Not your honey (Leila Series #1) {IN PROGRESS}

4. An eye for an eye

    I stare at the note, not sure how to react. I'm not scared, or angry; I find it funny actually. No, I'm not psychotic, or maybe I am, who knows? Let me explain. A few years back, I dated a guy called Adam. Our relationship was terrific in the beginning but became violent quite quickly. I fought back and hurt him real critical in the end. We weren't right for each other, and I tried to make him understand that repeatedly. But he didn't want to listen, instead he hit me over and over until that night I hit him back. I was desperate to get out of there, and slashed his eye. He can't see on his right eye anymore, and yes, that is my fault. 

"I guess that Adam is out then?" I ask in a bored tone, which makes Hale look at me with furrowed brows.

"You shouldn't take this so casually, Leila. He can be dangerous to you, can't you see that?" Hale answers with a slightly darker voice.

    Of course, I know that he can be dangerous, but if I stop living my life every time danger is around the corner, then I wouldn't have chosen this life, and he knows it. I'm not some damsel in distress; I can take care of myself just fine. My resumé in this club should speak for itself. But I can also understand why Hale is anxious about me, mainly because I have a big mouth and a horrible temper that often get me in trouble. The difference is that I don't blame the troubles on someone else than myself, if I get myself into problems, then it's also my job to get out of it, which I do. Adam may be a strong man, but I'm not that fragile teenage girl anymore, I bow to no man, no matter his rank.

"I will handle it when it comes, Hale. Don't worry; I know what I'm doing." I say with a smile.

    God should know how much I'm lying right now. I have no idea how I'm going to handle it when Adam shows up, because I can promise you that he will. Adam is not solely a lot of muscle, but he is quite smart too, and that's the problem. It's not easy to fool him or make him make mistakes, because he simply don't fall for the usual crap. If I'm going to be able to take him down, I'll have to think this thoroughly into the tiniest detail. Otherwise, I might sign my death certificate by mistake. Many have tried to assassinate me, but failed. I'll be damned before this jerk is the one who succeeds in my killing. It's not going to happen.

"And how, pray tell, are you going to fix this?" Hale asks with a raised eyebrow.

"I don't know that yet, Hale. But I'm telling you, this isn't going to affect the club." I exclaim with a sigh.

"Is that what you think this is all about? My worries about the club? We have over fifty strong male warriors out there!" he exclaims in anger and points at the door. "The boys can handle themselves in a fight, and you know it. But if you get jumped or hurt by that fucker in my town, I'll never be able to forgive myself. You're not immortal, Lei!"

    Hale's outburst astonish me. Why is he behaving like we're back in that alley where I assaulted that guy a few years ago? He looks at me the same way now as he did then, like I'm a deer in headlights. I'm a strong, and independent woman, when is he going to get that through his thick skull? My temper is getting worse and worse by the minute, and I have to do my best not to explode. I'm breathing in and out, in an attempt to calm down. Hale looks at me the whole time, waiting for my reaction. I close my eyes and caress my wrist in slow circles, and slowly my pulse reduces to its usual pace. My gaze is hard when I lock eyes with Hale; he looks frightened.

"You're hurting me badly right now. You if anyone should know that I don't drag others into my business if it's not necessary, what do you take me for? A prospect? I'm your f*****g VP, Hale! And if you don't have more faith in me than this, then maybe I'm not the one who should wear this vest at all." I say in a stern voice.

    He's affected by my words, and look down at the floor in shame. I don't take much to heart, but when the only person who ever believed in me doesn't think that I can handle something this simple, then it feels like a knife in the back. Like you all know, Hale has been like my father for years, and I think that each and every one of you can understand the feeling of betrayal when your parent don't believe in you anymore. I've never given him any reason not to trust me or be unsure of my judgment, but now he's suddenly treating me like a newbie. It's one thing to care about someone; it's another not to think that the person can handle situations independently. I may sound heartless, but that's how it feels.

"That's not what I'm saying, Lei. I know that you probably are the most strategic and deadly person in this whole building. You have shown that repeatedly to all of us, but even you must understand that some things aren't a one-person project. Everyone needs help sometimes, and all I ask of you is that if a situation appears when you need help- tell me, and we'll all be there."

"Thank you; I will," I answer and smile, which makes him relax instantly.

