Strangers with Midnight Memories

Chapter Six : never actually touching

When he asked, my knees almost buckled. No one has ever asked for my telephone number before, so it's all new to me.

"Ah–” shocked at nag-aalangan kong reaksyon, iniisip ko pa kung tama ba yung narinig kong sinabi niya.

"It's okay if you don't want to. It's fine." he awkwardly laughs silently habang tinitingnan yung paa niyang lumulubog sa buhangin.

Naglalakad na kami ngayon pabalik sa bahay nila at ako ay pabalik sa kotse ko. It's already midnight kaya ako na nag-ayang umuwi.

Inilahad ko ang kamay ko dahilan para hindi niya makita ang mga paa niyang kanina pa niya tinitignan. Natulala pa siya doon ng kaunti, pero di rin nagtagal ay nilingon niya ako.

Kuminang ang mga mata niya at kaagad na naghanap ng kung ano sa bag na dala niya. Wala siyang nakitang papel kaya yung resibo ko na lang ng mga binili ko sa Trademark mall ang naisip kong ibigay sa kanya at may panulat naman siyang nakita.

Ngumiti ako nang nag-aalangan pa siyang iabot sa akin yun, kahit na okay lang naman talaga sa akin. Sinulat ko na ang number ko doon at saka ibinigay pabalik sa kanya.

"Don't worry, I won't call you all the time. I just want to have your number." nahihiya pa rin niyang sabi habang tinititigan ang numero sa resibo.

Kung wala siyang balak na tawagan muli ako, bakit niya kinuha ang numero ko?

Tiningnan niya akong muli, "It's fine, actually. I don't usually have someone calling me, so it won't be a problem." sabi ko. Bahagyang nagpapahiwatig na ayos lang na tawagan niya ako kahit kailan niya gusto.

Tinitigan niya muli ang papel saka inilagay iyon sa right front pocket niya.

I wonder when he will call me and what he'll say when someone else answers the phone.

I shook my head. I think I’m going crazy thinking he would call me. Hindi ko akalaing kung dati ay iniisip ko na siya, ngayon mas iniisip ko pa siya and I’m already expecting something from him. This isn’t good.

–

Minsan, isang hapon naisipan kong maglakad-lakad sa beach boardwalk when I bump into Ashey, Myca and Crystin. They're the girls in my class who are friendly to me. Really nice, I mean. I don't regard them as people who come to me because of what their parents have said.

“Hi Rosheen.” bati ni Ashey at nginitian din ako nung dalawa.

Ashey and Myca are both wearing mini shorts, and Crystin is wearing a mini skirt; everything they wear is really mini. Ashey’s wearing a tan crop-top tank top that shows her good shaped belly. Myca’s wearing a white spaghetti strap crop-top but unlike Ashey, her mini shorts are low waist. While Crystin's mini skirt is denim also low waist and she’s only wearing a hot pink crop-top tube. So, this is how they dress in summer.

Nginitian ko sila. Wearing my old fitted red shirt and denim tokong shorts. This is what I wear in summer.

“It’s the first time I’ve seen you out this summer. Are you with someone right now?” Myca asked me while Crystin and Ashey scanned the surroundings.

“Oh no one… I’m here by myself.” mabilis na sagot ko.

Namilog ang mga labi nila.

“You want to hang out later at my house?” pag-iinvite ni Crystin. She has a big house downtown with a huge swimming pool, and her parents are often out of town, so she's always free to host parties. I believe her parents knew about her parties at their place kaya okay lang. Kapag naman kasi dumadating din ang parents niya ay ganun din ang ginagawa ng mga ito. She and her family are recognized as party organizers or goers, whichever it is.

Nakangiting umiling ako sa alok niya.

“Aww, come one Rosheen, have some fun...” Ashey gave me puppy eyes.

“Yeah, we want to hang out with you too.”

“You’re always at your house, studying... get loose.” Crystin said.

Natawa ako sa paulit-ulit nilang pagpupumilit. I guess I should try and start living like a normal teenager now. I’m tired of just following my dad’s orders all the time. Crystin's right, I should get loose.

Nakangiti akong tumango sa invitation nila at napatalon si Ashey at napataas ng kamay si Myca saying, “At last, makakasama ka rin sa party!”

“My party needs to be more fun, to be worth your time.” Crystin stated.

“Oh please, no… I know your parties are cool…” I said that makes Crystin smile proud.

“Okay let’s go!!!” excited na sigaw ni Ashey at palakad na kami nang magsalita ako.

“Should I get change?”

Sabay-sabay nila akong tiningnan mula ulo hanggang paa at sabay-sabay din silang tumango.

“Wait, I’ll go home now–”

“Oh no, I’ll let you borrow some of my clothes for parties.” sabi ni Crystin at nagulat na lang ako ng higitin na ako ni Myca.

Habang naglalakad kami papunta sa bilihan ng mga kakailanganin sa party, at silang tatlo ay abala sa tinitingnan nilang listahan ay bigla akong tumigil sa paglalakad nang makita ko si North.

Tumigil din siya at tinitigan din ako. He’s walking alone, no friends with him or anyone else.

“Oh I get it, we should– oh, hi North!” bati ni Myca na nagpalingon din dun sa dalawa.

Ibinaba ni North ang tingin niya kay Myca at nginitian ito. Ibinaba ko rin ang tingin ko, pero sa mga paa ko.

I don't expect that I would see him here nor do I expect I'd see him at all.

