Afraid to Love

4

She didn’t wake up until almost 2 in the morning, and she did have a hell of a time talking. She was talking with her whole tongue. She panicked and started to cry, and I told her that I could fix it within 5 months. That she would relearn how to talk. And she calmed down.

Afterwards she had to take some meds, get more sleep and I excused myself. I was walking out when I felt someone walking just behind me, and just by the hairs on the back of my neck, it was Nick. “What do you want?” I asked as I kept walking.

“I’m going to walk you to your car.” He said it like it was obvious and I sighed and stopped.

“I don’t have a car yet. I didn’t need one. I just moved here last week. I sold my Buick.” I told him, and he looked hurt and shocked.

“You sold Roxy?” He asked, and I rolled my eyes.

“Her name was not Roxy. She didn’t have a name. She was not a she. It was a car.” I told him, and he groaned.

“She so had a name. She had a personality. Like how she hated to be almost empty-”

“Do you want the money?” I asked him and glared a bit.

“No! I just wish you would have told me, so I could buy it.” He said, and I rolled my eyes yet again.

“Really Nick? I should have tracked you down and told you that I was selling my car, so I could turn around and sell it to you?” I asked and crossed my arms as I got outside, and he laughed lightly.

“I guess not... well how are you getting home?” He asked, and I kept walking.

“Uber.” I said and opened my purse before looking for it. I grabbed it and he grabbed my hand and pulled it from me.

“Think of me as a free Uber.” Nick smirked, and I saw the old dimples coming out to play and I was always a sucker for that smile and smirk of his.

“Fine. But you better not stalk me.” I pointed at him and he only smiled before trying to link our fingers as he pulled me towards the parking lot. He fished out his keys as we got to a truck and the lights flashed bright as he unlocked it and went to open my door.

“Buckle up.” He said, and I knew I didn’t have to be told twice. He was always a crazy driver. I looked around his car, for any kind of perfume smells, or panties in the back but all I saw was a kid’s car seat and I froze as he opened his door.

“Got a kid?” I asked with a laugh and he smirked as he got in his side and I waited.

“Jealous?” He asked, and I rolled my eyes and shook my head at his nonsense and focused out the window waiting for him to turn the car on. “Oh, come on. I take Sarah out. Yesterday before she came in for the checkup I took her to breakfast. I still have it in the back seat because I don’t have people who just sit in the back seat.” He said and shrugged it off as he started the truck and put it into gear.

“It’s only a couple blocks to the left.” I said when we got to the drive way out of the parking lot.

“Okay.” He said and turned on his blinker. We stayed quiet while he drove and when I told him to pull over he took the initiative to stop and look around. “Which driveway?”

“The green house.” I told him pointing to it and I saw the look on his face as he pulled in and turned off his car.

“What you always wanted. Two stories. Green. No fence, stairs all the way up.” He said and looked over at me before pushing his door opened.

“Don’t-” I said watching him take the stairs two at a time. He wasn’t going to give up until he had seen the inside.

“Come on Sof, I got to see what else you got.” He said waiting at the top and clicked his car alarm on and I sighed as I pushed open the door and covered my alarm as I undid it and he walked around.

“Don’t- shoes.” I called out to him when he kept walking in.

“Of course, my mistake.” He laughed lightly and toed off his boots before looking around. “A recliner. Sectional. Flat screen. All carpet.” he said stepping into the room and I followed after kicking off my own shoes. He walked around the room, looking at my movies. Looking at the music and some pictures. “Glad to see Mark is still in the Marines.” He said looking over at me.

“Haven’t seen him in about two and a half years. Supposed to find his way here this spring.” I shrugged knowing it could always be postponed like the last two years.

“Career?” He asked, and I nodded. “What about Maggie?”

“Married, two kids. Manager of Target.” I said loosely, and he waited.

“Good for her.” He nodded, and I just watched him look around my home.

“What are you looking for?” I asked crossing my arms as I followed him through the door leading to the kitchen.

“Cookies?” He asked seeing the old cookie tin my mom used to make me take to school. He grabbed it and it was like a kid in the candy store reaction as he pried it open and took three before looking around. “Good fridge. I have one just like it. Big oven, what you always wanted.” He said before taking a huge bite of one cookie and groaning like he was in heaven.

“Don’t get crumbs everywhere.” I sighed, and he looked down before licking the crumbs from his mouth.

“Moveable island. Wood countertops. Grey plates.” He said in wonder like he was trying to figure that part out. “Got your own laundry room?” He asked, and I nodded. “Is it warm?”

“Maybe.” I said, and he smiled before going to look for it. It was right next door, so I knew he would find it.

“Oh, those are the good ones.” He called out and I sighed before moving to the stairs, so I could stop his searching. My room was bare. My closet was half sorted and he sure as heck wasn’t going to see the other rooms. “What’s this?” he asked walking back towards the front door. I got up and saw he was looking at the dog door.

“A dog door. I don’t know how to get rid of it without buying a whole new door.” I said crossing my arms and he looked back at me.

“Ryder would love it.” He said, and I felt that name hit me hard. Ryder was his dog. Got him as a puppy our last year in high school. One of our teachers had a dog who had puppies and his parents said he could take one home. He let me name him.

