Anhedonia

And If You're Wrong

Eyes that could barely open is now looking at her, but she appeared not to notice who it was. He was just staring at her like he's trying to make sure that he's still with Seul-ki and Hayley.

Then Jerry smiled. The kind of smile showing his gummy and always makes Rosie's heart beat frantically and her breath hitches for how good that smile was.

"Glad that you came." Jerry said, which made Rosie sit straight and offer him a small smile. "But I don't remember calling you here." He pulled himself together as he leaned back to his chair, opening another bottle.

"Seul-ki called me." Rosie replied, battling whether she'll take the bottle away or just let Jerry finish it. She chose the latter and watched the guy emptied it with just one swift.

"He knows your number? I didn't know that you two were close." Jerry said with a bitter scoff.

"We were close, so close that I'm treating him as my older brother."

"Wow, that quick?" Jerry laughed, shaking his head in disbelief and also made him more dizzy. He leaned his head on the table once again and his gaze darted up. "I think I'm drunk, did you bring your car?"

"No, I bought Liam's car."

"Wait." Jerry brought his head up and tilted his head confusedly. "Why did you bring that bastard's car? Since when have you become close to my friends?"

It's Rosie's turn to tilt her head and look at Jerry confusedly. "What?"

"Look Hannah, I didn't mean to lead you on, we are friends, we've already talked about it, right?"

"I'm not—." Rosie stopped when she suddenly had an idea popped out in her head. It's better to pretend to be someone else since Jerry was too drunk to even recognize her. So she's going to ride with it. "We should leave here, I'll drive you." Rosie said instead as she stood up and took Jerry's arm, wrapping it around her shoulder. Since she has more height than him, she could easily carry Jerry, but the waiter who happens to see them, helped her to bring the guy outside and into Liam's car.

Rosie drove Jerry to his apartment, hoping to have a talk with him in a more private and silent place. They arrived after 20 minutes of driving, ahe carried the guy inside and even if she's having difficulty, she couldn't care any less as she needed to bring her ex boyfriend inside his apartment.

"Wait, I'll make you a coffee." Rosie made her way to the kitchen, she was familiar with the place, even all of Jerry's stuff inside the house because she's the one who chose the apartment, she's also the one who put everything into its places that's why she knows everything inside.

After a few minutes, she came back with a cup of black coffee in her hands and put it down on the table. "Here."

"Why did we leave Hayley and Seul-ki?"

"They left us, it's the other way around."

"Why would they do that?" Jerry asked like a kid, sipping on the cup that he even spilled some on the carpet and luckily not on his lap.

"Because I told them to, I want to talk to you in private."

"Hey, I told you. No s*x, right?" Jerry seems to speak like he's not drunk at all, but the way he still thought that he's with Hannah, Rosie still somewhat hurt.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, one is enough. That was the biggest mistake I've ever made. I felt like I cheated on Rosie." Jerry chuckled as he lay his body on the sofa and closed his eyes.

She didn't know what she would feel with that. Jerry had s*x with Hannah, but he regretted it because he's still into her.

"You can do whatever you want, Jerry. I'm getting married this weekend." Rosie smiled while staring at Jerry, but those words felt like knives slitting her inside and stabbing her heart. The thought of finally letting go of Jerry was too painful. But she has to. She needed to move forward somehow and this talk is what she needed.

"Yeah, marry someone then. I can do whatever I want but still Rosie has my heart." Jerry lifted his arm and let it fall down again.

Rosie bit her lower lip as her tears immediately escaped from her eyes upon hearing those words from the guy. When she felt her cry starting to grow louder, she covered her mouth with her hands to prevent the sobs coming out, but she failed miserably when Jerry heard her crying.

He sat back up and looked at Rosie. "Why are you crying?"

"I'm not c-crying." Rosie stuttered, shaking her head while wiping her tears."

"Yes you are." Jerry said with certainty in his voice. "Please don't cry. I don't want to make another woman cry. It's just that. I really love her and even if she's going to marry my cousin, my love for her will remain here." Jerry pointed at his chest and it made Rosie cry more. "I love her so much that if it kills me to see her marrying another guy, I will accept it, because whatever happened between me and her, it's all my fault and I deserve all this pain."

"I'm s-sorry." Rosie cried, standing up to her seat and ran to Jerry, engulfing the guy into a tight hug. "I'm s-sorry." She buried her face on the crook of Jerry's shoulder as she cried her heart's out.

"Shhh, don't cry." Jerry said, kissing Rosie's head several times before hugging back the blonde. "I'm letting you go, Rosie." He whispered as his own tears fell down and he sob silently.

It took him almost an hour before he realised that he wasn't talking with Hannah, it wasn't Hannah who came to the bar, it wasn't Hannah who drove him back to his apartment, and he just realized it when Rosie said the words 'married'.

He already knows that it was Rosie all along, but still pretended that he didn't know for the reason that he cannot say everything he said if he didn't pretend that he was talking with Hannah.

__

The day of the wedding has finally come. Everyone is busy preparing for the wedding, everyone but Jerry, who decided to visit Hannah rather than attend the wedding of the woman he loves.

He's not a masochist to watch Rosie, walking on the aisle wearing a beautiful gown and the most gorgeous and stunning bride of the year but he's not the groom. He couldn't bear to see the love of his life marrying someone else.

So he stayed at Hannah's house, drinking and trying to drown himself so he could forget even just for a while.

But who the hell is he trying to fool?

