Anhedonia

Anhedonia

A light tap on his face makes him jolt and shot his eyes open, but only to squint when a dazzling light almost blind him. The bright light coming from the ceiling lamp gives him a hard time to adjust his eyes, he rubbed them with his knuckles and slowly pushed himself to sat up with a yawn, stretching his eyes above his head but he stopped when he saw a lot of pair of eyes eyeing him while giggling, all three of them, along with still sleeping Liam and Seul-ki.

"Hey." Habin greets him, the one who tapped his face and standing beside him. "Can you— can you please wake Liam up? He still have a pictorial to finish today."

"Ah y-yeah, sorry." Jerry muttered and reached for Liam. "Wake up Liam, your models are here."

"W-wait babe, tell them to wait another five—." Liam stop from mumbling and shot his eyes wide open when the words sunk into him. "What models?!" He asked, standing abruptly from the couch and whipped his head behind him. "Oh s**t!" He blurted out when he realized that they were still inside his studio. "Seul-ki, wake up! You're late at work!" He shrugs the older guy's shoulder.

"I'm on leave, please let me have my sleep." Seul-ki said, swatting away Liam's arm.

Jerry chuckled and stood up and pad to Seul-ki. "Your wife is about to give birth!" He yelled making Seul-ki to jumped on his spot, wide awake.

"Oh my God! Let's go to the hospital—damn you Jerry!" He cussed when he noticed the people inside the studio looking at him hilariously. "Goddamn it!"

"Relax, there's still one week for her to give birth." Jerry said, preventing himself to laugh.

"Girls, why don't you start preparing? I'll just have my coffee first." Liam tell the models before looking back at his friends and nudge his head to his office. "Let's have some coffee."

"Why don't we just go home?" Jerry asked while they were walking towards Liam's office.

"Yeah, after a cup of coffee." Liam tells him, pushing the door wide open and pad straight to the coffee maker.

"How much alcohol did we consumed?" Seul-ki asked, massaging his temple to lessen the throbbing pain on it.

"I don't know, but I am damn sure that that was hella lot." Jerry said and sat on the couch, resting his head while massaging both sides. Liam handed them a cup of coffee before taking the seat beside Jerry.

"So what happen last night?" He asked.

"I don't know, you cooked a plan but it's stupid plan." Jerry shrugs before taking a sip on his coffee cup.

"You haven't try it, how can you say it's stupid?"

"It was petty and that's enough reason not to continue that and second, what do you think Rosie will think?" Jerry hissed at him.

"She will think that your damn stupid for following Liam's plan." Seul-ki butted in and chuckled dryly as his hangover still kicking his head.

"urgh! Why don't you just try it?" Liam said stubbornly but Jerry shook his head in disapproval. "Jerry!"

"No Liam, if your wife will find out what you are trying me to do, she'll kick your ass for that." Jerry tells him. He put the cup down on the center table and stretch his arms above his head with a yawn. "I'm going home to pack my stuff."

"Are you sure that you're not going to try that?"

"Prince Liam f*****g Manoban, for the umpteenth time, I'm not going to do that."

"But you agreed to me last night!" Liam exclaims.

"I was not on myself last night, I'm drunk and so do you that's why we both think that it's a good idea." Jerry said before patting Liam's head. "But still thank you for trying to help me, I appreciate that." He added before nodding to Seul-ki and makes his way out of Liam's office.

Jerry drove home to Rosie's condo, but before that, he drop by at the pharmacy to buy a med for his throbbing head before continue driving home. To be honest, he coudn't really call that one a home because it doesn't feel one, because what he could call a home is in Rosie's arm.

Jerry sighs after parking his car and pursed his lips before climbing out and pad towards the elevator. He pressed the floor and wait for the lift to reach the floor where is Rosie's unit. He didn't mind the eyes ogling at him and just minding his own business, which is keep cursing himself for drinking too much and now he's suffering from a severe headache.

When the elevator stops at his floor, he pushed sideways the man in front of him to make his way out as he can feel himself about to vomit. He ran quickly as possible towards the unit and pushed the door abruptly and ran to the bathroom, and just exactly he kneeled down in front of the bowl, he vomited all the liquor he drank last night. He released all the liquor until he felt that there's nothing left inside his stomach, his eyes swelling and he felt his throat became dry.

