Anhedonia

I could do worse than that

The days goes on but the pain stayed. Jerry had to endure it every single day without a miss, the wedding is still coming inevitably. No one could stop it, neither Jerry or Rosie itself.

It's been a week since the ex couple decided to be friends, and yet, nothing has changed the way they still avoid each other. Jerry never leave his room, while Rosie never talk to him even if she wants to. There's still this wall between them that either wants to destroy. The wall that keeping them to stay strong and show to others that they are no longer affected to their past.

Those were all lies, the smiles and the laughter. Who wouldn't get affected if you both still have feelings towards each other?

When it's time for Jerry to go out of his room to attend his schedule for his psychiatrist, Rosie always waited for him, hoping that Jerry will at least look at her or smile, but none of it ever happens for the past few days.

And when Jerry needs to go out, he's looking forward to see the blonde, even just for a quick glance, hoping that he won't get caught. But every time he sees Rosie talking to someone in the phone, he get hurt, but never let anyone notice it even his best friend who's always looking at him with sympathetic look.

"I'll go alone this time." Jerry said when he came out of his room, wearing a simple blue hoodie and a track pants, paired with sneakers.

"Why? I already asked Rosie to look for—."

"I'll be fine, sweetie." Jerry assures his best friend. "Just take care of your kid."

"But we've already talked about this."

"Relax, it's nothing serious. I'll be really fine." The guy then patted Hayley's head before he made his way to the front door. "I'll be back before dinner."

"Wait Jerry—."

The latter didn't wait for Hayley to finished her words as he ran to his car, but he halted when he saw Rosie arrives and just cane out from her car. His eyes immediately went to the Blonde's ring finger and frowns when the same rounded thing still on.

"Where's Hayley?" Rosie asked, she gather all her confidence as she could muster to start a conversation to her ex boyfriend. She planned it while on her way to Manoban's.

"Inside." Jerry replied.

"She's not going with you?"

"Nah, I told her not to."

"Can you go alone?" Rosie asked worriedly, but Jerry took it offensively. His face turns into deep scowl and glare at the girl.

"Having this disorder doesn't mean I can't be alone. So now, if you'll excuse, I'll get going now."

"Don't get me wrong, please. I'm just worried that you might need someone to go with you."

"Well in that case, I've been alone for almost 4 years, today ain't different from that." There's a mockery in his voice but Rosie didn't give it any attention as she shook her head.

"I'll go with you."

"No." Jerry refused firmly.

"But—."

"I told you that we should be friends, but not to this extent that you'll go with me to my appointment." He said without showing any emotions.

Rosie felt the familiar pang inside her chest while looking into Jerry's eyes, she has seen this a lot before and didn't know that it will trigger the anger and it rise up again today. Her soft features began changing into rage.

"I was just trying to help, if you don't want then fine!" She scowled as she turn her heels hastily and leave her ex boyfriend.

"I'm sorry." Jerry said just before Rosie could leave the garage. "It's just that, I don't want your fiancé to accuse you of—."

"As what you've said, we're friends, don't take it that way, whatever happened between us in the past, let's forget it and start a new friendship." Rosie said without even looking back to Jerry.

"I'm really sorry for how I acted earlier, but please understand that this schedule is not appropriate for you to accompany me."

Rosie turn around, though the scowl still in her face, but she could fully understand the guy. "Just call Liam to go with you."

"No—."

"Let's go, tiny. Your psychiatrist been waiting for ages." Liam appeared behind them and he pushed Jerry on the side as he hopped in into the driver's seat.

"What the f**k are you doing here?" Jerry asked in surprised to see the younger guy, wherein he said earlier that he'll be busy for the whole day.

"One of my model got into an accident and I had to reschedule the pictorial for next week."

"And so? You are not going with me!" Jerry yelled, trying to pull Liam out of his car but the latter didn't even budge as he grip the steering wheel tightly. "Oh come on!"

"Just let him go with you or do you want me to go instead?" Rosie chimes in.

"I hate my life!" Jerry exclaimed and let out a guttural groaned before he walked around his car to get on the passenger seat. He nod at Rosie to bid his mannerly goodbye before he went inside, as soon as he sat, his fist fly directly to Liam's shoulder. "f**k you!"