“Tamang tama nandito ka, ipapa-invite pa sana kita kina Kairos mamaya eh.” Myca said and North’s eyebrows crossed.

“There’s a party at my place later, if you want to come… nandun din yung mga boys.” pag-aaya ni Crystin.

Even though I don't want to make eye contact with him, I can't help but stare back at him. I'm startled that he's staring at me again, so my gaze wanders in other locations.

“Uh… I don’t think I could go… I have things to do…” pagtanggi niya. Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba sa ayaw niyang makipag-socialize or dahil sa akin.

Ibinalik kong muli ang tingin ko at mula sa pagkaka tingin niya kay Crystin ay muli na naman siyang tumingin sa akin.

Tumango-tango lang silang tatlo at tumango din ng isa si North at naglakad papunta sa direksyon ko dahil nasa likod ako nung tatlo.

He passed through me, his gaze fixed on mine.

His shoulder grew near enough to brush against mine, never actually touching, but still causing this sudden jolt of electricity to run to my heart, making it sink deeper to the thought of his hands on mine, like quicksand.

“Rosheen?”

Nabalik ako sa katinuan ng tawagin ako ni Ashey.

"Come on let's go, ang dami pa nating bibilhin." anyaya niya na kanina pa pala naglalakad palayo sa kinatatayuan ko.

Tumango lang ako sa kanya. Gusto ko sanang lingunin si North pero, hindi ko alam kung dapat ba… o kung pwede ba. Hindi ko natiis at nilingon ko pa rin siya. He’s just normally walking, but my heart almost stops at that moment.

Tumakbo na ako papalapit kina Ashey at sumunod na sa kanila.

"I told you he wouldn't come."

"Why did you invite him in the first place?"

"You know he's just going to parties because of Nahla."

Rinig kong diskusyon nung tatlo habang naglalakad kami papunta sa susunod naming bibilhan.

So, iyon pala ang dahilan. Hindi dahil ayaw niya makipag-socialize, at lalong hindi dahil sa akin. Kundi dahil kay Nahla.

–

Crystin asked for me to go with her to her room. I saw her dressing room full of different styles of clothing and in various colors. It fascinates me. Marami din naman akong damit but not as fancy as hers. She's a living Barbie doll. My closet is more like it's all for a funeral.

"I think this might be good for you." Iniharap niya sa akin ang isang thin strap bodycon dress na kulay pula.

"You're sexy, this will fit on you. Try it." she said in an exciting way and gave me the dress.

Napanganga ako sa hawak niyang dress. I am not gonna wear that. It's too… too… daring and bold. But I don’t deny that it’s beautiful, kahit simple lang naman iyon.

I wave my hands in front of her, "No… no… I-I can't wear that… it's too much… maybe I'll stick with what I'm wear–"

"Come on Rosheen. Just for one night, try to get out of your comfort zone…" she gave me those pleading eyes.

Natatawang naiilang akong umiling sa kanya. I never imagined myself in those kind of outfits.

"No. I'm good. Really… I'm okay with this." I said at hinawakan ang suot kong shirt.

Ngumiwi siya, muhing-muhi sa suot ko. Why? This looks cute.

"Why don't you just try this? Okay? Wala namang mawawala if just for one night makapag-suot ka ng ganito. One night." she pointed out her index finger.

Napaisip ako. I really don't want to wear that. Alam kong hindi ako magiging komportable buong gabi at maya't-maya ko lang ibaba ang dulo ng dress na yan dahil sa iksi, and it's a bodycon, I'm sure I'll feel naked wearing that. But some thoughts came into my mind too. I said I would loosen up, I'll try to be normal and get out of my comfort zone, and this dress will make me feel that I fit in, at ito ang normal these days. Crystin's right again, There's nothing to lose by trying it for one night.

The second my feet touch the last stair I'm regretting I tried it. I do feel naked, and everybody's looking at me now, smiling, some are stunned or didn't move as I passed through them. I'm barefoot now, because some guy spilled his drinks the very first moment I walked out through the door so I have no choice but to let it dry. I wanna run as fast as I can mabalik lang ulit sa kwarto ni Crystin at makapag-palit, but she's holding my hand and she's calling her friends… her friends that I never spoke to before.

"Hey guys! You knew Rosheen right?" tanong niya sa mga ito na karamihan ay tumango.

"Yeah, of course we know her." some girl said and she nodded at her and smiled at me.

May isang nakapansin ng paa ko and I told her what happened and someone complimented me on how the dress really fits me.

It's not so hard mingling with people, especially at my age too, but as an introverted person, I eventually got tired of talking and laughing and smiling after hours at this party, so I sat in the chair near the window.

Dumadami na rin ang mga taong dumadating at naging busy si Crystin sa kaka-entertain sa kanila, si Myca ay kung sino sino na rin ang kausap at si Ashey ay abalang nagpapacute kay Chance. She always liked him, I can see that.

May pwesto pa naman sa malaking sofa sa living room pero puro couples kasi ang nandoon at may kanya-kanya silang ginagawa, kaya mas mabuting dito na lang talaga ako sa tabi ng bintana hanggang sa kainin ako ng dingding. Unti-unti na akong nakakaramdam ng antok, I am not sure if it is because of the beer I have been drinking or because it is already late.

Hindi ko na inintindi pa ang oras dahil lalo ko lang gugustuhing umuwi na. Huminga ako ng malalim at uminom na lang muli dito sa hawak kong bote ng beer, hanggang sa halos mabulunan ako ng makita ko si North.