Afraid to Love

10

I woke up the next morning happy, content, and couldn’t wait for the day to begin.

I got up, got dressed, put on jeans, a white shirt, and grabbed some white boots to go with it. I put my hair up into a loose pony tail before perfecting my makeup and looking and waiting for messages from Nick.

So, I called him. He didn’t answer but responded back that he was in a team meeting and that the game started in two hours. All I had to do was go to the front desk, say that I had a ticket in my name and I would be taken care of.

I liked the idea of being able to walk up and get my ticket, but the taken care of part was a little weird. But I got up, went down and drank some coffee before looking for something to eat.

I got an UBER to the arena and walked in and saw that I had a little badge and ticket and an escort. They took me to the ‘booth’ and I kind of hated that I wasn’t down near the ice but from up here I could see everything.

I sat on the edge of the room, watching the pre-games, and I saw Nick on the phone. He looked a little mad and I couldn’t help but wonder if he was talking to someone we both know, or someone new.

I bit my lip and saw him toss it into his bag before he started to look into the stands. He pulled someone aside that looked to be a security guard and he pointed to the stands where I was.

I waited as the other team took the ice and when the same guy came in and called my name I raised my hand. “Hello, Nick Samuels sent me up here to see if you would like to just meet him after the game.” He said, and I was confused. Not to mention half way to pissed. He wanted me here… he knew I would have to rearrange my appointments to be here, and when I do, he wants me to go?

“Is he asking me to leave?” I asked, and the guy looked uncomfortable as he licked him lips and fidgeted.

“Should I ask him that?”

“Yes, because he took me on a date, asked me to rearrange my schedule and I did… if he didn’t want me here I could have waited while getting paid to do so.” I said after I collected myself. I knew that this guy was getting orders from him, and not just being rude.

“Okay… I can see if I can use a phone to get in touch with them.” He nodded towards the ice and I just nodded and clenched my jaw as I focused back on the ice. He was sitting with his teammates, laughing and playing and I could see them all being led in pep talk.

I waited all of 20 minutes when they called the first foul. I watched Nick talk to someone else and he looked up towards where I was sitting, and I narrowed my eyes.

What the hell was he doing to me?

“Ma’am, he just said that he realized that it was selfish to get you to come here.” I rolled my eyes at the lie and just sighed.

“Tell him that I’m already here. But if he really wants me to, I will leave.” I said and looked to the scoreboard and saw the two points his team had already scored.

“Okay.” The kid said before looking confused before nodding once again and rushing out of the room. I watched the other team now, noticing how they were all talking, all getting ready to resume the game.

I watched until half time, not getting any more responses from that worried kid, and then I saw what they were doing. “The players wives.” On both teams came out and showed their support for their husband and I was watching the touching moment of them saying how much they appreciate their support, and that’s when I saw it.

Nick, down there, about to be kissed by a woman with a huge rock on her finger. I didn’t hear what she said, I didn’t hear what he did, but I saw the rock, I saw his jersey on her body, and I saw them kiss twice.

I stood and wiped the tears from my face before heading out of the box and down the stands until I got to the front of the stadium. I got another ride home, then another to a CarMax and looked around until I found something I could be comfortable in.

A cherry red Dodge Spartech thing and rolled off the lot. I was just getting home and setting things up when I got a call. I looked at the ID before opening it up and seeing my brother.

“Hey.” I whispered and waved, and he narrowed his eyes and I gulped.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, and I saw the wince in his face and I narrowed my eyes right back.

“How about you tell me.” I told him, and he sighed and sat up.

“Guess who is coming for a visit early?” He asked, and I felt my chest start to hurt.

“Why, what happened?” I asked, and he sighed.

“I just got shot… it’s fine. I am all patched up, I am going to need PT and a couple weeks to heal, and in all honesty… I might not be deployed again.” He said, and I couldn’t help the smile on my face. “It’s not happy news for me, but for you… I guess.”

“Are you kidding? I have been waiting for you to be shot!” I said sarcastically, and I sighed. “Where are you? When are you going to be on your way?” I asked, and he cleared his throat before sitting up.

“I’m stateside… Near LAX but going to get a plane ride to you. Got a car yet?” He asked, and I smiled.

“I just got one a little while ago.” I told him, and he smiled at me and seemed to relax a bit. “I think I know who you can go to for the PT.” I said, and he sighed.

“I don’t need to think about that right away, I kind of just want to rest, heal, and get back to 100%.” He told me, and I just nodded and licked my lips.

“Okay, well when are you going to be on your way?” I asked and started to shift back and forth. “Did you call mom and Maggie?” I asked, and he looked guilty.

“No… and I don’t want you to either. I want to be able to walk and preform simple stuff before they even know, that way they don’t have to worry about it.” He said, and I rolled my eyes and covered my mouth.

“Mark.” I whispered and covered my face.

“Hey, I helped you keep secrets for years Sof! Do this one and we are even.” He pointed at me through the phone and I watched him look up, nod and then someone went behind him and started to push.

“Are you in a wheelchair?” I asked, and he sighed.

“I am at a hospital, they wheel everyone out.” He told me and brushed it off.

“Well hurry up and get here. I have another secret to tell you and you are not going to like it.” I said, and he shifted his eyes to me and I waited as he asked silently.

“Sofia.” He ordered, and I just looked towards him and sighed.

“You’ll know when you get here. I am going to start cleaning up a spare bedroom.” I said, and he nodded.

