Not your honey (Leila Series #1) {IN PROGRESS}

5. Memory lane

    The talk with Tyler and Gus about Jason had left me with an aching pain in my chest. It was true that my crush on that boy never disappeared, and I fear that it never will. Over the years, I have thought about him, wondering where he is and how he's doing. Is he alright, does he have a family now, is he happy? Like so many times before, my jealousy shows when I think of the hypothetic woman taking over my place as the source of his happiness. Childish, yes, I know. But if you've ever loved someone the way I loved him, you understand how it feels.

    Today though, he seems to be the only thing circulating inside my mind. Jason reminds me of Cameron; they have similar ways to squeeze their ways into my thoughts. Both of them fascinates me in ways you can't even imagine, and it infuriates me to an extreme amount. You probably have understood by now that I don't like to have feelings, dates, and so on. The reason for that is quite simple; I'm not scared of falling in love, I'm afraid of being the only one who falls in love, and be left with a broken heart once more. I tried to date a few times after Jason, but I couldn't. I didn't feel it at all; they were either boring or to up-tight.

    If my life weren't so f****d up, I might have tried to date Cameron. But it's evident that it wouldn't be a good idea, not only because we belong in different clubs, but also because there's a war coming in town very soon; I can feel it. This is not the right time to think about my biological clock, and start daydreaming about a life I'll never have. Once upon a time, all I wanted was children, a husband, a beautiful house with a flower garden, white picket fences, and so on; then I grew up and faced the real world. You never get what you want in life; you have to take it. I've had to work hard for everything in my life.

    That's why I didn't participate in the whole friendship thing in school because I felt out of my element with many students who never had to work for anything in their lives. Many blonde cheerleader students who get the boy's attention and can't get expelled or yelled at because their parents donate a lot of money to the school every year. If those parents stopped donating, the school would lose about half of its fundings. Do you see the picture? Does it sound like I belong in that crowd? No, I didn't think so. I'm more of a whiskey, cursing, and 'f**k you' kind of gal.

    I'm not bullied or anything in school, hell if I were, I probably would have beaten the s**t out of them a long time ago. But I'm not accessible either. I'm the outsider, people don't notice me much, and I prefer it that way. I'm being left alone most of the time, making it easier for me to work on my studies. It's test day today, and I've been trying to study all night. I'm scared to death about this test, because it's a surprise test in calculations, it's not my subject directly. In addition, to turn a bad day into an even worse day, I'm late and running across the school grounds towards the building.

"Ms. Towler, how nice of you to finally reward us with your presence," says Mrs. Brown, my teacher, sarcasticly.

"I'm sorry for being late," I mumble, and sit down in my seat.

    Ashley, the class b***h laughs at me with her upper-class bitches she calls friends. She's the only one who's being 'mean' to me, but not in a painful way; it's rather adorable and pathetic to see her try to break me. She's been working for years, and failed miserably, why would this day be any different? I smile sweetly at her before giving her my middle finger, and a deadly gaze. She stops immediately and turns her attention back to Mrs. Brown. The class quickly forgets about my tardiness and begin our test. I'm astonished by how easy this test is; I thought it would be hell on earth.

    I'm one of the first leaving the classroom. Many male eyes are watching me when I walk through the corridors. It's not strange at all actually, since I'm wearing an outfit I would wear when I'm on the job: leather tights, belly shirt, my beloved leather jacket, and high heels. The attention doesn't bother me, not until someone slaps me on the ass, and roars of laughter echo in the halls. I turn around slowly and look for the owner of the hand. Of course, it's Brandon, Ashley's stereotypical jok boyfriend. Dear lord, could they be any more basic? She's the bitchy cheerleader, and he's the fuckboy quarterback.

"Excuse me, but what the f**k do you think you're doing?" I ask in fury, and walk up to him with brisk steps.

    He looks intimidated when I'm nearing him, which makes him take a few steps back unconsciously. Everyone is waiting for the big bad quarterback to react to my question, and judging from his gulping, he's beginning to regret what he did. My deadly stare doesn't go unnoticed either; many of those who laughed earlier are now looking frightened. I grab his wrist in a hurtful manner, and twist it harshly. The motion makes his arm twist around in a police hold. A roar of pain comes out of his mouth, but I don't care. I'm waiting for an apology, before that; I won't release him.

