Kill Or Be Killed

Chapter 34

Chapter 34

Celestina's POV

I remain silence for another couple of seconds because seriously, no one could ever answer from what he just said. Not that he cannot protect me, but the realization of the fact that the disappointment in his voice a while ago when he confirmed that it is Neil I want to be with is really something. And now I need to think for more. I seriously do not know what I should think right now. There is really something in his question and I was not dumb to not know what could it be. I know to myself that what I am now thinking is possible.

And yes, he wants me tell him that I know he could protect me. But how can I say that without stuttering? And I know that I will stutter because what he just said was not so simple to absorb. I do not want to assume anything from this conversation but I cannot help but to think because as this conversation goes by, it is only becoming more confusing and confusing.

Zen should now get straight to his point no because I have no plan on playing a guessing game with him. It is not just him who a very short temper right now. Because with the confusion I am feeling right now, I will force him to speak and I do not care anymore if he will ever get mad at me. Because all I need right now is for him to make things clearer.

"Zen..." But instead of forcing him to speak, the only word that my mouth could ever utter was his name. And even though how much I try to calm myself down, the anticipation of his next word is now killing me. This is too much to take and I was not ready for this.

"Celestina, I can protect you like nobody else," he says and I know that I am now holding my breath. Whatever he means by that will sure make my heart skips a beat. It is became harder for me to speak up. I have no idea on what should I say. I know he is now confessing something but it feels like I want to end this conversation already.

But even though how much I wanted to end this, I could not deny the fact that I still want him to continue speaking because I also want to know everything from him. He needs to speak now because my knees and now trembling. If he would take longer to speak, I might need a support with the urge to puke.

"I know, but..." I have no idea on how would I defend myself. I think I really need to speak because I have a very strong feeling that he needs my answer, but how can I answer him if I could not find the perfect word? My only wish is that he would not say it directly to me. He needs to take it slow in explaining everything to me.

"Look, Celestina, I was really expecting you to say my name when I asked you that question. But I think I expected too much and it only disappoints me." Just when I wished for it, Zen did not grant it because he said it directly.And now it is not just my knees who are shaking. My hands are now shaking and I can also feel the shaking of the telephone I am holding.

It is so frustrating but I look for words to say. I cannot stay quiet the whole because I know that Zen is also waiting for me to speak so I need to look for the most perfect words to say. But I think that I should just be honest on what am I supposed to say. There is no more perfect words than reality.

"I really want you to be with me tomorrow. But I just could not demand that to you—"

"And why not?" he asks without him letting me finish from talking.

"Because you are the vampire king," I said like I am pissed off. She is just so unbelievable. He is making me speak something that very obvious. That is not even a question anymore.

"And so?" he asks and I cannot help but scoff. Zen is just so unbelievable. Is he playing dumb? He is asking questions I know he already knew.

"Zen, you do not expect me to order you to be with, do you? I want to. But I just cannot do that. I do not think you will let me demand to you—" I was stop when I heard him laugh. But his laugh was full of mockery and I have no idea on what should I say now.

"Really, Celestina? You are always asking for a favor from me and yet you are now telling me that you cannot just demand to me?" he says and I remain quiet because I still do not know what to say. "Tell me, Celestina, have I ever said no to you? Have I ever said no to all the demands you asked from me?" I said and answer him from my mind.

"No," I said. That is the oy word that came up from my mouth.

"Then why this time, you cannot demand to me?" he asks and I can sense frustration in his voice. Obviously, this conversation is just making him frustrated, and so am I. But we both know that we cannot leave this conversation anymore because we both know that this will make us hang. And we do not want that to happen. We need to make things clear...slowly, of course.

"Because I was afraid you reject me," I admitted and that was the truth. Zen was the one falls silent this time. I know he did not expect me to say those words. But what can I say now? That was the truth.

"After all the yes that I made to you?" he says. And I do not know how would I explain to him that asking for something like to be with me is different from the favor I asked from him.

"That is different," I said.

"How?" he asked, confused.

"That sounds possessive. Asking for someone to be with me is some kind of possession fo me," I said and it makes him silent again. I just hopeit did not offend him.