Crashing into Love

Chapter Seven

"Joke lang, Claire! If only you saw your own expression!" He was cachinnating and I smacked his arm and shoved him hard. Nahulog siya sa duyan at uungol ungol na tumayo. He massaged his back.

"Eto naman, umagang umaga brutal." Komento niya bago pinagpag ang buhangin sa damit. Tinabihan niya uli ako at aktong yayakapin niya ko ng bigla akong umupo.

"Not so fast." He enthused while pulling me towards him. He buried his face on my neck again. Nakikiliti ako sa hininga niya.

"What time is it?" Tanong ko. Nagkibit balikat siya sakin. "I don't really care about time anymore. Simula ng nakakasama kasi kita hindi ko na namamalayan ang paglipas ng oras."

Binalot bigla ng lungkot at pait ang puso ko. Time. Time is one commodity even vast fortunes could not afford. It flies and takes you with it. It is somehow more cruel than life itself.

"Natahimik ka bigla diyan." He commented. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin. Tumayo nalang ako bigla at naglakad papunta sa dagat. Ang dami ng nagsiswimming. I scrutinized people's expressions.

They look so happy, so carefree. Para bang wala silang problema. Oh, what I'd do to have a life as simple as the ones they have.

"Hey. Is something bothering you?" Raven jogged towards me and stopped behind my back. I didn't face him but I shook my head. I fingered the spiral shell pendant dangling on my neck.

"Nothing. I'm okay." Simpleng tugon ko nalang. I felt his arms around me. He was giving me a backhug. His chin was resting above my head and I felt a butterfly kiss on my hair. "We've got each other's back, all right?"

Tumango nalang ako. "Good." Mahinang sagot niya bago tinanggal ang pagkakayakap sakin. Tinabihan niya ako at inakbayan. "Nagugutom ka na ba?" He asked and I nodded in return.

Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko at naglakad kami papunta sa bahay niya. I smiled the moment I saw his house. He unlocked the door and went inside. He headed towards the kitchen and I made myself comfortable in his living room.

Naupo ako sa couch at nagbukas nalang ng TV. "Magsasangag nalang ako ha? Tapos ham and bacon." He hollored.

"Sige!" I shouted back. Hindi pa nga pala ako naliligo. I sniffed myself, hindi naman ako mabaho. In fact, I still smell heavenly. Pagkatapos magluto ni Raven ay tinawag niya ako. Nakahanda na ang hapag. He pulled a chair for me and I thanked him.

"Ako na." Pigil niya sa kamay ko ng akmang sasandok ako ng kanin. Inabot niya ang sandok at siya ang nagsalin ng kanin sa plato ko. Nilagyan niya rin ito ng ham and bacon.

"You've been acting weird lately." I pointed out but he just smiled at me. "Panong weird?" He queried while transferring fried rice from the rice bowl to his plate.

"You're..." I trailed off. I'm not sure I wanna continue but he seems to be waiting for my answer.

"I'm what?" An amused smile was plastered on his lips. I bit my lip before continuing my sentence. "Sweet. You're so unusually sweet."

When I looked at him, I noticed that his eyes were smiling. Parang natutuwa siya na hindi mawari. "Are you forbidding me from being sweet to you, Claire Faith?"

"Yes." I answered with conviction. Napadiin ang hawak ko sa mga kubyertos. I want him to be sweet to me and at the same time I want to push him away. I don't know what to do because even my own feelings are foreign to me.

Nagkunot noo siya bago ako tinapunan ng naguguluhang tingin. "What? Bakit?"

Umiling ako ng paulit ulit bago pinaglaruan ang ham gamit ang tinidor na hawak ko. "I've never been in love before but I'm not stupid nor ignorant. Alam ko kung saan papunta ang lahat ng to Raven and I don't like it."

His jaw clenched. "Really? Then saan papunta to? Care to enlighten me, then?"

I glanced at him, he was now wearing a straight face. This is the first time I've seen him like this. I swallowed the lump on my throat. "Raven-"

"C'mon. Ikaw narin ang nagsabi na alam mo kung saan papunta to. Why can't you answer me?" Pagpilit niya. I felt my annoyance increase. Binagsak ko sa plato ang kutsara at tinidor.

"I'll fall for you! Doon. Doon ang bagsak ng lahat! Happy now?!" I raised my voice and was about to stand from my chair when he stopped me. Hinawakan niya ang braso ko at pinigilan ako. Pilit akong pumipiksi pero ayaw niya akong bitawan.

"Why are you prohibiting yourself to be in love? Bakit hindi mo hayaan ang sarili mong-"

"Hayaan ang sarili kong ano? Na mahalin ka? Ayoko!" I scratched his hand for him to let go but he remained unfazed. Hindi niya tinanggal ang kamay niya sa braso ko kahit nagsusugat na ito dahil sa pagkalmot ko.

Never in my life have I been violent towards other people. I was always timid and nice. Prim and proper ika nga. I always lived by the rules. Pero ngayon gusto ko siyang saktan para lang makawala ako sa hawak niya. I've never been a fan of confrontations. As I've said, duwag ako. Mas gugustuhin kong tumakbo at lumayo nalang.

