Beyond The Square One (BTSO2)

S q u a r e S e v e n ( H E )

Ariel is just quiet all the while we're in the car. I keep wondering what's going on in her mind. For some reasons, I can see that she's worried more about what I would say than what really happened to her. But the biggest question is, was that San Juan guy involved? I have not confirmed my suspicions yet but if that's the case and she's keeping quiet, someone must have given her the same information I found out.

"Nagpunta si Naomi sa office," I start.

"H-ha?"

She seems a little disoriented, too. But if something awful really happened she would've told me the moment she entered the office. For now, I need to keep her talking. "Si Naomi. Tinawagan ko kasi siya kanina dahil nag-alala ako. Hindi ko na malaman kung sino ang tatawagan ko para mahanap ka."

No answer. I glance at her and she's just staring at her knotted fingers on her lap which is odd. Perhaps, she knows everything now. When I'm about to say something again, my phone rings and the call is automatically on car's speaker phone.

"Yes, Pamela?" I snap.

"Boss, wala talaga kaming mahanap na credible enough para pumalit kay Archie."

By the tone of her voice, I can tell that she's on the verge of crying. "Have you checked the previous applications before Archie was hired?"

"Inaasahan na rin naming itatanong mo 'yan, boss. Five years ago, may application po dito si... Si Ms. Princess Aurora Mariano."

I steal a glimpse at Ariel who's staring at me with unreadable eyes. Having the calls routed directly to loudspeaker is really not a practical idea especially at moments like this. Not that I want to hide the information from Ariel, but I'm just thinking that this is so not a good time.

"Sabi naman po ni Mikayla, si Ms. Mariano ang mismong nag-withdraw ng application niya no'ng i-interview-hin na dapat siya kasi siya lang 'yung may solid credentials," Pamela continues. "Kaya napunta kay Archie 'yung post. No'ng time po na 'yon, kaka-graduate lang ng BS Accountancy ni Ms. Mariano."

"Check the others. Get back to me on this tomorrow morning." Because there is no way I'm hiring Aurora. Or else there'd be World War III.

"Boss, are we not considering-"

"No. Just do your best to find another one. If we're out of source, I would rather manage the bank myself. You hear me?"

I end the call and sigh deep in exasperation. What a freaking day. I'm so glad I have my OCD to keep me focused on how things must be. For the first time, I'm proud to be OC.

"Anong nangyari?"

Now it's my turn to be startled by her sudden interest. Well, what can I say? It's something she can never unhear. "I just fired Archie."

"What?! Akala ko ba, you always keep your assets in good hands?"

I'm already expecting her to overreact so I try to keep my calm or else, we'll both explode before we can even reach home. "This is not a big deal. I worry more about you than the bank."

"I appreciate that, Eric. But can you at least let me know what happened?"

After about five seonds of silence, thinking about it, I finally answer... "Archie has been stealing from the bank. And when I say, 'stealing', that is not just a small amount of money compared to hundreds of thousands."

That does her. I wait for a few seconds more before giving her the news flash...

"He went away with 8.4 million, Ariel."

I hear her gasping in shock. "Tae, paano ka makaka-kickback ng ganoong pera sa bangko ng taong sobrang mabusisi sa impormasyon? Paano nakaligtas sa'yo 'yon? E, ikaw ang dakilang usisero ng background!"

As odd as it seems, I involuntarily smile at her reaction. That money may have been long gone now, but at least my Ariel is back to her usual self. Annoying, loud, high-pitched... These are just some of those strange things in her that I have fallen in love with. I would take her day-long shouts in exchange of that brutal silence.

"Impakto," I hear her saying under her breath.

I glance at her and I see her smiling, too. Maybe she realized she's been acting all too weird that I'm smiling right now because she just came back.

"Bakit wala na si ate Yomi pagdating ko?"

