Beyond The Square One (BTSO2)

S q u a r e T h i r t e e n ( H E )

Intentionally, she closes her eyes to demonstrate her resolve. Okay, ayaw niya akong kausapin. Okay, ayaw niya akong pakinggan. But am I the only one who did something wrong here?

'You made the worst of all the wrongs, dear,' my angel reprimands me in my right ear.

Upon parking, lumabas na siya agad sa sasakyan like she's trying to get away. But before she can completely walk out on me again, I place my hands on the car on either side of her, trapping her in my arms, and she forcefully leans her back against the car's windowshield. We stare eye-to-eye, not a single trace of flinching.

"What's our problem?" I ask in a low voice.

She rolls her eyes at me and instead of finding it rude, I honestly find it frustratingly sexy.

"Ariel, you have no other choice but to talk to me now. You're trapped here in my arms and no one will hear you even if you scream."

"Oh yeah? We'll see about that."

She starts pushing me away. And because I have been anticipating that stupid-assed move from her, I catch both of her forearms and aggressively land all my weight on her. No more escape plans, Little Mermaid.

"Imbes na mainis ako sa ginagawa mong 'yan, I find it hot that you're fighting me back, Ariel."

"Perv!" she yells at my face.

And that's when I snap out. I kiss her, hard, taking not giving. I feel her turning away from my face but I got her completely helpless. I won't stop kissing her until she gives in. I taste her chocolate sweet lips, feel her warm breath, smell her Vanilla scent. She lets me kiss her and the way her body squirms, I know she's fvcking tempted to kiss me back. Because if not, how hard is it to just bite off the lip of your kisser if you hate it?

She finally stops struggling out of my hold and for some reasons, I smile against her lips when I hear her soft moans. I keep kissing her, deeply, until I feel like we're both out of air. Pulling slightly away, I stare at her lips as we both try to catch our breaths. "Perv, huh?" I murmur in between pants.

Maybe it's just me slowly giving in or she's just simply that strong to be able to get out of my grip. I'm half-expecting to get a slap from her. Instead, I hear her growling inwardly with frustration and walks towards the elevator.

While waiting to reach our floor, she's wearing that pissed-off face on, still staring ahead. Well at least I can bit by bit read her expressions now. And all it takes is just one kiss. I smirk, simply trying to take a hold of her hand, but she keeps on stubbornly pushing me away.

"How's that for a make-up kiss?" I tease.

"Shut the fvck up," she says.

"Oh, so you're talking to me now?"

No answer.

It's frustrating and unnerving at the same time. When she doesn't talk, I know these are the times that she has a lot going on in her mind the most. I want her to talk. But I understand why she wouldn't and that's the most frustrating part.

She walks with heavy footsteps before me after the elevator pings to open. I just follow her around until we reach the door of our unit. Well, I gotta say, this is better than not coming home with me at all.

After checking several times if the door has been locked, I turn to face Ariel who's waiting for me to fish out the keys for the bedroom. That impassive face is back on.

"We're not sleeping until you talk to me," I say.

"Ikaw ba, hindi marunong mapagod? Kasi ako, pagod na pagod na. At gusto kong magpahinga."

"Oh, finally." I sigh deeply in exasperation. It's taking too much of my hair to stay calm. Now, I'll talk. "Ariel, I hate it when we keep secrets. It's as close as it could get to cheating on each other."

"Talagang sa'kin mo pa sinasabi 'yan, 'no? You hired Aurora, Eric. The very person who threatened to ruin us is now working as another one of your slaves under Fuentebella Empire. What do you expect me to say?"

Now she's talking, too. "That San Juan guy is an adopted kid and is not at all related to you by blood."

"Anong problema mo sa adopted kids? I was a foster kid, for fvck's sake." She shakes her head in utter disbelief. "He's my brother, Eric. At least that's what I know and I'm pretty sure I wasn't doing anything close to cheating."

"Yeah? And who told you that? Katsuo Ichiro? You're too stupid to believe everyone around and too gullible to fall for everything. When will you ever learn to reserve your trust to those who are only worthy of it?"

She stares at me, shell-shocked. "And you think you are?" she utters in disbelief.

Well, I gotta admit I've lost it a little right there. She knows this is me being me, but... Damn it, now she's crying again.

"Come here," I say, reaching out a hand to touch her. She flinches, taking a step back, and I instinctively stop, helplessly trying to remove these invisible barriers she's trying to build up around her again.

"Do'n muna ako matutulog sa bahay namin."

"This is your home," I insist.

"It doesn't feel like home at the moment."

I briefly close my eyes. "Why can't we just talk about this? Sort it out? Like we always do."

"Ayaw muna kitang kausapin. Naiinis ako sa'yo. At mas maiinis ako kung magpupumilit ka." She starts walking past me, towards the door.

"Take one more step closer to that damned door and I'm gonna tie you up in bed."

Thankfully, she stops. Pero hindi pa rin niya ako tinitingnan which is driving me fvcking nuts.

"Let's talk about this. 'Wag nang matigas ang ulo mo. Kung pagod ka na, halika, magpahinga muna tayo tapos mag-usap tayo afterwards," I say, silently hoping she gets her head straight to agree and talk.

"If I have to stay here, I don't want to sleep in the same bed with you." She turns to face me, impassive-faced. "Can we agree on that?"

"No. Ano tayo, siraulo? Stop this nonsense, please. Tara na. Magpahinga na tayo para mapag-usapan na natin 'to."

"Hindi mo ba makuha? I don't want to talk to you!"

