CONFESSION
1281 Words
CASSANDRA WILLIAMS
I am with my best friend Gina. Lucas agreed to leave me by the Korean restaurant where Gina and I agreed to meet and have breakfast together. She is looking attentively at the marriage certificate I just collected with Lucas, and she can’t stop chuckling now and then.
“So, as Mrs. Jones, are you Mrs. Lucas Jones or Mrs. Wayne Jones? I am curious because what happened yesterday caught all of us by surprise. Your mom is so worried about you, Cassie,” She sounds so worried.
“Lucas is Wayne’s substitute. Lucas is only standing in for Wayne until he returns.,”
Am I only trying to convince myself?
“It is crazy, Cassandra. We know that Wayne left you on your wedding, but how are you going to explain to curious people, especially those who attended the wedding but were suddenly told to go home without explanation because the wedding is cancelled,”
I look down at my cup of coffee with tears welling up in my eyes.
“I am sorry, Cassie. I didn’t really ask how you are feeling about this whole thing. It must be really hard on you,”
“Would it make me a bad person if I told you that my heart is relieved that I married Lucas rather than Wayne? To be honest, I feel like if I had married Wayne, it would have been for him rather than myself. Lucas made realised that last night. My heart wants him but...”
“Oh, my God, Cassie. I don’t know what to say,” She stretches her hand and rubs my hand on the table.
“All I just need to know is if Wayne is okay.”
***
After my meeting with Gina, I requested cab to the hotel and started packing all my things before I left. I decided to go back home to my mother because I haven’t spoken to her since yesterday, and I owe her some explanation.
I thought about lying to her, but my mother is my pillar of strength and her sickness made me think how much I can’t risk lying to her. I can’t let my lies kill her.
As I arrive home, I roll my luggage inside the house and I see my mother in the kitchen cooking. I drop my luggage and rush to the kitchen.
“Mom, what are you doing? Where is Hazel? You are not supposed to be up here cooking. Come on, I’ll finish up,” I scold her.
Hazel is my mother’s carer. She looks after her whenever I am not around.
“Cassandra, I cannot be sitting all day every day doing nothing. I need to exercise my body. I told her Hazel not to come today,” She says.
“So, is this always going to happen when I am no longer around? Mom, don’t you want to live an extra day?”
Or another year?
She puts her delicate palm on my cheek and smiles like someone who has forever to live. She isn’t bothered by her medical condition, and as much as it is painful not only to me but her, she always managed to smile.
“Let’s go sit down. Lower the heat on the stove and follow me to the living room,”
I do as she says and follow her soon. We both sit on the same two-sitter couch and she looks at me, making me nervous.
“How are you, Cassie?” She asks after a while.
“I’m good, mom. I am okay!” I say, putting a brave face.
“Are you okay with Wayne gone missing?” She shoots straight to the point. “Cassandra, I know that you are old enough to make your own decisions and I know that you think this was the best decision. But, does this decision make you happy?”
I look at mom with my heart beating out of my chest. How could she turn a simple question to be so difficult to answer?
Well, the answer should be simple, right? I shouldn’t even think about it because it should be an answer that comes out of my mouth so naturally that I don’t even have to plan it.
But in this case, both yes or no are just wrong.
“If you aren’t happy, then why are you sticking to that decision?”
“Who said I’m not, mom!?”
“Cassie, your fiancé is missing, and you don’t look like someone who is even worried. At least if you aren’t worried about him, be happy with your current situation,”
It isn’t that I am not happy, my heart is full of guilt.
“I understand why he left me, mom. I pushed him away because I demanded him to be more of a man. I wanted him to be someone he wasn’t, and that pushed him away,”
I honestly did. Ever since a year ago, I never saw Wayne the same. I always compared him to his uncle indirectly. I just wanted him to be more like his uncle.
“So, Wayne isn’t missing. You do know where Wayne is?”
I think I might have an idea. His uncle Lucas kidnapped him so that he could substitute him.
I would be lying if I said I was not relieved seeing Lucas as he stood tall and broad-shouldered by the door, exuding an aura of strength and power when he confirmed Wayne’s disappearance. His eyes were sharp and piercing, demanding attention. His jaw was strong and square, his expression one of authority and command. His hair was thick and dark, styled with a disciplined elegance. I couldn’t believe that it was him standing right before my eyes.
My heart was racing in excitement and I was glad he stepped in to be his nephew’s standby. He aroused my blood to boil with desire, and boy, the “Daddy is back” s*x was amazing. It gives me Goosebumps to even think about it.
I pull my lower lip between my teeth, on to snap back from my thoughts when my mother hits my shoulder.
“Mom!” I exclaim.
“Snap out of it!”
“I am sorry. I just... I want to tell you something, mommy. I want to confess something horrible I did, but please do not judge me,”
“You are very stupid, Jane! I am your mother, I would never judge you. I am disappointed you even asked that of me,”
True. Did I even expect my mom to judge me?
“You are right, I am sorry. It’s just that, I feel a lot more guilty rather than sad. Would it make me a bad person if I said that I am happy that the wedding did not happen?”
“What do you mean? Why did you have to wait until the wedding to say that? Didn’t you want to marry Wayne?”
I look down ashamed and shake my head.
“If I did, it would have been for him. I felt like marrying Wayne was me being thankful to his kindness. I was falling out of love for him, but I just stayed with him because I didn’t want to hurt him,” Tears burn my eyes, but I keep them in just until I am done talking, or, I might breakdown.
“Cassie, what exactly are you saying?” She holds my trembling hands.
“Mom, I slept with Uncle Lucas...”
I couldn’t’ control my tears anymore. They instantly roll out of my eyes and fall on our hands.
- Writer