I lock the door and turn on the lights as Ariel makes her way to the living room's long couch. After the dreadful, long fifteen-minute drive from the office, we finally manage to get home without exploding. "Masama daw pakiramdam niya, e. Nagsuka pa kanina 'yon do'n sa office, buti umabot sa sink. Dumagdag pa sa problema."

"Grabe ka naman. Ate ko 'yon."

"I'm serious." I sit beside her and kick off my shoes. "Pagkatapos magsuka, nag-pass out. Na-delay na lalo 'yung paghahanap ko sa'yo dahil do'n. Dinala ko pa siya sa clinic."

"Hala? Anong nangyari?"

"Duh. Isn't it obvious? She could be pregnant, Ariel. It's just about time for them to have that."

Bigla na lang siyang natahimik. In fact, she's turning pale.

"Are you alright?"

Swallowing what seems to be just an empty air, she nods at me and slouches back on the couch. I mirror her action.

"What's wrong?" I ask, holding her hand. Is it about what happened, or something just came up in her mind?

"Big deal kasi sa ibang tao 'yang pregnancy, Eric. Ewan ko kung bakit parang wala lang sa'yo," she confides without looking.

"It is something, alright. It's just... I don't know. Maybe I'm too preoccupied to think about it. They have money, they have their own house, they're both stable, what else do they need? And they've been married for months, for chrissakes."

"Tae. Natatakot na tuloy ako."

Confused, I sit up so I can look directly into her eyes. "Of what?"

"Of having a family. Of having a baby. Of..."

"...getting married?" I finish for her, trying all my might to sound as calm as possible when deep inside, I'm starting to lose it again.

She doesn't answer and it's just one of those freaking impeccable times when my demon starts throwing tomatoes at me, making me figure that silence means a shouting 'yes'.

"Ariel, is something wrong? Can we talk about it?"

Sitting up, she starts gasping rapidly for air like she can't breathe. Fvck, not now.

I stand up and quickly grab a bottle of water from the fridge and hand it to her. "Inom. Dali."

Nodding obediently, she drinks in a mouthful but I can still see her jaw tensing and her hands shaking. I carefully keep a good distance away. I know she's having another Claustrophobia Attack after not having it for a long time.

"Tang*na, ito na naman," she says, breathless.

Even when I see those tears that I don't understand, I still keep my distance. I'm not about to risk her feeling even more suffocated than she already is, I can wait. "Ano bang nangyayari?" I patiently ask.

"I don't know! Okay? I don't know." She stands up and walks towards the wall-sized window, sliding it open to welcome the polluted air of Taguig. I'm always against to open window because it means 99.9% of dirt sticking to your walls. Pero mas mahirap kung magsasabay pa ang sapi naming dalawa so I let her be. I can always clean up a handful of mess afterwards.

She inhales audibly, trying to steady her breathing. "Parang ang dami lang nangyayari ngayong araw and I'm so tired of taking everything in," she says.

Taking... What, in? What is it? Is she talking about the wedding? Does she feel pressured or something? Perhaps, her sudden disappearance? Or maybe she just found out another truth about herself? "Can I... Uh... give you a hug?" is all that I can manage to ask. Because asking her all the questions in my mind might make her situation worse.

She nods without looking back. I walk towards her and drape my arms slowly around her torso from her back.

We just let ourselves be devoured by silence, staring at the view of BGC through the large window. About a couple of minutes pass, I decide to break the silence again...

"Our wedding is supposed to be something to look forward to. Not something to be afraid or suffocated of. If you feel pressured, we can wait until you feel like it's the only thing we're missing," I say in a low voice.

"Not the wedding, Eric. I'm just thinking too much that shits are getting so real, it's becoming painful."

It might not be the right time, but it's now or never. "What really happened back there? Where were you?"

Mahabang katahimikan na naman ang sagot niya. If not for that sound of a stifled sob, baka nainis na naman ako sa kinikilos niya. This time, I feel like I'm so useless. Naaawa na ako kay Ariel, parang ang dami niyang buhat tapos hindi ko siya matulungan.

