Selfless [Heartthrob Billionaires Series #4]

Chapter Five

FIGHT

JULIE

Nagpakawala ako ng isang malalim na buntong hininga pagkatapos basahin ang huling mensahe mula kay Jared. My insides were in chaos dahil sa hindi ko malamang dahilan. And I keep biting my lip just to stop myself from smiling. Oh my… what is happening to me right now? It’s just dinner with… Jared. Why do I feel so giddy about this?

Isinantabi ko na lamang ang kakaibang nararamdaman at tumakbo na pabalik sa aking silid. Nasa study ako nang maka-receive ng text mula kay Jared. I was painting, something I usually do on my free time. I’m a frustrated artist. If I had the chance to pursue something related to arts, I would have done so. Pero I had to choose something I didn’t feel passionate about.

I had to take up legal management in college and eventually law dahil iyon ang gusto ng aking pamilya. I am from a family of lawyers after all. My mom was the artist. But she’s not really here to support me so I was left with no choice. It was law or nothing at all.

Iniwan ko na ang mga gamit ko sa pagpe- paint sa study dahil hindi pa rin naman ako tapos roon. I was only halfway through my work pero I decided na sa ibang araw na lamang iyon tapusin. Pagkabalik sa aking silid ay dumiretso na ako sa bathroom para maligo. I already took a bath in the morning pero I wanted to look and smell fresh naman. I reek of oil and paint too kaya kailangang maligo.

It was just a quick bath. I didn’t want to take too long dahil ayaw paghintayin ng matagal si Jared. Diretso ako sa walk in closet suot ang aking bathrobe. I rummaged through the closets just to find the best outfit. I wasn’t really trying to find the best, like something na magsasabing masyado akong naghanda. I wanted to look good without looking overdressed.

I chose a white floral square neck blouse and beige skirt. It looked like the safest choice. Jeans looked too casual and hindi naman ako jeans type person. A dress didn’t seem like a good idea too. Kaya a separate top and skirt seemed like the best option for me.

After kong magbihis into the clothes I chose, pumwesto na ako sa harap ng salamin para mag-ayos. I blow dried my hair and just combed it properly. My mid length brownish black hair looked neat. I also put on a bit of makeup on my face just so I wouldn’t look too pale. My fair skin looked too pale for my liking.

Nang ma-satisfy ako sa aking ayos ay lumabas na ako ng aking silid dala ang isang maliit na purse bag na naglalaman ng ilang mahahalagang gamit. I was walking down the stairs when I heard a bark of laughter from the living room. Napabuntong hininga ako nang ma- realize na may makakakita sa aking paglabas.

What are they doing there? Hindi ba dapat ay nasa trabaho pa sila? Oh, please. I hope someone won’t try to stop me. Nasa kahuli- hulihang baitang na ako ng hagdan nang matanaw ko ang isang pamilyar na pigura. Agad na napakunot ang aking noo nang makita ang bisita.

What is he doing here?

“Jules.” Si Kuya Joseph ang unang nakakita sa akin nang bumaba ako.

I knew they would eventually see me kaya wala akong choice kundi ang magpaalam sa kanila. Imposibleng makalabas ako rito nang hindi nila nakikita. Tipid akong ngumiti sa aking kapatid nang tawagin ako nito.

“Juliette.” Napapikit na lamang ako nang tawagin ng aking ama. Hindi pa kami nakakapag-usap tungkol sa late kong pag-uwi the other night. Pero I’d like to think na kinalimutan na lang niya iyon. I didn’t really want to talk about it.

Napilitan akong lumapit sa kanilang grupo. Si Papa, Kuya Joseph, Kuya Julian at ang bisita nilang si Lance- my ex-boyfriend, ang naroon sa sala. Hindi ko alam kung anong pinag-uusapan nila bago ako dumating pero I really hoped na magpapatuloy na lang sila roon. I couldn’t wait to go honestly. And hindi lang iyon dahil sa excited makipagkita kay Jared.

