Under the Alpha

Face forward

Morning came faster than Solance would have wanted, she was drained. She had been up so many times through the night, the nightmares. The nightmares scared her, she thought she could handle them, that she could handle the memories. When she was sleeping, unguarded, they came hard and fast. Rushing towards her like a tsunami, she would have been swiped away hadn’t it been for Dimitry. Each time she woke up from a nightmare, he was right there beside her. He wouldn’t touch her, but he was right there each time, right wake, Keeping her safe. Each time, she would reach out for him, she needed him so badly, needed him near, needed to know she was awake and that the nightmares were truly just nightmares. It was silly really, the nightmares, were just that, nightmares. Yes, some of the nightmares, or at least parts of them, are fractures of what had happened to her. But that’s just it, If HAD happened, it wasn’t now. She had been in a protected bubble, she needed to face the memories, face what had happened to her. Running and hiding would do her no good, she wanted to go forward, to live her life.

                      “Mate,, her mate whispered his voice rough sounding. He hadn’t slept much if any giving the dark circles under his eyes. She gently brushed his cheek, a small apologetic smile on her lips. “sorry for keeping you up, are you very tired?,, she asked softly, she herself wasn’t ready to meet the day. He stroked her hand that was still on his face and then kissed her palm. “Nothing to be sorry for little one,, He answered.

“you didn’t answer my question,, She huffed out, he was evading her question. He gave a soft hum from the back of his throat, he pulled her closer to him. He held her head to his chest and rested his chin on it, his arms caging her to him. Normally she would have struggled, accused him of being possessive. But not this morning, he knew, he understood. She didn’t have the strength to fight, to do anything really. She needed to be pampered, and he was more than willing to keep her comfortable.

                      “You don’t have to talk to the others,, He said, feeling how tired her body was, her aura weak. She wouldn’t be up for much for the time being, this was the state Sarah had been afraid of. His mate was frail, he could feel it, see it. Her eyes that always sparkled, were dull and lightless. Her expression lifeless and emotionless, she was just trying to be her usual self. It was all an act. “It wouldn’t be fair, I said I would explain,, she whispered but already feeling sick just from thinking of sharing, all that she remembered. “I will tell them, they will understand,, He said kissing the top of her head. He felt how a sigh of relief left her small body, should she choose not to talk, it wouldn’t matter to them. Sarah, his parents, the twins, and he himself, all had a fairly good idea of what she had been through. But they hadn’t seen it all, they hadn’t been the one to experience it. All they cared about, was to see Solance happy and healthy. Not to mention safe.

                      “Solance isn’t ready to talk,, the adolescent said, his stance using protectiveness. Sarah wasn’t surprised by his words, the girl was strong. But those memories, none of them, could say they understood how she must feel. Sarah remained seated in the armchair in the Alpha’s office, said alpha was pacing back and forth. The Luna sat in the love seat, her hands holding a cup of coffee. She remained silent. The room was silent, awaiting the alpha’s next words or action.

                      The alpha stopped and looked to his son, his eyes reading the boy’s body. “and this is not you, isolating her? In an effort to keep her safe even from us?,, Clyde had to ask. Male’s especially alphas, could be overbearing to the point of smothering. Dimitry snarled, his eyes gleamed ruby red, a warning for the alpha to tread carefully. When it came to Solance, Dimitry cared not if he had to go against his own father. “Easy cub,, the alpha said, holding his hands up. “I just had to be sure that this is Solance wish,, he added finally sitting down.

                      “It is my mate’s wish,, Dimitry said also taking a seat, though across his parents. “She had a rough night, nothing like the once she had when she arrived here,, He added. The adults nodded, Sarah sat down her cup and turned fully to the exhausted male. “And how are you fairing?,, she asked. He looked first shocked and then gave her a ridiculous look “I’m not the one, who is fighting,, he said, not understanding what the woman was getting at.

Sarah gave him a soft smile “Solance has the best caretaker she could ask for, I worry if you are okay,, she added, still seeing the confusion in his face she continued “When once mate is struggling, the other does too. And in this case, where Solance may shut people out. That includes you, so you need to watch out for yourself too. Solance needs you, but don’t hurt yourself,, Sarah finishes giving his large hand a squeeze. At her words, he slowly shank in front of them. The confident male vanished, and before them was a worried cub. “I was afraid she would reject me,, he said, the fear still presents in him. She could still reject him, so far she hadn’t. but it had been just one night. There was no saying how many more there would be, he felt the tears burning in his eyes. Having a mate was everything he had been told, but in this situation, he hadn’t heard of one such as this.

                      “it’s all right son,, Clyde said, his cub was young, and was dealt a hand much more difficult than they had ever anticipated. Lavenda rose and went to hold her son, as tears made their way down his face. “there is no shame in this,, Clyde said as he rose to go to his sons’ side. “Even the strongest of males have to let it out, we can’t always be strong,, he added.