"You can tell me anything, Princess Ariel. You know that, right?" I say in vain attempt to lighten up the mood.

She lets out a scornful laugh. "Impakto ka talaga. 'Wag ka ngang mabuhay sa fairytale. Nasa totoong mundo tayo."

"What fairytale? Our life is way better than fairytale, my princess. You just don't realize it yet dahil wala pa tayo sa totoong happily-ever-after kahit masaya na tayo sa ganito. 'Wag tayong magmadaling makarating do'n. Don't you get it? Fun stops when struggle isn't there anymore. If there's nothing left to worry about, then there's nothing left to look forward to."

She turns around to face me. Nodding, she wraps her arms around my nape and I know she's trusting all her weight on me. Dahil maliit si Ariel, siguradong naka-tingkayad 'to. One wrong move and we'll both get out of balance.

"I hate to admit it but Cash was right," I say. "I talked to him yesterday because you asked me, nicely, to know what his problems are. Pero alam mo? Ako pa ang pinangaralan ng unggoy na 'yon."

I feel her laughing as she buries her face in my neck.

"Like what he said, pain makes happiness a lot sweeter to achieve. Hindi mo alam kung gaano kasarap maging masaya kung hindi mo mararanasan ang masaktan. It makes happiness a lot more valuable. Kaya kung ano man ang nakakasakit sa'yo ngayon, take it as a pathway to an even bigger happy end."

"Matalino talaga 'yung batang 'yon," she says.

"Matalino naman talaga ang mga unggoy."

"Eric!" she chides as she whacks the back of my head.

I just laugh at her. "Kidding aside, hindi magiging consistent lister si Jack Ervin at running c*m Laude kung walang laman ang ulo. Sa'ming tatlo, si Cash lang ang nagbigay ng malaking karangalan sa mga magulang namin. Kami nga ni Jace kahit pa sabihing sa ibang bansa nagtapos, hindi rin namin maipapasa siguro ang mga kurso namin kung wala kaming pera na nagpapaganda ng grades. Si Cash? It's all him. Bata pa lang, tinataguyod na niya 'yung sarili niyang pangalan."

Pulling slightly away, she gapes at me. "Cash changed you," she says in awe.

I scowl at her. "Ha?"

She laughs. "Hindi ako sanay na ganiyan kang mag-Tagalog. Straight. May nalalaman ka pang 'karangalan' at 'tinataguyod'. Alam mo ba ang ibig sabihin ng mga salitang 'yan?"

I pinch the tip of her nose lightly. "Yes, Ariel." I kiss her forehead and pull her closer against my chest. Because I don't want her to see my face when I say the next words... "Cash is a very infectious and influential person. To think that he gets the least of his own parents' attention. Ngayon lang naman naging sakit sa ulo si Cash and that's even because of other people, not some form of rebellion or something."

"Paano mo naman nasabi 'yan?"

"Because I know how a person can intentionally and willingly do stupid things when he's in love."

She pulls away again to stare at me. "Si Michelle pa rin ba ang problema niya?"

"Kahit naman hindi sabihin ni Cash, kapatid ko 'yon. I know him like I know the number of my fingers. And yes, that's what's going on with him and I'm afraid I can't help. Kagaya na rin ng sabi niya, siya lang ang makakatulong sa sarili niya and for the first time in my life, I'm glad we talked. It made me feel like I'm matured enough to let him control his own life instead of taking over to get things straightened out."

Finally, she gives me an earnest smile and I understand that the talk about Cash changed the way she thinks about me at the moment. It's just what she needs for now. And I'm not about to risk that good mood by asking for the nth time about what happened to her this afternoon.

"I'd like to take a picture of that smile," I say.

"Cash changed you," she repeats, shaking her head, still smiling.

"Fine," I say in defeat and pull her closer again.