"You're dismissed," he says and returns his focus to the paperwork on his desk.

    I walk out of the room to be met by a lot of members, wondering about what happened and how I am. Instead of stop to tell them, I walk out of there. I'm not good with the whole 'I care about you' thing, and most of the members know that. But I guess that everyone knows about the personal threat against me. Apparently, they worry about me too. It's sweet of them, but not necessary at all. I straddle my bike and lit a cigarette, trying to sort through my thoughts that are flying in my head. Gus and Tyler approach me, not saying anything. I'm not as close to Gus as I am with Tyler, but I still see him as a friend, and both of them know better than to ask before I speak.

    They straddle their bikes, and we rev our motors before we glide out of the parking lot. The wind is whipping against my face when we drove along the highway towards the desert. Before our exit into our particular hangout spot, we're met with four motorcycles driving the opposite direction to us. I look closely and see their markings, Hell riders, their club is neither an ally nor an enemy, we're neutral towards one another. We don't acknowledge one another now; it's not our job to ensure that the relationship with them is good; it's Hale's. They disappear from our sight fast, and we park our bikes outside the small cottage placed in the middle of nowhere.

    I pick up the key from my pocket and unlock the old wooden door. It's cozy in the cabin, with an open fire, and a veranda in the back. Except for the two bedrooms, there's also a bathroom, living room and kitchen. Everything in this house is old in that 'homey' way, like when you visit your grandparents in the country. In one of the bedrooms, there's a kingsize bed that has my name on it! That bedroom is mainly for the president and vice president. It's not a big room, but it fits a bed, and a dresser, that's enough. The other bedroom is more prominent and holds four single beds. All the walls and floors are made of timber. Kind of like a lumberjack cottage in movies, except that we have a lot of alcohol, flat screen tv, and a leather couch instead.

"Is there any food in here?" Gus asks before throwing himself on the couch.

"It should be if no one's been here since last week, I refilled everything," I answer.

"Awesome!" Tyler exclaims and runs up to the refrigerator.

    He comes back with a huge grin and three beers. I take one of them and take a sip of it before putting it down on the coffee table. Gus and Tyler talk about the football season, eyeing me from time to time, probably waiting for me to drop the bomb about what's happening. I'm going to tell them, but I need to determine what I'm feeling about this whole ordeal before that. This is why Tyler and Gus are my friends; they understand this whole thing about personal space. They don't judge, pressure, or force me to speak with them; they let me do things at my own pace and time. I take another sip before I start telling them about what's going on.

"I thought that fucker got sentenced to life," Tyler exclaims in anger when I'm done telling.

"Trust me, so did I. But apparently, his sentence changed somewhere along the way. I'm not worried though; assholes like him always get thrown back in jail some way or another." I answer with a shrug and a sip from my bottle.

"How can you be this calm about this? If I were you, I probably would freak out right now!" Gus says with astonishment.

"I know Adam like the back of my hand, but he doesn't know who I am anymore. That gives me an advantage. He still thinks that I'm his little b***h, and I guess that he thinks that my position in the club is because of safety measures. Adam has no idea that I've worked my way up to my rank, and when he finds out, it's going to be too late."

"Didn't you date some other guy after Adam?" Tyler asks.

"Yes, Jason, great guy."

"Why did you two break up?"

"We were never together; we just dated. The main reason was because I wanted to protect him from Adam's wrath; it was not okay to bring Jason into all of the drama that was my life back then. I haven't talked to him in years, but I know that he's a full-patched member now."

"Who is he riding with?"

"I don't know that I haven't researched him fully. Just the simple stuff. He was just a prospect back then; today, we're grown-ups."

"The one that got away, and all that other crap. Jason was everything you talked about for weeks; you were crushing on him real bad." Tyler chuckles.

"Yeah, that never disappeared fully. Some part of me still misses Jason from time to time, but that's a closed chapter by now." I answer and chug my last beer.

"I wouldn't be so fast to say that though; you don't know, maybe he still thinks about you," Gus says with a gentle smile.

"Not very bloody likely, but whatever floats your boat," I say and laugh at him. "Who's up for steak?"

