The Billionaire's Unwanted Nanny

Chapter 6 :Revelations

I awoke slowly. Lately, it has been harder and harder for me to wake up in the morning. I groggily sit up, holding my queasy stomach. Yesterday was the first good day I had in a while. Yet, here I was in the light of a new day, once more sad. f**k, Lisa is right. I always thought that because I didn't exhibit stereotypical signs of depression, that I couldn't have it. That thought seemed to double my nausea; jumping from the bed, I barely made it to the bathroom to be sick.

I sat on the floor for a while. My mind was blissfully blank as I regained control over my rumbling stomach. Groaning, I get up and get ready for my day. Grabbing my phone, I checked my calendar. I had a therapy session in two hours. I also said I would video chat Ty after having some time to brainstorm for our fashion show. I had a paper due next week that I needed to start. I also needed to work on some sketches for another class.

The professors have taken off the kid gloves. They were honestly being a little sadistic. Yes, we only had one short semester left, but do we all need to be half-dead at the finish line? Either way, I had too much to do today to be sad or sick. Reaching for some saltine crackers, I noticed another icon on my calendar. Fear crawls up my spine. My hands sweat, and I clutch harder at my phone to stop myself from dropping it.

I slowly sink into my dining room chair and start to count. During my already panicked moment, my phone rings, and it is mother dearest. It had been six almost seven weeks since our explosive fight. The queasiness from earlier intensifies as my mind stares at the stupid icon on my calendar.

"Closer to seven," I mumbled to myself unhelpfully. How could I be any more stupid? Since my first menstrual cycle, I have been regular. Every 28 days. Every month for more than a decade now. Yet, I was late. Not by days but by weeks. My phone rings, and I growl in frustration as she calls again. Losing my temper, I answered.

"What" my voice is unpleasant. Silence greets me. I didn't know what she wanted from me and now was not the time. I was drifting into a sea of confusion and fear. She would contribute nothing positive to it. Normally, a woman would want to share this with her mother and get good advice. I couldn't do that with her, and that meant I didn't have time to entertain whatever she was trying to do.

"I was expecting a better greeting than that. We need to speak. The wedding is coming up soon, and we have to solve the matter of your temper tantrum. It sounds like you are still upset so I will keep this brief. We are having a family dinner on Sunday at 5 pm sharp. I expect you there." Her voice is monotone. She doesn't wait for my answer and just hangs up. I pay little to no attention as my calendar opens again with the ending of her call. I should have started a month ago.

I should be close to another cycle, but I haven't had one. I've never skipped. Not when I got pneumonia, and I was so sick I spent weeks bedridden. Not when James and I hadn't been the most careful. Not when James and I stupidly and purposefully tried that one time. He thought I was infertile. Another c***k in our fragile relationship that pushed him closer to my sister. Yet, right now, I have for the first time.

I closed my eyes, placing my phone down after setting a timer. Five minutes. I had five minutes to freak out, then once more, I would pull myself together and figure it out like usual. Tears blazing hot escaped, and I sobbed into my hands. I was terrified. I was alone. I honestly wasn't in the mental state to raise a chi-

My timer going off stopped me mid-thought. Okay, it's okay not to be okay, but you have s**t to do. Especially if you are pre-No. NO. No thinking that word. Or anything else around that. We will shelf this issue until the weekend. It's not like a few more days would hurt anything.

Wiping my face. I programmed the family dinner for Sunday. I checked the time. I needed to leave in an hour. Planning for the project is important right now. I smile as Ty sends me a silly video. I responded to him as I started outlining my vision. After a solid hour of work, I grabbed my crackers and bottle of water and headed to Lisa's office. I arrived on time, smiling at the receptionist before walking back into the room. Lisa was already seated at her desk. She rose with a smile. I greeted her back with one before settling on the couch.

"I was a little nervous you wouldn't show", she tells me, moving from her desk chair to a comfortable loveseat near me. "Why" I ask, her shock in my voice.

