Attempt At Happiness (3)
636 Words
Chapter 18: Attempt At Happiness (3)
***
“I don’t think there’s anything else we should be talking about. I’m hanging up.” Kane said in a voice that made me want to cry all the more. Then in the background I could clearly hear it… It was Haley’s voice telling him to end the call.
After the call ended I just stood there and spaced out. I didn’t have anything I wanted to say, nor do at that moment.
Everything seemed so hopeless that I couldn’t even cry to release my frustrations.
Have you ever had such a bad day? A day where nothing would go your way? Well… that bad day for me just evolved into another one…
On the next day when they had finally confirmed that I was no longer a Gentleman Corp. employee that marked the time I’d no longer be an editor at all.
After all, who’d hire someone that was fired because of charges of s****l harassment? I wouldn’t be able to work at an office ever again and that was a fact.
Oh, another thing that happened… when I went to the company to get my last paycheck, my car was hit on the parking lot. On top of all that, the one who did it fled and insurance won’t cover the cost of repairs…
I drove my beat down car to a convenience store where I went to get some food for tonight and a pick pocked ended up taking my wallet. I didn’t even feel like running after him, it was a good thing my wallet was empty and my paycheck was still in my car…
I got my groceries and headed back home thinking how strange it was…
How easily something you’ve been building up for so much time would crumble right in front of you…
I should have known from the beginning there was no hope for this relationship to last…
However I was very stupid and wishful...
In the end I got my heart broken, wallet stolen and car crashed because of my stubbornness…
I wanted to heal this wound in my chest as fast as possible, while it continued throbbing ever so painfully to remind me of him again…
My desperation led me nowhere, and my self-loathing was working against me as it always did…
You know that saying: ‘You never know how much something means to you until you lose it?’ Well, I’ll confirm that’s true…
You have to make sure you put your feelings into words and properly convey them to the person.
Kane was the one that told me how much he loved me and how much he cared about me. While I couldn’t say the same words out loud, I just couldn’t.
It doesn’t matter how strong your feelings for another person are… If you don’t tell them what you feel, then it’s all meaningless.
So affirmations like, I love you, I care about you, I want you...
You have to say them... Otherwise the other person will think you're taking their love for granted and ultimately abandon you at some point. Just like I was…
Even though I knew what I felt towards Kane, I was such a complete coward, that I couldn’t speak up.
I didn’t even stand up for myself at being unjustly accused and fired. Don't become like me... Fight for the things you want in life, fight for what you know you deserve to have.
Because if you don’t take action when the time comes, then nothing will happen… and that nothingness will turn into a downward spiral that doesn’t lead anywhere in life…
That was the story of my miserable attempt at happiness…
- Writer
