Calm
1561 Words
I woke up at 9 in the morning, and my classes start at 11 in the afternoon , so waking up late is no problem but at the same time , it is a problem.
I know when I go downstairs My father is gonna give me a bombasting death glare for waking late , but with the nightmares, I barely slept yesterday , but he doesn't know that so I can't do anything .
I'm too scared to ask for counselling or therapies, like what the hell I would ask my parents for? or say to the therapists? , there is no way I can open up my problems to others, I'm too proud and too embarrassed to say a word .
I brushed my teeth and ran downstairs knowing all too well about the lectures I was gonna get , My father glared at me the minute he saw me , but I acted innocently like I knew nothing about what he was angry about and sat in my chair to eat my breakfast.
Alan came down , and sleep evident on his face but I knew dad would not say anything to him even if he slept all day , cuz my brother is a engineering student , another plus to his side and reason for everyone to fawn upon him , since he works brutal shifts in his college , I know how sleep deprived he must be .
At least my dad understands him that much to let him off the hook , so I'm happy .
My father is a strict man , with a light trace of OCD, he can't accept our house being even a bit messy, even if there is a hair on the floor, our entire house will shake in his wrath.
I silently finished my food and ran upstairs ,not daring to look at my dad .
When the time for my classes came , I dressed simply and comfortably hiding as much skin as I could with my dress , I preferred full-length clothes with full hands .
Once I dressed and got ready , I looked at the mirror telling myself I was loved I was safe and I too could be happy , I pulled my lips into a smile and told myself to always keep my lips like this , so one day I can be happy .
' You know how absurd it sounds right? ' My demon chimed in laughing at me , but I turned away from her .
I skipped down the stairs , trying my best to make it a good day , by filling my thoughts with as many good things as I could, even though I couldn't ride the bike till Alan left for college back, being with him isn't a bad thing , he always cared for me and always brought anything I asked for me .
I flew around the house , wearing my best smile as my armour, telling myself I looked so good a billion times , trying to manifest happiness from my own words .
I burst out of the front door to see Alan waiting for me , I smiled and claimed the seat behind him .
The class that day went as usual , Brad wasn't in his seat , I shrugged , maybe he got more than just detention for once?
But then I heard the gossip around that he got into an awful accident yesterday and lost his legs and is in a coma , and that scared me , I felt bad for him .
Sure I hate him as he is a bully , who the heck told him to harm others around? , but he doesn't deserve to lose his legs for it , he is a volleyball player , and now he cannot even stand on his feet let alone play .
I sighed , turning back to pay attention to the lecture but as usual, didn't understand anything , and just like that , the spell I put on myself when I entered started to slowly wear out , but I did my best to try at least it will last just today , just 3 more hours , I prayed and tried my best to tie my lips in a smile .
I looked straight ahead not bothering to turn anyway , not to look at anyone , as people laughed and shouted around me , actually enjoying their education days .
I was doing my best , when Brad's girlfriend Vin came to me , I like Vin , she is this usual jovial girl , I always wondered If I could just be slimmer and without a bad past , would I be like her?
Even though her boyfriend was in an awful accident and a coma , she still look like someone dipped her in makeup , maybe she broke up with him as he was no longer a star player.
I just smiled and helped her with whatever she wanted but kept my mouth shut , not asking anything about him.
Once we finished the work , She asked if I will go shopping with her tomorrow and I accepted it happily .
That's what I do , even though I expect no happiness to come from being with her , I too wanted to explore more and so far my bike is the only form of freedom I have ever had and that too got snatched from me for only god knows how long .
She looked taken aback at my acceptance to go with her but smiled at me and left to join her friends .
I sighed , but thanks to that small conversation I still kept my smile intact .
That's how the rest of the month went , with Brad gone , his friends no longer bothered me , and people thought he got into that awful accident because of me and kept their distance from me .
Like can you believe how absurd that sounds? , but as long as I'm unbothered , I don't mind , without those bullying , my life looked normal , devoid of bullying or brooding over my emotions , even my demon was surprisingly calm .
I smiled a lot during this entire month , and unlike what mom said about the opposite house being filled with boys , I never saw even a single soul from there , maybe they will be out before I woke up and come back after I went inside or my mom just heard some bunch of rumour .
I seriously hate when my parents do this kind of cheap thing like people having their own life than looking at their neighbours 24/7 .
Soon 3 more weeks rolled over , I smiled brightly as I woke up without any nightmares for this entire time since the last time .
I can't say it's new , I have always had bad dreams but recently it took a whole level , like something constantly bothering me these past few weeks though, it felt amazing like I finally have some control over my life .
Alan left for his college 3 weeks ago and since nothing happened, Dad gave my bike back to me .
People still ignored me but I ignored it all back and laughed heartfully , Godan is making sure of it .
Since Brad's situation, he struck me and I'm more than grateful for that , his company made me feel good and happy and normal and my heart swooned for him , my little crush expanded extremely to the point of turning to love but I still dreaded the moment he will know about me .
I can't help but wonder what his response will be , will he say it's no big deal or will start making fun of me , after all, I'm trying my best to hide it from him , always only standing at an angle where I can hear him .
Being with him constantly has increased my mood far better , and worse , I started craving him and his company and the sparks that seemed to be only erupting under his touch , cuz when Vin or Mom or Alan touched my hand I didn't feel those sparks I didn't felt that even when Brad hurt me , only from him .
But does he too feel the spark? If he does, there is no reaction from him and I'm itching to ask if he is feeling it too or not .
Each day I can feel I'm falling deeper and deeper for him , his laughs sound like a melody , warming up my heart , his pearly white smile tugging my heartstrings with each smile, his face is the prettiest I have ever seen and every moment I was with him , I'm longing for it to last longer .
Everything was going great and I mean too great that some part of me screaming in fear something might happen , like calm before the storm.
But? what can go wrong.
But I was wrong , terribly wrong .
Cause everything even the things that I never thought happened .
- Writer
