Kill Or Be Killed

Chapter 33

Chapter 33

Celestina's POV

I still do not get why Zen is just so paranoid with my safety. It is as if someone is after me. But with the concern he is always showing me, I know to myself that there is really something I do not know. And I am not sure if I would still want to know what could be the reason of his concern. Because if Zen, the most powerful creature in the world is this scare to something, how much more to the normal human being like me. I do not really want to know about it, I was just too curious of what could be the reason why he is this scared.

I know I could not question his decision. But I still want to know why.

"Why do I need a vampire to protect me? I have been living a very safe life, Zen." I heard Zen sigh from the other line because of my question. But I know that he is not mad. He is obviously expecting this question from me.

"You could at least simply listen to me, Celestina. Is there something you lose if you listen to me?" he asks and his voice is a little pricky. And I know that I need to shut my mouth now.

"Okay, Zen. But I really need to go out because I have something to do. Some endeavor that I do not think vampires would understand. So if you will send a vampire to look after me, please make sure that he or she has a very long patience," I said and hope that he gets my point already. And yes, there is this vampire I am specifically pertaining to.

And I am talking about Barbara. I was not really comfortable to be with her. To the point that I am now wishing and hoping that the first time I was with her was also the last time because I would not dare to be with her again. And I do not know why she is showing that kind of attitude towards me. She is obviously does not like me and I do not know why.

"Do you need Barbara—"

"No!" I said in a high pitch tone that caused him to stop from talking. And even though I could not see him, I know that it got him confused with a huge frown in his forehead. But I just hope that he would not think that I just yell at him because I did not. I was just so shock that of all the names he could mention, it was Barbara. She is not his only choice. And hearing her name makes me panic that was why my tone got in a high pitch and I did not even expect that.

"Okay, you do not have to yell—"

"I was not yelling at you, Zen—"

"I know." We both cannot get a chance to finish each other's sentences because we are both butting in. But good thing that he knows that I was not yelling at him. "Do you got a problem with Barbara?" he asks and I did not answer.

I do not know if I should answer or just shudder his question. I do not know what would be his reaction if ever I tell him that I am not comfortable with one of his rulers' presence. But I think that there is nothing wrong if ever I tell him that I do not like Barbara. I will prefer to be with Neil than her.

"Well, she is..." I stop for a while to think for the right word to describe my feeling for that vampire that will not offend Zen's race. I do not want to get a problem with because that would be shallow. "Rugged, I guess,"I continued and I did not hear his voice from the other line for a couple of seconds.

"Has she done something on you?" he ask and it is full of concern. And I panic even more because it is obvious in his voice that he is accusing Barbara on something. And he is surely thinking that she hurt me, which is not true. She is maybe rugged and not nice but she had never laid a finger on me. Even though I can feel that she wants to get rid of me, looks like she knows to herself that she cannot hurt for a reason.

"No, Zen. It was not like that. I just could not talk to her. It is hard to open a conversation with her," I said and he frowns as if he is so confused on what I said. I just do not know which part was confusing.

"Okay, Celestina, but why on earth do you have to start a conversation with her?" he asks and I could not help but distorted because of his question. Well, what should I expect from someone who's conversation and communication does not matter?

"Of course, Zen, I have to know her. If she will be the one who will accompany me, then I need to get a long with her. And how can I do that if I can already feel that she does not like me?" I said and I immediately got a little panic with the thing I admitted. Would it be fine even though I said that fact? What would be Zen's reaction? It took how many seconds before I heard another sound from the other line.

"She does not like you? Well, she does not like anyone. So that is normal. But if you are not comfortable with her and you have that kind of feeling, then I not force her to the one who will be with you. But do you have someone you want to be with?" he asks and I can sense how serious his question was even though I know that it is just a simple and normal thing to ask since I rejected the one he suggested. And if I got guts to reject it, then there is something—or someone I might recommended.

And yes, there is actually someone I am seeing to be with if ever he allows me. And I am way more comfortable with him than Barbara. And yes, he is a boy.

"Yes, Zen. Well, only if you will grant it," I said because even though how much I want it, I know that the final word would still be depend on Zen's decision.