If I have to kiss her again, I would. But that tactic will no longer work on her now and my frustration is getting the best of me. Like I said, it's taking me a lot. A LOT. To be this patient. "Ariel, when are you planning to tell me about... this?"

"For once, Eric, don't ask me a question that you already know." Her voice is too quiet that I can barely hear what she's saying. "Kahit 'di ko sabihin, mas nauna ka pa nga atang malaman 'to sa'kin."

I stay quiet. Because when she starts talking like this, I know she's about to burst it all out and this is the only way I can find out what's really bothering her.

"You're right, I'm stupid. Ba't pa ba ako nagugulat? E, lahat naman ata ng galaw ko at galaw ng mga tao sa paligid ko, iniimbestigahan mo. Na para bang hindi ka nagtitiwala sa'kin na sasabihin ko rin sa'yo lahat sa tamang oras kung ano man ang gusto mong malaman. Ikaw? Kailan ka magsasabi?"

I can't answer. I just stare at her, that's not it yet. Bring it on, Ariel.

She sniffs, wiping off her tears with the sleeve of her jacket. "Hindi naman ako kagaya mo, e. Wala akong kapangyarihan na alamin ang mga ginagawa mo sa mga oras na hindi kita nakikita. Wala akong mata sa lahat ng lugar na pinupuntahan mo samantalang ako, para akong nasa isang wide screen palagi sa lahat ng ginagawa ko tapos ikaw, pinapanuod mo lang ako. Pucha. Ganoon kadali para sa'yo na malaman at makasigurong wala akong ginagawang kung ano na hindi mo magugustuhan. E, ako? Tiwala lang ang meron ako sa'yo, Eric. 'Yun pa ba ang sisirain mo?"

"Don't say that, Ariel. Please. It's not like I cheated or anything. Believe me, sasabihin ko 'yon sa'yo. Damn it, Ariel, naunahan lang ako tapos ang dating agad sa'yo, sinisira ko tiwala mo?"

"Regardless if you have plans of telling me or not, all the while pinag-iisipan mo na 'yung desisyon na 'yon. But you never told me, Eric. Nag-desisyon ka na hindi ako tinatanong, kumbaga sasabihin mo na lang sa'kin kapag wala na akong magagawa. That's what hurts me the most. Involved si Aurora and you know damn well how much it would affect me and my being if you get an inch closer to that girl."

Well fvck, that's true. I guess I just didn't want an argument about it that's why I didn't consult her right away. Para kasing wala akong sariling desisyon sa buhay kung itatanong ko pa lahat sa kaniya and that's not how I was when she met me. Ariel, of all people, knows how much of a control freak and independent I am when it comes to decision-making at ito ang pinagtataka ko ngayon sa kaniya. Parang hindi niya naman ako kilala. "I'm sorry," is all I can say.

I withdraw the argument, alright. I can't just constantly make her feel that I'm trying to control what she does even if that's what I want at the moment. Why? Because she tends to make decisions out of emotional revue and that time, the bank needed someone like Aurora, unfortunately. Someone who's eager to straighten out whatever happened to our foundations, someone with experience, someone who doesn't need to steal just to earn. Aurora was there. If I had to ask Ariel, would she even try to reconsider?

"I did that to have more time with you," I add.

"Oh, great, Eric. Now ask me if I feel better."

I briefly close my eyes in a tight shut, run my hands through my hair, and breathe in deeply. "Ariel, what's happening to us?"

She gapes at me in disbelief. "Suddenly, pinagtatalunan lang natin si Aurora and you came up with that question. Well go ahead and try to figure out your own shitty wonder because I am so tired of dealing with this."

Walking out on me for the nth time, I just stare at the space she emptied, listening to her fading footsteps as she heads for the guest room. No s**t, she's hurt.

I let her isolate herself for some minutes because that's what she's done the whole day and I can't let her do it again the whole night. By exactly 7pm, I walk into the room where she chose to stay in with a tray of food.

"You didn't eat the whole day, Ariel. Don't force me to feed you spoon by spoon."

"I'm not hungry."

"I don't care. Eat."

"Kakain na lang ako maya-maya. Just leave me alone."

"Hindi pa ba tayo tapos sa issue na 'to, Ariel? I'll fire Aurora. If you think I'm gonna let her get in between us, you're wrong about me."

She starts giving me the tear show again. I place the tray on the desk and sit beside her.

"Ariel naman. Ano pa bang gusto mong gawin ko? I'm trying my best to be enough for you."

She wipes off her tear-stained face with the blanket. "I'm not asking you to do anything else, Eric. I just want you to be honest with me, that's all."

"Did I lie to you?"

"Not saying the truth is never that far from lying. Why did you have to keep it from me? Don't you trust me to understand? Kung nagtanong ka sa'kin tapos nagpaliwanag ka, pag-aawayan ba natin 'to ngayon?"

"How did this become about me? Why is it just me? We've not even talked about Katsuo Ichiro, yet."

"'Wag mong gawing excuse 'yung hindi ko pagsasabi sa'yo ng tungkol kay Ichiro para hindi mo sabihin 'yung tungkol kay Aurora. Dahil una sa lahat, kahit hindi ko sabihin sa'yo, alam mo naman na, e. Pinahirapan mo lang ako sa kakaisip kung paano sasabihin samantalang kaya mo namang itanong na lang. E, 'yung kay Aurora? Kung hindi pa sinabi ni Ichiro kanina, malalaman ko ba?"

"What do you want me to do, Ariel?"

"Leave me alone."

I stare at her for a second. She's not looking at me. She can't look at me. "Okay."

I stand up and take one last glance before walking out and closing the door. I guess we have to let the night pass with this burden now.