"C'mon, I'm not letting you go alone, I told you. I always got your back." Liam chuckled, ignoring the hot he received from the older guy.

"How many times do I have to tell you that I don't want you to—."

"Come to think of it, Tiny." Liam interrupts. "If I didn't volunteer to go with you, Rosie will. Do you think you can handle to be with her inside this car? The proximity of the space between the two of you will drive you crazy, do you the f*****g want that, huh?"

"No."

"See? So you better thank me or else—."

"Or else what?" Jerry pressed challengingly.

"Or else I'm not going to help you out in a sticky situation again."

"This is the first and last you'll go with me." Jerry hissed, looking out the side mirror to see Rosie, who's still standing on her spot where they left her.

"No one will know." Liam said as he sped away from his house.

___

The meeting with his psychiatrist didn't expected to be finished smoothly, Liam behaved the whole time, he was just listening to the two, as if he's a kid, curious in his surroundings.

Jerry, on the other hand, he seems so disappointed that Liam behaved, he was already expecting that there will be a bickering that will happen between them or Liam will nauseate the psychiatrist by asking too many questions regarding to Jerry situation, or Liam will mock him because of his disorder, but none of it happens. He was rather disappointed than surprised.

They even had a silent drive till they reached the Manoban's house. And all of this is new to Jerry. He used to bicker a lot with Liam, buy it seems nothing will happen for today.

Liam parked the car on the garage, they both stayed in silent as they waited for the engine to cool down, both looking ahead of them, specifically to nothing. They just sat and breathe simultaneously.

Jerry felt the need to open his mouth, but he doesn't know what to say, or is there even anything have to say? Until Liam broke it, start with a soft chuckles, then turns into a laugh.

"You looked stupid earlier." Liam said.

"Yeah, I was just afraid that you might do something stupid and I was paranoid." Jerry admits, leaning back his head. "You looked like a behave dog earlier."

"What's your plan?" Liam asked, after his laughter suddenly stopped, his eyes bore at the hood of Jerry's car. He just needed to laugh to break the silence between them, or else he wouldn't have the chance to tell the older guy the bad news he heard from hia best friend.

"About what?"

"About Rosie, dumbass."

"What about her?" Jerry asked, looking at Liam confusedly.

Liam released a sigh of frustration before he finally turns to Jerry. "Don't you want her back?"

"I do." Jerry chuckled throatily. "But what can I do? She's getting married."

"She's still not married, you still have a chance before the guy will arrive this weekend—."

"We decided to be friends— wait what?" Jerry shot his head up upon hearing Liam, even if he already interrupted the latter. "The guy is coming?"

"Yeah, Rosie told me that she'll introduce her fiancé to me." Liam said, his voice filled with disappointment. "Bud, I don't know how will I act in front of that guy."

Jerry froze in his chair, his mouth in slight agape, his eyes dilated. He didn't know what to feel at the moment but one thing is for sure, he's numb for too much pain.

"Jerry." Liam called softly, looking at the older guy sympathetically, watching the tears flow down to Jerry's face. "You'll be fine, buddy."

"No, I'm not and I will never be." Jerry said.

Liam's arms slowly move up, hesitate at first, but in the end, he wrap them around Jerry's head and pulled it onto his chest. Then he tapped Jerry's back reluctantly.

"It's okay, bud. We're here, we'll help you." Liam said to soothe the older guy, but nothing seems to work as Jerry's weep grew loudly. Liam's eyes shifted to his wife, who's watching them since they arrived. "Uh don't blow your nose on my shirt."

"Asshole." Jerry hissed before he retracted himself from the younger guy, he wiped his tears and exhale exasperatedly. "When?"

"When what?"

"When will the man will arrive?"

"By weekend." Liam replied.

"He better be good looking guy or else I'll kick him out of your house." Jerry joked but neither of them laugh, instead, they both sighs deeply. "f**k, I can't believe that I'm losing her."

"She still cared for you." Liam said, while he's watching his wife, who's talking to Rosie, both girls are looking on their way.

