I'm too good at goodbyes
1735 Words
***Hailey***
I woke up and felt safe and warm, a place and feeling I never wanted to leave. I felt an arm sneak around my waist, Ethan. I turned around and was now face to face with him, the love of my life, mate, soulmate and fiancé, I put my hand on his cheek and my eyes got stuck on the diamond ring glistening on my finger. I had always dreamed of that moment when you see the ring for the first time, the amazement, joy, rush, shock. I did feel all of that in the first ten seconds as he asked me to marry him and pulled the small box out of his pocket and opening it. I had jumped of joy and said yes without a seconds thought. How could I turn down that gorgeous face of his that held so much love for me? I knew I would marry him one day even if that was eight years from now. This ring now represents the promise of me to return to him and for him to wait for me. If someone had asked me six months ago that I would be engaged to the future alpha that I absolutely dispisted, faught with every single day and couldn't stand to be around for more than a minute I'd laugh in their face. I was gonna become the Luna of our pack one day. It was all surreal and a dream that was about to come crashing down for the next eight years.
I leaving today. I had filled my new car with my essentials and in an hour the movers were coming to pick up my boxes. I had gotten an apartment fifteen minutes from school by car and being a werewolf I have certain needs for privacy which made a doormroom a bad idea. There was a park at the edge of a forest nearby for Nova to run at times. It was perfect, well nearly perfect. It was still a long long way away from home, the pack, mom, dad and Chase, Josie and Ethan. My mind traveled back to man laying next to me, still sleeping soundly. I carefully stroke his cheek with my hand and gave him a light kiss before slowly getting out of the bed and his arms without waking him up. I wasn't planning on leaving without saying goodbye but seeing him right now made it hard for me to even think about leaving him behind. Once I got out of the bed he growled and turned in bed making me stand as still as a ninja or something as if even breathing would wake him up. He started snoring so I let out a breath and got dressed. I looked over on him sleeping peacefully and whispered goodbye before walking out the door and slowly closing it behind me. I felt bad but I had to do this, I couldn't turn back because the risk of staying is to big.
I sneaked down the hallways to the stairs and walk slowly on the steps to avoid them from squeeking under her weight.
"Are you just gonna leave without saying goodbye?" Nathalie said from the kitchen doorway, she used her calmuna voice which meant that she wasn't angry, maybe a little disappointed but mostly concerned.
"It'll be to hard to see all the hurt and pain in his eyes I'm my rare view mirror as I drive away. I won't be able to go and I have to go, you know that Luna." I explained to her, hoping she would understand.
"I know just remember that you don't get a do-over. Taking the easy road will leave you both with scars that might never heal. Be sure of the choice you make Hailey." Natalie kept her calm voice and as a Luna she was trying to lead me on my path of life.
"I know but it's about leaving or staying and I have to go. He knows I love him and that I'm coming back to him. He will be okay." I wasn't sure if I was trying to convince her or myself of the fact.
"I'm not talking about Ethan, I'm talking about you Hailey. The pain, the guilt will hunt you if you go along with this the wrong way.." I didn't let her finish her sentence.
"I can handle it. I'm strong enough." still not sure who I was talking to, really.
"I know your strength honey, I'm gonna miss you." she gave up and pulled me into a hug.
"I'm gonna miss you too, all of you." I said before turning around and walking out the door not looking back.
As soon as I got home I changed clothes, brushed my teeth and hair before putting my toothbrush and hairbrush into my bag. I Looked around in my room seeing everything in boxes and nothing more than a few things on the shelves and curtains hanging by the windows. A small tear rolled down my cheek, I wiped it away before closing the door behind me and walking downstairs and out the door to put my bag in the car. I walk back inside and found my brother sitting on the stairs looking at me with his big wolf eyes which are filled with sadness. It made the tears fall once again down my face.
"So you're really leaving?" The sound of his voice made my heart break a little.
"You know that Chase. You've known forever that this is what I'm gonna do it just happened sooner than we believed." He was happy for me when I had told him I got in, this is not making things easier.
"I thought finding your mate would change that or at least the engagement would. Since neither me, mom and dad or Josie is worth staying for that is.." his words felt like a knife to my chest. Did he really believe that he wasn't important to me? A reason to stay?
"You can't say that Chase. I have to do this, it's what I want and need. I could stay, become Luna, have a mating ceremony and have a bunch of pups but I'm not ready for that. And I have to do this, it's a part of my destiny." If it wasn't I would have stayed here without a seconds thought. I'm making a decision that will break my heart everyday and it's not just because I'm stubborn.
"I know, I just don't want to see you leave."
"it's hard for me too Chase. I couldn't even say goodbye to Ethan when I left this morning."
"You just left him? So he is gonna wake up to you being gone? Nice sis.. I didn't think you had that in you. It's cold."
"it's too hard to say goodbye and see his face in the rareview mirror as I drive away. We had our goodbye last night, he will get over it. Just keep an eye on him and keep him out of trouble will you?"
"It's my job, of course I will."
"Don't let him come and visit me either. It will be goodbye all over again."
Chase only nodded as he pulled me in for a hug and then my parents walked down and said their goodbyes as well. I think everyone cried a couple of times before I finally got in the car and backed out of the driveway. I waved once again before I put the car in drive and looked in my mirrors before letting go of the break. My eyes caught something small in one of the mirrors. It wasn't a something, it was a someone. It was Ethan. I slammed on the breaks and put the car in park before getting out of the car and just looked at him from a far as he was by his house and I was at mine. He started walking towards me and I didn't realize that I was moving either until I noticed that my feet stood on grass and not pavement anymore. I picked up speed and soon we were both running and crashing into each other's arms. I didn't want to let go, I didn't want to leave. This was the exact reason why I didn't want to see him before I had to drive. It was a long drive, I was gonna stop half way in Saint Louis to get some sleep before driving the last 12 hours to Baltimore. But I didn't want to leave the comfort and varmth of Ethans arms around me.
"You were gone when I woke up." he whispered in my ear.
"I didn't wanna wake you. I didn't wanna have to look at you as I drive away. I don't want this to end." I confessed as more tears stained my cheek.
"Hey, it's not ending. I gave you a ring, remember?" he pulled away to look me in the eyes. "You are coming back and I'll be here, waiting."
We didn't say anything else, we just stood there for a couple of minutes before I broke away from his warmth and look over to my car with the still open door. I looked back at Ethan and gave him a sweet kiss before walking back to my car and got in with him still standing where I left him. I sat down and closed the door, took a deep breath. Thus was it. I could do this. Just turn the car on and drive. Don't look back. It will only make it harder. You can do this. I told myself as I managed to start the car. I was having a hard time to drive away from it all. My life, pack, family and Ethan. But I took another deep breath and drove off down the road, fixated on the road ahead of me instead of the heartbroken Ethan in my rareview mirror. It was hard enough to feel it and seeing his face wouldn't make it better. Once I made it out of the city I pulled over by the side of the road and cried. I think I sat there for at least ten minutes before I dried my tears away with my sleeve and turn on my favorite song and drove off.
A new city, new knowledge, new friends, new house, new life.
- Writer
