Moon Over Min

Chapter 6: Min

Noah left for New Mexico ― leaving me with a small portion of food to survive off of.

Antonio strictly forbade me from leaving the fence ― although Noah secretly gave me the key ― and told me if he saw me downstairs. I'm dead.

I kept my eating portions at a minimum while being aware of the expiration dates.

I bit my bottom lip at the thought of running out of food, so I had to figure out ways to eat without hunting for animals.

The thought of sinking my teeth into a living, breathing warm-blooded animal to feed off it made me want to heave.

I clicked on job sites for anything that didn't require full-time hours or in-person shifts.

I was panicking.

How was I going to live for the remainder of my life?

"Beast!" Antonio hit the wire fence and sent painful sound waves to my eardrums. "I'll be at the lab, so behave yourself or else I'll force my way into that room and zap you!" He hit the fence once more before stomping downstairs and leaving the house.

My hands trembled anxiously. I wanted to be furious at him for mistreating me. I wanted nothing more than to rip his head off and eat it, but that'll turn me into the monster he feared me to be.

I don't want to become the demon that everyone expects me to be.

I don't want to disappoint my brother.

I don't want to betray the R.C.R's trust in me to live under the same roof as humans.

But deep down, beneath the anatomy of bones of human and wolf ― I want to die and send my soul to hell where I belong.

To the depths of hell where Antonio can't yell at me and tell me that I'm a beast or a mistake.

"H-He's gone, Min," I mumbled, trying to stop my hands from shaking. "D-Don't be scared... he's gone... away from you... f-for hours. Calm down..."

I sat my laptop next to me, brought my knees up to my chest, and wrapped my arms around my shins to rock myself back and forth.

I felt like crying for hours and hours to no end.

My failure to live will be my demise and my only accomplishment as a wolf.

I couldn't stop my heartbeat from contending to a heart attack. My breathing was the hardest thing to control ― It felt like my lungs were going to make me asphyxiate.

I was crying hot tears of shame and doubt about my existence.

Should I just die?

Should I just walk on other wolves' territory to feed myself to them?

That sounded like a good idea ― a very good idea.

But I can't die.

What will happen to Noah?

He's my brother. I can't just... die.

What can I do?

Pretend my death was accidental?

That doesn't sound like a bad idea, but Dr. Raven's an intelligent person with technology that can prove my death was on purpose.

That it was a suicide.

I looked up at my ceiling. My wheezing was blocking my hearing from picking up anyone that could sneak up on me. All I could hear was my mental breakdown of self-loathing.

"Bi..." I whispered. I licked the tears from my lips and sniffed. "Should I go see her? But won't I bother her?"

I rested my chin on my forearm and bit my bottom lip. I was trying to convince myself to go see her. But my doubt was dissented by my insecurity to be either 'normal' or 'perfect'.

With Bi ― she made me feel initiated in a tiny part of my brain to be called 'sane'.

And with the pack, they accepted me as who I am without degrading me like Antonio or her.

I wiped my eyes partially on my forearm before placing my feet on my bedroom floor, hesitantly trudging towards my bedroom window ― subconsciously turning my mind on autopilot to find Bi or the pack.

By the time I reclaimed my consciousness to walk to them ― I noticed my surroundings.

I was in the woods where the pack was.

I swallowed. I didn't mean to get here so quickly. I wanted to take my time to pull myself together before facing them.

But I was already here.

"Min?"

I flinched at the sound of my name and slowly turned to meet Victor's eyes. "Y-Yes?"

He placed his hand on his hip and raised an eyebrow at me. "Why are you so jumpy around me? Didn't I say I don't bite?"

"Y-Yes, um―" I looked down at my feet. I was wearing shoes. When did I put on shoes?

"If you're looking for Bi, she's with Liy trying to look for the feline that ran through here," Victor said, walking towards me.

I looked back up at him and reflexively stepped back to create more space between us. "O-Oh, I can come back―"

"Were you crying?"

I flinched. Victor was standing one foot too close to me. "M-Maybe."

"Why?"

"No reason..." I said, stepping back again.

"Min, are you lying to me?"

"No―"

"I can smell pain in your pheromones."

"I'm not―"

"There's also a hint of death mixed in."

"Fine." I stopped walking. I felt my back hit a tree and I slid down to sit on the ground. "I was crying."

Victor squatted in front of me. "Why were you crying?"

"I hate living."

"For a six-year-old wolf pup. I didn't expect you to hate living."

"Well... I do."

"Hm," Victor sat in a criss-cross position. He rested his elbows on his thighs and held his face in his hands to look at me. "Did you know that Kie also hated living once?"

"He did?"

"Yep, he was a murderous wolf that was used as a science experiment back then. He had no control over his killings, and when he snapped out of it ― he was torn to shreds at how many bodies he ate."

I looked down and didn't respond. That was my worst fear. Being a demon.

"But," Victor continued. "He met us and swore he'd redeem himself by restarting a new life." Victor frowned. "Sadly, not after meeting us his memories were mysteriously wiped, and all we told him was that he was protective of the pack. We believe a chip was implanted in his brain to control him."

"You said he hated living once."

"The agony of his murderous life haunted his dreams and every day he hated living ― he wanted us to kill him like he killed those people. Slow and painful."

I trembled ― that didn't sound like a good way to die.

"You can say his amnesia is a restart of his life. He can live the way he wants to without thinking about how cruel his past was."

"That's why he has that bracelet on?"

"Yeah." Victor pressed his lips together. "He refuses to take it off. Something about redemption."

"Does he remember?"

"If he does remember, he would've told us."

"Maybe he's dreaming about his past life?"

"That's a stretch but it's a possible reason for this redemption."

I sucked in a sharp breath. "Can I... um... have a redemption?"

"What are you redeeming? What terrible thing have you done?"

"Living."

Victor squinted at me for a few seconds before looking down and sighing. "If that's what you want, go for it, but living isn't a terrible thing." Victor stood up and looked down at me. "You just have to find a purpose to continue doing it."

"Like what?"

He gave me a lazy grin, his eyes reflected sadness. "By letting someone shoulder that death wish until you wish to live."

"Like who?"

Victor looked away from me to the trees. "Bi."