents in a revenge attack on the club.”

Nova sucks in a breath but doesn’t say anything. She strokes my big hand with her delicate fingers.

“Jett was a few months younger than me but had already taken his road name because he knew who he was since the age of eleven, or so he told me. Your grandfather had told Jett he’d be President one day and that he was so proud of Jett for wanting to be the man he knew he’d always grow up to be. Whenever family days came up, those days when the members would take their families to biker events, Apollo would make sure everyone knew who his grandson was. Jett, because he was strong and fast, powerful like a jet engine.

“Jett was a big-built kid, tall and strong. I soon followed his routine each day, running, working out, school, and more working out. It didn’t take me long to gain the muscle.”

I smile to myself as the little fingers on Ember’s other hand flex on my bicep. She’s a curious little thing.

“By the time I was fifteen, Apollo had named me Tank. He, along with half the MC, including your dad and mine – it was before he died – had seen me beat a guy for upsetting Willow, which then upset Lynette.”

Willow is twenty-four years old now, not Shepard’s biological daughter, but his daughter nonetheless, and a sister to me all our lives.

Back then, she was a shy, scared little thing. Guys seemed to think it was okay to bully her and make her feel inferior. At the tender age of twelve, none of us could fathom why anyone would want to bully her, let alone boys. Jett and I wouldn’t stand for it. In our eyes, Willow was our sister, and nobody messed with our family.

But this particular day was vile. She was twelve years old, and Jett and I were teaching her a little self-defense in the front yard at Shepard’s place. My mom, Jett's, and Hawk’s mother, BlackJack’s wife, Taylor, were all inside.

Two idiot.s yelled something – can’t remember what anymore, but it was vile – Jett let his mouth run off with him. Big guys started in on us. My mother and his came running out of the house. Bastards said something vile to Lynette, Jett beat the shi.t outta one of them, and I took on the other. We fucke.d them up like you wouldn’t believe.

We became junior members then and there. Jett and Tank, a force to be reckoned with. Even at that young age.

“Apollo said that I hit with devastation like an army tank would. It stuck, and I’ve been Tank ever since.”

“Wow. I had no idea. Will I get to meet your brother? I assume he’s still with the club? I don’t remember him from when we were kids. Maybe it's because he was so much older.”

“He is. You’ve met him already. A few times. You seem to have a soft spot for him.” Nova scrunches her eyes in confusion, and it’s so fuckin’ cute it makes me laugh. “Hammer,” I tell her through my laughter.

“Hammer is your brother? Like your real brother, as in the same parents?” I nod my head. “Oh my God, that makes so much sense as to why I feel a connection to him. I couldn’t put my finger on it before. God, you don’t look alike.”

“No. He looks more like our mother, and I look a lot like our father.” I bring her hand up to my lips and plant a kiss on her knuckles. “I don’t have much to offer you, Nova. Nothing but my heart, but I’ll give it to you wholly. All in, nothing left behind.”

“There’s a lot that I still need to deal with, Tank. A lot of crap I’ve tried to put behind me, but it hasn’t been easy. However, I’ll get there. I know I will. Then there’s this little lady.” She strokes Ember’s back gently. The little girl is now asleep in my arms.

Well fuc.k me, it seems I have the magic touch.

“I need a stable home for her, Tank. I know I’m never going to be able to give her a normal life. Not with who my father and brother are. But I don’t want Ember to see death and devastation the way I did growing up. She needs a mother and father who will put her first, protect her from harm, and love her like she’s the most precious jewel in their crown.”

“And you don’t think we could do that?”

“I don’t know.” Nova averts her eyes, looking down at our entwined hands. “I think I’d like to try. I think we should spend some time getting to know each other. The two of us, and sometimes the three of us. If you’re really serious about us, then we need to go slow. I don’t want to rush into anything.”

I smile while clasping the back of her head, bringing her forehead down to my lips, and softly kissing her head. “As slow as you want, sweetheart. I’m not going anywhere.”

And I genuinely mean that.