" Well, if someone is not going to go through with the process, they schedule their next appointment weeks out, then ghost me, as the kids say," her tone is light. I flushed. I thought about it.

"I thought about it," I admitted sheepishly.

"Of course you did, but you proved something to yourself and me. You want to change. So let us work on that. You mentioned fighting with your family. We didn't touch on that. Would you like to start there?"

"Of course not", I chuckled humorlessly.

She blinks, probably started. My response was supposed to be lighthearted, but I don't think I achieved that. "We can pick another topic if you like?" I shake my head. No I needed to get some clarity before this stupid dinner.

"I think my mother is a narcissist and is abusive to me. My father coddles her, and my siblings have been living in her bullshit so long that they believe it. Yet, ask any of them, and I am the problem. " My voice is frustrated. I snatch a saltine angrily and munch on it, pissed off.

"That's a lot to unpack. Let's start with your mother. You believe she is abusive; why?" Her voice is inquisitive but not judgmental. I relax further and start trying my best to explain.

"I am not enough for her. No matter what I do, there is always a comment. For example, I did dance when I was in high school. Mother thought that was laughable. I didn't have any talent for that. I needed to be in something safe like home ec or chess. I made the try-outs, though. I was on the dance team for my whole school career." She never saw me perform. I hid it from her.

"I know she will always have something smart to say, so I hide things from her. I wanted to do design school, but she wanted me to be a kindergarten teacher. So I got a scholarship behind her back because she wouldn't have paid for it. I also never told her I was doing dance. I always lied about practice and events. Now that I am thinking, I hide everything from her. How can I not, though?"

"My ex-boyfriend settled with me for seven years, all while harboring a crush on my older sister. They are getting married in a month, and I am just expected to be in the wedding. No one cares about my feelings, and as she told me the last time I spoke with her, I needed to get over it. Mind you; my sister doesn't want me there because we are close. She wants to torture me because she is just as much a b***h as her mother.

My whole life, my dreams, my ambitions, and my interests have always been pushed aside. I've just accepted that s**t, you know. In my relationships, romantic and friendships. I've accepted that no one cares about my good news unless it fits their agenda. I know next to nothing about boundaries because when I try to put even one up, I'm being dramatic, and she can't deal with me like that" my voice had steadily got louder. When I noticed it I stopped talking.

I looked at Lisa fearfully. Her face was open, and my muddled emotions got the better of me. I started to cry. Deep and ugly and for what felt like forever.

Lisa sits next to me after a while. "I've always sensed that our relationship was unhealthy, but do I want to be estranged from my family? Who else is going to love me?"

"Do you feel loved?" I shook my head, exhausted.

"I feel alone. So much is happening in my life right now. I can't share it with them. I protect myself by hiding everything. I then ask myself why I keep them around."

"Right now, my suggestion to you is no contact. Say your final piece but close down the channel of communication. When we get you to a healthier state, we can revisit this, but you can't have that many people working against you and be successful. " Lisa tells me, handing me another tissue.

"But her wedding," I mumbled. I couldn't do that. I will never be forgiven. I was retreating into the complacent spot.

"Look at me", Lisa's voice is kind and steady. I do so.

"A part of you is so strong. It has created a safe space for you. You told me you couldn't be depressed because you were thriving. You aren't. You have just been in survival mode. I am proud that you didn't let your spirit be crushed, but it is time for you to live."

"I'm scared," I admitted. "My whole life is changing right now. I made a friend. A real one who I really believe in. He may also be my opportunity to further my career. I also" I stop for a moment before breathing through the terror.

"I also stupidly threw myself at my boss and had an admittedly fun one-night stand without protection." There I said it out loud. "I haven't been feeling well; been almost two months since then." I continued, eluding to the fact I was pregnant.

"That is even more reason for you to protect your space. I can tell you haven't wrapped your head around all of this change. Do you want to create this same environment for another generation?" I blanched, then frowned. I would never hurt this child.

I would do it. I would cut them off. Sunday.