“You still have him?” I asked, and he nodded like that was an obvious answer.

“Got himself a girlfriend that is expecting puppies next door too.” He said, and I just raised my eyebrow as he walked towards me. “He misses you.” He told me, and I sighed.

“He forgot all about me.” I challenged, and he smirked.

“Wanna bet?” He asked turning towards me fully as he stood up from his squatted position and crossed his arms.

“Ready to lose?” I asked, and he smirked.

“First thing in the morning I will come get you and bring you to my place... and he will know you.” He stated, and I lost my own little smirk.

“What are you doing Nick?” I asked and leaned against the wall.

“Getting to know you... and being a friend.” He said and I kind of glared at him. “And wanting to keep tabs on you. Is that so wrong?” He asked with a laugh and I nodded this time.

“Yeah... because one... I don’t need you to keep tabs on me.” I said, and he sighed and walked towards me.

“Where’s the bedroom?” He asked with a small smirk and when I started to shake my head he started to run towards the stairs that sort of spiraled. “This house is built like it was made in your dreams.” He laughed, and I sighed as I followed him up.

“That’s the guest-” I called out seeing him head to the right.

“Right... you wanted to be on the left.” He said and headed to the only closed door and pushed it open before walking in. I followed him in and saw him sitting on the bed. “It’s nice.” He said slightly bouncing on it before laying back. “I like it.”

“So do I.” I said, and he sat up.

“Got enough space for your shoes?” He asked me looking towards the bathroom instead of the closet like he thought he was heading into. “Oh... huge tub. I could fit in that. Glass shower.” He said walking into it and looking at the water settings and then seeing two sinks. “Built for a couple.” he said and crossed his arms and looked at me.

“Don’t do that.” I said and went back towards my bed and sat down.

“Do what?” He asked and bounced his eyebrows again and I sighed.

“You know what you are doing.” I said and moved to my bed to sit down.

“Tell me what I am doing.” He stated, and I smiled at him slightly before shaking my head.

“I am hoping you’re going home... because one... I am tired, and two, you said you had a practice tomorrow, so go home.” I said and took a long moment before going towards my dresser and grabbed a complete outfit and I waited for him to either leave or say something.

“Still got all of your clothes in little outfits huh?” He asked me, and I looked at everything in my hands before looking to him.

“Yes, I do. It works. It cuts out time in my morning.” I said and tossed them on the bed and he looked to me and then the bed and then towards the door.

“So, what’s going to happen Sof? Am I going to walk out of your house and only see you when you are helping Sarah? Or am I going to come back in the morning after you’ve had some sleep, and take you to my place?” He asked me, and I gulped and looked at the clock on my nightstand before looking around for my calendar.

“Let me see.” I told him and walked towards my small desk and started to flip through it. I might know that I don’t have a lot of clients with set up therapy dates, but I knew that my siblings called in the morning for Video Chats, we had set them up, so it would be a three way.

I looked at the dates, tried to remember what today would be, and when I saw it was going to be empty I agreed. “So, what time?” He asked with the big smile that always used to melt me.

“I don’t know… I need at least eight hours.” I told him and moved to crack my neck and was relieved when it resulted in more than just one good one on each side.

“Okay, well. I will see you at 11.” He told me, and I sighed and moved to grab my clothes from my bed.

“I’ll walk you out.” I told him and moved to follow him all the down stairs. But then he paused and looked down at me. “What?”

“Can I have more cookies?” He asked, and I huffed and rolled my eyes but was honestly trying to hide my smile.

“Since I shouldn’t consume them all, yes you may.” I waved him away and he rushed into the kitchen and I heard the suction of the cookie jar give way and I moved to get his shoes ready for him before tossing my clothes onto my couch, so I wouldn’t hold them while I closed everything up.

“I missed these.” His voice called out and I turned to watch him eating one in three bites as he walked towards me and this time I did give him a small smile.

“I know you know how to make them.” I said, and he made a face.

“Mine come out hard as a rock.” He told me, and I just watched him shove his feet in the shoes I laid out for him and I winced at the mistreatment of shoes, but he never cared. “I will see you tomorrow.” He stopped in front of me, looking down into my eyes.

I tensed hard when I saw him lean in just a bit. His eyes shifted between mine and he moved his torso away from me, and towards the front door and pulled it open. He nodded like he understood that I was not ready for him to give me any kid of kiss, or any kind of love.

“For what it is worth sugar,” I inhaled at the old nickname and he stepped out. “I never meant what I said, and for eight years I have thought about how I would apologize when I got to see you again.” He stated, and he just gave me an award-winning smile before he nodded and leaned in. “And tomorrow, tomorrow I get to start making up for what I said.” He told me, and I opened my mouth to say something, but my brain was not forming any kind of response.

So, he nodded at me and grabbed ahold of the doorknob before tugging it closed after he left. I stood there for what felt like half an hour before going and locking the door and going to grab my clothes. I changed in my laundry room, went to get a cookie before bed and saw one sitting on a napkin with a number under it.

No canceling tomorrow!

~N

I sighed and hated how well he knew that I would go for a cookie but put the number near the coffee maker before going up my stairs, to the left bedroom, pulling my covers from under the pillows and laid there, clearing my mind and falling sound asleep.