The Man I Was Not Supposed to Love

I Cannot Complain

Irene’s POV

I wiped my tears as they raced down my face. This has always been the case. Whenever I wanted to go to the gardens, I tried to ask permission from my parents but always got the same reaction from my mother. Why does she hate it when I go to gardens and touch the soil? What is so bad about it? Why does she detest the idea of me touching the soil so much? I shook my head as I felt the pain tear my heart again. This is hopeless. I think all I can do today is to stay inside this room and do nothing like my boring days.

Knock! Knock!

That soft knock made me wipe my tears quickly and walk toward the window to breathe some fresh air.

“My Lady, it’s Lanie,” he said at the back of the door.

“Come in, Lanie,” I said, trying to sound normal.

“My Lady, Marquise Roman is calling for you. She is in the living room, waiting,” Lanie said after entering.

“Mom?” I asked. I just talked to her earlier and she was mad at me. Why does she want to see me now? Does she regret shouting at me over gardening now? I shook my head. That is impossible. She would never feel that. Also, she will never apologize for something like that. I cannot remember her doing that ever since I was born into this world. I nodded and walked towards the door with Lanie following at my back. I took my time walking on the aisle that connects my room to the living room.

“Mom, I’m here,” I almost whispered upon walking to the living room and seeing her there.

She looked at me from head to foot as if examining my body. Seeing her do that made me uncomfortable. What is she doing? For sure, there is nothing good about this. I know her too well to think that she has no plans for calling me here. After all, she has never demanded to see me if she has anything to ask me to do. That has always been the case for so many years already that I have gotten used to it as a normal thing in the family. Unlike dad who calls me just to spend time with me, mom only calls for me to scold me for my so-called ‘sins’ and to command me to do something. She has never called me just because of my presence. I smiled bitterly. How many more times do I need to ask myself if I am really her daughter or not? She has always treated me coldly ever since and that has not changed over the years.

Her eyes stopped on my face, but she was not looking at me in the eyes. She has been looking closely at every part of my face but never at my eyes. She shook her head as she looked at me. Then she let out a heavy sigh.

“What came into my mind to name you after that woman?” she whispered. “Now, even the things she wanted were passed on to you…”

Her words didn’t escape my hearing though. I frowned. What did she mean by that? Also, did I hear it right that she seems to regret naming me after ‘that woman’? Who is ‘that woman’? Up until now, I had never seen her talk about someone like that. Of course, she has her own opinion about the things I should not do and all, but in fairness, she never ill-treated other people outside this castle. She has always been kind to strangers, except to her own family and to the people around her inside this castle.

“Our family is facing a crisis, Irene…” she said as she finally stared at my face. “…and you need to do your part in saving the Romans' name and reputation. You should do your part in this family.”

I was taken aback by what she said. A crisis? Since when? I was not able to feel any impact of that crisis that she was talking about. Also, what should I do to help? After all, neither of them taught me what to do. Dad always thought that I was too young to be involved in the affairs of this land and mom never really trusted what I could do. Now, she wants me to get involved? Am I mistaking her words?

“No comment?” mom asked sarcastically, as if she was not speaking to her own daughter. “Don’t you even care that your family is losing its power and economic ability to survive in this kingdom?”

My eyes widened after hearing her words. I have never felt any change in the past few days. What is mom talking about?

“Your father has to be blamed for your irresponsibility. After all, he is the one with the idea that you should not be involved in running the affairs of Adarna. But now, that has to change. You should sacrifice for your family and for the people under our rule or else, we will all die of starvation.”

I got confused by her words all the more. I never thought that Adarna’s problem was this serious. What has gone wrong? Why are we suddenly losing that power and riches that we used to enjoy? For years, my parents seem to have been running the affairs of this land so well.

“I will groom you to serve your purpose, Irene. From this time, you have to come to this room every day and start learning things from me. I will personally educate you to be the best lady this kingdom can even have. You will be the most desired and wanted. Prepare yourself. For now, throw away that dress you are wearing.”

I flinched, then slowly looked at my dress. This is the simplest and most comfortable one that I can find, so I always wear it. Why throw it away?

“Lanie, throw all of your Lady Irene’s old dresses. From this time on, I don’t want to see her wearing those types of plain and boring dresses.”

My jaw dropped but for now, I know that I cannot do anything about this command my mom just gave to my personal maid. Arguing will just lead me nowhere.