How long they sat like that, just giving the young male room to let his emotion out. They knew not, nor did they really care. At some point Sarah had left, Dimitry appreciated it. Showing weakness, was not something males or wolves, in general, did much of. But having shed his tears, he felt stronger. He could fight another day. “thank you,, he whispered. His parents let go and gave him room to collect himself, “remember this son, even an alpha need to shed tears occasionally. No one can always be strong,, his father said. “exactly, it’s a balance,, his mother said. That’s when he understood why a Luna was so important for an alpha, the alpha had to be strong for the pack. Only with his Luna could he show weakness, only with his other half. “good thing I’m not the alpha yet,, he said mockingly as he whipped his eyes. His parents laughed “there is a while before that luckily, but don’t worry, you have what it takes,, His father said proudly.

                      “Now, I think I will go back to my mate. I don’t like leaving her alone for too long at the moment,, Dimitry said as he rose from his seat. “we understand, how about we send the food up to you guys for the next few days?,, his ever-loving mother asked. “that would be nice,, he said as he walked out of the room.

The walk from the office to his room was short, but for some reason, it felt terribly long today. was he dreading going back, seeing his mate empty and almost lifeless. He shook his head, no I will not think like that! His mate was fighting to get better, he would support her. He cared not if she wouldn’t share her memories with him if she would never tell him and let him share her burden with him. But he would remain by her side, he wouldn’t abandon her.

                      He took a deep breath and as he released the air, he cleared his head from negative thoughts and opened the door. He walked in and closed the door behind him, the room was still dark, only a few beams of the winter sun made it through his heavy curtains. “Babe?,, he asked, he couldn’t see where she was. But he could smell her tears, he had been gone for too long. He walked further into his room, his senses on high alert. he heard her hiccup and sniffle, she was trying to hold back her tears. He walked to the bookcase, she was huddled into the small space between the bookcase and the wall. He kneeled and got a better look at her, she was so small. Her knees against her chest, her hands relentless trying to wipe away the endless flow of tears. Her eyes were red, her skin dry. He wanted to pull her towards him, but he dared not. Instead, he remained kneeling Infront of her, he knew not what to do. Seeing her like this, he didn’t like it. If only he could go out and deal with that kidnapper, but knowing he was dead, would it even do her any good?

                      “why?,, she hiccupped her voice hoars from crying and so low he nearly missed it. Her eyes meet his, a look of despair in them. Panic settled in him, should he call for Sarah? “why what?,, he finally got the words out. “why..why won’t ..you…. to- touch me,, she cried. “you want me to?,, he asked in a low voice slowly crawling closer, ready to move away should she tell him too. “yes,, she said. At her words and the pleading look in her eyes, he gently grabbed her small frame and pulled her to him. Her scent that had been heavy with fear and sadness, slowly changed, little by little it became closer to her normally sweet scent. “I’m sorry I was late,, he said embracing her. “don’t apologize, you didn’t do anything wrong,, she whispered back rubbing her face into his chest. Had the situation not been as it was, he would have loved the action. She was marking him with her scent and in turn rubbing his onto herself.

“you are okay with this,, he finally asked, at her big, confused eyes. He points to them being close and touching, her eyes widen, and she blinked slowly. She then leaned up and kissed him on the lips, it was brief, but it told him more than any words possibly could. “you are not them, I never once took you for them,, she said taking his hand and interlacing their fingers. “did you know, that each time I woke up. Seeing you as the first thing, do you know what I would think each time?,, she asked looking up at him, he merely shook his head. He had no idea what was going through her head when she woke up from one of those nightmares. He only knew what he saw, a terrified girl on the brink of tears. “each time, I woke up. Seeing you, hearing you, touching you,, she said as hugged him. “It assured me, that it was over, that it was only nightmares,, she whispered, a soft smile on her face. “That I was safe, do you understand? As long as you are here, I know, that it’s all over. It happened, now I just need to learn to live with it. Will you help me?,, she asked looking up at his, a small twinkle in her eyes. How could he refuse? “stupid girl, how could I ever leave you alone,, he said crushing her to him, now truly understanding, that she needed this, probably more than he did.  The girl sighed and soaked in is warmth and the feeling he gave her.

                      The days passed by slowly, Dimitry understood now, that Solance needed some time. Time to sort out her memories, face the fear and rebuild herself. She didn’t talk, when she did it was always to reassure him, that she was okay. The words were hollow, but he accepted them. He would be by her side, hug her close, read for her and hum her to sleep. Sometimes he had to fight himself, at times she would be so distant, that his wolf would whine. He felt useless, he wanted her to get better. The logical part of him understood, that healing takes time. But the rest of him wanted to take the pain away, he dared not use his aura on her. It would only anger her, make her distrust him.

Keeping the others away was difficult, they all wanted to help the human. She apologized but said she couldn’t handle too many people right now. They didn’t understand, it didn’t fit with wolves to be alone. He was exhausted, but for once his mate was right awake. She was even sitting up, though her eyes were distant as they looked outside the window. He felt lonely, before meeting his mate, he hadn’t minded the loneliness. But now, he detested it. Slowly he laid down, placing his head in her lap. He looked up at her, did she even see him? He couldn’t help but wonder. His arms sneaked around her slender waist and borrowed his head in her stomach, he missed his mate. Fingers gently weaved their way into his hair, gently playing with the blond locks. He sighed and closed his eyes and nuzzled his mate’s stomach, she was still there. Exhaustion finally got to him and he fell asleep, surrounded by his mate’s scent and her fingers in his hair.