"I n-need water." Jerry mumbles and pushed himself from the hard tile to get himself a water but he stopped when he saw a glass of water shoved in front of him. "Thanks." He said and immediately drunk it. Jerry was drinking it halfway before realizing what happened and he spits the water on his side before steering his head in front of him. "R-Rosie?!"

"You still haven't learned Jerry, you know that you can't consumed lot of alcohol." Rosie scolds while shaking her head and hand a towel to Jerry, who is now still looking at her in stunned surprised. "Go and take a shower to freshen you up, I'll make you a soup." She said before leaving a dumbfounded Jerry with head throbbing in pain and her heart beating frantically that he could feel its about to burst out from his chest.

Jerry snapped out when he heard the door shuts and blink his eyes rapidly while slapping himself, trying to prove if he was just dreaming or Rosie is really here. But the pain on his cheeks when he slapped his face too hard was enough to prove that he's not dreaming. He took a bath as quickly as possible to not wasted any time, after dressing himself into a simple hoodie and a track pants, he ran towards the kitchen to see if the blonde is still there and the smile make its way on his lips when he saw Rosie standing behind the stove with apron on his waist, a kitchen turner on his hand and hair tied in a messy bun.

Rosie felt his presence and look over her shoulder to see the brunette. "Just wait at the table, it'll be done in a minute." She said and Jerry obliges right away.

Jerry stared at Rosie, his eyes pierced on the blonde's back like he was making a hole on his nape and the younger girl felt uncomfortable, she keeps stirring and fidgeting on her spot but she was trying not to be noticed. Meanwhile Jerry keep staring at her with his eyes twinkling and still in disbelief that the blonde is here and making him a breakfast. He's hoping to all the Gods up there that if it's only a dream, he's begging them not to wake him up, ever.

After Rosie finished the soup, she turned off the stove and reach for a bowl. She put some soup in it and serves it to Jerry. "Here." Rosie said, placing the bowl in front of him.

"Thank you." Jerry said smiling all ear. "Aren't you gonna join me?"

"I already had mine at Liam's place." Rosie answered and take the seat across Jerry. "Eat now and we need to talk later."

"About what?" Jerry asked creased brows but starts scooping the soup.

"I'm moving back here."

"And?" Jerry pressed while still eating the soup, he surely missed the blonde's cook but he can't take his eyes off from the her.

"I want you to move out, I'll pay all the expenses for taking care of my unit and Joohwangie for the past four years." Rosie said sternly while looking straight into Jerry's eyes.

Jerry chuckles bitterly before wiping his mouth with the tissue sitting in the middle of the table. "You don't have to, I'm not asking you to pay me."

"I know but I still need to repay you because you're the one who took care of my pet."

"No thanks." Jerry said dryly and stood up.

"I insist Jerry—."

"I said I don't need your f*****g money! I'm not broke! I have a lot of it so stop insisting that you'll pay me!" Jerry snapped at her but Rosie didn't seem to be surprised and was already expecting the brunette to burst out his anger. She crossed her arms and lean her back, her eyes still staring at Jerry's orb, where she can see the mixed pain and anger on them.

"Guess you haven't change at all, still hot headed huh?"

Jerry laugh throatily and shakes his head slowly before smiling bitterly and look back at Rosie. "And you've change a lot Rosie." He said softly before turning his heels. Jerry was about to go out from the kitchen but he halted when he heard Rosie speak again.

"You did this to me." Rosie said, her voice are cold as ice and when Jerry looked back at her, he saw the wrath in her eyes. "You put me into this."

"I know and I'm sorry." Jerry whispers softly and forced himself to put a small smile on his lips before turning for the second time, but this time. He didn't heard any response and so he continue his way out and head straight to his room to pack his things with tears streaming down his face.