“I am getting in a cab, getting on a plane, getting to you. I will message you when we land.” He told me, and I just nodded before he sighed. “You will tell me.” He stated, and I nodded.

I went up the stairs after he hung up and got his room ready, got so caught up in making things clean and nice that once I was done I felt my chest start to hurt. I sat on the bed, and I started to cry.

I cried for what could have happened to my brother, and what Nick did to me. I cried and cried for what seemed like hours but was less than half of one.

Then I went downstairs and heard light knocking on the door and I waked closer to it before seeing his car parked out front and I just stayed hidden.

“I heard you come down the stairs Sofia. Open up. Let me talk.” Nick called out and knocked once more but I stayed out of sight. “Sofia!” He called out and started to bang and I backed up even more.

He stopped, and I heard the door creek and I walked closer and peered out, he was leaning back on it. I sighed lowly and gathered my courage to go and open it.

He jerked back when I did, and he looked at my face. “Sugar-” He had reached for me and I slapped his hand away.

“You made me the other woman. You made me believe that you still loved me. You did this. And you can’t come back from ruining me all over again.” I said and shook my head when he tried to reach for me again.

“I ruined you? Sofia, you told me to leave, you told me that you could do better with out me around you. You ruined me!” He shouted at me and I worked my jaw. “All of your issues, all of your flaws, I took them in stride. I took them, and I knew that I could live with them, but then you just blow up and make things worse. I loved you Sofia.” He told me, and I heard the past tense and it all made sense. It was a joke.

“I told you those things, so you would go and live your life in college and not defer. You had plans and goals and I was not going to stop you.” I told him and shook my head. “And I guess you wanted to get back at me by cheating on your wife and making me the one thing in the world that I hate the most. I pushed you away, so you could be better than what I was going to end up being. And then you waltz back into my life, date me, and make a fool of myself at your game. Joke is on you Nick, I always knew you could do better.” I said and moved to close the door.

He let me, but he stayed there for a good ten minutes before I heard his truck start up.

I waited another 20 minutes before I got Mark’s call and I got my jacket, my purse, my new car keys before heading out. I got in my car, backed out and waited for a while on the busy street before using the GPS to get to the right airport.

Once I was there I parked in the wheelchair place because he was being wheeled out in one and I helped him get up, and into the car and put the seat back and he grabbed my face this time and looked at me.

“Who the f**k made you cry?” He asked, and I looked at him.

“You did… I was making your room and I started to think about how I shouldn’t give you white sheets because you might bleed on them, and then I wondered more about your gun shots, and then I got all worried about what happened, and how close you got to death.” I whispered and started to tear up again and he pulled me in for a hug.

“That is only part of it.” He told me when I went around and got in my own seat.

“Nick is around.” I told him, and he focused on me as I backed up and out of the spot.

“Samuels?” He asked, and I nodded before looking over at him as I got into a line of cars.

“He’s married, I did not know that.” I said, and he sighed and looked out the window.

“He got your hopes up?” He asked me, and I gulped.

“He took me on the most amazing date actually.” I said, and he refocused on me. “He made me the other woman.” I said and shook my head. “Had the nerve to invite me to a game where his wife would be. So, I could see them kiss, and her thank him.” I said and felt the pain all over again and I felt Mark grabbed my hand.

“I’ll beat his ass.” He stated, and I just looked over at him.

“He did tell me that you didn’t let him into Maggie’s wedding.” I said, and he sighed.

“That damn tattle tale, he always told you everything.” He grumbled, and I rolled my eyes.

“Well, I am going to thank you now.” I said, and he laughed lightly and then groaned.

We were quiet the rest of the way to my house and he groaned looking at the stairs and I giggled as I started to help him go up.

“Already got a new hook up?” I heard Nick’s voice and I looked up and around before looking behind me and I felt Mark wince when my hand touched his stomach to keep him steady. “Really Sofia? Are you drunk?”

“Back off Nick.” I said when I saw Mark’s hands fist slowly in the corner of my eye.

“No… you want to talk about me cheating on my wife that is actually not my wife, and you go out and get some random guy? Where did you get him?” He asked walking up the few steps and I bit my lip.

“You better watch who you talk to ass wipe. We both know my sister doesn’t drink, and you are too good of a hockey player to not see that you are on thin ice.” Mark snapped and turned, going down stairs before getting in Nick’s face.

“Mark, we both know that you’re in no shape to fight. Let’s get you inside and leave the little boy to make up stories.” I said and grabbed my brother and got him away from Nick.

I saw the worry in Nick’s eyes, but he had no right. I helped Mark back up the stairs and let him inside before turning to get his duffle bag. I passed Nick and when I went back up the stairs he caught my arm.

“We need to talk Sof.” He told me, and I laughed.

“No, I think I am going to go to a bar, get super drunk and bring someone I am related to home to fuck.” I said and pushed his hand from my arm. “You had your chance to explain. You didn’t.” I said and moved farther up. “Please leave me alone.” I said and got to my door before locking it and heading to the living room.

“What did he say?” Mark asked putting some of my pillows behind his back in my recliner.

“Still too in shock to see you.” I lied easily and walked over to him and sighed. “Now… where were you shot?”

“He’s going to keep coming back. We both know that. What are you going to do?”

“Restraining order?” I offered out knowing he wasn’t just going to give me all the details.

“What about telling him about the kid?”