“Good evening, papa…” Pagbati ko sa aking ama habang humahalik sa kanyang pisngi. Binalingan ko naman ang mga kapatid ko na ngayon ay nakatuon ang atensyon sa akin. Hindi ako malapit sa dalawang kapatid dahil hindi naman ako lumaki ng kasama sila. I grew up in the US, under my maternal grandparents’ care, and umuwi lamang noong makagraduate sa senior high.

Pero kahit na nakauwi na ako rito noong mag-eighteen, hindi na nagkaroon ng chance na maging malapit ako sa mga ito. I guess getting close was just impossible. Masyado na kaming matanda para subukan pang magkalapit.

“Where are you going?” Tanong ni Kuya Julian habang nakataas ang isang kilay.

Ito ang isa sa mga dahilan kung bakit hindi namin magawang maging malapit sa isa’t isa. For some reason, Kuya Julian always finds a chance to get on my nerves or to ruin my day. It was like he’s always out to get me. But I never gave him the chance to rile me up. I knew better. Hindi ako makikipagsabayan sa kanya. I always try to be calm kapag siya ang kaharap.

“I’m meeting up with a friend.” I answered calmly.

“You mean Jared Arguelles?” He asked again. The look on his face obviously states that he’s challenging me. He was waiting for me to explode.

For years I’ve tried to understand him. I never talked back to him dahil kahit na hindi kami malapit, I still respect him dahil siya ang panganay kong kapatid. But he’s crossing the line recently. I just can’t let him do this any longer.

I narrowed my eyes at him “You had me followed?”

“Well you’ve been going out at night and coming home so late. We had to do something. Malay namin kung anong pinaggagagawa mo sa tuwing lumalabas ka.”

“I’m not a teenager! Hindi ko kailangan ng mga bantay! I know what I’m doing and I’m not doing anything wrong!” I exclaimed.

“You are always out drinking. Anong walang mali ang sinasabi mo? You’re clearly becoming an alcoholic!” Mariing sinabi ni Kuya Julian.

Nagpakawala ako ng isang malalim na hininga. “Just because I drink doesn’t mean I am automatically an alcoholic! What kind of mindset is that?!”

“Well tell that to the media kapag nakunan ka nila ng litrato habang nagpapakalasing sa bar! Tingnan natin kung may maniwala sayo!” Tila gigil na niyang turan. His face was red in anger too. “Who knows what else they can write about you! They’d probably think you’re out there to hook up with someone!”

“Kuya!” Kuya Joseph yelled this time.

I can’t believe it! Did he just accuse me of being a hooker? Really?! Sariling kapatid ko ganoon ang tingin sa akin? What the… I can’t believe this. They really think of me like that? Just because I was drinking at a bar? What was so wrong about that? Kapag lalaki, okay lang? Pero pag babae, masama nang tingnan? Kailangan may ibang pakay talaga?

I don’t get it. Hindi man ako lumaki kasama nila. They practically know me my whole life! Alam nilang hindi ko magagawa iyon! If I was that kind of girl, sana noong nasa amerika pa lamang pakawala na ako! Pero hindi! Even when I lived in a foreign country, I didn’t give in to peer pressure! Hindi ko rin sinunod ang kultura nila. That’s because it was instilled in me na sagrado ang pakikipagtalik. It should not be done without the sanctity of marriage, much less to a person you just met!

I was very angry.  Gustung-gusto ko nang lumaban ng salita pero pinigilan ko ang sarili ko. I didn’t want to do it in front of Lance. He’s not family. Hindi dapat niya naririnig ang mga pagtatalong ganito.

Hmm… pretty ironic actually.

Here’s my brother accusing me of being an easy woman. Bakit kaya hindi niya tanungin ang katabi niya kung totoo. He’s the best source he can find. Lance is my ex after all. Tanungin niya muna kung nakuha na ba ako nito. He didn’t even know the reason for our break up tapos aakusahan ako ng ganoon? Oh my… I badly want to curse right now.

