Loving the Devil

16. REMORSE

Jackson's POV

I messed up really bad this time. My emotions were in turmoil since the time she mentioned Emily. I was angry at Hannah for coming in my life. I was angry at Emily for making me a devil. I was angry at my mom for leaving me alone. But mostly, I was angry at myself. My heart felt like it was about to explode.

I wanted to forget everything for a while so when Jasmine,the accounting head of my company came in wearing a tight red dress and made a move on me, I couldn't stop her. I wanted to get rid of all the regret, agony and loneliness. So pulling her on my lap, I started kissing her which she returned eagerly. Hannah's face reappeared in front of my eyes and I felt like a cheater. Feeling frustrated for not being able to control my feelings towards her, i held the back of Jasmine's neck and I kissed her hard.

Sound of footsteps broke us apart. Hannah was standing in my office, looking torn. It felt like someone has thrown a bucket full of ice cold water over me. I controlled my anger when Jasmine called her a b***h. I didn't want to deal with her or Hannah now. So I acted like a jerk and yelled at her. It hurt me to see her like that but I couldn't give her any false hopes. I needed time to figure out what I want.

After she left, I asked Jasmine to leave. She threw a tantrum but I didn't care about her. The only person I was thinking about was my wife.

She is beautiful, caring, innocent, kind and understanding. Everything a man seeks in his wife. But I was not ready to give my heart to her. I was afraid, because Emily was the same when I met her. Still, she left me. I couldn't give Hannah the power to break me again. It took me two years to move on, to fight the depression I was dwelling in. If Hannah left me after I convinced myself to let her in, I would never get up again.

Clearing the thoughts, I got up and went to the ceiling high window of my office. Soon, a figure sitting on the wooden bench crying her heart out caught my attention.

Realizing that it was Hannah, I immediately rushed towards her. It didn't matter if she was like Emily or not, I couldn't let her cry there alone. I would never forgive myself. When I reached the garden, I found Zac hugging her. Wanting to rip his hand off, I moved but my steps froze when I remembered that I was the reason of her tears, not him. I am the villain here, not him. She needed someone to hold her, hug her and that person's couldn't be me. It had to be Zac. Returning my office, I settled in my chair. Shutting my eyes tightly, I let the small tear blocking my vision run free.

***

Parking the car outside my house, I went in. Going towards the bedroom, I heard some laughs from lounge. She might be with her friends again. Without making any noice, I barged in. The scene in front of me made my blood boil. Zac was hovering over Hannah and their eyes were locked into each other. Jealousy clouded my judgment and I kicked the sofa, hard.

They separated and Hannah looked ashamed. She was ashamed even when she wasn't the one caught kissing someone.

"What are you doing in my house?", Clenching my fist, I roared.

"Not what you were doing in your office.", Zac replied, making me angrier.

"That's none of your business."

"That's exactly my business, cousin."

"Stay away from my wife.", I hissed and his smirk widened.

"Oh so you remember you have a wife. And I was gonna ask a neurologist to check for signs of amnesia.", he commented in a sarcastic tone.

"Get out of here before I throw you out", he knew he was pushing my buttons and sadly, it was working.

"Jeez. Relax. I was just going. Hannah, be ready tomorrow at 7pm. I'd pick you up.", he winked at her and left.

Where the hell are they going together? And how dare he winked at her. I'm gonna break his perfect teeth one day.

After they had left, she went towards our room without saying a word. When I entered there, she was lying on the couch and her eyes were closed. I wanted to ask her what was all this about but I didn't get a chance.

***

Restless. Impatient. Frustrated. That is what I was feeling. It was 6pm and I had a meeting at 7pm. But I wanted to know where they were going. She might be getting ready for him. I had to stop her.

Think. Think. Think. Oh what the f**k! This meeting can go to hell.

"I'm leaving. Postpone this meeting. I've some urgent work to do", I told my secretary and drove towards home. Running and almost tripping, I reached our bedroom, breathless. But she was already gone.

What have I done!

Cursing myself, I slumped on the couch. I had never felt so defeated. It was my fault, I pushed her away and he was there for her.

What if she decides to leave me, what would I do?

No matter how much I pushed her away, there was always a hope hidden somewhere in my heart that she would save me from my inner demons. And now, the tiny hope had been crushed. Pouring myself some alcohol, I drank till there was no more pain.

***

Urgggh. What is happening?

Everything looked blurry. A familiar figure was untying me shoe laces. It looked like Hannah but I was too drunk to think clearly. Sluggishly, I pulled away and she stood up. She was looking ethereal in her cute dress. It was something white and orange. She looked like a cute angel.

But my thoughts were nowhere cute and the alcohol in my system was not helping either.

Clutching her wrist, I pulled her on my lap. A surprised gasp escaped her lips.

"H- how was y-your date?", I slurred.

"You're drunk.", she murmered, not looking in my eyes. Her cheeks turned red at our closeness.

"Th- that's not the r- right answer.", I retorted.

"It was great. Zac is very entertaining.", she said, lowering the hem of her dress but failing. She was clearly embarrassed.

"You l- like spending ti- time with him?", I asked, afraid to hear her answer.

"Yes.", She shuffled in my lap, her soft body grinding with mine.

"Can he make you feel good?", Gripping the back of her head, I traced my lips over her jaw.

"Uhhhmm.", She moaned softly.

"Like this?", I placed my lips on the corner of her mouth. Closing her eyes, she placed her hands on my shoulder.

"Tell me Hannah.", My voice sounded raspy. Gripping her butt, I pulled her even more closer. Her soft body was moulding into mine.

Kissing the hollow of her neck,I sucked a little harder and her grip tightened. Things were getting out of my control.

I should've stopped. But I couldn't. I was feeling drunk, for a whole another reason.

"Jackson!", She whispered and I had never felt more turned on. Leaving her neck, I looked in her eyes. Her eyes were darkened and her breaths heavy. She bit her lips and my mind turned into a haze. Leaning towards her, I brushed my lips slightly against her when the door opened.

"Umm. I'm so sorry sir. Please forgive me. Please. I knocked but nobody replied. I thought you are in danger. Please sir, don't throw me out.", Lucy stood there, she looked like she was about to faint.

"It's okay Lucy. You can go.", Hannah answered, moving out of my hold. Lucy hurriedly walked out.

Hannah ran into bathroom before I could stop her. Lying backwards, I let out a frustrated sigh and let the darkness envelop me.

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