Crashing into Love

Chapter Eight

Lumabas ako ng bahay at dumeretso sa beach. Maaga pa pero marami ng tao sa dalampasigan. Eight thirty palang yata. I sat on the sand and watched people walk past me. Tatlong araw ko ng iniiwasan si Raven.

Kapag kakatok siya sa bahay ay hindi ako lumalabas. Kapag tatanaw ako sa bintana ay makikita ko siyang nakaupo sa porch ko. But still, hindi ako nakikipag-usap sa kanya.

I don't want to talk to him, or see him, or even hear his voice. He's pure danger. Kapag nandiyan siya ay parang gusto ko ng hayaan ang sarili ko na maramdaman ang isang bagay na pilit kong iniiwasan.

Tahimik lang akong nagmamasid sa mga taong naglalakad at nagsiswimming. My heart sank as I thought about Raven for one more time. Iwinawaksi ko siya sa isip ko pero wala talaga.

"You're ignoring me." Said a cold voice coming from behind me.

My body went rigid. I shut my eyes tightly as I felt his presence coming closer. Tumayo ako at hindi siya nilingon. Naglakad na agad ako palayo pero nahila niya agad yung kamay ko. He twisted my body and now I'm facing him.

That face. That wonderfully made face that launches missiles and projectiles inside my body. I searched his face and saw many emotions hidden in his features. Sadness. Confusion. And the one that was most visible? Pain. It was there and it stabs me right in the heart.

"You're ignoring me and it stings." He murmured and I looked down. I stared at my two feet, my ten toes, my slippers. I stared down for seconds just to avoid his piercing stare that penetrates through my soul.

"Hanggang kelan mo ba ako planong iwasan? Does it give you some weird sense of satisfaction to know that it affects me even though it's not supposed to?" May halong inis niyang tanong. Ayaw niya paring bitawan ang braso ko, sa wakas ay nakaipon na ako ng lakas na salubungin ang titig niya.

"You got to stop. You have to stop, Raven." I whispered. Nangunot ang noo niya. "I can't. I care for you and-"

"Then stop caring for me." Mariing agap ko sa sinabi niya. Tinalikuran ko na siya at nagpatuloy sa paglalakad. He followed me. His presence irks me and simultaneously makes me happy.

"You can't just shut me out!" Sigaw niya mula sa likod ko. Hindi ko na siya nilingon pero sumagot ako. "Watch me."

His hand tugged at mine and he lead me to an empty cottage nearby. "Pasok." Masungit niyang anas. I shook my head and tried to wrench my hand away but my attempts were in vain.

Half annoyed, he scooped me up and placed me over a bamboo table. I kicked him and scratched him again but he didn't even flinch. "Ano ba! Just let go, will you?!" Galit kong sigaw habang sinasapak ang dibdib niya. He shook his head and trapped both of my legs by encasing them in his own. Inipit niyang maiigi ang binti ko sa mga binti niya kaya hindi ako makasipa o makatayo.

"We are going to talk." Malamig niyang saad na naging sanhi ng pagtalon ng puso ko. s**t.

"No."

"Fine by me. It's either you cooperate or we'll stay here until you cooperate. I'm not giving you a damn choice, Claire. We're gonna talk whether you like it or not."

"I hate you, Raven." Binigyan ko siya ng matalim na tingin pero tinaasan niya lang ako ng kilay bago ngumisi sakin. Oh, how I wanted to smack his face.

"You don't hate me, Claire. You're just saying that because I have you cornered now." He gave me a smug smile but I just crossed my arms while glaring at him.

"Tumigil ka. Hindi ako natutuwa sayo." Pagtataray ko, ngunit mukhang hindi siya apektado. "Bakit mo ako iniiwasan?"

Naging seryosong muli ang ekspresyon niya. Hindi ko malaman kung ano ang isasagot. I just hate explaining myself. I don't want to give myself away but his stare melts me and turns my knees to jell-o.

"Sinabi ko na sayo kung bakit diba? I don't want to have anything to do with you anymore, Raven. I'm sorry." Yumuko ako pero narinig ko ang pagpalatak niya.

"Why can't you just stop building walls around you? Why do you have to put barriers between us?" His hands took mine and he pressed them. It was as if he was urging me to speak up. I was almost tempted to tell him the reason but at the last minute, I was able to grasp the true nature of what's happening right now.

If I let him in, then it would mean that I'm letting him meet his own doom. The truth dawned on me and it hurtled towards me like a speeding car. I am simply kind enough to spare him the trouble.