Even if he got wasted, even if he drowned himself with alcohol, he knows that it won't help him to forget. But he's trying, at least if he's drunk, he could just sleep and let his heart take a rest for a moment.

"You're not gonna drink?" Jerry asked, looking up to the woman who was just staring at him disappointedly.

"That's enough, Jerry. We need to go to the wedding."

"Why? Am I the priest? Am I the one who's going to read the sermon and the ceremony? Am I the wedding coordinator? No, so my presence is not needed at all." Jerry gulped the content of his glass and was about to pour another but Hannah stole the bottle of the whiskey and threw it on the wall. It shattered into pieces and both of them fell into silence. "I guess you can't help me at all." Jerry said after a minute of silence, he tried to stand but Hannah tugged him down and they both sat on the sofa.

"Look, this is Rosie's last wish. I know it is ridiculous to attend the wedding of the woman you love, but it might help you to move forward."

"Help?" Jerry chuckled bitterly. "In what way?"

"You know what they say? Let your heart accept all the pain and once it gets tired with unbearable pain, it will voluntarily make a process of moving on and forget everything."

"Shakespeare is shaking." Jerry laughed but Hannah just stared at him venomously. "Look, I'm not really going even if you feed me a lot of sayings, I can't, I'm too scared to face that kind of excruciating pain."

"Please, Jerry. You need this and I promise, after this day. You will tell me that I'm right."

Jerry laughed again and he stood up. "And if you're wrong and it didn't help me to move on?"

"You will." Hannah said certainty. She called someone on her phone while Jerry was changing his clothes with the one that Jayvee sent to him last week since he's still the best man even if Jerry refused so many times. Then Liam and Seul-ki knocked on her door. "He's getting dressed." She said as soon as she opened the door.

"Thank you so much, Hannah." Liam said, smiling at the woman gratefully which Hannah returned.

"This is really ridiculous but I get your point, I'm just hoping that it will be the last that I'm going to see him cry." Hannah said and the two nodded their heads.

"Hey, were you two going to be my driver?" Jerry beams upon seeing Liam and Seul-ki at the door.

"There's only one steering wheel, dumbass." Seul-ki snorted but still grabbed Jerry and almost shoved him on the backseat, while Hannah got inside as well and Liam occupied the shotgun seat.

"Whoa calm down, schmuck. Are we late?"

"No but I don't wanna be late at my best friend's wedding." Liam tells him.

"Then calm down, we will make it in no time." Jerry tapped Liam's shoulder before leaning his head on the window and shut his eyes. "Wake me up if we arrive."

It took only 10 minutes to get to the church, Seul-ki parked the car and they moved quickly because Hayley called Liam and told him that the wedding will start in five minutes.

Liam and Seul-ki almost carried their drunk friend just so they could make it. Hayley and Juhyun finally saw them running towards them.

"Thank God you made it." Hayley sighed in relief as she wiped Liam's sweat carefully. "Hey, you think you can walk?"

"Yeah, I'm not crippled." Jerry giggled, but his friends just looked at him worriedly. "I'm fine, relax. I got this." He assured them and he even stood straight and squared his shoulders.

"Guys, be ready, we'll start in a minute." The wedding coordinator announced and so they all prepared to start the entourage.

"You will be fine." Hannah whispered to Jerry while their arms locked up together.

"Yeah, I hope that I can make it till the end."

"You will." Hannah tapped his hand lightly with a warm smile.

The wedding started, they all walked on the aisle, since Jerry is the best man, he walked to the altar and stood behind Jayvee after giving him a small smile. And so as Seul-ki and Liam, congratulating Jayvee before standing next to Jerry. While the others guests went to their designated seats and waited for the entourage to finish.

The song changes, the door closes and Jerry's heart starts to beat more frantic. Until the two way door slowly opened and there was Rosie.

Jerry was right when he said that Rosie is the most beautiful bride of the year. She's so beautiful that Jerry felt like crying but he refrained himself from doing so.

All eyes of the guests were already on him when he entered the church because they knew what happened five years ago, and surprisingly attended the wedding of the woman he ditched on their wedding day. And with those kinds of stares he's receiving, he doesn't want to make it more reasonable for them to look down on him.

So he stayed rigid and emotionless, bit deep inside him, he was slowly dying, pain is an understatement as of the exact moment. Each step of Rosie towards the altar feels like his heart tearing apart.

Their eyes met underneath the see-through veil covering Rosie's head, and even if there are a lot of people inside the church, Rosie could only see one person, everyone is just a blur.

The last talk she had with Jerry was more painful than when he didn't show up to their wedding day. It was so painful to hear that Jerry is finally letting her go after everything he had said in his drunk state.

No one, as in no one, will ever replace Jerry in her heart. But the timing isn't theirs to start with.

"I c-can't do this." Jerry mumbled to himself.

"Please, bear with it." Liam whispered, holding Jerry's shaking hand.

"I can't, it hurts so much."

"After this, we will let you go to New Zealand and start a new life, but for now, just bear with it. We're here, we're not going to leave your side." Liam said, his eyes pleading to Jerry.

"You all are awful people!" Jerry growled and jerked Liam's hand and was about to run away but he stopped when he saw Rosie looking at him after she reached the Altar.

"T-thank you for coming." Rosie mouthed at him.

Jerry clenched his fists tightly but still forced himself to smile at the woman. "Everything for you." He mumbled and with that, he witnessed how he finally loses the woman he loved unconditionally.

____