    Both of them raise their hands in an incredible speed at my question, and I can't do much else than chuckle at them. I'm absolutely not 'wife-material,' but I'm a damn excellent cook. Rarely, someone doesn't like my cooking, and those boys over there drool just by thinking of it. I'm not a pro or anything, only very familiar with spices and how to cook-I got that knowledge from my grandma. I used to live there from time to time during the years when my mom was away at rehab, sad, isn't it? Either way, at least I'll get some peace and quiet when I cook us dinner. God knows that I've deserved it!

***

    An hour later, I serve dinner. I made marinated steak, salad, homemade garlic bread, and homemade potato cloves. Gus and Tyler are big eaters, and the piles on their plates show it. I'm not much of an eater; I would probably survive on ramen noodles, coffee, liquor, and yogurt if I would have it my way. Unfortunately, Hale is strict about me eating and drinking that only. Every Sunday, I eat dinner at his place, like a family. His wife isn't alive anymore, and he doesn't have children of his own. That way, he can make sure that I eat properly at least once a week, and I don't need to hear him nag.

"This tastes amazing, Lei!" Gus exclaims with his mouth full of food.

"Mhm!" Tyler agrees while chewing.

"I'm glad you like it; I rarely cook anymore. It feels nice to have someone with me to enjoy it." I answer with a small smile playing on my plump lips.

    We don't talk much more during dinner. I guess that no one had something to say; we don't have those unnecessary conversations just to fill the silence. We are comfortable with some quiet when we hang out, probably because we never know when all hell is going to break loose. If it isn't a bar brawl, it's bullets who wines in the air around us. Believe me, after everything we've been through with the club; the silence is pure paradise: no fighting and no screaming, just three friends-eating dinner together and appreciate the company with each other. Thankfully, Tyler and Gus takes care of the dishes, and I can sit down for a moment. I move outside to get a smoke.

    My thoughts carry me back to the stranger; I can't seem to get out of my mind. Cameron. We've only been talking twice, but somehow, he's stuck inside my mind like the dandelion's winged seeds. He fascinates me, and I have no idea why. Somehow, Cameron doesn't seem to be like all the other bikers my age. You know the type, trust me. Compare the bikers with the usual fuckboys in bars, the ones who think they can get any girl they want. That's how most bikers behave, but not Cameron, no. That man can give me shivers of pleasure without being near me; all I have to do is picture his handsome and rough face in my head.

"What are you sitting here, smiling at?" Gus says before sitting down beside me, and gives me a glass of Jack's.

"Just some guy." I answer casually, and grab the glass.

"Oh, someone's got another crush?" Tyler coo, and I slap his arm to which he laughs.

"It's that guy from the bar; I met him at another one by chance the other night. There's something about him that makes my knees weak, and I don't like it." I growl the last part.

"When are you going to stop all of this 'anti-dating' stuff you have going on? What's so bad about needing someone in your life?" Tyler asks, with all the joking tucked away.

"I don't want to drag another person into this life, not if I can't guarantee them that I'll be home later, unharmed. Both of you know how this life changes people, and I don't want to be responsible for that person's death because they became a target when they entered my life." I answer and gulp down my whiskey in one go.

"I get that, and you're not wrong. But you also have to think about the possibility that the person might want to be in your life, even though there are risks. That's not a choice you have the right to make for them."

"Yes, I can, and that's what I'm doing. My dad left me; my mom died; my grandparents don't want to see me anymore... All the people who once meant the world to me are either gone or hate me, I'm alone, and that fact continues to remind me that every person I'll ever come to meet will someday die. If I can prevent that by isolating myself from relationships, so be it." I say and walk back inside, not feeling the need to discuss it anymore.

    Tyler means well, and I'm aware of that. But sometimes, he has to understand my point of view. It's not easy to let someone in when you've been burned as many times as I have. Hell, not even my family wants anything to do with me anymore. My last two living family members despise me for the life I decided to live, when they neglected me as their granddaughter. I have the club, Hale, and my friends, yes. But for how long? How long will I have them in my life before they get shot or killed in another way? That's the constant question in my mind that causes fear to engulf my whole body at the same time. It's depressing, I know, still it's there.

    TThere's a lot of things in life that you can't control, but who gets to enter my life, that I can control. No one's going to be forced into the constant danger, not on my watch. Cameron probably has some hot baby-mama somewhere anyway who depends on him. I don't want to have to depend on someone else, because I don't want to bear that responsibility myself.