"Who the f**k do you think you are, Jason? Grabbing girls without their consent isn't such a nice thing to do. Are you backing up Trump with his 'grab them by the p***y' too, you sexist freak? If you touch me or anyone else that way again without their consent, I will hunt you down, and this will feel like a slap on the wrist in comparison. Do I make myself clear?" I growl into his ear.

"f**k! Yes, just let me go!" he shouts.

    I release him, smooth out my jacket, and walk away from there without as much as a backward glance. That fucker isn't worth it anyway. My body is screaming for some coffee; maybe it's time to go and get some. I change my direction and walk to the nearest place, which serves hot beverages, the campus cafeteria. It's not far from where I am; thus, it only takes a couple of minutes to get there. The room is filled with tired and worn students who work hard on getting their last essays before the final exams. I swear several of them have their eyes crossed because of the lack of sleep.

    I stand in line and wait to order my double espresso. My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I immediately pick it up to see who heard from me. It is an unknown number; my number is not listed anywhere, which makes this unpleasant. The message doesn't contain anything threatening or anything, just a simple 'Hey, what's up?'. Even so, I'm on edge, prepared for anything to happen at any moment. The guys at the club know better than giving out each other's numbers to unknowns, I don't suspect them. We have each other's backs to the end of time.

    I decide to ignore the text until I have time to investigate; it's my turn to order anyway. With the coffee in my hand, I'll pay the girl who's at the cashier and walk away. I have one class left before I can leave this godforsaken place for this week. It's my turn to patrol tonight, which means a long night. That's why I snoozed for as long as I did and was late for class from the start. Another message vibrates in my phone, I pick it up and read 'I see you,' and I immediately check myself around to see who it possibly can be. A hand is placed on my shoulder, and by instinct, I grab it and then toss the body over my body so that it lands on the ground with a thud. The person lets out an 'oof' from the impact.

"Cameron?" I ask in surprise.

"Yeah, nice seeing you," he grunts and coughs from the impact.

"What the f**k are you doing here, and why did you sneak up on me?" I exclaim furiously.

"I saw you passing by and wanted to say 'hi,' never doing that again, by the way. I didn't think you would go all Jackie Chan on me." he says and rises slowly.

"I'm trained by the best. I repeat, what the f**k are you doing here?" I ask with my arms crossed over my chest.

"Like I said, I saw you pass by. You didn't answer my texts, so I thought that I should walk up to you."

"Those were from you?" 

"Yeah, who did you think it was?"

"How the f**k did you get my number?" I growl.

"I'm buddies with your best friend Tyler; he understood that it was you I was talking about with him. So he gave me your number. By the way, he asked me to tell you not to kill him."

"Oh, I will when I get my hands on that little asshole," I growl again.

"Speak of the devil," Cameron smirks and answers the phone, I grab it before he can say anything.

"Tyler, I swear to God, I'm going to murder you when I find you!" I shout at him.

"Aw, come on! You like him, and he likes you, go for it, girl. He's a good guy."

"He's the f*****g enemy, Tyler! Why do you even have friends in that club?"

"Chill out; I'm behind you. There's no need to shout," he says, and I turn around.

"You f*****g b***h!" I scream and lunges for him, which he ducks.

"Calm down, woman! Let me explain!" he ducks from my hits, but it isn't until I get a full blow into his stomach that I stop.

"Damn, that's hot," Cameron smirks at me.

"You zip it; you're not involved!" I growl at him before turning to Tyler.

"Why do you always have to be so freaking violent, Lei? It's alright, take it easy."

"Take it easy?! You're bringing club business into my private life, what have I told you about doing that?!"

"But right now, neither one of us is a member of any clubs. We're just normal people."

"You know that I have the authority to kick you out from the club for this, right?"

"I know, but you won't because you love me." he winks, which I sigh at.

"I'm confused," Cameron says and looks between us.

"Lei is our VP," Tyler says and dusts off his clothes.

"This little girl? Are we looking at the same person?" Cameron exclaims, which makes me want to punch him more than once.

"Watch your tone, rookie," I growl at him.

"Yeah, I'll have to agree with Lei on this one. She's probably the most dangerous and toxic one in the whole club. Don't let the small package fool you; she's a tough chick in luxury packaging."

"Get the f**k out of here, both of you! Before I lose my temper. I have classes to attend, dammit!"