"I know." Jerry replied, his eyes bore at the Blonde's face.

"She still loves you."

"But ain't enough to give up everything she has and be with me."

"You'll be fine soon, just give your time to accept it all." Liam said with a tapped on his shoulder before he pushed the door open and stepped out of the car. He walked towards the girls and kissed his wife's lips and hug his best friend. Jerry stayed a bit more inside the car, watching his best friend with her husband and his ex girlfriend.

The three people turned their heads towards the car, looking at Jerry, but among them, Rosie is the only smiling at him, while the Manoban couple looks at him sympathetically.

Jerry decided to get off of the car after releasing a lungful sigh. He pushed the door open and his knees seems to be weakened upon seeing the bright smile of the Blonde. The agonizing pain inside him wobbled his legs and he had to lean his back on the car or he'll drop down. He smiled in return, but barely reaches his eyes.

"Sup?" He greeted.

"How's the meeting with your psychiatrist?" Rosie asked, unaware from the heavy atmosphere around her.

"Good, she said that I don't need to consult her again." He lied, earning a disbelief look from Liam. "Uh I'll head to my room." Jerry added as he gathered all the strength he could muster and walk as fast as he could inside the house, leaving the three people.

When he got inside, his eyes met the particular doe eyes just like Liam, staring at her without any emotion. Then Akisha stood up from the carpet, leaving her toys, she then walk forward to approach the older guy.

"Can I go to your room?" She asked.

"Aren't you playing with aunt Rosie?"

"We're done." Akisha said, stretching her arms above her. Jerry smiled and pick her up between his arms. "He's coming back."

"Who?" Jerry asked even if he already knew who is she referring to and continue his way to his occupied room.

"The groom."

"Ah, I already heard it from your stupid dad." Jerry said with a fake laugh, he put down the kid when they reached his room. "The wedding is at the end of the month, he should really be here."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm good!" Jerry exclaimed after the same time he shut the door behind him. "I'm all good, I'm happy for her, I.. I.. She deserves it, t-the man who's always ready to marry h-her, she.. she f*****g deserves it and it's h-hurt." Jerry's voice cracked at the end before he got on his knees, crying agonizingly. He covered his mouth with his hand to muffled his sob, afraid that someone might hear him on the other side of the door.

Akisha, stood there staring at his favourite uncle, eyes filled with mixed emotions. Anger, hurt, confuse and everything that a child wasn't supposed to feel at her age. Her arms move and she circled it around Jerry's head and pulled the latter onto her tiny figure.

"Please don't cry." All she could say, and as for Jerry, he couldn't stop himself, the pain exploded in rage, tearing him into pieces, he suck for an air to fill his lungs, but the oxygen seems not reaching them.

"It's h-hurt."

"I'm sorry." The kid said out of nowhere, feeling so guilty to the pain she doesn't have anything to do.

"How can I be so damn stupid to leave her like that?! I deserve this pain!" Jerry said between his tears.

"Please s-stop." The kid begs, her tears already streaming down to her face, she didn't know what to do to make Jerry stop from crying so she decided to cry with him. "Please, don't c-cry."

"I'm sorry." Jerry said as he pulled away, he cupped the kid's face and wiped her tears. "I'm sorry, Aki."

"It makes me sad to see you crying, uncle Jerry!"

"I know, I'm sorry." Jerry cooed the kid, engulfing her tightly and rub her back.

They stayed like that for a few minutes till the kid's weeping dies down, only sobbed and sniffles can be heard.

"I'm sorry if you had to see Uncle Jerry like that." Jerry said apologetically.

"Please don't cry again, it hurts to see you crying."

"I won't, this will be the last tears I'd shed."

"Why don't you just take her and run away together?" Akisha asked naively, which caused Jerry to break out a genuine smile for how innocent Akisha.

"It'll not work that way." He chuckled. "It's my fault why she had to marry someone that is not me."

"You are sick that time, just say you're sorry."

Jerry's genuine smile faded and replaced with a sad one. "If only everything was that easy."

"You haven't try!"

"I already lost even if I hadn't try."