“I can’t believe you agreed to this, Pa.” Tunog disappointed kong sinabi sa aking ama. I couldn’t hide it. It was very much how I’m feeling right now.

“It’s for your security, Juliette. It’s not safe for you to be roaming the city at night.” He said. “And you know that we have an image to--”

Hindi ko napigilan ang sarili ko sa pagsasalita. I knew what he was going to say and I didn’t want to hear it. I’m so tired of hearing it over and over. “Of course it’s about your image again. Ano pa nga ba?” I said while shaking my head. “It’s always about your image, Papa. Wala nang iba. You always think I am out to ruin it for you. I’m not! Kaya nga lahat ng gusto niyo sinusunod ko diba? Why can’t you see that, pa?”

“Juliette!” Sigaw ni Kuya Julian. Nabaling ang tingin ko sa kanya. He was standing now at tila handa nang lapitan ako. “How dare you talk back to our father?”

Pinilit kong kumalma at manahimik na lang. I got carried away. Hindi ako palasagot na anak. I’ve never done that before actually. Ngayon lang talaga… and it’s because I’m so fed up. Ang hirap magpigil kapag nasa puntong sasabog ka na. It’s just so hard lalo na at ilang taon kong kinimkim ang lahat ng ito. I didn’t mean to vent out but they pushed me to the edge.

“I’m sorry. I’ll just go.” Hinging paumanhin ko bago umakmang aalis na.

I badly needed to get away fast dahil pakiramdam ko anumang oras ay sasabog akong muli. I didn’t want to fight with them. Ilang linggo ko nang iniiwasan na mangyari ito. Ayokong makapagbitaw ng mga salitang hindi nila magugustuhan. I didn’t want that to happen dahil alam kong wala rin namang mangyayari. Ako lang ang lalabas na masama sa huli. It’s better to just stay silent. Iyon rin naman ang inaasahan nilang gagawin ko…

“Don’t you walk out on us! Hindi pa tayo tapos mag-usap!” Mariing sigaw ni Kuya Julian.

Pumikit ako at nagbilang hanggang tatlo para makalma ang aking sarili. “I don’t want to fight with you so please… just let me leave.”

“No! You’re not leaving this house! Lance is here for you! You can’t leave! Wag kang bastos!”

This time hindi ko na napigilan ang pagsabog ko. And it’s worse this time. “I’m leaving and you can’t do anything about it! You don’t have the rights over me! Hindi ikaw or si Papa or anyone in this family ang magsasabi sa kung anong gagawin ko! This is my life and I will run it the way I want! All my life I did everything you say dahil iyon lang ang paraan para matanggap niyo ako. But even after everything, you people never did! I’m your family! Why do you keep treating me as if I’m some kind of pest in your life?”

“Juliette, enough.” Papa said. He was trying to stop me. I’m far from stopping though. Nagsisimula pa lang ako. They wanted to talk? Okay, I will talk then.

“No, Papa. You all wanted me to speak up. I’m doing just that… and all of you better listen.” I said with a determined tone. “You are all wondering why I am becoming like this all of a sudden? You are wondering why I suddenly turned into an ‘alcoholic’? Bakit hindi niyo tanungin ang sarili niyo! You drove me to be like this! Sino ba ang gustong uminom ng mag-isa para makapag-isip at makalayo? I certainly didn’t want that! But you people didn’t leave me a choice! Hindi pa sapat na buong buhay ko naging sunud-sunuran ako? Now you want me to just accept what you said so willingly?!”

"You're being dramatic, Juliette!" Kuya Julian shouted indignantly.

“You don’t get to tell me I’m being dramatic! You don’t have the rights to call me that! Hindi ikaw ang naagrabyado rito! So don’t you dare tell me how I should feel!” I shouted back at him, tears falling down my face. I wiped them but it was futile, they just kept on falling.