                      Solance watched as her mate slept, his arms locked around her. He needed the rest, he had helped her deal with the nightmares the last few days. She would have them every time she slept, it was only this morning when she woke up the last time, that she woke not because of a nightmare, but because she could hear her mate moving around the room. She was tired of feeling sorry for herself, she missed her friends, her family. She wanted to get out, she wanted to play in the snow, she wanted to prepare for Christmas.

For a while, she sat like that, in silence. It had been days since she left the room, how much had she missed? Even she could feel how quiet the house had become, she was afraid, yes. But, her life was out there. “It’s not over yet,, his words echoed in her head. He was out there, watching her, waiting for her. A cold shiver ran down her spine, the feeling of fear returned. Dimitry groaned in his sleep and his hold got firmer like he could feel it, feel her emotions. Seeing his face, the tired and drained look. It didn’t suit him, where was her strong wolf?

The memories from when she was unconscious came back to her, she had never found the strength to get out from there alone. Hadn’t it been for Dimitry, she shuddered. Would she still be trapped in that place? But, now that she thought back, the wolf had only gotten her so far. The final step, breaking through, breaking free. That part she had to do alone, she had done that on her own. Because she needed to return to her mate, where had that courage gone? The last few days, she had been hiding. She stopped living, no one here faulted her. They gave her time, respected her wishes. But no more, she had blocked her memories, she had been hiding. She said she would face them, so she could look forward.

                      A determined look made its way to her eyes, her eyes that regained their life. She was done wallowing in self-pity, done hiding. Gently she freed herself from her mate's hold, he was so tired he didn’t even wake. She stood up from the bed, she would get her life back. Silently she git dressed, she put her hair up in a high ponytail. She was ready to face the world again, she headed to the door. She paused before she touched the door handle, a knot in her stomach. She felt dizzy and her throat closed making it hard to breathe, maybe not. She took a step back from the door, and then stopped herself. NO! she had a life to live! I won’t let the memories or that man stop me from living no longer! She thought angrily. She opened the door and stepped out into the hallway, the hallway was like it always had been. Slowly she walked down the hall, her left hand tracing the woodcarving in the wall as she walked. With each step she felt stronger, better, she felt free.

                      Hours later, Dimitry woke up alone in his room. Before he opened his eyes, he knew something was different. Something was missing. He quickly got up and realized his mate was gone, she had left the bed, left their room without him knowing. Hastily he threw on some clothe and ran out of the room. His senses on high alert, in the hallway he followed her scent, he noted how it was more like it was before, sweet and fruity. He let his nose guide him, down the hall, down the stairs, through the kitchen that was busy with life and all the way outside. There he saw her, she was jogging. It felt like a stone was lifted from his chest, to see her up and about. He admired her as she jogged around, there had been placed four traffic cones. They form a large square, he estimated it to be around half a mile in circumference.

                      “she will reach the 3rd mile soon,, Sarah said walking up to him from behind. She squeezed his shoulder and gave him a reassuring smile. He smiled too, they both stood there and watched as Solance rounded the last cone and stopped. Sarah handed Dimitry a towel and walked back inside, Dimitry walked up to his mate. She was drenched in sweat, healthy rosy color in her cheeks, the air leaving her lungs made small white clouds. Those sparkling blue eyes finally looked at him, she gave him a goofy smile. He placed the small towel around her neck pulling her closer. “you’re cold mate,, he said feeling her cold skin against his warm body. “I don’t feel cold though,, she answered returning the hug. “you left without telling me,, he scolded with a pout. She bushed his cheek “you were so tired, besides this step I had to take it alone,, she said leaning up to kiss him.

                      “OI! LUNCH IS READY!,, Alexx yelled hanging on the door to the sunroom, behind him the rest of their friends was waiting, smiles on their faces. Dimitry pouted and felt annoyed by the interruption. Solance could only laugh, and then interlaced their fingers and pulled him along. He allowed it if only to keep her smiling.

                      After lunch Solance pushed her mate to his friends, stating he should go hang with them. He worried, but she stated she would be spending some time with the girls, doing girl things. At the mention of nail polish and quickly went with the males, though not before stealing a kiss from his mate. Who laughed at his impertinent, she watched as the boys walked off. Solance turned to the twins, “I need to talk to Lavenda and Sarah,, she said seriously. The twins shared a glance but quickly guide her to the two older females, seeing the serious look on the three young women. Lavenda knew that it had something to do with Solance’s memories. “I remember,, Solance said her voice steady and confident. “what do you remember?,, Sarah asked. Solance’s eyes gleamed for just a second, but both Sarah and the Luna saw it. “I remember everything,, Solance said.