Hidden Lycan. (COMPLETE)

Chapter Forty

The next day brought good news and bad news. The good news was, Hades was there when I woke up and it turns out, we didn't have to walk through the dark woods home. We didn't even have to fly. I was literally jumping up and down like a child at the news. No metal bird for me. Hades was going to escort us through one of his underworld portal things. I don't know what to call them, but I was thankful for it either way. 

Bad news. Xavier was avoiding me. The others had apologized already. Well, more like begged for forgiveness. I don't know what they felt coming from me through the bond last night but whatever it was has them doting on me now like I was an angel come to earth. It was more irritating than you'd think. 

I could see the sadness in Xavier's eyes when he would peek over at me, could feel his loneliness and regret through the bond. I was itching to go to him, comfort him. I wanted to take that look away from him. I wanted to hug him close and tell him he's not alone and he never would be. I know how loneliness can eat at you, how it can consume you. I hated seeing it in his eyes. 

The women, well we were still trying to figure out what we were going to do about them. I disbanded that awful pack, effectively making it no more and making the six members rouges. I knew they'd find another pack and start their lives of horror again, but I couldn't challenge every pack alpha, I'd be killed. For now though, we were taking the women back home with us and they were going to share my room. Another bed would be added to accommodate their sleeping arrangements since I knew they liked to huddle together. 

As for me, I would share a room with my men. Not any one in particular. I would spend a night a piece with each of them. I'd make it work somehow so none of them feel neglected. As of right now spending any time with Xavier was unlikely. He wasn't coming within touching range of me. I'm not sure if he is punishing himself or me,  but it was punishing us both instead. I was miserable. I wanted my mate, I wanted to see him happy. 

"Everyone ready?" Hades asked pulling me from my thoughts. "What about the Cerberus? The ones my lycan added to her pack?" I was curious. Would they come with us? "Do you really think you could keep a Cerberus away from its alpha?" He asked chuckling. "I will bring them later. They will protect you with their lives Fallon." He assured me. I nodded, scratching between the ears of my kitsune. Something that has become a way of calming my nerves whenever I felt them getting out of hand. "Well come on, let's get going." Hades said, opening an odd looking blue swirl in the middle of the cabin living room. 

I had no qualms over it, it looked safe enough. I just shrugged and stepped through after Hades. It kind of felt like being caught in an orb of air. It surrounded me like in a smooth caress lifting my hair around me, before I was suddenly just dropped. I yelped as I fell the short distance, landing on my butt just outside the house. "A warning would have been nice." I growled at him as I stood. Hades just laughed. 

I think he planned it, like it was his own personal comedy show. Because one after another the women and my guys dropped, all but Eli landing on their butts. I had to admit watching it was funny. Well watching the men was at least. It wasn't every day you got to see these six foot whatever men get dropped onto their backsides. 

I fell back as everyone else walked towards the house hoping to catch Xavier alone. I couldn't do this anymore, not now that we were home. We had to get over whatever this was, talk about it. We couldn't let what happened destroy what we were building. I don't think I could handle losing him, losing any of them. 

"Xavier." I called softly. "Can we talk." His body stilled and his muscles tensed. A wave of apprehension hit me through the bond. He turned to face me slowly, his eyes not meeting mine. Why was he doing this? Why wouldn't he look at me or approach me? I sighed and walked over to him. I lightly and slowly moved his face to mine so he'd look at me. 

The all consuming sadness in his eyes took my breath away. He looked broken and lost. Nothing like the confidant and strong man I know. This man looked weak, afraid. He looked like he didn't know himself anymore and it broke my heart. "Xavier? What's going on? Why are you doing this?" I asked him. I flattened my palms onto his chest as I looked up at him. He was so tall compared to me, they all were. I didn't even reach Xavier's collar bone. 

"I deserve it." He said simply, his tone lacking any emotion. "I don't deserve you or your love. It's best if I keep my distance." He started to turn away but I clutched onto him. "What would make you believe such a thing?" I demanded. Xavier closed his eyes and sighed. "I accused you of plotting our murder, plotting your suicide. I felt how badly I hurt you, how uncertain about your place here I made you feel. I felt your need to run. I felt it all." His words ended in a broken whisper, barely audible even to me. 

"Xavier, look at me please." I pleaded. He turned to me, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. You've never truly felt helpless unless you've seen a man you love cry because he thinks he doesn't deserve you. "Xavier I love you. You were angry and worried and scared. I understand why you said it, and I understand the circumstances that made you say it. I made myself a target and I'm sorry. But never, ever, for one second think you don't deserve me. Did you know I had a similar thought last night? I thought all of you deserved someone better than me, someone not as marred by her past. 

We will say and do things we don't mean Xavier. No relationship is perfect and we can't expect ours to be. In fact ours might just be worse and more dangerous than other because of who and what I am. I've even thought of leaving just to keep all of you safe, to keep you out of danger. Whatever happens now or in the future, I love you, nothing could ever change that." I assured him. 

His eyes were on me the whole time. His chest wasn't moving, and he stood as still as a statue. If I didn't know any better I'd say he was one. "Xavier?" I questioned, waving my hand in front of his face. When he didn't respond the little kitsune devil leapt onto my head and swatted Xavier on the nose chattering at him like he was scolding him. 

Xavier growled at him, but I just laughed. "Well, he got your attention." I pointed out. "You did kind of zone out on me there. You weren't even breathing." Xavier looked down at me the bond flaring with uncertainty "Do you mean it?" He asked softly. "You're not mad? You don't hate me or want to leave me?" 

"No my love I am not mad. And though I did think about leaving it was only to keep all of you safe. I bring danger with me, and now that councilman is planning something, I'm sure of it." I stood on my tip toes and ran my nose across his jaw. "I love you, I'm not leaving you." I whispered. 

Xavier released a breath that seemed like he was releasing the weight of the world with it. He wrapped his arms around me, lifting me off the ground and held me to him. I nuzzled into the crook of his neck, relishing the feeling of his arms around me. I kissed his neck before pulling away and cupping his face between my hands and placing my lips on his. "I need to go get the women settled." I said, my lips still against his. 

Xavier groaned, but set me on my feet. "I'm sorry for what I said Fallon." Xavier said taking my hand. I smiled as we headed into the house. "I know love. It's alright." And it was. Now I had all four of my men back. Everyone was here and we were all safe and alive. We may not know what was coming or what to expect from the council or the royals. We may not even know what to expect from the gods if anything. All I did know was, that if I had my men with me, nothing else mattered.