"Then who?" he asks and I can really sense his enthusiasm to know my answer. And I seriously do not know why he has this kind of interest to know about the truth. Is my answer will be that important?

"Neil, of course," I said with a chuckle because I do not think that would still be a question because he should have known that from the very first day I enter their den, it was Neil who was with me. Even though he is a boy, I am still more comfortable with him than a girl like Barbara. She is so intimidating and I sure as hell that it would be hard to get along with her.

I waited for Zen's reaction and answer but I did not hear anything from him. But still, I plan to wait for another minute. But when he still stays quiet, I decided to speak up again. But when I was about to open my mouth, was also the time he speaks.

"Neil?" he says in disbelief and...well, disappointment. I was not sure with the latter because I just recall everything I said and there is nothing in my words that will disappoint him. All I ever said was Neil's name.

But since he is obviously asking for a confirmation if he heard me right, I got no choice but to answer.

"Yes, Neil," I said and another quiet moment envelops us and another waiting started. In this time where silence was with us, I keep on thinking that I should have call him on messenger. But I know that he does not know how to use that. Because every time that I would check for his account, it is indicated there that the last time he opened that account was the day I created it for him.

I should teach—and force him to learn how to use social medias because it will be more convenient than this old school telephone call. I want a video call just to see his reaction, not like this where I need to guess hard for me to know what is his reaction. In the middle of silence in our conversation, I heard him scoff.

And even though it is already minutes have passed, it is his reaction from my answer.

"Do you like Neil?" he asked me and my jaw literally drop. If there is one thing I am thankful for this old school way of communication we are doing right now, it is the fact that he will not be able to see whatever funny reaction my face could plaster. I want to laugh at his stupid question but I know that I could not do it. Because aside from the fact that he is the vampire king, I know that he is serious with his question.

But from my original reaction which is shock, I try to chuckle an little, but I make sure that my chuckle will not offend him—I wish he will not.

"What are you saying? Are you serious about that question?" I asked. I expected him to stay quiet again for a couple of seconds but then he answers right a way.

"Have you ever seen me or heard me joked?" he asks and he was right. I have never seen him fool around to anyone. So I am now sure that he is serious with his question. I already have my answer but I am not sure if I am going to answer him because what if he would just not believe me.

"I guess you were right. But back to your question, the answer is no, I do not like him," I said and wait again for his reaction. But even though how much I would try to have his reaction, it is impossible because I do not have the power to read him this time. If only we are having a face to face conversation right now, I can confidently read him.

"Really, huh? But you just said you want him to be the one to accompany you," he says and his tone was full of mockery. But after several times of trying to control my life, I was not able to suppress it this time because of what he just uttered. And I do not think I would still care if he will ever get mad at me for laughing at his question. All I know right now is the fact that I need to laugh and the urge to finally release the laughter I am trying to hold.

"Yes, Zen. But that does not mean that I like him. Where did you even get that idea anyway?" I asked him but I did not expect any answer from him. I know he will answer not answer me. I just could not help myself from asking about that fact because he has now a basis about liking someone. Is he liking someone? And his basis in liking someone is the desire to be always with her?

That is what he said, right? He got the idea of me liking Neil just because I said that I want him to be with me. Is there a girl she is wanting to be with her?

"Just tell me the truth, Celestina," he orders and he is now using his authority. And I know now that I need to take everything seriously.

"That is the truth, Zen, I do not like him. You said I need someone who will protect me. And Neil is the only one I know who can do that," I said and I try to convince him with the hope that his mood might change too.

"Is he the only one who can protect you?" he asks again and I do not know how many follow up questions he is reserving for this conversation.

"I know that there is a lot of vampire who can protect me but I am more comfortable with Neil. You know, Zen, he is a half blooded, that is why you cannot blame me if I ever wanted him to be with me than any other vampires.

Another deafening silence envelops us and this time it is longer. So long to the point that I am now thinking if he would speak up again or nah. I think there is something he wants to say and I do not know what hinders him.

"How about me? Didn't I come up on you mind?" he asks and this time, it is my time to be silence. I do not know why but speaking suddenly became the hardest thing to do right kow. I know that there is something in his question but I am just too afraid to think deeper. What he just said was really confusing.