After packing all of his stuff, he dialed Hayley's number to help him, not because he couldn't do it alone, its just that, since the moment he went inside the room, he haven't seen Rosie again. he doesn't know if the blonde is still outside or she already left and she will be back if she made sure that Jerry is already gone. He also doesn't have the courage to face the blonde after snapping at her earlier.

Hee knew it was his fault why Rosie had to change and he accepted that, he will take all the blame, but all he could not accept was, he saw the anger that he feared to see in the blonde's eyes. The wrath that he hopes not to see but it was already expected, especially when he said sorry to Rosie.

He also know that saying sorry wasn't enough for what he did four years ago. The pain he gave to Rosie is unforgivable, his self proclaimed the best boyfriend than Liam turns out stupidity. He laugh at that thought and wiped his tears with his hands while waiting for Hayley to arrived.

Jerry staring at his two sons who's looking back at him with sympathy, it's as if they can feel how sad their dad is. Kai laid his chin above Jerry's lap while Kuma snuggles on his feet. Jerry smiled but the tears keeps streaming down and looks like its doesn't have any plan to stop from dripping.

Minutes passed by until the door opens, Jerry shot his eyes up to look at the person who entered the room and he saw Hayley looking at him worriedly. She locked the door behind her and ran to Jerry, engulfing her best friend into a tight hug. "Oh God Jerry."

"H-Hayley." Jerry broke down against his best friend's arm, he cried in pain, the emotional pain on his chest. "It h-hurts."

Hayley didn't say any word as the best thing to do for now is to just listen at the brunette's pain, to let him cry all the pain inside him until he calm down, until his tears dried. Hayley keeps stroking his hair and sometimes rubbed Jerry's back making a circle on it to soothe him and it somehow calmed the latter. He dried his own tears by wiping them using Hayley's clothe causing the latter to chuckles.

"Let's go?" Hayley asked.

"Is she still outside?"

"Hmm yeah, she's in the living room."

"Do I look like I cried?" Jerry asked and Hayley look at him ludicrously before laughing.

"You look like s**t Jerry, but who cares? I need you to get out here before Liam makes everything worst."

"He's coming too?"

"Yeah, we were face timing when you called."

Jerry giggles and wiped his tears one last time before he stood in his feet. "Let's go." He said and picks up Kuma and his luggage. "Kai let's go." He called his oldest son and made their way out of the room.

Jerry eyes were fixed on the floor when they passed by to Rosie. He didn't dare to look up as he doesn't want to see the blonde's face nor see the wrath on her eyes or it would pain him again.

"We're going now Rosie." Hayley bids, stopping in the middle of the living room.

"Wait, can I— can I talk to him for a moment?" Rosie asked hesitantly. Hayley look at Jerry who is now looking back at him and when their eyes met, Jerry smiled slyly before nodding. Hayley took Kuma from him and along with his luggage.

"I'll just wait for you in the car." She said and smiled warmly before going out.

It's been a minute since Hayley left but Rosie hasn't said any words and just keep sighing, it's as if she was composing herself. Kai, who chose to wait for his Dad whimpers and jumped on the couch, spinning three times before laying down and look at the two couple in silent.

"Look Jerry, I'm sorry." Rosie started. "I didn't mean to offend you."

"It's fine."

"No, really. I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it."

"Oh uhm, ok then." Rosie said, feeling guilty for making Jerry felt offended for what she had said earlier. And by the look on Jerry's eyes, even if he didn't look back at her to have a better look on his cat-like eyes, she know that the brunette cried, which makes her feel more guiltier. "So.. we're good?"

Jerry shot his head's up and smile weakly. "Yeah." He shortly replied with a nod. "I'll be going then."

"Can you still go?"

"Where?" Jerry still asked although he knew what the blonde was talking about.

"To my wedding." Rosie answered while staring at the brunette's eyes, looking for emotions on it. And she saw what she's looking for. The pain on Jerry's eyes are really visible, as if he doesn't want to hide it anymore.

"I don't know if I can." Jerry honestly answered.

"Why? Don't you want to see me marrying someone else?" There's a glint of anger on Rosie's voice that she didn't even try to hide also.

"It's enough stupidity for making that mistake four years ago, and attending your wedding will be added to my list of stupidity if I go." Jerry chuckles.