"Coward!" Akisha yelled ruggedly, pushing Jerry which caused the latter to fell on the floor. He sat there with his hands pressing the floor to balance himself. "How did you even know that you already lost if you—."

"She's getting married, was there any reason to fight? And I'm the one who—."

"My kid is right, tiny. You are a f*****g coward." Liam appeared behind him, standing on the door with his body leaning on the doorframe and his hands dipped in his pockets. "You should at least try."

"How about the guy?"

"f**k the guy—."

"Who's guy?" Rosie then appears behind Liam, looking back and forth to her best friend and to Jerry, confusedly.

"Your fian— I mean, what the heck are you doing here?" Liam asked in surprised, he was that close to tell Rosie that they're talking about her fiancé, good thing he immediately realized that it was his best friend.

"Oh, uhm, my fiancé— I mean, Jayvee has arrived and Hayley wants me to call you down." Rosie said, stealing quick glances to Jerry.

"You let him in?" Liam asked.

"Hayley did, and he's my fiancé, isn't he welcome here?" Rosie asked a bit irritated for how hee best friend reacted when she said that Jayvee is in his house.

"Of course, he is, I was just asking." Liam shrugs, looking back to Jerry. "You wanna go meet the groom?"

"Nah, I'll stay." Jerry refused.

"You're meeting the groom." Liam insisted, he walked forward and grabs Jerry's hand, dragging him forcefully out of his room.

"This is harassment! I'll sue you!" Jerry growled, trying to escape from Liam's grip.

"You're literally trying to show how loser you are. You should meet him and look at him in the eye, show him that you're still better than him!" Liam whispered hardly as he continued dragging his friend.

"How did not meeting him makes me a loser?" Jerry asked whispery.

"It's as if you're telling him that you're rather to rot inside your room than to face the new lover of your ex girlfriend because you can't accept it." Liam said when they reached the bottom of the stairs. "Show him that you, Jerry Kim of the royal family in Korea, will never accept lose as long as Rosie stares at you with love in her eyes."

"What?" Jerry asked ludicrously.

"Chin up, stand straight and smile." Liam said as he move on the side, and there was a guy sitting on the sofa with his back facing them, his luggage on his side, Hayley sitting across him with her serious face, Jerry didn't know but it seems that his best friend is mad for some reason while looking at the guy intently.

Hayley's gaze darts up, meeting Jerry's, then her raging eyes softened upon seeing Jerry, which caused the latter to furrowed his brows.

Jerry was about to speak when he open his mouth, but he froze when the guy turns his head. There was a sudden rage rose up inside him, his jaw clenched tightly and everything happened so fast. He charged forward to the guy and grab his collar.

"You f*****g asshole!" Jerry shouted, ready to hit the guy.

"Stop!" Rosie yelled loudly when she saw Jerry on top of her fiancé. Liam seems to snapped out with that loud voice and he quickly ran to Jerry and pulled the latter away from the visitor.

"Dude, what the hell?!" Liam exclaimed.

"Let him." Hayley said with anger in her eyes and glaring Rosie's fiancé.

"What? Babe, are you out of your mind—."

"You traitor!" Jerry yelled once again, trying to escape from Liam. "You f*****g betrayed me! How could you do this to me?!"

"W-what? What are you talking about?" Rosie asked confusedly as she stood between the two guys. "I didn't know that your disorder will take you to this extent!"

"I'm f*****g sick but that guy is an asshole!" Jerry shouted back, pointing his finger at Jayvee. "I can't believe that all this time, you're making fun of me! You know what? You won! You f*****g won, b***h!"

A defeaning sound began to surround them after Rosie slap him hardly, giving a cut on the corner of his lips.

"How dare you—!"

"Jayvee is my cousin, he was with me in London a month ago when I was looking for you, I even showed him your picture, he told me that he didn't know you, and yet here he is." A loud gasped from Liam and Rosie could be heard upon the revelation of Jerry because Hayley know the guy.

"W-what?"

"Whatever, I'm f*****g tired, just get married and congratulations, hope you'll be happy with that asshole." Jerry said through his gritted teeth before he turn his heels and ran out of Manoban's house.