But now, he has me cornered. His eyes were still gentle but I see something else in them. Desperation. Kung para saan ay hindi ko alam. Napapikit ako ng mariin bago itinigil ang pagkalmot sa kanya. "Just let go. Uuwi na ako." Pakiusap ko pero umiling siya.

"Why?" Mahinag anas niya. Dumagundong sa kaba ang dibdib ko. "Anong bakit?" Tanong ko rin.

He studied me. "Why don't you want to fall for me? Why are you so scared of loving me?" Tila nanghihina niyang tanong sakin.

Bumigat ang pakiramdam ko sa tono niya. I wanted to hug him but I can't. I just can't. It simply won't do.

"I'm not scared of loving you, Raven." Sambit ko. Iniupo niya ako sa upuan at umupo sa upuan sa harap ko. He was searching my face for any hint of emotion but I gave him none. It was as if he was trying to understand my thoughts, my fears.

"Then what are you scared of?" He inquired. His question made me break inside. I can slowly feel the answer tugging at the back of my mind. Yumuko ako pero itinaas niya uli ang ulo ko gamit ang daliri na nakalagay ngayon sa baba ko.

"Claire Faith, I need an answer from you. I want to know what you're scared of." He was almost begging.

"I'm not scared of falling for you. What I'm scared of is the thought of you, falling for me too." I admitted. Mukhang mas lalo siyang naguluhan. "What's wrong with that?" Hindi mapigilang tanong niya.

Hindi ako sumagot. Inihilamos niya ang kamay niya sa mukha niya. "Hindi kita maintindihan eh. Handa akong pumasok sa mundo mo pero gusto mo akong itulak."

"You don't know what you're saying. You don't really mean that." Sagot ko.

"Of course I do! Bakit ayaw mo maniwala?"

I stared at him coldly. "My world is not a world worth entering. Pagsisisihan mo lang kapag pinapasok kita sa buhay ko."

"Why can't we at least try?" He squeezed my palm.

Marahan kong hinawi ang kamay niya. "Gusto ko ng umuwi. Please Raven. Just let me go home." Akala ko ay aalma pa siya at ipipilit na pag-usapan namin yun pero nagpakawala lang siya ng mabigat at marahas na buntong hininga bago inalis ang kamay niyang nakahawak sa dalawang braso ko.

He sat silently on the chair directly in front of mine. Nakayuko siya habang nakatingin sa sahig. I felt a pang of pain creeping through me. I stared at the food na mukhang malamig na. I palmed my face. "I'm sorry Raven." Yun lang yung nasabi ko bago ako tumayo at nagmamadaling lumabas sa bahay niya.

What was that about, huh Claire?! Did we really have that kind of conversation? That was insane. Naglalakad na ako sa buhanginan ng tawagin niya ang pangalan ko. God. Napapikit ako. My name rolled off his tongue like an impending storm.

Hindi nalang ako lumingon. Naramdaman kong palapit ng palapit ang presensya niya sakin. I braced myself for the loud beating of my heart and it came.

Thump thump

"Ihahatid kita pauwi sa inyo." He said casually na para bang hindi kami nagtaasan ng boses kanina. Na para bang walang nangyari. He is good at this. He is good at pretending that nothing happened.

"I can manage." Tugon ko na nakapagpataas ng kilay niya. "I know you can. Pero sinundo kita sa bahay mo, I think it's only right na ihatid rin kita pauwi."

"It's okay, don't bother." Pag-iwas ko bago nagsimula na namang maglakad pero sumunod parin siya. "I insist, Claire Faith."

I heaved a sigh before shooting him a sideways glance. "Fine."

Naglakad kami papunta sa bahay. Binalot kami ng katahimikan. My heart was pounding because of uneasiness. I feel so nervous. Nakapamulsa siya habang matamang pinapanood ako. Ako naman ay kung saan saan lang tumitingin para maiwasan ang titig niya.

I tried to act normal but I failed miserably. Bigla nalang akong mapapatingin sa kanya kapag akala kong hindi na siya nakatingin at mahuhuli niya ako.

Halos magpasalamat ako sa kung kani kaninong santo ng matanaw ko na ang beach house ko. I wanted to run towards it and shut myself inside as immediately as I can. Raven cleared his throat. "Kamusta nga pala yung drawing mo sakin?"

"Hindi ko pa nasisimulan."

Silence. There was silence again. I slowly walked towards the door and twisted the door knob. I know that he still wants to talk to me and I do too but I can't allow myself to do that anymore.

"Claire Faith-"

"Raven, please." Nagsusumamo na yung boses ko. I just want him to drop the topic. Naging blanko yung mata niya at ang ekspresyon niya. I shook my head.

"Ngayon palang sinasabi ko na sayo. Please don't fall in love with me. Please Raven, fall for anyone else. Wag lang ako." Nahihirapan ng utas ko. Halos utos na ito. He stubbornly crossed the gap between us and took me in his arms.

"Fall for anyone else? Sige, susundin ko yan. But in one condition." A smirk materialized on the side of his lips.

I looked at him askance. "A-ano?" Kinakabahang tanong ko.

Kinindatan niya ako.

"Ihanap mo muna ako ng isa pang Claire Faith Santiago."