"You will never understand me." Nalulungkot na anas ko. He interlaced our fingers. Itinaas niya ito para makita ko. Hinigpitan niya ang hawak niya rito habang nakatingin sakin habang ako ay nakatitig lang sa kamay naming dalawa. "Why don't you try explaining to me, then? I got you, Claire. I got you."

Hindi ko na napigilang mapahikbi ng dahil sa sinabi niya. He looks alarmed as he cupped my face and wiped my tears using his thumb. Niyakap niya ako at naamoy ko na naman ang mabangong amoy ng katawan niya. My tears are dousing his shirt but he doesn't seem to care.

"Hush, baby. It's okay. Sorry. Damn, sorry. I won't press you anymore, just please stop crying." He sounds worried. Niyapos ko narin siya at binaon pa lalo ang ulo ko sa dibdib niya. I can hear his heart as it thumped crazily on his masculine chest.

Hinimas niya yung buhok ko habang pinapatahan ako. I even felt a kiss on the top of my head. I felt something at the pit of my stomach. It's something I never felt before. It feels so calming yet so terrifyingly destructive.

"Shhh, it's okay. I'm here." Sabi ng marahang boses niya. He straddled me tighter and I just can't deny that my heart leapt for a couple of times.

"I can't tell you." Mahinang sabi ko.

I just can't tell him the reason. I'm not ready yet. I just can't afford to say it. Not here. Not now. Maybe not ever.

Iniharap niya ako sa kanya at dinampian ng halik ang noo ko na nakapagpapikit sakin. "Okay." Tila nakakaintinding sagot niya.

Gulat na napatingin ako sa kanya. "Okay l-lang sayo?" Halos hindi makapaniwalang tanong ko. He gave me a gentle and meaningful smile before nodding. "Yep. Okay lang sakin na hindi mo sabihin, basta wag mo lang akong iiwasan. Basta dito ka lang."

"Kung hindi kita iiwasan ay-" I was cut off when he spoke while arching a brow.

"Ay ano? Mahuhulog ka sakin at mahuhulog ako sayo? So what, Claire Faith? You act as if falling in love is a sin." He looked me in the eye and I consciously stared back.

"I just... I just don't want to hurt you, Raven." I answered simply without bothering to give an explanation.

"You won't do that. You're not capable of doing that." He pursed his lips and I shook my head, completely disagreeing.

"You're wrong. Loving someone is like giving that person the permission to hurt you." I replied with reluctance.

It was his turn to shake his head stubbornly. "I know you well enough to say that you don't want to hurt me."

"But I might. Unwillingly, unconsciously, accidentally, I might!" I raised my voice.

He bit his lips. And stared at me. Then he ran his hand on his hair. Then he looked at me again. He sighed. "But I don't care. I don't care if you hurt me. I've been hurt before and I think I can handle it again."

"Just like how you handled it at the beach the night I met you?" My tone was laced with sarcasm but also with defeat. I don't know if he's aware that he's slowly winning this argument.

"Listen, Claire. I just don't care anymore. If there's one thing meeting you has taught me, then it's that pain is inevitable. I can't evade it, I can't run from it and I sure as hell can't hide from it. I just wanna take this risk with you." Hinilamos niya ang kamay niya sa mukha niya.

I felt my emotions fighting, quarreling. I looked at him and my face fell.

"I just really don't give a f**k if you'll hurt me." His voice was hoarse and his breathing was ragged. Raven, I realized, is an earthquake. In a matter of minutes, just by saying those things, he was able to make the mighty walls collapse. It crumbled into dust and left me standing bare.

"Raven." I called his name in a not-so-decent kind of tone. He looked up and met my gaze. He stared at me and I stared at him. I blinked twice and then I was in his arms once again. Niyakap ko siya. I felt him stiffen at first but his body relaxed just as immediately.

No need for words. Just one look. And now he knows. He knows I'm finally giving in.

"Promise me something." He whispered on my ear. "What?" I swallowed uneasily because I was starting to feel queasy.

"That you won't ignore me again."

I smiled. And nodded. "I promise."

"Good." The hug tightened and I felt like I was seeing rainbows and multicolored skies. I was flying and falling and then I'm soaring upwards once again.

"Je vous content de vous recontrer." He said. It made me frown at him. He grinned when he saw my reaction. I hit him on the chest. "What does that mean?" I petulantly queried.

"Alam mo namang hindi ako nakakaintindi niyang French na yan. Say it in english. Please?" He smiled before pinching my cheeks.

"I'm glad I met you."