Rosie didn't know why, but the anger that she kept for four years slowly rose up. She wants Jerry to see how happy she is to marry a man who's really willing to spend his life with her, she wants Jerry to regret what he did. She wants to hurt Jerry and let him feel the pain she felt that day.

Rosie scoffed and shook her head. "Why Jerry?"

"What now?"

"I'm asking you now because I didn't had the chance before."

"You already said it, it was all before, why do you still want to know?" Jerry asked. He could feel the incoming fight between them as he can see the wrath back to the blonde's eyes, but he doesn't want the blonde still looking for answer and left her hanging.

"Because I deserve to know why!"

"I don't know ok? I became anhedonic! I lost interest because you're too damn perfect!"

"Are you f*****g serious Jerry? You should've told me that you've lost interest in me, you should've told me earlier, not when I was waiting for you in the church to come! I was so damn frustrated because you promised me! You said that you'll come but you never did! You made me like the dumbest person who waits for you on our wedding day!" Rosie outbursts. All the pain that she kept for four years exploded and Jerry left speechless while staring at the blonde. "You f*****g left me on our wedding day Jerry, and now you're telling me your reason is because I'm too damn p-perfect?" Rosie's voiced cracked at the end as her tears starts streaming down on her face. "You're an asshole."

"I know."

"You're the worst person I've ever known Jerry and you are nowhere near to Jayvee, who's willing to marry me, a man with his word."

"Are you done?" Jerry asked, his face void with any emotion but his hands curled into a tight fist, jaw clenching and teeth gritted. "If you're done then I'll be going, I wish you goodluck with that Jayvee and live a happy life, is that what you want to hear from me? There! I said it! Are you happy now?" The sarcasm in Jerry's voice adds to the fuel, but Rosie chose not to engage anymore as she kept her mouth shut and just stared at Jerry in disbelief. "Now I want you to listen to me that you didn't do four years ago! I did regret everything, I know what I did was unforgivable, I'm stupid, I'm dumb I know, you can call me every names you want because I deserve it, and I'm sorry because I became coward, I made you wait on that day, but I instantly regret it! I swear! I really am! I don't know what happen to me, because even myself is asking what kind of mess I did! I hurt you, I hurt the person who did nothing but to love me, it also pained me and when I tried to reach you out, you suddenly vanished without even hearing me! You absquatulate with my heart!"

"I'm not that dumb to stay after what you did!"

"But you should've at least hear me out! I was diagnosed with anhedonia!" Jerry admits making Rosie to gasped and covered her mouth with her trembling hands.

"Y-you what?"

Jerry let his tears to fall down again when he saw the afraid on Rosie's eyes. "I'm crazy Rosie, I have mental illness and it'll became worse when you went away." Jerry said almost a whispers, his lips starts to quiver and his hands started to shake. "And I tried to look for you in every corner of the world, but it's really hard to find a person who doesn't want to find them." Jerry chuckles bitterly and wiped his tears using the back of his palms. "And now you're here, you came back on your own but not alone because you were getting married. It hurts but what can I do? I hurt you first and whatever pain I'm feeling right n-now?" Jerry chokes on his own tears and released a lungful sigh before smiling at the blonde with tears still dripping down. "I deserve all of it." He said before turning his heels and starts walking out.

As soon as Jerry shut the door behind him, Rosie let her body to fall on the ground as her knees weakens. She couldn't believe what she had heard from Jerry, all these years, she thought Jerry just lose her interest in their relationship, she thought that he got bored and decided to leave her, but no.

Rosie cry, she cries until there's no tears coming out, she cried for God knows how long, until she felt a pair of arms engulfing her from behind and when she turns, she saw her best friend with a little smile on his lips.

"I didn't know it Rosie, he never told us." Liam said even if Rosie haven't ask any question, but Liam knew what she was going to ask just by the look on her eyes.

"Am I really that bad?" Rosie asked like a kid.

"No, you didn't know as well." Liam cooed while stroking Rosie's hair. "But what now? You finally know what's the reason why he did that."

"I don't know Liam, I'm so f*****g confused."

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