"What kind of bullshit was that?" Liam asked, looking at them in stunned surprised, but no one seems to hear him and still in their shock state. "Babe, go get Akisha to her room."

"Why?" Hayley asked.

"Just go and get her!"

Hayley groans but still obliged, she ran upstairs to approach her kid and carried her back to Akisha's room. When Liam heard the door shut, his head turns to Jayvee, and without saying anything, he punched Jayvee, knocking him on the carpeted floor.

"Liam!" Rosie yelled as she get on her knees to help Jayvee.

"Oohh, one hit and he's already down." Liam said playfully, staring at his fist amusingly. "If you don't bring that guy out of my house, he'll die." Liam said when his smile faced and replaced with a devilish grin.

"You're seriously not helping!"

"I'm fine, I'll just go—."

"Yeah moron, you better leave right now." Liam glower at the guy.

"Liam, stop! I swear to God!" Rosie groaned exasperatedly.

"He f*****g lied to Jerry, and I don't know if he's right about you, making fun of him. That's literally his cousin and he's with Jerry, now tell me if I have no reason to hit him again!"

"You have no rights at all! This is my life! Whatever happening between the three of us, you have nothing to do with it so just leave us alone!" Rosie snapped out, her tears began to roll down on her tainted face, her breathing are ragged and shallow.

Liam chuckled dryly, his eyes shifted to guy then back to Rosie. "Ok then, if that's what you want." Liam said and he turn his heels. Rosie immediately regretted everything she said, but it was too late to take it back as Liam already gone outside of his house to follow the older guy.

"I'm sorry." Jayvee said as he wiped Rosie's tears.

"Why you didn't told me that you're Jerry's cousin?" Rosie asked through her gritted teeth, preventing herself to snap again.

"I thought it doesn't matter anymore."

"But why do you have to lie to him?! We've been together for almost two years, and yet you told him that you didn't know me?"

"I don't know." Jayvee mumbled, looking down to his feet, then back up to meet Rosie's angry eyes. "I was so scared that time."

"You're scared for what?!"

"That you might go back to him if you find out that he's looking for you."

"As you should!" Rosie said and she ran quickly towards the front door. Jayvee ran after her immediately and grab Rosie's hand.

"Where are you going?!"

"Anywhere! As long as it is far from all of you!"

"You're running away again?" Jayvee asked mockingly but Rosie didn't respond to that as she shrug Jayvee's hand off of her. "Will you stop doing that? Whatever happened between you and Jerry, it's all in the past, I don't care if I lied to you or to him, what matters is our marriage, there's no way in hell I will call the wedding off just because he made me feel guilty, wether you like it or not, our wedding is still on!"

"I'm calling it off—."

"Do it! Or I'll make him suffer! You know what I'm capable of." Jayvee threatens. Rosie suddenly stop from struggling and she looked at Jayvee in disgust.

"I can't believe that you can stoop down to that level."

"I can be wherever if I like, now go get my things and we'll go home to my house."

"I'm not going with you." Rosie said firmly, she's scared, to be honest, and she's hoping that she didn't said those words to Liam, which make her now in a sticky situation, alone.

"Yes you are." Jayvee growled, pulling Rosie with him back inside and grab his luggage, then forcefully drag the Blonde outside of the Manoban's. "From now on, you don't have the freedom to go wherever you want unless you go with me."

"That's bullshit!"

"Yeah, and I don't care." Jayvee said as he held his hand's out. "Give me your key."

"Let me go!" Rosie still tried to removed Jayvee's hand but the latter grip it more tighter. "You're hurting me!"

"Just give me the f*****g key!"

Rosie's tears streaming down without any sigh of stopping, she gave him the key in thought of Jayvee might loosen his grip a bit but he didn't even let the blonde reacted as he pushed Rosie inside the car and he ran to the other side.

"I knew that this I knew this situation would come so I decided that after we get married, you will go with me back to London."

"No! I am not going with you!"

"Who told you that you have the rights to refuse? b***h, you are going to listen to everything I say, or else—."

"Or else what?!" Rosie asked challengingly and she received a slap from Jayvee.

"Or else, I could do worse than that." Jayvee said before he starts the engine and sped away.

_______