I heard Papa exhale a deep sigh. Napalingon ako sa kanya dahil roon. He was looking at me now as if he was so disappointed. “You’ve grown but clearly you haven’t matured, my daughter.” Natigilan ako sa narinig mula sa aking ama. Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig sa narinig. “You still don’t understand the value of family. You can’t even sacrifice a bit for this family. You are still so young in mind…”

My jaw fell and my tears ceased to fall. Hindi ako makapaniwalang nasasabi sa akin iyon na sarili kong ama. I am immature for not being able to do what they want. They want me to sacrifice just to prove my loyalty to this family? Hindi naman ganoon kadali ang hinihingi nila sa akin! And I have sacrificed so much for this family! Kulang pa rin?

“You’re questioning my value for this family? Why, pa? Ano pa bang pagkukulang ko sa pamilyang ito?” I wiped the tears away. “You say I have no value for this family but have you all asked the same thing to yourselves? While I was trying to do my part for this family, what have you ever done anything for me in return? Bakit parang ang sakripisyong sinasabi niyo ay sa akin lang applicable? I’ve done everything you’ve asked me to… Ito lang ang hindi and you say I don’t value for this family? Why are you so unfair to me, papa?”

“Jules… Please…” Kuya Joseph tried to calm me this time. Lumapit siya sa akin at hinawakan ang braso ko upang patigilin.

Hindi ako nakinig sa kanya. I just shook his hand away bago ipinagpatuloy ang litanya ko. “You’re telling me to marry him!” I said while pointing to Lance. “As if it was so easy to do! And you’re telling me to do it just to prove myself in this family! Why should I try to prove myself?! I’m your family! Hindi ako ibang tao!”

“Juliette!” Kuya Julian shouted again.

I just looked sharply at him then to Papa. “You can’t control me… I won’t let you do that any longer. I am not a kid that you can try to control and manipulate. I have a mind of my own. Don’t test me. Hindi niyo magugustuhan ang gagawin ko kapag pinilit niyo ako.”

My father’s jaw clenched but he didn’t say anything.

I took that as my cue to leave. Mabilis ang mga hakbang ko palabas ng aming mansyon. I was determined to get away from the house as soon as possible. Hindi ko na kayang magtagal pa dahil pakiramdam ko ay hindi ako makahinga.

"Jules, wait!" Bago pa man ako makalabas ng gate ay natigilan na ako dahil sa tawag sa akin.

Nang lingunin ko si Lance ay nakita kong papalapit na siya sa akin. Pagod akong nag-angat ng tingin sa kanya. “What do you want, Lance?” I said in an equally tired voice.

“Let’s talk, Jules…” He said with a pleading tone.

I smiled bitterly. “Isn’t it a bit too late for that now, Lance? I needed that two years ago… Hindi ngayon.”

“I know you’re still hurt because of what I did then… but babe, please… listen to me…” He tried to hold my hand pero bago pa niya magawa ay nailayo ko na iyon.

“I don't want to hear anything you have to say. Malinaw na malinaw ang nangyari noon. You cheated. Tapos na tayo. Wala ring kasal na magaganap. Don’t expect anything from me.” I told him before turning to leave. Sakto namang may dumaang cab kaya agad kong pinara iyon.

Walang lingon likod akong sumakay roon at sinabi ang address na pupuntahan. Nang umandar ang sasakyan ay saka muling nagsipatak ang aking mga luha.

***

“Sorry I’m late! Kanina ka pa?” Iyon ang agad kong nasabi kay Jared nang pumasok sa shop at nakita siyang nakaupo sa seat pinuwestuhan rin namin last time. Medyo natagalan ako dahil bukod sa encounter namin ng pamilya ko kanina, na-traffic din ang sinakyan kong cab.

“It’s okay, Julie. I invited you on such short notice anyway. You were probably busy nang yayain kitang mag-dinner.”

I smiled apologetically. “Still… Sorry pa din for taking too long.”

He stared me for a little while before he broke into a smile again. “It’s okay. As long as you’re here…”