    The guys snicker when I walk away from them. If we were in a cartoon, steam would shoot out of my ears from the annoyance I'm feeling. I don't care that they are friends, Cameron can't be trusted since he's from a rival motorcycle club. Tyler should know better than to trust some arrogant stray who can't behave like an average f*****g person. Who puts their hands on another person they don't know like that? I don't particularly appreciate when people touch me; above all, not when that same person is someone that undoubtedly could be hunting for information about us. Tyler's going to get his ass kicked later, that I can promise you!

~~~

    The rest of the day is uneventful, thankfully. I slam the door when I get to the clubhouse; my teeth squeak from the pressure I have in my jaw. I'm clenching my hands into fists, and I'm ready to knock down the one who at all dares to look at me right now. How the hell could Tyler be so inconsiderate and unassuming about the risk he's taking with giving out my number and telling me my rank in the club? Why not just paint a target on my forehead and yell over the rooftops that I'm ready to be killed? Hale gives me a quick glance before indicating that I should follow him into the office. He points to the armchair, but I ignore it and pace.

"What happened, Lei?" Hale asks after watching me pace for a couple of minutes.

"Tyler told a member from another club my rank, and gave out my f*****g number, that's what happened." I growl.

"What! To who?" he asks in fury.

"To a guy I met by accident that night I had a beating job."

"TYLER!" Hale screams.

    We wait patiently for Tyler to appear, and when he does, I seriously think he's going to pee his pants. He doesn't look so smug anymore like he did earlier at the campus grounds. He's gulping nervously and looks around the room like he's about to play a jigsaw game from the movies. Actually, that sounds tempting right now. Tyler has taken a significant risk, and now he's going to be punished for it. Everyone knows of the threat Hale got a couple of days ago regarding me, and everyone knows it's my ex, Adam. Cameron could, in theory, be working for him without anyone knowing of it.

"Can you be so nice and explain to me why you thought it would be a good idea to give out Lei's number when you know she's in danger?" Hale asks in a deadly tone.

"It's just Cameron. He's my buddy, and I've known him long before either one of us ended up in our respective clubs. He-"

"No, just no, Tyler! You've put Lei in a lot more trouble than she already was in, I don't give a f**k how much you trust him, because I don't! And all of you wonder why she's having trust issues, well here you have the answer." Hale says and looks Tyler straight in the eye. "Lei, you're dismissed. Take Gus and Harper with you on patrol."

    I nod my head and exit the office. It doesn't take long before I find the two members, and tell them about Hale's orders. Neither one of them would care if the order were from Hale or me, they would obey me either way. Except for Hale and Tyler, these guys were the only others I willingly would put my life in their hands. We sit around the bar, watching the game, and wait for the time to pass. There's no need or idea to start patrol now, it's still daylight, and we can't be seen whenever. That's the whole point in doing these patrols, make sure that no rival clubs step onto our turf, and create problems for us.

    Tyler walks back into the lounging area with a blackeye, his gaze meets mine, and he has the audacity to look ashamed at his actions. He don't walk up to me, he knows better, and since my anger is showing, no one should approach me right now. I need to cool off, and frankly, if he would've contacted me, I probably would have punched him. The hours drag by extremely slow, thank god for beer, sports, and chainsmoking! My phone buzz in my back pocket, and I fish it up to look at the message. It's Cameron; I chose to ignore it at the time being.

    Finally, it's time for us to leave! It's taken forever for the clock to strike eleven, but now, we're going to ride. I don't like the night patrol job, but it pays really well, and like I've mentioned before, I won't say no to money. I'm not sure what I'm saving up to, though. My future? Ha! Which future? When you make a choice to stumble into this kind of life, there's no way out of it. Some way or another, you're going to be dragged right back in. There's no turning back at this point; besides, even if I wanted to leave it, I can't. Not without receiving a bullet through my head. I know too much that could hurt the club and the members.

    I guess I'm saving money for the day I retire, never having to worry about money again. There is a rule within our world; if you can not ride, you can not lead. All people have an expiration date for when they can no longer cope with anything, and I don't want to have to support myself against the government to get a piss-low subsidy. No, that's not going to happen. I'm going to sit there with my expensive champagne and eat beef fillet when I get old, the luxury I deserve considering how I live now. If I ever have children, then I want to be able to give them and their children everything they need without having to think before. I want to be ready to pamper my children and grandchildren from time to time.

    Until that day comes, I intend to live life to the most extensive because it can terminate at any moment. But before that, I'll patrol with my buddies and have a beer before bedtime. It's luxury enough for me!